Purely by chance, in a bookstore, my hand reached out to Liz Burbo’s book “5 Traumas That Prevent You from Being Yourself.” Having bought this book, I read it in 2 days and realized that it did not fall into my hands by chance, it was just time to deal with my childhood trauma, which affects my adult life. As strange as it may sound, while reading this book, it seemed to me that the author knew me even better than I knew myself, as well as my loved ones and acquaintances. If you are interested, but you don’t have time to read the book, then I wrote this article for you.
Perhaps we should start with the fact that every person has a trauma, and maybe more than one, that he received in childhood thanks to his mother or father, or the person who raised him. This trauma forces us to put on a mask in life in order not to experience pain, betrayal and humiliation again. The fear of being abandoned or rejected again forces us to adhere to a certain pattern of behavior so that no one will ever guess about our suffering, not even ourselves. Liz Burbo, as a result of many years of practice, has identified 5 traumas that prevent us from living, masks that we unknowingly put on, and methods for healing childhood wounds.
5 injuries that interfere with life:
1. Trauma - rejected.
A person who has received this injury does not feel the right to exist in this world. It may be an unwanted child who was nevertheless born, or it may be a child who was rejected by a parent of the same sex from the moment of birth to one year.
Such a person has been wearing the “Fugitive” mask since childhood; he longs to run away, disappear, evaporate and not take up so much space. For this reason, by the way, he looks very thin, even skinny, since the body reacts to subconscious desire. You will always see fear in the eyes of a fugitive, he is very unsure of himself, he feels awkward in large companies, is always silent and tries to disappear as quickly as possible and find himself in such comfortable solitude. Another one characteristic feature the fugitive - the desire for perfection in everything; if he does something, he does it perfectly or does not begin to do it at all. In this way, he tries to realize himself and prove to himself that there is something to love him for.
People suffering from the trauma of being rejected often have problems with the skin, since it is the organ of contact with the outside world, problematic skin as if he were pushing the outside world away from himself and saying with all his appearance: “Don’t touch me.” Also, such people tend to suffer from diarrhea, since they themselves suffer from the trauma of being rejected, they reject food that has not had time to be digested. For the same reason, they may often vomit. Some escapees escape from reality with the help of alcohol, this helps them temporarily disappear and stop experiencing aching pain.
2. Trauma - abandoned.
The next of the 5 traumas that interfere with life is abandonment. A person who carries this trauma within himself received it because of a parent of the opposite sex, since he did not pay him due attention, did not show care and love. This is why someone suffering from abandonment trauma experiences constant emotional hunger and strives to “catch on” to another person in order to satisfy this hunger.
The mask used by the abandoned is “Dependent”. He is sure that he cannot achieve anything on his own, without the support of other people, he simply needs words of approval and advice, which he then, by the way, does not follow. The main thing for him is to have a person nearby whom he can rely on, since he is not confident in his abilities. The addict’s physique corresponds to his injury: a thin, long body that has underdeveloped muscles. From the outside it seems that the muscular system will not support his body and in order not to fall, the person simply needs to lean on someone. This happens in life too. Experiencing emotional hunger, the addict strives to find at least someone to depend on.
At the same time, he does not know how to control his emotions: he gets upset over a trifle, cries easily, and after a minute he can laugh again. Such a person is usually very suspicious, inclined to exaggerate and dramatize everything, “making mountains out of molehills” - this is about her. More than anything else, an addict is afraid of loneliness, because then there is no one to get attention, support and help from. A person suffering from abandonment trauma often has a childish timbre of voice, likes to ask a lot of questions and has difficulty accepting rejection, as this again makes him feel abandoned. The most common diseases associated with this injury are asthma, myopia, migraines and depression.
3. Trauma – humiliated.
A humiliated child experiences insults, criticism, and reproach from a very early age, but most often the trauma of the humiliated child manifests itself if the child hears all this from his mother in the period from 1 to 3 years. If the mother accuses the child, making him feel guilty and ashamed, then he, in turn, perceives this as humiliation, especially if the conversation takes place in front of strangers.
In the future, such a child puts on the “Masochist” mask. This means that all his life a person will look for problems, humiliation and various situations in which he can suffer. Since childhood, he has experienced humiliation, has not heard a kind word, so he does not consider himself worthy of a different attitude, even to himself.
Since he is used to always being ashamed of everything, the body listens to his subconscious and grows in its volume. A masochist takes up a lot of space not only in space, but also in the lives of other people. He strives to help everyone, solve problems for them, give advice and point out. Such a person seems kind because he voluntarily takes part in the problems of other people, but in fact this behavior is motivated by the fear of shame in front of others and himself. He is ready to do everything so that he is no longer criticized and finally praised!
A masochist is usually hypersensitive, the slightest trifle hurts and offends him, but he, as a rule, does not even notice those moments when he offends and hurts other people. A person with the trauma of humiliation often suffers from back diseases, since he takes an unbearable burden on his shoulders - responsibility for the lives of other people, as well as respiratory diseases, when he is suffocated by other people's problems, thyroid gland, since it is difficult for him to realize his needs and express his own requirements.
4. Trauma – betrayal
This trauma is experienced by a child aged 2-4 years with a parent of the opposite sex. The child feels that the parent has betrayed him every time he does not keep his word, prefers someone else over him, or when he abuses the child’s trust. In this case, the child, in order not to feel the pain of the injury, wears a “Controller” mask. The body develops in accordance with this mask, it radiates strength and power, showing with all its appearance that the owner is a responsible person and can be trusted.
Such a person is confident in his abilities, he loves to be the first and the best, he is used to controlling himself and others. He is very demanding of others as well as himself and is often disappointed that he cannot trust them with anything and has to do everything himself. The controller loves speed in his actions, so he gets very annoyed when someone does his job slowly. Often such a person becomes aggressive if the situation gets out of his control. He tries to foresee and plan everything in order to avoid another betrayal in his life. He rarely listens to others and acts as he sees fit, but demands from others that they strictly follow his recommendations. People who carry the trauma of betrayal most often suffer from problems with the digestive system, agrophobia, joint diseases and diseases whose names end in -it.
5. Trauma is injustice.
A child experiences this trauma primarily with a same-sex parent between the ages of three and five. Protective mask – “Rigidity”. Rigid strives for justice and perfection, it is very difficult for him to understand that what he does may seem unfair to others and vice versa - how others treat him may seem unfair only to him, since he suffers from this trauma.
The rigid physique is perfect and proportional, because this is fair... Such a person is very hardworking, he has always been valued for his achievements and successes, and not just like that. But he is often prone to conflicts, as he is an ardent fighter for justice. The biggest fear for a rigid person is the fear of making a mistake, because then he may act unfairly towards others, and he tries to prevent this. Unfortunately, a rigid person often refuses the blessings of life if he considers it unfair for others and envies others if he believes that they are not worthy of it. In such a constant struggle, he earns himself nervous exhaustion, constipation, loss of vision and insomnia.
The first step to healing 5 traumas that interfere with life is their awareness, acceptance and only then working with them. By the way, you don’t need to blame your parents for everything, because as Liz Burbo writes in her book, souls already knew what traumas in life they needed to receive in order to work out their karma and simply chose parents who would provide them with the necessary conditions. The responsibility for your life always lies with you, and other people and situations are a reflection of your inner decision to experience certain lessons.
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Acknowledgments
With all my heart I thank everyone with whom I have worked for many years and without whom my research on trauma and masks would not have been possible.
My greatest gratitude goes to those who participated in the seminars “ Effective techniques mutual assistance." Their capacity for full self-disclosure greatly enriches the material for this book. I feel special gratitude to the members of the group "Listen to Your Body" , who participated in my research and provided me with information very important for this book. Thanks to all of you, I do not lose my passionate interest in research and new generalizations.
Finally, I want to thank those who were directly involved in writing books. First of all, this is my husband Jacques, who with his very presence brightened and facilitated the hours spent over its pages; Monica Bourbeau-Shields, Odette Pelletier, Micheline Saint-Jacques, Nathalie Reymond and Michel Derruder did a brilliant job of proofreading the manuscript, while Claudie Ogier and Elisa Palazzo provided the book's artwork.
Preface
I was able to write this book thanks to the tenacity and perseverance of many researchers who, like me, were not forced by the objections and skepticism of critics to abandon the publication of the results of their searches and thoughts. It must be said that researchers know that attacks on them and their work are inevitable, and they usually prepare for this. They are inspired by those who positively perceive new discoveries, and also by the hope of helping people in their evolution. The first among the researchers to whom I must express my gratitude was the Austrian psychiatrist SIGMUND FREUD: he was responsible for the grandiose discovery of the unconscious in man; it was he who dared to declare that the physical nature of a human being is inseparable from his emotional and mental structure.
I am also grateful to one of his students, WILHELM REICH, who, in my opinion, became the great forerunner of metaphysics. He was the first to establish an indisputable connection between psychology and physiology, showing that neuroses affect not only the mental, but also the physical body.
Subsequently, psychiatrists John PIERRAKOS and Alexander LOWEN (both students of Wilhelm Reich) discovered bioenergetics and showed that the patient’s will to heal is equally important for his physical body, both for emotions and for intellect.
Thanks primarily to the work of John Pierrakos and her colleague Eva Bruck, I was able to bring to a complete form everything that you will discover here. Beginning with a very interesting seminar held in 1992 with Barry WALKER, a student of John Pierrakos, I carefully observed and studied the material now presented in this book as a synthesis of my efforts - the five mental traumas and their accompanying masks. In addition, all the ideas presented here have been tested many times since 1992 by the experience of many thousands of people who have attended my seminars, as well as by examples from my personal life.
There is no scientific evidence for what is first stated in this book, but I encourage you to test my findings before dismissing them, and most importantly, see if they can help improve your quality of life.
As you can see, in this book, as in the previous ones, I address you at You. If you are reading one of my books for the first time and are unfamiliar with the teachings "LISTEN TO YOUR BODY" , then some expressions may confuse you. For example, I make a clear distinction between feeling and emotion, between intelligence and intelligence, between self-control and control. The meaning of these concepts and the differences between them is explained quite well in my other books, as well as in my classes.
Everything I write applies equally to the male and female halves of the human race (otherwise I make reservations). I still use the word GOD. Let me remind you that, speaking of GOD, I mean your HIGHER SELF, your true being, the very Self that knows your real needs, oriented towards a life of love, happiness, harmony, peace, health, abundance and joy.
I wish you the same pleasure in reading the book that I experienced when sharing with you my discoveries in its pages.
With love,
CHAPTER 1
The occurrence of injuries and masks
Already at birth, a child knows in the very depths of his being that the meaning of his incarnation is to work through all the many lessons that life will teach him. In addition, his soul, with a very specific purpose, has already chosen the specific family and environment in which he is born. All of us who come to this planet have one mission: to experience experiences, and to experience them in such a way as to accept them and love ourselves through them.
Because sometimes experience is experienced in rejection, i.e. in condemnation, guilt, fear, regret and other forms of denial, then a person constantly attracts circumstances and personalities that again and again lead him to the need to experience the same experience. And some not only experience the same experience many times during their lives, but also must be reincarnated repeatedly, and sometimes several times, in order to achieve full acceptance of it.
Acceptance of experience does not mean that we give it preference or agree with him. It's about rather, it is about giving ourselves permission to experiment and learn through what we experience. We must, first of all, learn to recognize what is favorable for us and what is not. The only way to this state is to be aware of the consequences of experience. Everything we decide to do or not to do, everything we do or don't do, everything we say or don't say, and even everything we think or feel has consequences.
Dina/ 08/27/2016 The book is excellent, and there are tips and recommendations! But people with low awareness will not be able to apply anything described to it, so for them it is water! And no matter what sensible book is given to such a person, he will always say that it doesn’t work!!!
Alexei
Alexei/ 08/11/2016 Guys, what are you talking about? Any tips and tricks? Have you read the book carefully? “In order to overcome this stage faster, I advise you to analyze every evening everything that happened during the day. Ask yourself which mask took over and forced you to react in such and such a situation, dictating such and such behavior towards others or to yourself. Take a little time to write down your observations; especially remember to mention how you felt. Finally, forgive yourself and give yourself the right to use this mask: because at that moment you sincerely believed that it was the only remedy your protection." Isn't this advice, isn't it a recommendation? In general, the book is designed to work with the subconscious, for independent work with the unconscious state of our consciousness. The doctor gives you the pills. Good book, it gives the main thing - the reasons that provoked this or that mental state are indicated. If you realize the reason, then the brain itself will find a solution to get out of this state. Although, independent work Not everyone can do it; some need to see a psychologist or psychotherapist.
Mrs_Smith/ 04/01/2016 The book is interesting and clear in presentation. But exclusively theory, only as information for general development! There are no practical advice, recommendations. And now, after reading it, you sit and think about how to continue to live;)
Alesya, 28/ 01/23/2016 There are many similar books, but Burbo surprised me with an unusual mixture of powdered psychology and some kind of mysticism-religion. The book will appeal to those who are engaged in self-digging, but will not help in any way. It’s worth reading for general development, but only for people with higher education.
Olya/ 11/30/2015 An excellent book, I recommended it with trepidation to my closest people, whom I wish happiness. It is written in an accessible way, everyone who has read it should not stop reading - I am keeping a “trauma diary”, which was recommended at the end of the book. It's easy and useful. Greatly raises awareness
Karina/ 01/24/2015 Also grateful to Mira for the advice! Character psychotherapy goes much deeper.
Fedorov Tatiana/ 04/10/2014 I express my gratitude to Mira and other commentators who recommend professional literature, which helps many times more)) Burbo is better read by mothers and grandmothers who need simplicity and inspiration more than deep elaboration and freedom!
To each his own!)))
Mira/ 03/12/2014 Liz Burbo quite well summarized the material, which is considered much more deeply in more serious books, for example, Johnson ("Character Therapy"), the same A. Lowen. The peculiarity of such near-psychotherapeutic books as Liz Burbo's is in the presentation of the material , more emotional and inviting.
Another question is that Liz Burbo in her book, apart from diagnosing injuries, does not offer any specific solutions! The book should be called "Diagnostics", but not "Healing Trauma".
While reading, I got the feeling that I was being led around the bush, constantly hinting that injuries can be healed, but only without offering a single practical psychotherapeutic recommendation.
Again, if you are interested in elaboration, pay attention to S. Johnson’s book “Character Therapy”, which is also in our beloved Cube :)
Anya/ 03/04/2014 I read the book in one sitting, and I’m simply delighted with it! So far, for me, this is the only book thanks to which I was able to understand myself. Many thanks to the author for the book and to the site for the opportunity to download it without any problems. I think this book is definitely worth reading.
Svetlana/ 02/24/2014 Liz Burbo's books helped me a lot in self-knowledge. But I couldn’t solve my problems through Liz Burbo’s book and seminars, despite the fact that I began to look at life differently. And all this is very useful and interesting. After what I went through, I can only say one thing: self-knowledge is never will replace the help of a professional psychotherapist who will help you avoid unnecessary soul-searching and just start living. Although, of course, it is not a fact that working with a psychotherapist without Liz Bourbeau’s books would have been much longer.
Irina 26/ 6.11.2013 This is the only book in my life, out of the huge amount that I have read on a similar topic, that really helped me understand myself and find answers to numerous questions regarding childhood, adolescence and youth, as they say. I re-read the book 3 times, and each time I discover something new both about myself and about the people around me!!! The only advice I can give to everyone who wants to get acquainted with the book, and in the process, themselves, is You must have a conscious desire to hear and listen to what the author says, believe me, these are not empty words. Enjoy reading.
Dina/ 10/18/2013 For all the time of my soul-searching, all sorts of meditations on forgiveness, letting go of the past and other things, nothing has helped me as much as this book. I bought the paper version, it seems to me that I couldn’t live without it, and I also gave the book to my loved ones. But some people simply discarded it, while others still read it...
Yana/ 08/06/2013 I read the book. I will re-read it. The book is amazing. Everyone will understand how to interpret or use what is described in the book based on their level of preparation on this topic.
Leonid/ 05/24/2013 Burbo's book - for beginners. And it helps very well to master the concepts of bodily psychotherapy.
And deliverance is the result of working with a therapist.
There is also physical psychotherapy via Skype.
guest/ 03/10/2013 to favorites it’s like
Viola/ 02.22.2013 "Natalia
I recommend it to those who are going to seriously work on themselves with a psychotherapist. will save money"
Well, they made me laugh!!! Here, gentlemen, is an example of a person who DOESN’T KNOW a single grain of what she is trying(!) to talk about.
It is better to read, albeit simple, literature on psychotherapy than Bourbeau’s tautology. Blah blah, she powdered the look on people, but mixed everything in one pot, and didn’t tell them what to do. Because either he doesn’t know (then he needs to study), or he does it on purpose.
Natalia/ 01/20/2013 I recommend it to those who are going to seriously work on themselves with a psychotherapist. will save money
Andrey/ 11/13/2012 But I didn’t like it, although I read one chapter about a fugitive, so this is nonsense, I can criticize it to smithereens...
Galina/ 01/26/2012 The book is very good because the author tries to convey very professional concepts in simple words, giving examples of course. The main thing here is self-awareness. When we realize a problem, we subconsciously also know the solution, but we resist because we don’t want to lose what we’ve lived with for so many years. Good luck to everyone! Open yourself up, with books like these it becomes easier to do.
Guest/ 01/12/2012 The book changed my life. I re-read it several times, each time discovering more and more new aspects of my problems. As a result, my relationships with my parents, those around me, and most importantly with myself somehow improved; I even suddenly began to lose weight without much effort, despite many years of persistent but unsuccessful attempts to lose weight. This is a great book. Be sure to read it.
Chapter 1. The emergence of injuries and masks
Already at birth, a child knows in the very depths of his being that the meaning of his incarnation is to work through all the many lessons that life will teach him. In addition, his soul, with a very specific purpose, has already chosen the specific family and environment in which he is born. All of us who come to this planet have one mission: experience experiences, and experience in such a way as to accept them and through them love yourself.
Because sometimes experience is experienced in rejection, i.e. in condemnation, guilt, fear, regret and other forms of denial, then a person constantly attracts circumstances and personalities that again and again lead him to the need to experience the same experience. And some not only experience the same experience many times during their lives, but also must be reincarnated repeatedly, and sometimes several times, in order to achieve full acceptance of it.
Acceptance of experience does not mean that we give it preference or agree with him. It's more about giving ourselves permission to experiment and learn through what we experience. We must first of all learn recognize, what is favorable for us and what is not. The only way to this state is be aware of the consequences of experience. Everything we decide to do or not do, everything we do or don't do, everything we say or don't say, and even everything we think or feel has consequences.
A person wants to live more and more consciously and intelligently. Having become convinced that a certain experience entails harmful consequences, he, instead of getting angry with himself or someone else, must learn to simply accept his own choice (even unconscious) - to accept in order to be convinced of the unreasonableness of such an experience. This will be remembered later. This is the acceptance of the experience.
Let me remind you that otherwise, even if you resolutely tell yourself: “I don’t want to experience this anymore,” everything will happen again. You have to give yourself permission to repeat the same mistake or bad experience over and over again before you have the courage and determination to change yourself. Why don't we understand the first time? Yes, because we have an ego protected by our beliefs.
Each of us has many beliefs that prevent us from being ourselves. The more trouble they bring us, the more we try to hide and obscure them. We even manage to believe that we no longer have beliefs. To deal with them, we must incarnate several times. And only when our bodies - mental, emotional and physical - begin to listen to the inner GOD, our soul will experience complete happiness.
Everything that is experienced in rejection accumulates in the soul. And the soul, being immortal, constantly returns to Earth - in various human forms and with the baggage accumulated in its memory. Before we are born, we make a decision about what task we will have to solve in the upcoming incarnation.
This decision, like everything that was previously accumulated in the memory of the soul, is not recorded in our conscious memory (memory of the intellect). It is only throughout our lives that we gradually become aware of our life plan and what we need to deal with.
When I mention or talk about something " unsettled", I always mean some experience lived in self-rejection. Let's take for example a young girl who was rejected by her father who was expecting a son. In this case, accepting the experience means giving his father the right to desire his son and reject his own daughter.
For this girl, accepting herself means giving herself the right to be angry with her father and forgiving herself for being angry with him. There should be no condemnation of the father or oneself - only sympathy and understanding of the subpersonality that suffers in each of them.
She will know that this experience is completely completed and settled when, having in turn rejected someone, she does not blame herself, but experiences great compassion and understanding for herself.
She has another chance to make sure that this kind of situation is truly resolved and experienced in acceptance: the person whom she rejected will not be angry with her for this, but will also feel sympathy, knowing that every person at certain points in life has to reject another.
Don't be fooled by your ego, which often uses all means to convince us that we have resolved a particular situation. How often do we say to ourselves: “Yes, I understand that someone else would do the same as me,” just to get rid of the need to realize ourselves and forgive ourselves! With this technique, our ego tries to stealthily remove an unpleasant situation out of sight.
It happens that we accept a situation or a person, but at the same time we do not forgive ourselves, we do not give ourselves the right to be angry with it - in the past or present. It is called " accept only experience" I repeat, there is a significant difference between accepting experience and accepting yourself. The latter is more difficult to achieve: our ego does not want to admit that we experience all our most difficult experiences only to make sure that we ourselves behave with others in exactly the same way.
Have you noticed that When you accuse someone of something, does that same person accuse you of the same thing?
This is why it is so important to learn to understand and accept yourself as fully as possible. This is the only way we can gradually ensure that we experience situations without unnecessary suffering. The decision depends only on you - to pull yourself together and become the master of your life or to allow your ego to control it.
It will take all your courage to face this dilemma head on, as it will inevitably open up old wounds. And this is very painful, especially if you have been wearing them for several lives. The more you suffer in a certain situation or with a certain person, the older your problem is.
In search of a way out, you can count on your inner GOD - omniscient, omnipresent and omnipotent. His power always abides in you and is constantly working. It works in such a way as to direct you to the people and situations that are necessary for your growth and evolution in accordance with the life plan drawn up before you were born.
Even before birth, your inner GOD draws your soul to the environment and family that you will need in your future life. This magnetic attraction, as well as its goals, are predetermined, on the one hand, by the fact that in previous lives you have not learned to live in love and acceptance, and on the other, by the fact that your future parents have their own problem that they must solve through the child, that is, through you. This explains the fact that usually both parents and children have to deal with the same traumas.
Once born, you are no longer aware of your entire past, because you are focused on the needs of your soul; and your soul wants you to accept yourself along with all your acquired experience, mistakes, strengths and weaknesses, desires, subpersonalities, etc.
We all experience this need. However, soon after birth we begin to notice that our desire to be ourselves causes dissatisfaction among adults and others. And we conclude that being natural is not good, wrong. This discovery is not a pleasant one, and often causes outbursts of anger in the child. Such outbreaks are becoming so frequent that everyone treats them as something normal. They are called "childhood crisis" or "teenage crisis."
Perhaps they have become the norm for human beings, but they cannot be called natural in any way. If a child is allowed to be himself, he will behave naturally, balancedly and will never create “crises.” Unfortunately, there are almost no such children. Instead, I have observed that most children go through the following four stages:
Stage 1 - learning the joy of existence, being oneself;
Stage 2 - suffering from the fact that you cannot be yourself;
Stage 3 - period of crisis, rebellion;
Stage 4 - in order to avoid suffering, the child gives in and eventually builds himself into a new personality that corresponds to what adults want from him.
Some people get stuck in the third stage and spend their entire lives in a constant state of resistance, anger, or crisis.
During the third and fourth stages, we create new personalities in ourselves, masks - several masks that serve to protect us from the pain experienced in the second stage. There are only five of these masks, and they correspond to the five main mental traumas that a human being has to experience.
Many years of observation have allowed me to state that all human suffering can be reduced to these five traumas. Here they are in chronological order, that is, in the order of their appearance in a person’s life:
REJECTED
LEFT
HUMILIATED
BETRAYED
Were UNFAIR
By arranging these words in a different order, you can read the word “betrayal” from their first letters; The acrostic poem highlights the fact that by experiencing or inflicting any of these traumas on someone, we are participating in the act of betrayal of a human being. Betrayed, trust in the inner GOD, in the needs of our essence, is lost, and we allow our ego, along with its beliefs and fears, to rule our lives.
The creation of masks is a consequence of our desire to hide our unresolved problem from ourselves or from other people. Hiding is nothing more than a form of betrayal.
What kind of masks are these? Here is a list of them along with the injuries they are trying to cover up.
Mask Injuries
Rejected Fugitive
Abandoned Dependent
Humiliated Masochist
Betrayal Controller
Injustice Rigid
These injuries and their corresponding masks will be discussed in detail in subsequent chapters. The importance of the mask is determined by the depth of the injury. The mask represents the personality type corresponding to it, since a person develops numerous beliefs that determine his internal state, and its behavior is as normal for the adopted mask. The deeper your wound, the more often you suffer from it and the more often you are forced to wear your mask.
We only wear a mask when we want to. protect myself. For example, if a person feels injustice shown to him under some circumstances, or judges himself for being unfair, or is afraid that he will be judged for injustice, he puts on a mask of a rigid person, that is, he begins to behave like a tough, rigid person.
To better imagine how trauma and the mask corresponding to it are connected, I offer you an analogy: internal trauma can be compared to a physical wound that you have become accustomed to for a long time, do not pay attention to it and do not care about it.
And in order not to see the wound, you simply wrapped it with a bandage. This bandage is the equivalent of a mask. You decided that it would be best, as if you were not injured. And do you seriously think that this is a solution to the problem? Of course not. We all know this well, but not our ego. It doesn't know. This is his way of fooling us.
Let's return to the wound on the hand. Let's say you experience severe pain every time someone touches the bandage. If someone, in a fit of love, grabs your sore arm, imagine his surprise when you scream: “Aaah! You're hurting me! Did he want to hurt you? No. And if it hurts you every time someone touches your hand, it's because you myself I decided not to deal with the wound. Other people are not to blame for your pain!
The same goes for all your injuries. There are countless times when we are sure that we were rejected, abandoned, betrayed, humiliated, or treated unfairly. In reality, every time we feel pain, it is just our ego that convinces us that someone else needs to be blamed.
It would be nice to find the culprit. Sometimes it seems to us that we ourselves are the culprit, but in reality this is no more fair than blaming someone else. You know, in life there are no guilty people; there are only those who suffer. Now I already know that the more you blame (yourself or someone else), the more persistently the same experience is repeated. Blame has only one result: it makes people unhappy. But if we try to look at the suffering part of a person with compassion, then situations, events and people will begin to change
Masks created for the purpose of self-defense are manifested in a person's physique and appearance. I am often asked whether it is possible to detect mental trauma in young children. Personally, I watch my seven grandchildren with great interest (as I write these lines, they range from seven months to nine years old), and in most of them I already detect mental traumas imprinted in their physical appearance.
The more clearly the internal trauma is visible at this age, the more serious it is. On the other hand, in the physique of my two adult children, I notice different injuries - not those that I observed in them in childhood and adolescence.
Our body is so conscious that it always finds a way to communicate What we're not okay not settled. In reality it is our inner GOD that uses the body to communicate
In the following chapters you will read about how to recognize your own masks and the masks of other people. In the last chapter, I will talk about new principles of behavior that must be learned in order to heal long-neglected injuries and get rid of suffering. The healing process is accompanied by a natural transformation of the masks covering these injuries.
In addition, one should not put much faith in the words used to refer to injuries or masks. A person may be rejected and suffer injustice; another was betrayed, and he lives as a rejected person; someone else is abandoned and feels humiliated, etc.
Once you read the descriptions of all the injuries and their symptoms, it will all become clearer to you.
The five characters described in this book may resemble other classifications used in character studies. Every study has its own characteristics, and this work does not aim to refute or replace studies performed in the past.
One such study, conducted by psychologist Gerard Heymans about a hundred years ago, is still popular today. In it we find eight characterological types: passionate, choleric, nervous, sentimental, sanguine, phlegmatic, apathetic and amorphous.
Word passionate, used by the author to describe the human type, does not exclude the possibility that other types can experience the experience of passion in their lives. Each word used to describe a type refers only to a dominant personality trait. So I repeat: don't rely too much on the literal meaning of words.
It is quite possible that, reading descriptions of individual injuries, as well as the behavioral characteristics of the corresponding masks, you will recognize yourself in each of them - the physical body does not deceive. I want to emphasize that it is very important to remember well the description of the physical body, because the body very accurately reflects what is happening inside the personality.
It is much more difficult to know yourself emotionally and mentally. Remember that our ego does not want to discover all our beliefs - after all, they constitute its food, it lives by them. In this book I will no longer dwell on the description of the ego, since enough pages are devoted to it in my books “Listen to your body, your best friend on Earth" and "Listen to your body again and again!"
You may feel resistance and a desire to object when you read that individuals suffering from a particular trauma are in conflict with one of their parents. Before coming to these conclusions, I checked more than one thousand people and was convinced that this was the case. I repeat here what I say in every lesson or seminar: More unresolved problems remain with the parent with whom the child or teenager seemed to have more mutual understanding .
Well, this is quite normal - it is difficult for a person to believe in his anger at the parent whom he loved more. The first reaction to such a statement is usually denial, followed by anger, and only then is the person able to face reality.
You may find the description of behavior and other human characteristics associated with various injuries unpleasant. As a result, when you recognize some of your traumas, you may begin to deny the description of the corresponding mask that you created for yourself to protect yourself from suffering. This is quite normal, human resistance. Give yourself time. Remember: if you behave as your mask dictates, then you are not yourself.
The same applies to everyone around you. Doesn't it bring you relief to know that when someone's behavior doesn't please you or irritates you, it's a sign that that person is putting on their mask to try to avoid suffering? Don't forget this, and you will become more tolerant and it will be easier for you to look at others with love.
Let's take the example of a teenager who acts like he's "cool." When you discover that he behaves this way because he is trying to hide his vulnerability and his fear, your attitude towards him changes, you already know that he is not cool or dangerous. You remain calm and are even able to see him good qualities, and not just mistakes and rudeness.
It is encouraging to know that even if you are already born with traumas that you have to heal and that constantly manifest themselves in your reactions to people and circumstances around you, the masks you create to protect yourself do not remain permanent. As you practice the healing methods suggested in the last chapter, you will see how your masks gradually melt away and how your body is transformed as a result.
And yet it will take many years before the results can be stated at the level of the physical body: the body always changes more slowly due to the nature of the tangible matter from which it is built. Our more subtle bodies (emotional and mental) are transformed in a shorter period of time after it is accepted in the depths of our being - with love- a definite decision.
For example, it is very easy for us to wish (emotionally) and imagine (mentally) traveling abroad. The decision to make such a trip can be made in a few minutes. The specification of this project in physical world(making a plan, agreeing, raising money, etc.) will require more time.
Eat good way check your physical changes: take a photo every year. Take close-up photos of all parts of the body so that details are clearly visible. Yes, some people change faster, some more slowly, just as some people get ready to travel faster than others. The main thing is not to stop the work of internal transformation, for this is what fills life with happiness.
I recommend that as you read the next five chapters, you write down everything that you take personally, and then reread the chapters that contain the most appropriate descriptions of your behavior and, most importantly, your physical appearance.
