Teenage love is a feeling that cannot be compared with anything. If with age a person acquires obligations, principles, and prejudices, then in his youth this is simply not there yet, and the teenager loses his head because of it.
First sympathy, first walk holding hands, first recognition. What could be more romantic and pleasant than the first love torment of youth?
During puberty (as biologists call it) or adolescence, the body of a teenager undergoes significant changes. Many problems immediately arise; it begins to seem that you are not as beautiful as you really would like. But the most important thing is that you need to accept yourself as you are, since the body has not finished changing. In teenage love, it always seems that you are in love, but in fact the teenager does not understand what it means to love and constantly asks the question “How can you understand that you love?”
The same can be said about the first intimate relationship with a loved one. Young lovers at an early age are not yet ready to start a family, since they themselves are still children. But despite this, first love is a serious step for a girl and a boy. It is during this period that a person begins to develop an understanding of what love is and how to show feelings towards the opposite sex. You should also always remember that it is easy to offend another person, causing him irreparable moral harm.
Not necessarily the first teenage love may manifest itself in physical intimacy, but do not forget that in modern society Schoolchildren are encouraged to become more interested in sex (read love and sex). Especially if hormones let you know about it. If you are young and in love, do not forget that love at an early stage can go away as unnoticed as it came. For boys, the first sexual experience is an achievement, but for girls and expectant mothers early start Sex life does not bode well. It’s better to think twice before engaging in physical passion. Even a simple kiss can affect you.
And, as you know, for the first time of intimacy, everything will still not work out as you want, as you imagined after watching a pornographic film or reading the same literature content. Do not think that love is physical intimacy in receiving pleasure by touching erogenous zones. After all, you can find a bunch of ways to be happy, and always thinking that in the end, as if for dessert, you will have this type of intimacy such as sexual intercourse.
It is clear that not everyone succeeds in forgetting their first love so easily, and after that concentrating on some aspects of their busy teenage life is not an easy task. But still, attraction to a nice person should not negatively affect your studies and block communication with loved ones. Out of love, try to create an ennobling factor that will bring only good deeds and positive emotions into your life.
Consequently, the first teenage love can easily develop into something more adult and serious, or pass unnoticed, so the young shoots of this wonderful feeling should be treated very carefully.
What is teenage love? This is a kind of boundary in development that affects further experience and self-esteem, an optimistic worldview, self-confidence and strength. Relationships can bring joy to a lover, push him to exploits for the good of society and himself, to creativity, as well as pleasant memories.
But if the other half does not reciprocate your feelings, then it is not necessary to attract the attention of others with your behavior and rush to extremes. If you develop a personality, you must assume that the space inside cannot be empty, this is also a manifestation of life. When faced with something new and significant, you will always have questions to expand your knowledge.
It is at critical moments, when unrequited love or reciprocity has exhausted itself, that a teenager asks himself questions: who am I, what is my purpose, why do I need to live. For many, the question and answer forces them to change and go in the chosen direction. But many do not see other goals, and become embittered, suffering deeply inside from the emptiness that has formed. A teenager must himself find the values that his heart tells him, without the advice of others, and regardless of the feelings shown, and he must go through this difficult path himself.
The essence of the problem is not in teenage love, but in the personality that is maturing, although love can complicate or speed up the answer to this question. Even if a person has feelings for the rest of his life, then love cannot satisfy all the spiritual needs of a person, his meaning, self-realization and approval by people around him, respect.
It will be easier for a teenager to go through this stage when he has a rich inner world. The parental role corrects in its own way, giving sympathy and human attention. To descend to the level of a loved one at a moment of suffering means helping him, leaving him and moving on to the next one. Psychologists believe that being loved and understood is a similar state, but being loved is much more difficult than being understood.
Materials were partially used in the article “Teenage Love”
Love is a feeling that makes life brighter, richer and more “real”. It gives meaning to everything a person does and makes him look at the world with different eyes. But the first love of teenagers is most often a tangled tangle of emotions, where there is more suffering than joy. But at the same time, it brings so much happiness that many later consider it the brightest memory of their entire life.
Teenagers do not yet know how to understand other people and attribute their feelings to them. It seems to them that no one has ever felt or suffered so much. They believe that no one understands them - neither their loved ones, nor their parents, nor their friends, and they suffer from loneliness and the inability to look at themselves from the outside. Unfortunately, almost everyone goes through this path, through trial, error and suffering, gaining life wisdom and losing the acuity of feelings. This is why adults look at love between teenagers with both pity and envy.
Teenagers often come up with an ideal for themselves, and then suffer cruelly because it does not correspond to reality. For example, a romantic young man is ready to walk with his beloved under the moon, give her stars in the sky and read poetry. But his girlfriend is quite down-to-earth, she yawns to poetry, loves dancing, parties and noisy companies. Such love between two teenagers results in quarrels, suffering and even the desire to commit suicide.
An example of another love story from the life of teenagers: a guy wants sex, but his girlfriend has not yet matured for it. She cares about their relationship, the spiritual connection, and even after agreeing to have sex, she doesn’t feel anything in bed. What's next? He reproaches her for her coldness, for not loving him. She also reproaches him: for his callousness and that he does not love her. Hence the almost constant quarrels.
Teenage love and complexes
Various complexes seriously affect relationships with others. A minor because he (as he thinks) has a too big nose or pimples on his face (as many as 3 of them, horror!!!) can behave completely inappropriately: he shies away from everyone, does not communicate with his peers, and completely withdraws into the virtual world. Or decide that everything is lost, stop washing, follow fashion and start pretending to be a macho who doesn’t care about other people’s opinions, and secretly suffer from every glance. If the love of teenagers is mixed into all this, then the result is a completely explosive mixture, because young people are generally jealous, due to their egocentrism, and those with complexes are doubly jealous. They constantly poison the lives of both themselves and their significant other.
Unrequited love in adolescence
Another common story is the unrequited love of teenagers. How often it happens that the object of love does not reciprocate, does not pay attention, or even laughs at the unhappy lover. It’s easier for those who fall in love often and, after “suffering” for another month, fall in love with someone else. It is much more difficult for monogamous people, whose whole life revolves around the object of their love. Sometimes you can’t get out of this state on your own and a person dies of love. Of course, this gives rise to beautiful stories about the love of teenagers, but it brings a lot of grief to their loved ones. Therefore, parents who notice that the child has abandoned all his affairs, is not interested in anything, cries and prefers loneliness, should take him to a psychiatrist. Of course, during major quarrels and breakups, many behave this way, but if this lasts for months, then you need to sound the alarm.
Love...What a wonderful, amazing feeling... Everyone sees and understands it in their own way. Everyone feels and senses it differently.
Teenagers... They have the most incredible, wonderful love. But the parents, they are precisely afraid of her. When they see their child kissing at the entrance, they are seized with a strange horror. At that moment, they completely forget that they once experienced the same thing. You shouldn’t scold a teenager for kissing: you should understand how important and beautiful it is at this age.
Love in adolescence. In general, a lot of changes occur during this age period. Teenagers' mood changes very sharply: now they are laughing, but literally a minute later they can already be walking around, overwhelmed with thoughts and sadness.
Adolescence is dangerous. However, parents often do not take this into account and “play with fire.” They are afraid for their children, afraid that they will make many mistakes. However, paradoxically, it is the parents themselves who make mistakes in relation to their teenage children. Everyone knows that at this time children’s appearance changes greatly. Parents, jokingly, may say something like: “What a big nose you have.” For a child this is a disaster. He will take this quite seriously, he will develop complexes about his nose... Ultimately, he will “smoothly move” through all parts of his body, inventing completely unfounded “ugliness” of his appearance.
Teenagers– very vulnerable and impressionable. They perceive even the most ordinary pimple (the smallest size) with hostility. So, dear parents, on the contrary, try to emphasize the advantages of your child’s appearance so that he feels as confident as possible.
Love in adolescence, adolescence. If your child suddenly starts locking himself in his room and starts hanging out on the phone for hours, we can assume that he has fallen in love. What vivid, indescribable feelings a teenager experiences at such a moment! However, it goes away quickly. Adolescence is “the age of a thousand loves.” It is for this reason that a boy, for example, can “idolize” one girl, but he can, at the same time, date two. But at first, it seemed that I fell in love once and for all...
Don't demand your teenager obey you “one hundred percent”, there is no need to punish him by saying: “That’s it, don’t go outside today.” Communication with friends, new acquaintances, new experiences is very important for them... They can fall into terrible depression if they don’t see the one they suddenly fell in love with (for a long time or not, it doesn’t matter).
Psychology of teenage love. In general, if you do not want your child to move away from you, become a friend for him, gain his trust. Then he will tell you everything, share his experiences, ask for advice. Thus, you will take a “winning position”: you will no longer need to be at a loss about what is happening to your son (daughter), how he (she) lives and breathes.
If in adolescence love is like a “hurricane,” then in adolescence this feeling is more moderate and calm. Youthful love is unusual. It has its own “uniqueness”. For example, it is already interesting that friendship and love, at this age, are very closely intertwined. Friendship can easily “float” into love, and love into the process of courtship. Of course, few people at this age begin to seriously think about getting married. However, it is youthful love that “lives” in our memories forever.
Main What worries boys and girls at this age is precisely the external manifestations of love. Many questions arise about the first date, about kissing...
E If we talk about dating, then there are many different nuances. Such, for example, as the choice of clothing, choice of makeup (for girls), behavioral manners...
Kiss is the first step towards intimacy. By the way, boys attach much more importance to the intimate side of relationships than girls: their emotional side dominates.
Psychology of parents. Unfortunately, parents often interfere in the lives of their children. And it’s very disappointing when a son comes to introduce his girlfriend to his mother, and her mother doesn’t like her at all (either in appearance, or in character, or for some other reason). Naturally, quarrels and scandals begin, which, strictly speaking, are not needed by anyone. The guy is confused: who to choose...Mom or his girlfriend? You can't choose here!This is unfair! Dear parents, your child will forever remain your child, but he will never be your puppet, a toy whose fate you have the right to control. Perhaps you are simply jealous of your son (your daughter) for his (her) other half. But you must understand: absolutely every person has his own “legal” right to his personal life, and absolutely every person always has a place in his heart that is “dedicated to the one (or the only one), and not to you, parents. The choice is unequal. Mom is a parent, and the chosen one (chosen one) is a person with whom life may be connected. The parent who puts his children before such a choice is wrong.
Accept and come to terms with your children's choices. After all, you want them to be happy, right? Then, it is quite logical that if your daughter or your son has chosen their soul mate, then there is something in her that will certainly make them happy. Even if this “union” is not forever, let the lovers enjoy each other, and do not continue to point out the shortcomings of your supposed “son-in-law” or “daughter-in-law.” Put yourself in your child's shoes. Well? What's it like? How would you feel if your parents did the same to you, “exposing” you to difficult and stupid choices? Just don't talk that you would choose parents. Don't lie to yourself: you wouldn't choose them, you'd simply do what they want, that's all. And they themselves would suffer, spend sleepless nights, look for flaws in their loved one (which, in fact, are not there), convince themselves that their parents are right, and so on. But you can’t deceive the heart... It will always “beat” those it loves, it will always “feel” the one who is so dear to it. Don't break hearts, filled n present L love!
What should parents do when their child manages to fall in love for the first time? First of all, do not underestimate the situation, because a child in love can accomplish any feat in the name of feeling. But you shouldn’t overestimate the situation either.
Under no circumstances should children be prohibited, denied, or limited in relation to the object of their first love. This will only escalate the situation and provoke “exploits.” The most important thing is to become at this moment for the child best friend. And for this you need to sympathize and understand. Of course, you know from your own experience that there will be no trace left of this emotional typhoon. But it is not recommended to convey this important experience to a child, and, moreover, to make fun of him: he will simply close himself off from you.
Try to turn negative into positive. Not with jokes, but with conversations about what love is and how wonderful it really is. The task is to remove the overly tragic assessment and redirect it to a lyrical mood. For example, you can talk about how Petrarch dedicated sonnets to his Laura. Better yet, read to him verses of your own composition, which were once born in his youth under the influence of the same first love.
In a word, redirect the thoughts of your son or daughter in love to creativity, and you can even take part in this - together compose music and lyrics to the theme of your child’s love. This is very effective method- literally in a few days there will be no trace left of the tragedy.
Unhappy love
First teenage love often becomes synonymous with unhappy love. Reason: a teenager wants intense feelings, and he subconsciously chooses exactly the object of love that is inaccessible. In this case, there is no need to explain anything from the point of view of reason and logic. And in general, love at any age cannot be curbed in this way. But expressing feelings in creativity helps a lot.
"Development" bad habits Quite often it occurs precisely during the period of the first unhappy teenage love. And not at all because the pain is so strong that you want to forget. But, on the contrary, to make the intensity of the experienced feelings maximum. But there is no need to impose restrictions here either. It is important to understand that, for example, a cigarette in this case is a cry for help. And help is needed because the teenager does not know what can be done in this situation.
And this is where the help of parents comes in handy. The child needs to act to attract the attention of the object of his unhappy love. If you help him with good advice, if you together create a concrete plan for “conquest,” then you will take the right step.
Inner feelings burst out and result in actions. Let these actions be constructive. By the way, this will also distract you from suicidal thoughts. We all know that in adolescence one rarely really wants to die; suicide in this case is a means of attracting attention. And, unfortunately, the suicide attempt may be completed... That is why it is best to organize vigorous activity, but before that it does not hurt to start crying with your child in an embrace.
Plan for love
So, let's summarize. If your child experienced his first teenage love:
1. Don’t dissuade, don’t dissuade, don’t laugh, don’t forbid, don’t say that this will pass, and especially don’t be indifferent to it.
2. Discuss the situation, listen to your child’s ode to the object of love. Feel this, say that you know that your child simply cannot love an unworthy person.
3. Tell us about your first love, read your children's poems. In a word, reorient your child towards creativity.
4. Don't talk about sex, talk about the positive aspects of love, how it changes, and how necessary it is. Encourage this feeling in your child.
5. Make an action plan. It is important to act to win love: flowers, songs, poems. Changes in appearance, behavior - do you catch the moment when it will be so easy for you to wean your child from what spoils him in the eyes of his loved one?! In general, teach your child to be romantic. And he will have something to do instead of smoking, drinking or cutting his wrists. You will be calmer!
The content of the article:
The love of teenagers is the first delightful feeling for them and an extraordinary test of the strength of their parents. At this age, the younger generation sees everything exclusively in rosy colors and wonderful prospects. Consequently, emotionally immature individuals are sometimes unable to adequately assess the love situation that has arisen in their lives. Adults need to help them figure this out, but they need to do what they want with maximum wisdom.
Signs of falling in love in adolescence
First of all, this question interests parents whose children have begun to grow up. Love in adolescence can be determined by adults by the following signs that indicate the event that occurred:
- Spending leisure time outside the home. If a child previously devoted the lion's share of his free time to computer games or reading educational literature, then he definitely did not develop any amorous interest. Otherwise, the teenager will begin to try, whenever possible, to leave his native walls in an unknown direction, while inventing all sorts of reasons. Alarmed parents will try to stop this behavior of their growing offspring, which is definitely not worth doing. As a result, trust between the child and the adult generation of the family will simply disappear, which will then be difficult to regain. You just need to clearly communicate to your rebel lover how much time he can spend outside the home.
- Secret conversations on the phone. IN Lately Rarely does a teenager not have his own personal means of communication. Chatting with friends on mobile phone is not forbidden, so parents were calm about this fact. Their son or daughter could communicate for quite a long time with an invisible interlocutor on various youth topics. At the same time, the children were absolutely not afraid of the possibility that their parents could hear them talking about everything and nothing. If adults begin to notice that their child tries to be alone when communicating on the phone or even go outside, then everything indicates that he has his first object of interest.
- Request for more pocket money. Many parents often cannot clearly answer the question regarding providing their teenager with certain personal resources. In this case, compassionate grandparents do not even think about such a request from their adored grandson or granddaughter. However, over time, parents begin to understand that they must allocate a reasonable amount of pocket money for the needs of their child. If their maturing offspring unexpectedly asked for an increase in his “salary,” then there is no need to immediately panic about the development of addictions outside his native walls. A son who is no longer a toddler may need additional cash due to the fact that he needs to give his first lady small gifts and take her to the movies.
- Change in appearance teenager. Children usually, when developing their first romantic feelings for a member of the opposite sex, dramatically change their attitude towards their hairstyle and wardrobe. A period of obvious changes in their appearance begins, which often frightens parents who are alarmed by what is happening. There is no need to be afraid of this fact if everything remains within the limits of what is reasonable and aesthetically acceptable. Prohibitions on this matter will only cause protest from a son or daughter, who in the future may turn from obedient children into rebels.
- Deterioration in academic performance. All people in love have their head in the clouds and pay little attention to what is happening around them. The first romantic feeling is a serious test for the not yet fully formed psyche of a teenager. He is not yet ready to concentrate his attention on serious things when his head is clouded with love experiences. As a result, a growing child begins to devote less time to preparing for schoolwork, and all his previous achievements in this area may deteriorate significantly.
- Changing a teenager's preferences. If your beloved child was hit by Cupid's first arrow, then the formerly predictable teenager can radically change his behavior. The daughter, who was interested in fantasy films, suddenly begins to become interested in melodramas about great and bright love. The son, after systematically familiarizing himself with the latest “boyish” music and spending time in computer games suddenly stops being interested in it. If, with this factor, he begins to soar in the clouds when listening to romantic ballads, then this is a sure sign that the first feeling has come to him.
- Finding contraceptives by parents. Usually, a caring mother clutches her heart and begins to consume huge quantities of sedatives when she finds condoms in her “baby” son’s pocket. In this case, experts advise letting the situation take its course and silently putting the found contraceptive back in place. However, it is still worth remembering the age limits for the beginning of learning about this adult side of life. In a family where there is trust and the teenager is informed about sex, sexually transmitted diseases and unplanned pregnancy, there will be no disaster when the child grows up. Otherwise, the situation may reach a critical point, as in the Yugoslav film of the late 80s “It's Time to Love,” when ignorance of many issues turned into tragedy.
If a child first learned what a tender feeling for a representative of the opposite sex is, then there is nothing wrong with that. However, unhappy love in adolescence is a fairly common occurrence. It is for this reason that psychologists have developed a number of tips on how a child should behave during a new stage of his/her growing up:
- Enjoy some of your youth. This period of personality formation will never be repeated, so you should gratefully accept everything that will become an invaluable life experience in the future. First love is a wonderful feeling, the memories of which many people keep in their hearts for many years.
- Don't lose yourself in the person you like. No matter how much you like the first object of passion in your life, you should also remember your interests. If you like soul music, but your chosen one prefers hard rock, then this is not at all a signal to radically change your preferences. People prefer to communicate only with those individuals who remain themselves in all situations.
- Ask your parents for help. If first love is an unrequited feeling, then you should talk as openly as possible with the older generation of the family. Don’t be ashamed of your accumulated emotions, because parents with a wealth of experience will understand everything and give practical advice. Sometimes it’s easier to even talk to your grandparents; their help and support should also not be rejected.
- Don't forget about your plans for the future. The first feeling is not at all a reason to give up your favorite hobby and forget about studying. If the chosen one responded with mutual sympathy, then he must respect the developed prospects for the future of the person he liked. If he is of little interest in this fact, then is it worth continuing to communicate with such an indifferent and selfish person?
- Don't isolate yourself. Many people go through unrequited love, later remembering this difficult period of life with a smile. If the object of passion does not reciprocate, then this must be accepted with dignity. Making new acquaintances and spending time with friends will help you get rid of gloomy thoughts. Self-flagellation and withdrawal into oneself will only aggravate the current difficult situation.
- Be careful. Only the teenager himself decides when he is old enough to begin sexual activity. There is no need to rush into this, because often, with a fully formed body, the nervous psyche of a person in love remains in the stage of development and improvement. If the chosen one insists on intimacy, then you should tell him a clear and categorical “no.” This means that the person you like does not value the feelings and desires of other people and you should stay away from him.
Recommendations for parents on behavior with a teenager in love
It should always be remembered in any situation that adults should be a friend to their child, and not his supervisor. Therefore, they need to think about how to behave at the first signs of infatuation with someone in their children.
Prohibitions for parents when controlling a teenager in love
Some overly caring fathers and mothers consider themselves experts in raising the younger generation. The advice of psychologists does not guide them, and they make the following mistakes in relation to their children:
- Criticism of the chosen one. Making fun of a child’s choice from the height of one’s life experience is an unworthy and illogical activity on the part of an adult. Parents may categorically dislike the object of their offspring’s adoration, but this is solely the problem of the fathers and mothers themselves. Such behavior will only alienate the child, because for him his first feeling is sacred and inviolable.
- Devaluation of a teenager's sympathy. The next extreme on the part of adults is to persistently remind the teenager that he is not yet mature for a serious relationship. Ideally, such parents want to send their growing child back to play in the sandbox, because they see him exclusively as a baby. The main argument of family dictators for ignoring the feelings of their son or daughter is the phrases “get a passport first” and “finish school (lyceum) first.” The most disastrous argument would be an adult’s argument along the lines of “in our time, we thought about studying, and not about all sorts of nonsense.”
- Prohibition of communication with the chosen one. One of the most ineffective ways to eradicate a child’s love is a voiced method of influence. In this case, it is very easy to lose the trust of a loved one, and it is almost impossible to change the situation in your favor. The ban will further encourage the stubborn person to secret meetings, which can end very badly.
- Searching a teenager's belongings. If the child has grown up, then this is not at all a reason for parents to turn into a professional bloodhound. You need to supervise your children mandatory so that the era of permissiveness does not begin in the family. However, some adults who are overly self-confident in their abilities consider it the norm to re-read their offspring’s correspondence in in social networks, gut his phone and room in search of incriminating evidence. Any mature person would be indignant at this fact, but we should not forget that a teenager also has the right to his personal space.
Note! Adult mistakes primarily have a negative impact on future fate their offspring. You cannot make your beloved child happy by force, requiring him to act according to the model of behavior created by his parents. Such behavior, at best, will end in protest on the part of the teenager, and at worst, in neurosis and even a suicide attempt.
Correct actions of parents towards a teenager
If parents want to maintain friendly relations with their grown children, they should listen to the advice of psychologists about the rules of behavior:
- Meeting your chosen son or daughter. In this case, no one talks about the need to organize family shows. A dinner party would also be inappropriate, since no one is going to marry their children in love in the near future. The best way out from this situation will be an invitation to the house for a tea party, during which you should study the chosen one of your offspring with maximum tact.
- Getting to know the child's immediate environment. Wise parents always know with whom their child spends his leisure time. Teenagers can be quite secretive people, but with proper analysis of their behavior, you can easily find out about the teenager’s existing friends. Psychologists advise organizing a party in the house on the occasion of some significant event and invite your son or daughter to invite their friends to see her. However, you shouldn’t hover over the guests like a kite, creating only an awkward situation. With correct behavior and maximum tact, it is possible to easily determine who has become a teenager’s friends, and even figure out his secret passion.
- Frank conversation about the chosen one. If a child seriously likes someone, it means that he was attracted to some character trait or behavior. In this case, you can play spy, carefully learning about the reason for the teenager’s choice. As a result, a situation may arise that parents will be horrified by the verbal description of the object of passion and worship that has appeared in their child’s life. Having gathered all their will into a fist, adults should refrain from caustic comments towards the described chosen son or daughter.
- Allowing room for error. Many people not only learn from their mistakes and reckless behavior, but also manage to step on the same rake in the future. Therefore, you should not demand wise decisions from a teenager in amorous matters. He is not yet morally ready for a deep analysis of the relationship between the opposite sexes. However, only through your own full cones can the time of emotional maturity begin when communicating with the people you like.
- Nostalgia for first love among parents. It's time to talk to your child about what happened many years ago before he was born. Without lectures or lectures, you should tell him about your first feelings and how they ended. Children keenly feel when adults trust them and open up themselves. The teenager will appreciate such frankness on the part of his father or mother and will continue to consult with them about his personal life.
- Increasing your child's self-esteem. This must be done not at the expense of his chosen one, which will bring a radically opposite result to the desired one. Wise parents, seeing the obvious error in the choice of their offspring and even some of its danger, will focus on the undoubted merits of their own being. In the future, the teenager may independently understand that his beliefs and life principles have nothing in common with the worldview of the emerging admirer.
