"...I want a lover - sexy, generous, wealthy... Age? Lord, I need a man! We broke up. There are no meetings, no calls. No, no. Actually, there are men in this life who are ready to console a woman, but...
What a pity! Such intensity of passions and going nowhere!
The first remedy is to take a bubble bath. Secondly, I tell myself. "I am a woman, open, accepting, grateful, sexy... I'm waiting for a man - open, generous, strong... yes, yes, yes!" What did I do wrong? I write in capital letters:
"List of my constant mistakes in relationships with men"
1. I impose my society on them. A man has the right to be outside of me, at least sometimes.
2. I adapt to them. I take care of them. I give them all of myself. Keep yourself to yourself. Take care of yourself. Get a manicure or something. A feminist is not scary, a housewife is.
3. I’m embarrassed to say directly what I want! If only I knew what I wanted!
4. Jealous, jealous, jealous... Solar fascist! And she looks so sweet and friendly.
It's better not to think about it. What I feel? Rejection! Didn't pass the competition. He also owes me money. All. This is the last time! From now on, my principle is: a man gives - a woman receives, as at the physiological level. Who gives sperm to whom?
So our romance ended. Be sick. Just bad. I need to rest. I want to eat again. Depression. Just don't call him, just don't call him! Not dove after dove, but dove after dove. Not cat after cat, but cat after cat. Not a tigress after a tiger, but a tiger after a tigress. Then he returned my money, but not all of it and “under pressure.”
"...I am a grateful, accepting, sexy woman... I want to meet a man who is strong, generous, open..."
Perhaps we were very suitable for each other according to some one criterion, but not according to all. How much did I invest in the relationship? How much did you receive? The fairness factor did not work. Maybe I want to settle scores with him? I continue to love him, even though we broke up.
I assure myself: “I don’t love him anymore - I don’t waste time and energy on him.” My love alone is not enough for a full-fledged relationship. A comforting thought came to mind: if I’m not right for him, then he’s not right for me either. I'm letting you go.
I drew an open cage and a parrot in the cage: “Fly, darling.” “Sad, tired, drooping...” How to become happy? Forgive. How?
I am writing a “Letter to the offender”
1. I hate you... Because you didn't stop me when I was leaving. For not calling, you don’t beg to come back. For the fact that you feel good without me.
2. You hurt me. I feel unnecessary, unclaimed, second-rate.
3. The thought that I will never find a partner with whom I will be as cool as with you scares me. I'm scared to live without love, which gave me a feeling of security and stability.
4. I regret that I spent so little time with you. I wanted to seem so independent. Sometimes I said hurtful things. I sacrificed myself to enslave you.
5. I love you... Now it’s difficult for me to talk about love, but I’ll try. What have you taught me? It's easy to accept love, easy to let go. You were sincere with me and patient. I'll think about it some more.
How do I feel now? The hatred has disappeared. Warm. Cosy. I close my eyes. Quiet music is playing. I imagine how I place the grain on my heart. A green leaf pecks out of the seed, stretches, stretches, and grows into a rose bush. A bud appears on one of the branches. It opens up and turns into a gorgeous, delicate rose. I smell a sweet aroma. If you touch it with your hand, it pricks. I carefully cut the flower and mentally give it to him. It seems to me that he is crying... High relationship. I am the one who is worthy of love and abundance.
I am writing a wish list to myself:
1. The main thing is to cry. Cry as much as you need.
2. Fill your day with activities to the fullest. (So I found time to learn English)
3. Take care of your health and beauty. (Down with extra pounds)
4. Avoid frequent meetings and communication with him. (Stop calling him)
The situation that our heroine experienced is familiar to many women. How can you learn to be less proactive and more knowledgeable? Where to start when thoughts are racing in your head and a feeling of resentment is choking you. The woman seems to be in a state of drug addiction, in a period of “withdrawal”. Anyone who has experienced this will agree with me. What is love? Loves the one who slept well... and alone... and happy. Love is with him and in him. Otherwise, we are dealing with attachment, dependence, and this is not a healthy feeling and requires the help of a psychotherapist.
If a man leaves, then it is not he who leaves, but we drove him away. How? Every woman has the ability to either hide her love or let it out. Obviously, you once refused to feel your love next to him and set out to definitely feel his love, which is impossible in principle. "I don't feel your love, I don't feel your love!" But you cannot feel it, just as you cannot feel when he is ticklish, cold or hot, or how his temperature rises, unless, of course, you are a psychic (and such people are rare in nature). This is not about love when there is a need for close interpersonal contact. This is about loneliness.
But no matter how it happens, you can’t turn it back. Gone. Our heroine showed us the algorithm emergency care women in a similar situation.
We write down:
1. Period of acute grief. Cry, swear at him. Imagine that your pillow is him: hit him hard, so much so that his hand ache. Your anger must find a way out so as not to settle in your body as a knot you don’t need.
2. Affirmations (buzzword) really help. They switch from self-criticism to introspection, and if they are of a seductive nature, then some kind of playfulness appears. A sense of humor is a great psychotherapist. What can't be funny is dangerous, remember?
3. Our heroine gives a list of her mistakes, and next to it, something like rules for herself. She will get rid of mistakes, but what in return? These are the rules that will replace it.
4. A unique technique is the “Letter to the Offender,” which is a kind of “Map of Emotional Life.” What does this mean?
There are levels of emotional life. They are described by Barbara de Angelis, author of the book “Secrets About Men Every Woman Should Know.”
The first level is superficial - hatred, resentment, indignation.
We place all the blame on our partner for what happened.
We criticize him in front of mutual friends.
We feel victimized and unfairly offended.
We want to get even and hope that our tears will certainly flow to him.
We are angry at the entire male race.
We feel that we gave it to him in vain better days, months, years...
By experiencing the feelings of the first level, we raise the next level to the surface. Why do we hate? Because they hurt us. Very painful.
Sadness, pain, disappointment - this is what you and I will have to work on next. Conversation with pain: “Hello, my pain. Why were you given to me? What are you teaching me? What experience should I gain with you? Thank you for your wisdom. Now, fly, leave my body.”
The third level is fear, anxiety, feeling of danger. There is a real danger here of getting stuck, because the depth is scary. But precisely when our heart is filled with fears, we easily become a toy in the hands of balalaika manipulators. Whose problems are we solving, ours or others? Is this to our benefit or detriment? Out of fear, we stop assessing the situation, we choose to “fuss around” - the appearance of activity, instead of acting in the name of our well-being.
Our heroine knew about the “way to get rid of negative emotions.” She found a name for each of them and wrote it down in her notebook. Otherwise, you can die from unexpressed feelings. (There is a version that the disease, myocardial infarction, awaits those people who easily talk about what they think and with great difficulty about what they feel. By the way, try it, take yourself by the hand and try to answer your question : “How do I feel now?” Did it work? So do this regularly)
We reach the fourth level when we are ready to take some responsibility for what happened. “I regret and repent,” the heroine wrote, feeling the desire to take a more objective look at the situation and see the reasons that pushed two people to break off their relationship. At this level, we stop being a victim, give up destructive games and thus prepare ourselves for the coming of love. This is the “fifth level” - love, understanding, gratitude, forgiveness.
Without experiencing hatred, you will not experience love. If we never have to experience resentment, how will we learn to forgive?
Schematically, the “Letter to the offender” looks like this:
1. Hatred. I hate you….
2. Pain. This hurts me...
3. Fear. It scares me...
4. Repentance. I regret and repent...
5. Love. I love you, I want to learn from you... (for some reason this is the most difficult thing and there is no need to rush, give yourself time to think)
Forgiving all your offenders means overcoming hatred, pain, fear, guilt and finding in your soul love and compassion for another person.
Time will pass. Our heroine will begin to think and make plans. This period lasts from two to six months. Then the healing period will begin. It is characterized by the fact that the woman becomes rejuvenated, becomes involved in a relationship with a new partner, no longer regrets what happened and is full of hope for the future. This continues for up to a year. And only then will the final stage of “Final Recovery” begin. The pain is gone. Started new life. Having analyzed mistakes and changed her behavior, a woman develops new acquaintances and new habits. New relationships will no longer be overshadowed by painful memories of the past.
Be safe!
Olga Gavrilova
Source of the article: womanworld.ru
Many "strong women"
women" ask the question: "What can I do to attract a man who has more power than me?" Often when they say the word “power,” they mean an income level higher than their own, career growth, a car more expensive than their own. Availability of apartments, dachas and other real estate. The determining criterion is the development of the “financial muscle” of the potential chosen one.
A strong woman will always be judged by this criterion, which is the norm. That's right: only a strong man can see real results. They provide complete visibility of financial power. A strong man is rarely lonely. In any case, you need a strong man. You don’t know how to choose differently, this is your principle, and you don’t need anything else. How to be?
A very common misconception that I often hear: “strong women” believe that the stronger sex shows almost no interest in them because they are afraid of their strength. It turns out that in order to attract the attention of a strong man, you need to turn into a weak woman. How can I do this if it contradicts me?! I have no desire to change, I just want to find a strong man, stronger than me!
Men's fear of "strong-willed girls" is nothing more than a myth that needs to be dispelled. There is an interesting quote in an article in a men's magazine:
“We have no need to be afraid of “strong-willed girls.” We simply do not have a craving for them, just like they do for weak men. Very often, both of them have some defect in themselves. As a result, they get along well with each other. Such unions are more a classic than an exception to the rule.”
It’s difficult for me to agree with such statements about the inferiority of strong women. It would be more correct to say that strong-willed men see a “strong” woman as a partner: men trust them, respect their professional skills, but do not see them as a woman as such!
It turns out that a woman should not break herself by becoming weak in order to attract a strong man! There is no need to rebuild like that!
The issue is resolved simply. You need to let your feminine qualities, your “female muscle,” manifest. Every woman has it.
One has only to look in the mirror and see what gender the person reflected in it is! Of course, a woman! This means that you have this “female muscle”, and you just need to pump it up! You just let yourself forget about her a little.
Any woman has three feminine qualities, they need to be developed. You can do this without changing your daily routine. There is no need to change your usual actions.
Listening skills. Remember how often do you listen to the end of what your interlocutor may be trying to tell you? When a man shares with you his impressions of a vacation at a resort and what he saw there, what do you do? You, countering, begin to talk about how you have been there several times and seen no less than he did, and even more! And remember how a man again makes a desperate attempt to surprise you by telling you that he managed to take a photo with a celebrity at a VIP concert, what do you answer? You immediately say that you often attend many large-scale events of famous celebrities, no matter what country they are in... The interlocutor successfully gives up, but you are again disappointed in the man. Has this ever happened to you?
Is the answer yes? Then I advise you to do this.
The next time you communicate with a man, calmly listen to all his stories about his hobbies, leisure activities, and so on. Don't try to compete with him. Try to experience with him the emotions that he will express. “Pumping up a female muscle” should be additionally trained in communication with any person who, as you think, is suitable for this role. You need to learn to listen. Try to restrain your flow of information, and let your interlocutor say everything, feel with what emotions the person is telling you something. Try to experience the same thing, emotionally. Try to monitor yourself, notice when it’s hard for you to hold on.
Ability to agree. A “strong woman” is such because she always knows the answer to any question that comes before her. She always expresses her thoughts and thoughts on this matter. In any case, to attract a strong man, you need to trust him, any of his decisions, unquestioningly. If you have not yet met such a man, practice on those around you. Listen to them, learn from it. Just try to agree. If after answering “Yes” you want to say “But”, stop. It won't work that way. If we cannot agree in some situations, mark these situations. Remember, write down, but don’t ignore it!
The ability to admire. When communicating with a person, listening to him, try to note for yourself some interesting thing, which would actually sincerely surprise you, interest you, and arouse admiration. But! This should not be faked, you should experience these emotions as they are! Listen properly and be interested. Ask, notice something, admire, dream of relaxing there, maybe together.
You can remain inactive, claiming that with the advent of a strong man in your life, you will change. Learn to listen to him, and so on. But this is a great misconception, you need to work on yourself, otherwise there will be no result. Only by developing within yourself " female muscle", building a real relationship with the strong-willed man you need will become a reality!
I need a man, not a boy. Man. A man whose gaze will make my blood run cold or, on the contrary, boil. I haven't decided yet, but it's better to do both.
Man. In whose eyes I will look clearly and without blinking. A look that I just can't look away from. And I won’t take him away until he tells me so himself..
I need a man, not a boy.... A man, the mere thought of whom will take my breath away. Your legs will feel weak and weak at the knees. And the voice will tremble. Tremble until I gather my strength and meet him halfway. To my fear and my man.
Man. Next to whom I will always be a little awkward. The mugs will fly out of your hands and break. The coffee will spill. My legs give way, and I stumble, break my heels and fall at his feet. Yes. Namely to his. This same man.
I need a man, not a boy. The one who doesn’t call and ask: “Can I come?” And he’ll just arrive, ring the doorbell and say: “Come down, I’m downstairs.” The man I will go down to. Always. In full dress. Because I will always wait for him. And prepare for his arrival.
A man who will not only open the doors of everything that can be opened for me, but the one who will open the doors of this entire world for me. A man I will listen to. Listen to his every word. Because everything he says will be incredibly important and interesting to me.
Sharp mind, inner composure and strength, subtle humor and determination. These are the fundamental principles of this very man.
A man who will not avoid me or be afraid of me. He just can't. He will want to be around all the time and be able to pin me against every wall so that I feel his power over me every time. His desire to be with me anywhere on this planet.
A man, not a boy. Who won’t make me laugh, clown around and carry me around in his arms. Although...It will be possible. When I do something wrong. When I stumble. He will put me on his shoulder and lock me in the room, alone. For me to think. rethought.
The man who will teach me. He will teach himself to be better and even more necessary. A man who will make me want to take care of him, cook him breakfast, lunch and dinner. He will force you to do something for his sake, and not sleep through life.
And then I won’t sleep. Until the very moment when he lies next to me and hugs me. Or until I get a text from him: "Get down. Sweet dreams." And even then I probably won't fall asleep. I will walk around the apartment like a restless person, looking out the windows. Waiting for my man
