It is clear that family relationships- the work is not easy, but you still need to find time for yourself. When a husband sees his wife unkempt and always flashing before his eyes in her old, but so comfortable housecoat, he involuntarily remembers the one he once met and fell in love with. A painful question is increasingly heard in a man’s head: how did he miss so much? Why is his wife not at all afraid of losing him if she allows herself to fall so low in his eyes? Yes, she is a good mother and housewife, but first of all, she is a woman. And now he, so poor and unhappy, begins to pay attention to beautiful and cheerful beauties on the street, at work, in the trolleybus and taxi. In such a situation, is it any wonder why a man loses interest in his woman?
We are so close
Another big mistake that leads to a husband not wanting a wife is that women become overly protective of their spouses. They, like mother hens, simply suffocate with this concern, forgetting the simple truth - a man is no longer a boy, he lives with his wife, and not with his mother. And there are almost no secrets left - the mystery disappears, and along with it, interest. In bed, too, everything was as planned, nothing new or unknown. For a husband to always love his wife and want her, you need to be a mystery to him, and not a read book.
The man is a born hunter
By nature, a man is a hunter, so he likes to conquer a woman. And when there is no one to conquer, he begins to get bored. A woman in marriage is simply obliged to push her chosen one to achieve great feats, create obstacles, and sometimes be inaccessible. It’s time for her to remember (and it’s better to never forget) what real coquetry is, to use all her charms so that her husband wants to conquer only her again and again.
What to do if the husband does not want his wife?
In fact, everything is not so difficult if you understand and understand the male essence. Even when tired, you can find at least 5 minutes to get yourself in order. You can buy good perfume, replace a comfortable dressing gown with something modern and sexy, because in the 21st century this is not so difficult. Sometimes it is very useful to be an actress: to make your husband slightly jealous of his neighbor, to arrange a candlelight dinner, to invite your loved one on a romantic date, to arrange a night (morning, day) of unforgettable sex. The main thing is to do it on time, before another brave and resourceful person does it herself.
Is your husband constantly dissatisfied with you, always irritated over trifles, does not devote time, and treats you somehow coolly? Do you feel like you live together as neighbors? Don’t rush to pack your things, perhaps the feelings are still there, the man has just cooled down. You need to be sure of this before making a decision. Here you will find the main signs that love has faded, the reasons why this most often happens, and ways to combat this phenomenon. You will also learn what to do during pregnancy and after childbirth to save your relationship.
Psychologists say that you first need to make sure that feelings have really begun to cool. Here's what a person's indifference can reveal:
- Rare evenings and walks together. It’s worth sounding the alarm if your spouse offers less and less often to go to a restaurant or have a romantic dinner, or stops inviting you to the theater or to exhibitions.
- Lots of criticism. Is he dissatisfied with your hairstyle, dress, behavior, or the dinner you prepared? Finding fault with little things in everyday life is the first sign of a relationship breakdown.
- Personal things. When experiencing feelings, a man prefers not to pour out his soul to a woman, keeps everything to himself and withdraws. When asked what happened, excuses follow in the style of “this is a man’s business” or the more rude “it doesn’t concern you.”
- Problems in bed. Citing fatigue, workload, or an exciting match of his favorite team, the man avoids intimacy. Infrequent lovemaking is not intense and short.
Why the husband grew cold: the main reasons
Let us highlight the main reasons why a man could grow cold and stop devoting time to his wife and paying attention to her:
- Physiological. The partner may have health problems: overwork at work, various diseases internal organs, lack of potency.
- Life. Daily household chores take up a lot of time. Unwashed dishes, mountains of laundry, constant dust and an untidy apartment are not annoying only in the first months of living together. When sloppiness turns into a system, cooling in relationships is inevitable.
- Appearance. Men don't like greasy robes and greasy hair hastily twisted into unimaginable designs. Misconception that now he will love you even in this form often leads to discord.
- No love. This reason should not be ruled out. Perhaps another woman has appeared in your partner’s life.
- Losing interest. Immersed in family life and caring for children, wives forget about personal development, cease to be interested in news, or participate in public life, develop professional skills.
If you don’t want your husband to leave, you need it urgently. Here are 10 steps to take and the mistakes women make.
The behavior of a man whose feelings have just cooled down and have already passed is somewhat different. The line is very thin. So that you do not make a mistake, we have prepared the main ones. It is written here about the nuances of communication between spouses, spending time together, difficulties in intimate relationships, conversations about the future, etc.
How to attract the attention of an indifferent man
If you are sure that you need the love of this particular person like air, act!
- Take care of your appearance. Get a stylish haircut, visit a cosmetologist, sign up for yoga, gymnastics, fitness, dancing or water aerobics classes. Standard excuses about lack of money are just signs of laziness. If your budget does not allow for extra expenses, find a suitable video course and study at home. Do it. Many recipes are published on our website.
- Stop demanding! Be loyal to yourself and your partner. Don’t whine about trifles, try to express comments and requests correctly. Encourage your man to take action using feminine tricks. Let him think that the idea was his and actively implement it.
- Take an interest in his affairs. Unobtrusively ask questions about work, relationships with parents, and health. Conduct a dialogue, not an interrogation.
- Add variety to your intimate life. Arrange a romantic dinner in honor of the day you met, your first kiss, any holiday or for no reason. Create a cozy romantic atmosphere, light candles. Buy intriguing lingerie! We have prepared material for you about the best gestures, how to use words, what clothes to choose, what mistakes to avoid and what books can be useful.
If we're talking about that her husband’s feelings became cool during pregnancy wife, then this may not only be because of his fear of harming her or dissatisfaction with her figure. Quite often, expectant mothers themselves deny intimacy to their husbands and turn their condition into some kind of cult. And men always need attention and care, feminine warmth. Just keep interacting with him and being polite.
Enjoy life while expecting a child, talk about your worries and doubts, resolve any disagreements that arise.
After the birth of a child, a disruption in the couple’s routine occurs. A woman divides her attention between her child and her husband, devotes more time to the baby, sometimes ignoring the interests and desires of her husband. Sooner or later this can destroy even the strongest family.
If it is possible to involve relatives or friends, do not refuse help, do not do everything yourself. Rest whenever possible.
Don't forget about appearance, you need to lose those kilograms. We wrote about that in another article. You will learn what your drinking regimen should be, how you should train, and the nuances of dieting. You can also sign up for. Here are the basic rules for training, how best to train, in a group or individually.
Modern technology makes life easier. A dishwasher, steamer or multicooker is a justified investment in mom’s health and maintaining a strong relationship between spouses.
It’s very interesting what men think about what to do if a man moves away. This video explains which behaviors to avoid and which ones to take note of.
To save the family, you need to behave correctly - do not forget about the existence of your husband, be a woman, take care of yourself and your home. And the last piece of advice: don’t quarrel, even if you think you’re completely right. Men don't like quarrelsome ladies.
The husband lost interest in his wife. Almost every day, working on situations related to husbands’ betrayal and their leaving the family, I never cease to be amazed at the inattention of women to the topic of family intimacy. Moreover, in this case, we are not talking about erotic delights at all, not about the fact that the wife does not please her husband in bed, but about intimacy in principle. The fact is that I very often observe married couples where, before the wife found out about the husband’s mistress, there was no sex for six months, or even a year or two, and the wife herself is not able to clearly explain why it didn't bother her. Especially in a situation of complete financial dependence on her husband and the presence of minor children! Moreover, we are not talking about deeply retired couples at all, but about couples where the spouses are from 25 to 45 years old, that is, where men and women are in the most active phase of their life activity.
Wives usually tell me:
- “Well, something like this... There was a lot of household chores, troubles because of the children. At first we had sex twice a week, then once a week, then once a month, then once every few months... Somehow I didn’t even notice how he was completely gone, and I didn’t attach any importance to it. Moreover, after the birth of children, this area somehow became of little interest to me. No sex, and that’s good, I have less to worry about..."
“I myself had needs, I even hinted to my husband that all this was bothering me, but he simply laughed it off or was completely silent. I thought that he was either suffering from some kind of prostatitis as a man, but I don’t understand this. Or he’s just grown up and needs it less... Well, no, that’s okay...”
— “I had health problems (gynecological, blood pressure, headaches, etc.), I myself avoided sex in the family, and it seemed to me that my husband realized that it was better not to interfere with this for now, so he stopped. Then we somehow got used to the fact that there was no sex, and there were no questions..."
- “We somehow quarreled... It seems to be strong, but now I don’t even remember why. There was no sex for a long time because of my resentment, and my husband no longer pestered me with this question. Somehow, months passed, and sex did not return to us. Although the relationship became very good, respectful, even warm. Just no more sex. I don’t mind, because the children have already grown up, I was embarrassed, I felt uncomfortable... So the problem disappeared by itself...”
“For all the years of marriage, I myself did not take the initiative to have sex... Maybe I was raised that way or I don’t know why... Therefore, when he stopped pestering me, I simply didn’t know what to do. I won’t pester myself... That’s how everything in our family ended with this.”
“My husband pestered me less and less. I raised this issue, even swore, but to no avail. I explained everything to the problems he had at work. It’s like he’s depressed and doesn’t need anything like that. I even felt sorry for him... And then another man turned up at my work, we became lovers with him purely for health reasons, and so the need for sex with my husband disappeared altogether... And I didn’t think that he needed anything there until he said, that he’s had a mistress for a year now and he’s leaving for her...”
What do you want to say to all this? Everything is described in the fable “Dog in the manger: I won’t give it to myself and I won’t give it to others!” I always tell respected wives: “If you yourself do not have intimate needs and you are just glad that your husband has stopped hinting at sex with you, husband lost interest, and you yourself have never shown any initiative towards intimacy in the family, so don’t be sad about your husband leaving for another! To the one who needs your husband with his intimate needs and money more. After all, this is quite logical: if you don’t need some thing, and it’s lying in plain sight, it’s not surprising that someone will quietly appropriate it for themselves...”
But, speaking seriously, it is important for wives to know and remember the following: The husband has grown cold—
First. A man who does not have serious illnesses remains highly sexually active until at least 50 years of age. If he takes care of himself, he will be interested in sex even at 55-60 years old.
Real impotence practically does not occur in our time.
Usually, it is a way to hide the appearance of a mistress
or express resentment towards your wife.
Second. Chronic prostatitis or depression can reduce sexual activity in men, but they do not turn it off completely. Moreover, nowadays both prostatitis and depression are treated with understandable medications and quite effectively. Even low level spermogram, which indicates a man’s problems in conceiving children, does not at all mean a decrease in his sexual needs. There may be no children, but the need for sex remains great.
Third. If you doubt whether your husband needs sex, remember the beginning of your family history. The sexual constitution of men is usually constant, that is, it exhibits enviable stability. And if your husband was sexually active at 20-25 years old, don’t even doubt it: he really needs sex at 40 and 50 years old. Even if it’s not the same as in his youth, he’s still not going to live without it! Even if he is not in your pair.
If at the age of 20-25 he was interested in sex once a month, then his needs at 40-45 will not be very high. But he will still have them! And it may well be that you, with your extreme modesty or aggressive suppression of the male sexual “Ego,” forced your husband to begin to hide his potential, and as a result, the husband lost interest in you, but some girl from her husband’s work will gladly reveal it.
Fourth. The average requirement for men in their 20s and 30s is four to five intimate contacts a week (for some, twice a day). At 30-40 years old - three intimate contacts per week. At 40-50 years old - at least two contacts per week. And this level of need can continue until sixty. If a man’s level of need has always been higher than these average indicators, then at any age it will still be higher, so the husband himself has not lost interest in sex.
Fifth. If your husband clearly showed interest not just in family sex, but in very good and varied sex, even creative experiments, if he demanded from you slim figure, then such a husband will definitely experience a high need for sex up to the age of sixty. And at the age of 40-45 he will continue to mentally undress everyone beautiful girls, on whom his gaze will fall, so if your husband has lost interest in his requests to you, then he has not lost interest in other girls.
Sixth. If you do not have children under the age of one year and all family members are healthy, and there have been no intimate relationships in your family for more than a month, it’s time to sound the alarm!
Seventh. If, with a quite vigorous spouse, there have been no intimate relationships for more than three months, with a 90% probability he has a mistress!. There are exceptions, but they are rare: the husband is addicted to pornography and solves his intimate problems manually; the husband has a difficult financial situation and without money he feels almost impotent; your husband is very offended by you, etc.
If you do not want to create hothouse conditions for the appearance of a mistress, I strongly advise you to know and take this data into account in your family life.
If you ask why the husband himself begins to shirk his marital duty when he does not yet have a mistress, then there may be many reasons. They are described and analyzed in detail in my books such as “Quarrels over sex” and “Sex with a man.” I recommend checking it out. In short, this is:
— The husband “on the side” contracted a sexually transmitted disease, he is being treated, he needs time. So he pulls it.
“The husband just got tired of begging his wife, who often avoids sex, for sex, and he began to solve his intimate problems himself. Fortunately, the boy is already quite grown up.
— The husband is tired of demanding intimate variety from his notorious wife. And he decided: if you don’t want to give me the types of sex that I ask for, there won’t be any more classic sex in the family. And I'll look for someone on my side.
— My husband is annoyed excess weight wife and her unappetizing figure.
— The husband is annoyed by his wife’s scandalous character: swearing and pressure do not evoke erotic fantasies.
— The husband understood or decided that the wife’s priority was the child (children), not the husband, he quietly came to terms with this and stopped bothering the good mother with nonsense.
— The wife has outgrown her husband so much socially (in terms of position and salary) that the husband simply began to be afraid of her.
— The husband sees that his wife is often sick and decided not to inconvenience her with his pestering.
— The husband assumes that his wife is cheating on him, but does not admit it and therefore he himself decided to refuse intimate life with her.
— The husband was so seriously offended by his wife (for example, by criticizing him in bed) or by her relatives that he decided to take revenge on her with a months-long “sex strike.”
— The husband and wife have so lost common goals and interests in life that they don’t even have anything to talk about in bed. Meanwhile:
If there is no communication in bed, or it takes place in the mode
planning meetings about children, money and life, then there will be no sex.
Before people reach orgasm, they need to talk.
The orgasm itself is only possible where people are interesting to each other
friend and therefore communicate comfortably.
All these reasons, one way or another, create the preconditions for the appearance of mistresses.
Mistresses always come to places where the spouses are silent.
In any case, I strongly advise you to know and remember:
Disappearance of regular intimate life in the family
almost always leads to the disappearance of the family itself.
Therefore, if intimacy fades in your family, do not deceive yourself that “the husband has lost interest in sex, has matured and aged, he does not need it,” “our relationship will be platonic, but that’s how people live,” etc. Urgently analyze the reasons for your couple’s cooling off, correct your behavior and restore family intimacy. Otherwise, some enterprising person will get ahead of you, who will voluntarily and selflessly take the blow of your husband’s libido. For your spouse’s money, saving you first from the hassle associated with family sex, and then from the hassle associated with the husband himself.
However, this is described in great detail in my books: “”, “”, “”, “
Sincerely, family psychologist,Doctor of Science, Professor Andrey Zberovsky
All couples go through such a stage in family life as cooling. The couple did not stop loving each other, they began to get tired of their shared society. They rest alone. This is necessary, but it can lead to a cooling of feelings.
As a rule, during these breaks the spouse feels freedom. The man is an owner, but loves freedom. It turns out that by mutual agreement - do whatever you want. A woman has responsibilities - children and a home, but a man forgets about this. He stops paying attention to his companion and immerses himself in his own affairs.
The wife feels that her husband has grown cold and cold. He doesn't notice her new hairstyle, her wardrobe. Intimately problems. What should I do? First, let's figure out why this happened.
The reasons why the husband has cooled down
Don't blame yourself or your spouse. Analyze the situation. What happened that my husband became like this?
1.
Problems at work. If this happens, the man withdraws into himself. This can go on for a long time. And he can’t explain it to his wife, because he’s afraid of seeming like a weakling. Talk to him anyway.
2. As mentioned above, the couple was tired of each other. We decided to rest. The man liked the freedom. New friends and hobbies have appeared, and he simply strives for that life, forgetting about his family.
3. Perhaps the woman offended the man in some way. And he is trying to take revenge on her.
4. The saddest reason: different. Now, if this is so, then the man does not have enough strength for his wife. Yes and no desire.
How to improve your relationship with your husband?
Now we know the reasons for this attitude of a husband towards his wife. What next steps?
1.
If this is the first reason, then you can only support your spouse. You must explain to him that he is a living person and can make mistakes.
2. You take too long a break from each other. See what your husband's new hobby is and go relax with him. You can relax together without disturbing each other.
3. Dear woman, think about it, could you have offended your spouse in some way, why does he treat you this way? Maybe they poked or laughed at his sentimentality. So he stopped showing you signs of attention.
4. But if the matter is different, then you should only take your spouse by cunning. Find all sorts of reasons for him to be with you and the children. Please him in sex, food, attitude.
Learn to value and respect yourself. Become your man's wife and lover.
1.
Buy yourself erotic lingerie and stockings.
2. Ask your spouse to come early. Come up with any excuse for this.
3. Prepare a romantic dinner.
4. Meet him in all his glory. Send the children to their parents.
5. After dinner, you can watch an erotic film and take a shower together. My husband will love this.
6. And then think for yourself. Don't be afraid to experiment. Show your spouse that you are not only a housewife.
7. Learn elements of striptease or belly dancing.
8. Go out with your husband more often.
9. Even at home, dress nicely.
10. Hints, random touches.
Everything is in your hands, dear ladies. You can keep a man near you. After all, once you interested him, he married you. But if he doesn’t come to spend the night and goes for walks, read also the article:
Hello, dear readers! At the beginning of a relationship, we revel in dizzying feelings, bathe in romanticism and signs of attention from our other half. It seems that it will always be like this - every minute compliments, long walks under the stars and intimate conversations, gifts and bouquets for no reason, and nights full of passion.
Ordinary life is gradually crowding out romance from life, it seems that the guy is completely lost interest to you. Gifts and bouquets are now available only on holidays. The man brushes off attempts to start a conversation, preferring a football match on TV or a tank battle on a computer monitor. Walking with you arm in arm is a thing of the past, but... Passion has gradually evaporated from your relations . Now you go to bed not tired of hot hugs, but having exchanged chaste kisses on the cheek and good night wishes.
While the man peacefully turns on his side and snores, the woman torments herself with thoughts about how to bring back old feelings . Do you also know these night torments? Then read what is the reason for metamorphosis in your relationship and what to do if the guy has lost interest.
Has your man really lost interest in you?
First of all, let's find out whether there really is signs what feelings. We all know that a man is a conqueror by nature. While he is fighting for you, everything that will help win your heart is used. When he understands that the goal has been achieved and you are only his, the conqueror can relax and rest.
The fact that romance has become less than at the beginning of a relationship , does not mean at all that the guy has stopped loving you. It’s just that now he doesn’t see the point in love games - after all, you already belong to him.
Trying to move away from him a little yourself is not entirely good idea, because your lover may not understand the essence of your coldness and will also decide that he is not interested in you.If he cares about you, then your attempt , of course, without scandals and reproaches, will not be ignored. If the guy is indifferent and does not react in any way to your appeal, then you were right - his feelings have really cooled down.
If it seems that the man no longer loves you, analyze the reasons that led to the changes in a relationship . And then try to discuss the situation with your partner.
Why does a man lose interest in his partner?
Reasons why a man stops showing interest to the girl , can be very different. Will help you better understand members of the opposite sex John Gray's book Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus.”
And we will look at the most common situations in which a man distances himself from his partner.
You experienced an amazing romance, began to live together, but... While you continue to live with feelings and dream of a future together, your man’s period of falling in love has already passed. Out of habit, he stays next to you, but it’s not at all what it was in the beginning.
A rival has appeared
Unfortunately, this is not uncommon. If a man becomes interested in another woman, his feelings for you will inevitably cool. He can go on live together with you, guided by various motives:
- for the sake of the children;
- you have shared housing;
- you are “comfortable” in everyday life - you wash, cook, go out for beer;
- he is not sure that his new relationship will last long, and therefore is now trying to sit on two chairs.
By the way, a man may not sleep with another woman, but only experience platonic love. In this case, when there was no fact of betrayal, rekindling feelings is much easier. Although, if you wish, you can .
What to do and how to behave to get a man interested again?
There is not and cannot be a single plan to return the obstinate man under your wing. Each situation is purely individual, the character of each man is unique, and only he himself knows what motives he is guided by in doing this or that way.
However, there are universal tips how to behave, which apply to any situation.
Be on top. Always
If at the time of meeting you conquered your chosen one with your appearance, do not disappoint him. Take a critical look at yourself in the mirror - what can you improve?
The advice may seem banal, but every man reacts instantly when his significant other is transformed. Try .
Even if you don't succeed bring back old feelings , the changes will benefit you in any case. A spectacular, fit lady has a much better chance of meeting her betrothed than a swollen, blubbering housewife.
Less masculinity, more femininity
If you go through life with the slogan “I’m on my own,” don’t be surprised why men sooner or later run away from you. Of course, it’s great if you yourself are able to provide for your family, fix a broken faucet, and even make major repairs, armed with a hammer drill and an angle grinder. But your loved one next to you may feel uncomfortable and inferior. How can he prove his masculinity if you have three times more of it?
You can read in one of the previous articles. Let him take care of you and fulfill male functions. Ask him for help, thank him and admire him - he will be very pleased to feel like a real man.
Let him be jealous. A little bit
If you feel like you're in a relationship there is not enough pepper and you decide to take this step, be very careful not to go too far. You need it, and perked up, and did not turn into an enraged Othello.
Therefore, no overt flirting with other males. Let him see that men are interested in you, but you remain faithful to him. You don't need Shakespearean passions with a fatal outcome, do you?
Leave your bad mood at your doorstep
This doesn't mean you have to be a positive energizer all the time. You have the right to be sad or angry - you are a living person. But don't drag it into yours relationship a trailer of negativity that we receive every day at work, in transport or in stores.
If you constantly whine, or, even worse, make arrangements to get rid of the negative charge, even the most persistent man will not be able to stand it and will run away. Even if you really want to complain, describe the situation in a calm tone, without tears, hysterics or screams.
Believe me, your man has difficult days too. Greet him with a smile, ask him how his day was, support him if he shares problems. See how much warmer your relationship will become.
Intrigue and arrange surprises
We're not talking about those surprises that schoolgirls in love make at the beginning of a relationship . If you start bombarding your boyfriend with romantic poems, postcards, and stuffed animals, the only emotion he will experience is bewilderment.
This is not your first day together, which means you know what he likes and what he dreams about. For some, a parachute jump will be a surprise, someone will be delighted if you make dumplings with your own hands, and a football fan will be delighted with tickets to a match of his favorite team. Do not hesitate - after such signs of attention, the man will definitely want to thank you.
Show a keen interest in his hobbies
Don’t shrug it off when he excitedly tells you what pike he caught this weekend or proudly shows off his character from his favorite online game. Listen carefully, ask clarifying questions - it’s normal to be sincerely interested in what he loves.
More variety in your intimate life
It's important not to overdo it here. Start small - try to change the environment, add new caresses to the foreplay, light candles and turn on music, if before this intimacy took place in an atmosphere of strict secrecy.
In general, I want to note that when it’s pretty good, you don’t have to be fancy with variety in bed. Everything will happen naturally, with passion and desire.
If you've tried everything possible, and your man is still cold, think - maybe... and open up to something new? After all, it often happens that we cling to only because we are afraid to look forward and see the opening horizons.
If you feel that you cannot cope and cannot find answers to important questions, sign up for a Skype consultation with me, together we will analyze the situation and find a solution.
Or maybe you managed to revive faded feelings? Be sure to share in the comments what helped you with this.
