Exercises so as not to depend on other people's opinions. Seven tips on how not to depend on the opinions of others. What are the signs of a person dependent on other people's opinions?

Good day to you, dear readers! Perhaps many people have one strange and illogical quality - other people’s opinions are important to them. Other people's approval is important. It's important to please everyone. And you can’t even imagine how this quality complicates life!

This global belief “I need the approval of others” is embedded very deeply in us. And the more we believe in it, the heavier our load. Pointless cargo! How not to depend on the opinions of others?

What's bad about it?

There's nothing wrong with liking someone. But if you try to please someone, if you need approval, you put yourself in chains.

The thirst for approval causes something like the following in a person:

we do not accept that part of ourselves that others may not like, we increase internal conflict, we move away from ourselves instead of studying;
we don't allow ourselves to be sincere. We cannot build sincere relationships. We’re just trying to present ourselves better. In such relationships there is little intimacy, little joy;
we can do something to our detriment for the approval of others;
we are ready to neglect our values for the sake of others;
we cannot stand criticism, we become very touchy;
we spend too much energy communicating with strangers;
we carry with us the fear of not being liked by another person, the burden of disappointments and unfulfilled hopes;
since it is very difficult to please everyone all the time, your self-esteem is always under attack;
you make your happiness dependent on other people.

Of course, some people have a stronger desire for approval, while others have a weaker one. And all these symptoms may or may not be vivid. But anyway, this is... unpleasant symptoms.

People often come to me with similar requests. Therefore, I want to offer you one of the good options for working on this topic, to show how you can let go of this belief on your own. It’s not a fact that it will go away completely, but at least it should get easier!

Removing false belief

So, first answer this question: why is it important for you to be approved? Why do you need to please everyone?

One way or another, you will come to the conclusion that this is necessary to be happy. We all ultimately want to be happy. And for example, I’ll take the belief “I need the approval of others to be happy.” You can change this phrase a little as you want. How do you feel? But I will analyze this particular example as the most illustrative.

Attention! Do not read this article just for information. Read - and do it right away! Don't move on to the second step without working through the first. And so on.

If you first read everything to the end and then decide to do it, this will reduce the effect. To complete the exercise you will need only 5-7 minutes. You can take long breaks between steps. This is fine. But don't start the next step without working on the previous one.

First step

Ask yourself objectively: is this true? Is it true that you need the approval of others to be happy? Is it true that you can't be happy if no one likes you?

Take your time. Think objectively. Let your experience tell you that this is true, but answer yourself honestly... Can you know for sure that happiness is impossible without the approval of others? Can you really know what is the essential element of happiness?

Answer only “yes” or “no”. Without any “buts” and “maybes”. Only “yes” or “no”. And answer honestly, objectively! You want to know the truth, right?

Second step

Now imagine in every detail how you live when you believe this crazy thought, “I need the approval of others to be happy.”

How do you communicate with others when you are craving approval? How do you behave among friends or strangers when you are sure that everyone needs to like you? How do you react to children’s public tantrums, to your appearance, to something else when other people’s approval is important to you?

How do you perceive criticism addressed to you? How do you feel before visiting unfamiliar places and meeting new people? How does this affect your relationships, your self-confidence, your well-being and your happiness?

And what happens if suddenly someone doesn’t like you? What if someone doesn't approve of you? What are you experiencing? How are you behaving? How is your condition changing? How does your bad state affect the rest of your day?

The better you feel this, the more powerful the effect of the exercise will be.

Third step

Now try to imagine how you would live if you didn’t have the thought “I need the approval of others to be happy.” Just try to imagine what it would be like if you didn't have to please everyone. If only I didn't have to earn someone's approval.

Don't try to dismiss this thought. Just imagine. If...

Imagine that you communicate with people, but you do not feel that they need to like you in order to be happy. How would you feel? How would you communicate? Would it be easier for you? Could you become more sincere?

Perhaps, without the thought of needing someone else's approval, communication would give you more joy? Perhaps, without the desire to please others, you would radically change your life, your activities, your principles? Feel it... What would happen if you forgot how to think, “I need the approval of others to be happy”? What if it became as absurd to you as “I need to become president to be happy?”

Would it be easier for you to hear yourself? Love yourself? To be in harmony with yourself?

Imagine if you were disapproved of, but you didn't have the idea that you needed the approval of others to be happy... How would you feel?

Try to feel all this in as much detail as possible... If you didn’t have this crazy thought “I need the approval of others to be happy”... Would your life be easier, freer, more joyful? Would you be happier without wanting to please everyone?

Fourth step

And now that you have really felt all this, not speculatively, but thoroughly realized and felt it... You can draw a logical conclusion.

If you did everything right, you have a good feeling that without the thought “I need the approval of others to be happy,” you would be much happier.

So... Look what happens! You believe in a completely crazy thought that is not true, which ruins your life... But the opposite statement is true! Which one do you think?

“To be happy, I need the disapproval of others” or “To be happy, I need not everyone to like me.”

Once again... You don't need the approval of others to be happy. On the contrary, you will benefit from being disapproved of. And it will be better for you if everyone doesn't like you... Why do you think? Give yourself a minute. Can you explain yourself why everything is this way?

You just felt that when you try to please everyone, you are much more unhappy than when you don't try to please everyone. Because you don’t need the approval of others to be happy. You are much happier when you are in touch with yourself. In order to be happy, you must like yourself. You must love yourself and accept yourself. Can you feel it?

And when you are in touch with yourself, don’t hide your shortcomings, don’t try to please everyone, openly express your position... Someone may not like you. It is impossible to please everyone while remaining yourself! It is impossible to gain the approval of all people without adapting like a chameleon!

And even if you manage to please all people... You will be unhappy, because for this you will have to betray yourself, give up sincerity and think a lot about what impression you will make.

And if you give up the idea of winning everyone's approval, not everyone will like you. Perhaps you will become inconvenient for someone. Sometimes you won't be approved. However... You will be happier.

So I will repeat it again. “To be happy, I need to be liked by everyone around me” is a blatant, absolute lie. This lie prevents you from being happy. But the truth is the opposite. “To be happy, not everyone around me needs to like me. I need to like myself"

Homework

To help you fully understand all of the above, I suggest this exercise. Repeat step three regularly. Visualize how you would live if you didn’t have the idea of earning someone’s approval. And slowly get used to this role. When interacting with people, ask yourself: “What if I didn’t think that other people’s approval would affect my happiness?” And gradually act like this, gradually try it on yourself. This task is not for one day. But it can seriously change the way you perceive other people.

And the most interesting thing... Without the desire to be liked, we can build real relationships. Only there will there be sincere close relationships. And this is so wonderful!

People verbally or non-verbally express their attitude towards each other through positive or negative evaluation - praise, compliment, criticism, advice, and so on. An unpleasant assessment always brings discomfort, and not only emotional - the body also experiences stress. The person sought to avoid negative evaluation by adjusting his behavior to what was expected in order to receive praise and approval. This option is unlikely to suit anyone: dependence on someone else’s opinion remains an addiction - an unpleasant thing. In this article we will try to figure out how to stop depending on other people's opinions.

People always want approval and respect, and the opinions of the people around us are important to us. But, if you are unable to make a single decision without looking at the team, cannot imagine your life without the approval of others, and react extremely painfully to any negative assessment, there is a serious dependence on the opinions of others.

The “client-oriented” world indulges our weaknesses, creating suitable places for this now in the virtual world. Social media is the market’s response to our need for approval and praise. We publish photos on our profiles, wait for ratings and comments, and update the page to find out who liked the post. Before posting a new photo on Instagram or Vkontakte, we think about what our friends will think, their assessment is important to us.

The roots of the problem, like many other things, begin in childhood. Situations can be very diverse. Another option is a lack of parental love. A person who experienced it in childhood strives to adult life attract as much attention as possible, asking for approval from everyone, trying to please as much as possible more of people.

There may also be a distortion of parental love. For example, raising a child by parents who decide absolutely everything for him: what clothes to buy, what toys to play with, who to be friends with. Under the influence of such pressure, a child learns from childhood to hide his emotions, does not talk about his experiences and preferences, for fear of hearing criticism and disapproval. Parents believe that they “know best” and decide almost everything for their child, including choosing a university and a life partner. A person suppressed by the will of his parents cannot take a single step in adult life without approval or advice. He is unhappy, dissatisfied with life, depends on the opinions of friends and colleagues.

Useful thoughts

Here are a few ideas to consider if you find yourself in dire need of positive evaluation from others:

People around you don't pay as much attention to you as you think. Most of the time, people are busy with their own affairs and worries, and they are much more interested in their own lives than in yours, so passers-by don’t care what you’re wearing or how your hair is styled. It’s enough to remember how much attention you yourself pay to random passers-by, and how long their faces linger in your memory. As a rule, no longer than a minute.

People's opinions of you don't change your value. What other people may think about you is their own business, it does not concern you and does not affect your life. Whatever they think, it will not make you a different person, it will not make you worse or better.

Someone else's opinion will lose its value soon. Do you get very upset if you are told that you are doing something wrong? Does your life change radically after this? The next time you hear a remark, think about whether that statement will be meaningful to you in an hour, a day, or a week. Most likely, you will forget about him in the near future, so is it worth worrying and changing for the sake of these people whose opinions do not matter to you?

You can't read minds. You don’t know how, but you are firmly convinced that everyone thinks only about you. But how do you know what they're really thinking? Until you learn to read minds, there is no point in worrying about what is in people's heads.

You are not alone in your problem. Most people also worry about what others will think. So the next time you are afraid of disapproving looks, remember that behind each of these looks there is a person just like you, and everyone has their own problems, fears, concerns. Does not exist ideal people who everyone likes, who always look great and never make mistakes. There are people who accept themselves and their mistakes and move on towards their dreams, because public opinion is unable to stop them.

Getting rid of dependence on other people's opinions step by step

So, having realized your problem and studied the proposed ideas, it’s time to start getting rid of addiction.

Step one. Refusal of self-judgment

We are often haunted by feelings of anxiety, resentment, and anger, which we cannot throw out and carry within ourselves, feeling shame for their very existence. Our parents taught us as children that a good person does not experience such feelings, and when we are filled with anger or anger, we consider ourselves spoiled, disgusting, disappointed in ourselves.

Our task is to understand the causes of our emotions, and dividing them into “good” and “bad” will not help us at all. People cannot experience only joy, love and peace forever, so it makes no sense to divide feelings into those that we are supposed to experience and those that should be prohibited.

To overcome addiction, you need to stop judging yourself for your thoughts and emotions. No matter how bad they are, they are an integral part of your personality.

Step two. Awareness of your values

People who are accustomed to adapting to other people's opinions, as a rule, avoid the questions “What do you believe in?”, “What are your values?”, because the answer to this question may not coincide with the opinions of others.

An independent person in any situation will turn to his sense of the world in order to understand what he personally considers right and will act according to his conscience in any case, regardless of the opinions of people around him.

Step three. Setting Personal Boundaries

It may take a lot of effort at first, but try for the results. Strong boundaries instantly give you a sense of self-confidence. Realize what limits you are comfortable within and don’t let anyone in there. Don't let it take up too much of your time, attention, or personal space.

Even if the situation you are in generally does not constrain you, but you feel discomfort, respect your feelings and take care of your personal sense of calm. Leave a place you don't like to be in and don't talk to people you don't want to talk to.

Step four. Get rid of rose-colored glasses

We all have our illusions. Many of them concern other people and give rise to problems in interaction with the outside world. Someone, for example, believes in an ideal other half, whom they will one day meet and with whom they will be happy forever. But in reality none a real man cannot fill the emptiness in your soul except yourself. It should be understood that no one else knows us so well, no one except ourselves knows what we really need.

Step five. Love your dark side

The dark side is what we usually hide. This is a remote corner in our soul, where all the most severe traumas, the nastiest feelings, dirty thoughts and actions for which we are ashamed are hidden. We carefully pretend that she is not there. But the problem is not that it exists and will always exist, but is that we hate her. But we need accept and love her.

To do this, we take it out from the far corner and examine it, figure out what it came from and where it came from. Our dark side is where the most pain is stored, and it requires our care.

Practice “Why?”

A person who has lived his whole life in captivity of other people’s opinions, most often can no longer even make out what he really thinks about himself, and what was imposed on him. To figure this out, there is the following exercise, which requires only a piece of paper, a pen and some free time.

Divide the sheet into three columns. The first will be called “I am real”, the second - “I am ideal”, the third - “Why?”

In the first column, collect and write down everything that you want to correct in yourself, everything that you don’t like and criticize about yourself.

In the second column, give the antonyms of each statement and your dream. For example, if in the first column you wrote “I weigh too much,” then in the second column the statement “I have ideal weight and a beautiful figure” and so on.

The most interesting thing is the third column. Why do you want to lose weight? How are your extra ten kilos interfering with your life? Answer questions about why as honestly and thoughtfully as possible. If you don't know how to answer, most likely the goals you set are not yours at all., and your friends, relatives, colleagues, which you thoughtlessly absorbed.

So do you really need to struggle with all these shortcomings or can you be happy the way you are now?

Set your own goals by listening to your inner voice.

1. Realize the equality of people and their opinions

We are afraid of the negative reaction of others, but we forget that there will always be a positive one. The opinion of the person who criticized you is no more significant than the opinion of the person who supported and praised you. The opinions of all people should be equally equal for you.

2. Determine your goals in life

A person who has not decided what exactly he wants from life is susceptible to the influence of other people’s opinions and is easily suggestible. Determine where you are heading and don't be afraid to implement your plans. It’s better to have a small one, but your own dream, than someone else’s grandiose one that doesn’t suit you at all.

3. Remember your successes

There have been many achievements and victories in your life, do not forget about them and be proud of yourself. If you could do it once, you can do it again.

4. Understand the sources of the problem

Remember what unpleasant situations influenced you in such a way that you began to focus on the opinions of others more than your own? Think about why you didn’t fight this? This is one of the most difficult questions, try to answer yourself honestly and frankly.

5. Take a decisive first step
The first big step is what will help you overcome your fear of being judged. Most likely, you know which one it is. This could be, for example, speaking in front of a large audience with an honest, frank speech. Once you complete it, you will feel that it will be much easier further.

6. Talk to more people

Learn to express different people your point of view, listen to their opinions, contradict. Realize that your life does not depend on what others say, and boldly prove your opinion. If you quarrel, it’s okay.

The opinion of another person is simply his point of view, it has every right to exist, but no one is obliged to follow it.

It is necessary to maintain a balance and divide people into those whose opinions are really worth listening to and those who should not be paid attention to. You need to filter opinions and not allow people with a deliberately pessimistic outlook on life, people who like to criticize everything and look for flaws in everything.

7. Learn to say “no” people with whom you disagree.

8. Learn to formulate your opinion. No one can influence your opinion if it has already been made. How to learn to compose it? The simplest thing is to tell your friends your impressions of a film, a book you read, or a play, be sure to include your opinion about everything in the review: what you liked, what you found interesting, what feelings it evoked and why.

This way, you will not only learn to express your thoughts clearly and clearly, but also practice public speaking skills, which will affect your self-confidence. If your friends are also fans of expressing their opinions and arguing, try to express your point of view first, so as not to be influenced by other people's arguments later.

Remember that your opinion is valuable and important, just like your personality. Don't put yourself down, realize how unique and beautiful you are just the way you are. Everyone is different and all opinions deserve to be heard

9. Don't dwell on your mistakes. Many people who have become dependent on other people's opinions and have lost self-confidence tend to see the world in gray colors. In case of any failure, they think out and exaggerate their mistakes, and begin to think that everyone is laughing at them or despising them. But most people around them forget about the supposed “terrible and shameful failure” within a few minutes.

Don't despair and look the good side even in situations where you actually make a mistake. All people make mistakes, it is not fatal. Laugh at yourself and don't take it to heart, and others will treat you as a confident and pleasant person.

Good luck in self-development!

No matter how independent we are, the opinions of others are still important to us. This opinion can greatly influence our lives if we pay a lot of attention to it. Human nature is such that we want to be loved and respected. But is it worth constantly looking at everyone for this? The main thing to remember is that you shouldn’t worry about what others think and fill your head with thoughts about it. Nobody says that you need to give up on everything and do whatever you want. Listen to the opinions of people important to you, think about it, and only then decide what to do. After all, your family is not always right either. If you still cannot get rid of the oppression of public opinion and censure, then let's develop a mindset that will help you get rid of it.

People don't pay attention to you as often as you think

The people around you, for the most part, are passionate about their own affairs and concerns. They have their own life, which worries them much more than yours. If your interests and views intersect in some area, then this does not happen as often as you think. Just think, do you often pay attention to what those around you are wearing? Is their shirt dirty? Did a girl passing by have a puff on her tights? I'm willing to bet that you either don't think about it at all or spend no more than a couple of minutes on it. So those around you do the same.

It shouldn't worry you

What others think about you is their business. This should not concern you in any way. Even if you find out someone else's opinion about yourself, it still will not make you a different person and will not change your life, in most cases. The opinions of others can influence you only when you allow this opinion to become decisive in your life. But this shouldn’t happen. You can't control the opinions of others, so don't pay so much attention to them and focus on yourself.

You are unique like no other

Remember this once and for all. Don't adapt to those around you. As soon as you let this house of advice into your head, you cease to be yourself. Only there are a lot of people around you, and you are alone. You won't be nice to everyone. And, in pursuit of society, you will give birth to Frankenstein, which everyone likes at least a little.

Instead, just be yourself and remember that you are the only one in the whole world. You won't find exactly the same one. Cherish your uniqueness. Respect yourself. Then those around you will begin to respect you.

Why do you still listen to them?

Would your life change much if someone disagreed with you or said you were saying something wrong? Are you willing to change every time someone says you're doing it all wrong? I think no. The next time you become very sensitive to the opinions of others, just think about whether it will be just as important in a week. If a remark in your direction worries you for no more than an hour, then it’s all empty.

You are clearly not a telepath

If you don't have any superpowers and the magic ball doesn't show you anything, then you hardly know what people are thinking about. If you a common person, then how do you know what’s going on in the heads of those around you? The only problem is that you believe that all the thoughts of people around you are fixated only on you. Selfish and smacks of something unhealthy, don’t you think? You should not worry about the opinions of others until you have learned to read their thoughts.

Be honest with yourself and live in the present.

It's up to you how you feel every day. Do you want to experience constant fear and anxiety from the thought that society will not approve of your action? Stop thinking about it. Don't worry about whether someone has reprimanded you in the past or that people will think badly of you. Live here and now and don't look around. Breathe deeply and do not forget that only you are responsible for your thoughts and actions. This is the only way you can be happy. Only in this way will you understand that every person has their own opinion and only you can choose whether it will affect you or not.

Surround yourself with people who will accept you

It's just wonderful when you have friends who agree with you and will support you in any endeavor, even if your family is against it. Remember that to maintain physical and spiritual health, you must choose: either give up your dreams on the advice of others, or surround yourself with people who can inspire you to find your path.

People around you are also concerned about public opinion

You are not paranoid and you are not the only one. People around you also care what people think of them. So the next time someone criticizes you, put yourself in their shoes. Perhaps you did something that this person has long dreamed of and did not dare to do. And now they just want to bring you back to earth. Remember this, and then it will become easier for you to endure criticism and understand the motives of the actions of others.

Just be yourself. Be honest with yourself and admit that you are surrounded by people just like you. They also have problems, they also worry about criticism, they are not perfect either. There are no perfect people who never make mistakes. It’s just that someone, once he stumbles, stops for the rest of his life, and someone, having stepped over his mistake, follows his dream. Let public opinion not become a stopper in your development, and you will still show this world where crayfish spend the winter.

Are you dependent on the opinions of others?

Sometimes it's not so easy to not worry about what others think. However, there are many ways to become a more confident person, form your own opinions and develop your own style. Try not to think about whether others are looking at you or whether they are judging you. Don't take their opinions too seriously. Listen only to reasoned opinions based on facts. Make a decision based on your values, do not neglect your beliefs and principles. When it comes to style, remember that everyone's tastes are different, so no one has the right to judge you.

Steps

Become a more confident person

Accept yourself for who you are. Be yourself, try to become better, but accept what you cannot change about yourself. Don't try to become someone else just to please others.

Make a list of the things you like about yourself and also a list of the things you would like to change. Think about what specific steps you will have to take to become better. For example: “Sometimes I am too aggressive towards other people. Every time someone makes a remark or says something to me, I need to first wait and think about what I want to say, and only then speak.”
Accept what you cannot change. For example, perhaps you would like to be a little taller. But understand that you cannot change this. So instead of constantly thinking about how nice it would be if you were a little taller, try to think about the benefits of being taller, like not having to hit your head on a doorway.

Don't be afraid of embarrassment, imagine a successful outcome of events. Try not to set yourself up for an unsuccessful or awkward outcome, and don’t worry about what other people will think of you if you do something wrong. Set yourself a goal, break it down into small subgoals and try to visualize your success at every step!
- For example, if you want to appear more confident during a conversation, break this goal into several subgoals: maintain eye contact, listen to the other person, nod when the other person pauses, ask questions, answer, tell stories from your life.
- If the result is not exactly what you planned, don’t be embarrassed, just try to understand what your mistake was. Remember that you are just learning, no one succeeds right away, especially on the first try.
Don't try to predict every step and every action. Realize that people around you don't notice every little thing you do. Before you become embarrassed and lose confidence, remind yourself that people are more interested in the time they spend with you, they have no time to evaluate and criticize your every thought and action.
- Try to control yourself, notice in time that you are starting to get hung up on one thought. Tell yourself: “Stop analyzing! Calm down and relax."
- The ability to calm down quickly and the ability to learn from your mistakes are very useful things, especially if you are committed to success rather than negative thoughts.
Don't let someone's negative opinion define who you are. Maintain balance and do not take negative judgments as absolute truth. If you think there is some truth to this judgment, use it as an opportunity to improve something about yourself, but do not let negative judgments affect your self-esteem.
- For example, suppose someone says that you have a nasty character. If you barely know this person and don't know him at all, just ignore it. However, if a close friend or a good friend who spends a lot of time with you told you this, think about why he had this opinion. Work on learning to stay calm when you get angry (you can do this by breathing slowly and deeply).
Consider whether the person who expressed a negative opinion about you has good intentions. What a person's intentions are determines whether you accept that opinion or simply forget about it. Ask yourself: “Does this person have a vested interest in this matter? Did he say this to let me know what I need to work on to improve, or is this just a petty attempt to insult me?”
- For example, your good friend may say: “It seems that with you Lately It’s impossible to communicate, you’re not yourself.” This judgment can be accepted and considered. On the other hand, if they tell you: “You are always so inattentive, you are so stupid!”, then it is better to simply ignore such a judgment.
Try to present yourself in a way that makes you happier. Think about your interests, your clothing preferences, your surroundings, your lifestyle choices. Focus on your style, on what makes you happy, rather than chasing fashion and popular trends.
- For example, if you find that you like to mix and match different styles and colors, don't be afraid to wear what you like just because other people might think it's wrong.
- Decorate your apartment or room with various trinkets that are valuable to you, even if someone advises you to choose something more stylish or go minimalist. On the other hand, remove all knick-knacks and various other decorative items if you hate clutter and clutter. Just do what is best for you.
Create an “inspiration” folder to find your own style. Once you've found your own style of clothing, look through fashion magazines and blogs for inspiration. Cut out pictures that motivate you, collect them and make a digital or paper collage or “inspiration notebook.” Look through magazines and find images that make you feel unique and confident.

A person cannot live separately from society. Public opinion is important for every individual; it influences the self-concept of an individual. But some people are so susceptible to the influence of others that they lose their own characteristics. Is someone else’s opinion as important as learning to live for yourself and not for others? Let's figure it out.

Dependence on other people's opinions makes a person not think about his own interests. A dependent person does not ask questions about what he is like, what he wants. He wants to know how he looks in the eyes of other people, how the world wants to see him, how others accept him.

The causes of social dependence lie in childhood:

The child probably had to beg for the love of his parents. If attention had to be earned, then it is not surprising that the attitude “this is how they love me, but this is not how they love me” carried over into adulthood.
The second prerequisite for such thinking is the suppression of the child’s independence. When a person does not have his own worldview or beliefs, he adapts to other people’s ideas.
Well, the third prerequisite is in conditions of suppression, criticism, insults. Constant reproaches from parents suppress the child’s initiative.
Parents' busyness and desire to create an image ideal family, an exemplary child, that is, upbringing in conditions of increased moral responsibility and formalities also in the future causes dependence on the opinions of other people.

So, dependence on someone else’s opinion has the following prerequisites:

the individual's lack of self-confidence;
, lack of independence;
fear of being abandoned, rejected;
fear of loneliness;
fear of error;
unformed worldview;
undeveloped, unbalanced self-concept;
need for praise, approval, love;
desire to leave a good impression.

Sometimes, in addiction, just one incident that turns out to be to blame. Moreover, the events did not necessarily develop in family conditions. Thus, a love note selected by the teacher and ridiculed in front of the whole class can provoke a child to withdraw into himself. All his life he will be afraid of confessing his feelings for fear of being ridiculed, misunderstood, rejected again.

Is other people's opinion important?

Someone else’s opinion should be listened to, taken into account, and sometimes guided by it. But, firstly, not on any other person’s opinion, but only on the opinion of loved ones and significant people. Secondly, you need to understand the other person’s position, but not necessarily accept it. We must not forget about ourselves, we need to find a balance and...

Dependence creates internal tension, an inferiority complex, fears, and anxiety. A person is confident in his insignificance and worthlessness. Gradually, the condition worsens, with a feeling of powerlessness and general dissatisfaction with life.

How to get rid of and not depend on other people's opinions

To determine your dependence on other people’s opinions, think about how often the thought “what will people say or think?” comes to your mind. If you don’t even go shopping or go to a cafe without it, then you are a very dependent person. Although addiction is a bigger problem if, looking at others, you live in a hated city, go to a job you don’t like and married a “profitable match” rather than a loved one.

First of all, you need to understand why you follow the majority, even if it infringes on your rights and freedom. You are probably used to having decisions made for you, which means you need to gain control over your own life:

Read the biography famous people, outstanding personalities, independent units. Even world-class stars have followers, imitators and haters. Everyone only likes a spineless person, one who is nothing, and therefore convenient for others. You can't please everyone and still be yourself.
Learn to focus on your experience and think forward. Why didn't other people support your desire to change jobs? They remembered their experience and relied on their knowledge. But they do not see and do not know what you have. Adequately evaluate yourself, follow your line, then it is possible that later people will change their minds. Work on and correction will help with this.
Remember in detail the set of clothes of the saleswoman from the nearest store. Or the hairstyle of a fellow traveler on the bus. Don't remember? That's it: people are busy with their own worries, they have no time to consider other people. Of course, a bright hair color or an extravagant outfit will attract attention. But if we're talking about about the average appearance and behavior, then no one will look at it.
Make your own choices every day. Start small: clothes, lunch, rest. Then you can re-paste the wallpaper or rearrange the room. Next, think about self-development, about how your current life matches your real needs and capabilities.
You don’t know yourself at all, so you need to try, experiment. Note what you like and what you don’t, what you want to do, what works. Record this in .
Learn to talk about your needs and desires. Stop guessing the wishes of others. Watch yourself, learn to understand your own.
Learn to enjoy it. In order not to look for approval and love in every passerby, you need to get it from yourself. Write down your positive traits, remember the situations in which you emerged victorious, acquire a hobby.

Right now, take a piece of paper, a pen, and write down the last problem you relied on other people to solve. Fill in two columns: the arguments of others and your response theses. Do this exercise regularly. You must learn to defend and argue your position.

Practice defending your views through films. Look at some picture, form your own idea about it, determine what you agree with and what you don’t, what you liked, what seemed inappropriate. Discuss movies with friends. In such a situation there cannot be right and wrong people. Everyone expresses their own attitude, their own vision of the plot. Any opinion will be correct, but more importantly, it will be individual.

Afterword

A dependent person does not know himself. In this, adults but dependent people are similar to preschoolers. Those who have not yet developed self-esteem, they draw conclusions about themselves based on the assessments and judgments of others. So you still look at the words of others as your mirror reflection.

It's time to grow up. To do this, you need to do a lot of self-knowledge. Explore your abilities. Make it a rule to analyze whose judgments control you: personal or familiar people. Work on it.

To work through psychological trauma and eliminate it, I recommend contacting a psychotherapist.