When the peoples between them are fighting, it is called war. (K.protkov)
The commander said the ferret - it means that the hoops, and no gophers!
Short runs from me until the next oak.
Rats warned the captain of the ship that they have an educational anxiety.
Who served in the army, he is not laughing at the circus.
Who will come to us with a sword, he will get in the oral. (N.Fomenko)
Lies the fighter, did not cope with the attack
Lies the fighter, did not cope with the attack (N.Fomenko)
It is better to be a minute of a coward than all life dead
Better with cute in a halate than with a shovel in a dugout
Any business can be done in three ways: right, wrong, and so, as they do in the army
I was awarded the Order of the Honorary Legion. However, this difference could not be avoided. (M.Tven)
We will destroy our nuclear weapon Together with America. (Chernomyrdin)
We often remember about the case when Napoleon shot the magazine editor, but missed and killed the publisher. Nevertheless, we appreciate his good intention. (M.Tven)
We (Russia) NATO does not threaten. What makes you think that Ukraine's entry into NATO can we threaten us? I want to say easier. In Russia, we do not want Ukraine from the near abroad to turn into a long. This should be more concerned about Ukraine than we! (Chernomyrdin)
Do not talk nonsense (N.Fomenko)
Not every general from nature is full. (K.protkov)
Not every captain - Corps! (K.protkov)
Not every person is even a hussar uniform to face. (K.protkov)
Do not fall out fool (N.Fomenko)
No need to run from sniper, just die tired (M.Zhvannetsky)
Russian tank is not so terrible as his drunk crew
Would you walked Vacan for Soldiers (N.Fomenko)
Some look brave because they are afraid to escape (M.Zhvannetsky)
No, I'm not sleeping I just slowly blink (N.Fomenko)
No "military thinking" does not exist, these are two concepts, between which there is nothing in common. (Harrison)
First of all we will refort the aircraft
First of all, we will refort the planes, but the girls, and the girls then!
In front of the doctor's office in medical schools: "AIDS, pregnancy and other venereal diseases are transmitted by sexual path"
The bad one soldier who does not dream to sleep with the general (N.Fomenko)
Bad that soldier who does not want (N.Fomenko)
On the floor sneakers rumbled (N.Fomenko)
Lieutenant colonel to be good, and under the general better
After the end of the shooting, combat and training cartridges must be given in the original state.
Put the barrier or an intelligent m
Russians and Chechens - as two feathered, which can not get along in one Berorga (A. Swan)
The most unloved saying of the sappers: one leg here, the other there
The most pitiful thing is in the world, is a crowd; Here is the army - the crowd; It's not because bravery broke out in them, "they give them the minds that they are much and what they are commanded. (M.Tven)
Boots must be cleaned from the evening, and in the morning to wear them on the fresh head
Now you look out from the audience window, and the time will come, and you look at the tank entrusted to you in the window.
Sergeant! You do not have a daytime, hangs on your ears
Hear that you are waiting from us? C300. This we know what it is. Do not give God! Today is C300, and tomorrow, come on ... And the day after tomorrow. That's what! (Chernomyrdin)
I will take off: antihashes - 6 seconds; Condeling - 5 seconds; Bust gear - 4 seconds; Night guard - from three attempts
Soldier without shovel - Violation of clothing
Tanks dirt are not afraid!
Tanks dirt are not afraid!
Forwards Kapsanta! Purchasing the outbreak of the naewn the most important thing - it will come back to it with your back so that the steel from the bayonet is not dripped on the reactivity or state
For mailboxes, how are your last names? - Ivanov, Petpov, Sidov! - Did you drink? - No, namesakes
Comrade Cadet! You are like you african bird Ostrich, which, from the height of his flight, does not see the general line of the party
Comrades Soldiers! Today on the door in the bedside table discovered naked woman. By the forces of the outfit, we were demolished and thrown into the toilet. Whoever believes - can go and make sure
Accuracy - snipers
We have all the conditions that need to be overcome to become a real officer
Killed while trying to commit suicide
You can not shine, but I must shine with your boot
Hearing a pair of patrol dog, duplicates his voice
The man who served in the army is not laughing at the circus.
What did you burst like a horse? Do you have a language tongue?
What did you grow on your nails? Like an eagle, at least on the trees of Lazay
What are you, comrade cadet, such an uneven square drew? Do you, Daltonik?
This explosive has a plasticine shape
It is not you bolts on chips twist!
This is not the hedgehogs l hunt!
It's not soap to chase soap!
This is not a fur coat in the panties to refill!
That's what! It happens much worse: for example, when planes fall, and people survive ...
I met with many policemen who died with people-demonstrators who died; And all I ask me a question ... (Vit. Klitschko)
I ordered a place for a place for all the puddles on the places, so that officers on the way home did not suffer!
Funny, funny, witty, comic phrases, aphorisms, statements and quotes:
Do not judge strictly if you repeat something out of the above writtenIn the army they do not treat, they do not give to die in the army ...
In the army everything is ugly, but monotonous!
In the army there is no "SP * called". There is only "about * ball"
Soldier sleeps - the service is coming, the soldier goes - the service goes, the soldier runs, and the service still goes ...
It is in the military registration and enlistment office you need to be sick, and in the army it is better to go healthy
In the army, you can do everything if without a pallet
Two drunken spirit waiting stronger the airborne company.
In the army, Mat does not swear, they talk on it.
The soldier is not cold, the soldier is fresh.
Brake in the company - Rota in sweat.
We are * Booth, and we laugh - we all demobilize.
Two soldiers from Stroybat replace the excavator. The HDI alone replaces these two.
The best tablet is a stool.
The goal of sergeant is for * to fight, the goal of the soldier is to *.
Who does not smoke and do not drink, Mat does not swear, it will not fall into the train, albeit does not try.
The soldier has three holidays: lunch, hugging and demob.
Initiative * Bet initiator.
Conscience is a luxury, and the soldiers are poor people
A woman gives birth to a child, and the soldier is whatever!
Link girls on my chest, I want to wave in the airborne! Girls were sled, girls struck ... Anyway in the railway took ...
By the will of God and Heaven, the guys serve in the Air Force. By the will of Besa Rail and sleeved, I got to serve in the Railway
In the army is deaf, as in the tank, but we need it to appreciate the entire kayf "Citizens"
If the spirit is sitting like a mouse, do not be scared - this is a chip
The less Kopter knows, the stronger is sleeping ears
Stool in the hand of a soldier beats no worse than the machine
If you retreat with a speed, more than the speed of the occurrence of the enemy, then you can catch it from the rear - the land is round.
The army is a club of merry and resourceful. Merry on "Lip", resourceful on vacation
Demob is not a girl, will not pass by
Here they may be called a dog and do not care about our honor, and we in the soul send them "on * yy!" And as always, they will answer "there!"
Only one who has learned three truths can be a soldier: to sleep in any position, just hatred for work, the animal appetite
For a soldier holiday, as for a mare Wedding. Head in colors, and neck in soap
Not every person soldiers, not every soldier man ...
Who was a student, he saw her youth. Who was a soldier, he saw life ...
Do not laugh at those who are in gray stoles, and laugh at those who did not wear them
Once in childhood I dreamed of carrying a sinel and hard hat. Now I got into the army ... * Ball I'm in my mouth such a fairy tale ...
The army is a dream, God forbid, still dreamers ...
The whole life of a soldier is a struggle. Before lunch - with hunger, after lunch - with sleep.
The soldier loves the work so much that he can look at her for hours!
In the south of the heat, in the north of the ice, and we are in the Railway, we are all up to P * ZDY!
It happens, you wake up like a bird - a winged spring on a platoon and want to live and work! But for breakfast it passes ...
The Russian army is afraid all, especially all guys up to 27 years old!
I believe, Brother, Demob will come, there will be no skirts and pursuit, and we will be wholled together with your mogon together!
Do not argue with the senior that the earth is round. For * go to align!
Colonels do not run, because in peacetime it causes laughter, and in a military panic.
Dayal should not go beyond the square of the square of his bedside table
Two pairs of boots, two pairs of hb and you can write DBM on the wall
Who works at night? Thieves, bl * di and those who are in the dress
Announced ears frozen his nose, after dinner diarrhea, the army is a big madhouse, we have fun in it!
Does not know that love and affection, who was not in boots and helmets
Thanks to the army of the native, for youth with a bald head
Wherever I was, where I would not drink, I will not forget the brother with which I served!
Serve the soldiers and you do not be afraid that someone suddenly forgot you, friends do not forget a friend, and who forgotten, he was not
Sign, hang up, lunch - there is no better words in the world
Military Aphorisms
The enemy is not a cockroach - do not kill the sneaker!
Inscription for a daytime: Checking not Santa Claus - when will come, do not know.
Heavy in teaching, come to the army.
Killed the enemy - smoke. (I. V. Stalin)
Motherland is not a chick - betrayal does not forgive.
Shooting are not kisses - they do not eat on tomatoes!
The level of purity of the toilet is an indicator of the purity of the soldier's soul.
Fighter, BDI so that even the fly does not crawl!
Charter - Life! He is written by people, not Word!
Drill - not higher mathematics, here you need to think!
The army is not Call of Duty, the first-aid kits are not lying on the road.
The tank is not a luxury, but a means of movement to the place of battle.
Lean - the head of the storage warehouse takes place.
The head of the storage warehouse gave - the head of the storage warehouse and took.
The cartridge from the cartridge does not fall far.
Fighter, remember: the hat and the head is one!
Getting weapons - do not click!
Lost vigilance - he was given to the enemy!
During meals, keep your mouth on the castle!
The enemy does not sleep! The enemy is insomnia!
Soldier remember: smoking outside the smoker is equal to upwards!
Statuses about the army
(44 votes (s))* * *
After Little, I went to the army - to mow from the institute.
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In the army from the boys make real men ... But without the participation of women.
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Walk, girl, sleep calmly. After all, somewhere, squeezing the machine, you reliably guard your faithful guy, your soldier.
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Step forward and two back, nor x * I am, I am a soldier ...
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Soldier sleeps - the service is coming! But the most important thing is that when the soldier runs, then the service is still coming.
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The army is voluntary. Want - go, do not want - take away!
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Now, when you became a soldier, forget the civil dreams ... kiss the night with a gun and the older Darius flowers))))
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To become a good soldier, you need to abandon all smart thoughts.
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Boots should be cleaned from the evening and put on the fresh head in the morning.
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Without an order, do not speak, do not ask anything, moving only to run.
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In the military registration and enlistment office, the chief asks a conscript: - Well, 2000 bucks or army? The conscript shows the camera and answers: - White ticket or YouTube?
Aphorisms, quotes. "," Hide ")"\u003e video: Copy of video aphorisms, quotes.
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The main principle in the army - if you did not have time to pate, you can sleep.
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how I miss these eyes !! And you know what it is. When you look through the glass of the train on my native eyes and you understand what you will see them in a year !! This is not a week and not a month, and year !!! whole summer, autumn, winter, spring, holidays, birthdays, every lone morning, every lone evening !! How to damn !! During this year, others have changed half aim, and I only fly for the same.
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Favorite went to the army ((((how hard it is without him ... but I will definitely wait for you to ... Love ...
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Sleep Girl, sleep native. I guard you! How I will come to a citizen, xp * n you sleep with me!
Funny aphorisms about the army
Military education introduces a courage with fear.
Here you are not here - here you will quickly fall off vodka to drink and disgrace to break off.
According to the team "Ottoba" comes the dark time of day.
Army rule: "Only one who knows how to obey" can command. It's like saying what to say: "Only one who knows how to sink" can swim.
The army is people collected in one place with the sole purpose: to correct the mistakes of diplomats.
Where the deer passes, there will be a soldier.
Our army in winter most needs central heating batteries.
Observing the fight from the side, everyone misses itself as a strategist.
Who runs faster shepherd? These are perfume spirits!
The bad is the soldier who does not want to become an efreitor.
The paratrooper, as an expensive service, can fall and crash.
The more paratrooper sleeps, the less harm from it.
Funny Aphorisms about the Army
The best tool from - run in gas mask!
He did not like salty tomatoes, because the head in the bank did not seize, and if he sewed, then the hip eye.
Comrades, time to change! And we still did not eat!
The radio station must be in the head of the head of the column.
On the battlefield, cries and moans of the dead were distributed.
If the stone is thrown up, then, since it acts on it, he will fall on the ground.
And if he falls into the water?
It does not concern us, they are engaged in the fleet.
That's what you need to do to be the right speech defect
Articles about the sexual education of the magazine "Health" contribute to the strengthening of military discipline.
I did not know from the marriage that such a disease: it was healthy along and across!
When I drink the carbonated water, for some reason I will shook directly in the top, and not in the nose.
I feel, but bad.
What takes you more: what I say, or a dead dove that flies above the dining room?!
On the team "Okay!" The kettle turns right.
Do not send weapons into people, even if it is charged.
Girls who do not know how to give honor, two steps forward!
Army - Aphorisms, jokes, marasons, jokes, needs.
Army
What if the war or what other event?
But it leads to the death of numerous sacrifice!
And you would have spilled better, Comrade Cadet, you still have no noodles on your ears.
And if the battures end in battle, what to do? Shoot further to introduce an enemy in delusion.
And if it is difficult, then you need to squeeze your teeth in the fist.
And the first floor of our department is class No. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11 and so on until the 12th.
And for me, even though everyone is killed, if only there was no war! ...
And from 17 o'clock the snow will be cleaned by the Communists.
And with you I will talk to you: I will save, reprimand, fuck ...
Abashidze, Zaros, like an elephant, hairy, like!
The machine works like this: once, two, three - and you are not.
The Americans applied a new super bomb to suppress the enemy's electronic weapon - and they were surprised to find that in the guns Kalashnikov microprocessors are not used ...
The army is a dream, God forbid, still dreamers ...
Army without mat, like a soldier without a machine gun.
The army, except for the benefit, can not bring any harm.
Drummer! Play anthem of the Soviet Union!
God helps not great battalions, and those who are better shooting.
God created strong and weak, and Mr. Colt levels of their chances
God created a dream and silence, and the hell is the rise and foreman.
A combat leaf should be a combat sheet, because it is a combat leaf.
The fighter was young, inexperienced. I was laugh, two fingers with damage to him and pulled. It is a pity, his so in the new outfit and commissioned ...
The fighter must give the honor to each tree, starting with me.
The battle is the only means to achieve victory in battle.
The fighter of the invisible front is an invisible heroic star!
There were guard dogs there. We looked, talked - ordinary dogs were.
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Army. Army humor, Aphorisms Army jokes
But here the pearls of army humor are collected, some of the Internet and literature, and some of the personal combat experience
Who served in the army - he does not laugh in the circus!
Round drag, square rolling ...
We don't need any enemy at all, we ourselves for the # Bem and ditch.
You called the call center of the call assembly point: if you want to serve in the army - press the star, if you do not want - press the grille.
Soldier sleeps, the service goes.
The life of a soldier is a struggle. Before lunch - with hunger, after lunch - with sleep.
The more in the army of the oaks, the stronger our defense.
Sleep is the only lesson to which the soldier belongs to seriously.
The crossing reduces not only life, but also the service.
In the army, Mat do not swear, but talk.
They gained health, but asked as smart!
Vodka is an enemy. And the soldiers of enemies is not afraid and destroys.
Boots need to be cleaned from the evening to put them on the fresh head in the morning!
In case of anxiety, pants need to put on a stool in a width to exit ...
Frost and sun, wonderful day. When Pushkin wrote. From these words it is clear right away. The curly army did not know.
In the army they do not steal and do not lose, - in the army of proes ...
One in the field is not a warrior, said the daily and went to sleep.
New statuses about the army for guys and girls. Funny and funny, and sad statuses about the army for classmates, VKontakte, ICQ and Agent.
Young people go to the army to gain courage, life experience and give the domesticland. But many refuse to go to the army, taking it as an introduction to their personal life, a call to do something against the will of a person. Therefore, many of all possible methods They are trying to sleep from the service in the armed forces of their country. Many military personnel wait for their favorite girls, they keep loyalty to the loved ones throughout the term, while their young people run construction and live in barracks. Undoubtedly, the soldier is waiting for his best friends, parish to demob best friend - It is always a big holiday that is not delayed for one day, and at least a week or even for a month. During the service in the army, soldiers learns a lot, much in life rethinks and, already at the parish home, this is a completely different person, with certain values \u200b\u200band life priorities. After the army, the road to life is open, it's easier for work, since you are treated with respect and know that you have only serious intentions.
Statuses about the army
When many go to the army, they put funny statuses on their page addressed to friends, beloved girl, or everyone together. Such status is no longer changed throughout the service life, or before leave. However, on the wall of such users throughout the service life appear
How to sign from the army on the medical examination ::Come to the military enlistment office in a gray raincoat and a pointed hat, with tomato juice or a red marker. Entering the military enlistment office, start with horror to tell about the Knights of the Apocalypse, rushing along the corridors and draw on the walls of the Pentagram and incomprehensible characters. If you start stopping, tell me that it is for their own good.
Come with a bunch of garlic on the neck, with a cross (crucifix), holy water, aspen cool and a silver spoon. If you start to take away, say that without this you won't go where.
- You will definitely have throat. During this process with horror, look at the doctor and whisper, but so that the doctor heard, start praying;
- When the oculist will start shining in your eye with a flashlight, hit by a spoon on the forehead;
- the ear-throat-nose can be threatened with a cooke or crucifix;
- When you start checking the rumor (whispering numbers in the ear), splash in a doctor with holy water (water must be saint);
- Not under any pretext Do not remove garlic!
If you understand the binary code, when the numbers will whisper on your ear, translate them into a binary code (type 0010110001). You can bring with you a piece of paper and a handle for a score.
Surride the limbs, it is alarming. Sometimes you can stay, wait a few seconds and break out hello laughter.
Picture Satanist (you have to fork out to accessories.)
On checking your fingers on the hands compress and scratch sharply. When you ask you: "What are you doing with your hands?" - Answer in a whisper: "It's not me. That's what they!"
You can portray the attack of bloodthirstiness. When asked why you want to serve in the army, answer: "In the army? There are soldiers, they give them automata. They can shoot them. I also want an automatic and shoot! Give me an automatic !!! I want to shoot people! A-A-A-A-A !!! " - At the same time, you can depict the machine and shoot it from it in a psychiatrist, or jump out and beat your hands on the table of psychiatrist, and then by the psychiatrist.
Scream: "I am an iron man!" And start to poke into myself with a knife or pencil (shallow, in the accumulation of fat, but so that there is blood). You can also start cutting your knife (the main thing is to do it sharply, then it will not hurt). During this The process can be distracted by the sinister laughter.
Tell the doctor: "See how I can!" And start overbinding the veins (just do not cease).
On the inspection, shout: "hit me! Hit me! Aaaa, I hit myself !!! " - And from all over the scatter, you can fly yourself to the jaw, for entertainment you can fly away a couple of meters or make a flip (it is better to beat yourself than to serve for a year).
Get a computer mouse to your hand (Speak Aircraft), Points with a lens 1cm and talk with a C ++ doctor.
We walk and stroke the scarecrow of the cat, while you can whisper to her in the eye something like: "Nothing, they will not take us. Everything will be fine. Do not worry".
We go to the gnome cap and let droach (will fit the night cap).
If the military enlistment office is not far from home - come in a fur coat on a naked body.
Wear a black leather suit for the BDSM. Having come to the inspection, dampen the door in the office and start undressing.
When your throat-nose will begin to check the rumor (talk numbers), Radiate and claim that such vulgarity cannot say (better if there is no one doctor in the office). For a larger effect, you can accuse him of having fun.
Bring with you a gun from the gaming machine (which is shooting in the monitor).
Approve that you are from Mars or an asteroid chain. If the doctor becomes comments, close your eyes, start making unknown movements with your hands and washed.
Bring with me meter cable 10 in length, one end position (stick) in the ass area, and another ask the doctor to insert into the outlet so that you can charge.
Give a friend and say that this is your imaginary friend, and he makes him thinks as if no one sees him and loud advises loud, for example: "Come on, kill them!". If the doctor starts to grab it or ask about something, make a surprised look, and tell me: "He's different!".
Bring two acquaintances. One must be dressed in snow-white sheets, sandals and worn arc. The second is in a black leather jacket, boots and walk with a flutter (ideally try to get a nymb and horns). Let them go from behind and whisper to you in the ear.
- one must whisper "Go, do everything right, pass all checks and surcharge to the benefit of the Motherland";
- The second let him say: "Kill them all! You do not need them, service for fools! ".
Come to the inspection with popcorn and coca-cola, sit in front of the doctor, look into his eyes and silently crush popcorn, pretending you are watching movies. Do not answer questions. You can throw a closet to the doctor Popcorn with a scream. If he grabs you, wonder (but do not resist) and tell me "Wow! What special effects! "
Option 2: Sit on the chair so to look at the door, chew your popcorn, sometimes let the bubbles in the cola. When the doctor is something to talk to you, getting annoyed to him and make comments: "T-S-S-C! Do not bother to watch! "
When a doctor writes a certificate, go through the window (Before you make sure that this is a low floor or ask friends to bed from the bottom of the mattress).
Come in the form of a fan, with a scarf, dodder. Conscripts in the office Watch joyful cries and slogans. In general, depict a bright fan.
Rent a knight's armor and a sword, put to the doctor and tell me that they are ready to serve in the name of the king.
Option 2: Find a cosmodener suit and declare that they are ready to give life to the emperor.
Bring with you "Death Note" and, looking at the doctor's face closely, ask his name.
Come in a torn gray mantle, climb on the table and start reading the psalms in an unfamiliar language.
Someone in the prison robe, put your handcuffs and go to the office with the words "Hey, Doc, let's go to quickly, let me go for a couple of hours."
On the medical examination, when they will be asked to undressing the towel around the waist, wear sandals, dark glasses, a hat with fields, a rubber circle, take the washcloth and come out before doctors. In response to surprise views, ask: "What are you dressed?".
While the doctor writes something you can walk around the office and talk with the walls about the weather ...
One can even fight.
Faigere Gutalin and blame the doctor in incorrect. Approve that you are ebony and if the doctor tells anything about your form, blame it in racism.
Get big headphones to the ears, ask everyone and say that you don't hear anything.
We go and sob in money. Hide into small coins in the pants so that when walking, they ranks and constantly poured.
After inspection, ask: "I just walked? Well, then I fly away ... "- Stick in the ass Fireworks and set up.
Go to the Cabinet in Boots, military form, cap, with a model AK47 and shout: "I'm ready!"
Quiet to go to the office, look at the doctor, zerite, make an surprised look, without tearing away from the doctor, get a mobile phone, call and tell me: "I found it" (for the effect you can lock the entrance door).
Buy a set for cosplay on Sailor Moon and carry the doctors of retribution in the name of the moon.
Come with the system block behind the back, bowed out of the keyboards, cape from CDs, headphones, keeping in each hand on the mouse (you can wrap yourself with wires).
Fuck the vampire: buy red lenses, overhead fangs. On the inspection, constantly win and, look for a victim, occasionally drink a strange red liquid from five-liter banks.
Until the doctor writes a certificate - no matter how undomatic remove the machete and start it to sharpen it (at the same time, the "Hop stop").
Give to inspection the whole family. From mom and dad, to cousins \u200b\u200band cousin.
Crate the dynamite drawer (you can paint the red gouache cartons from under toilet paper). Speak that you always carry with you. Before leaving you can leave it in the office.
When a doctor writes a certificate, smile, show on the adjacent wall and tell me that it was shot by a hidden camera.
Come in a business suit with a diplomat, sit in front of a doctor, put a notebook on the table, a handle, a folder with documents, a bottle of water and tell me that they are ready to start a conference.
Put, publish indecent sounds. You can portray the attack of the orgism.
Sit in front of the doctor, lay the cigar, put your feet on the table and tell me: "Well, here we met."
When the doctor asks to undress, convince him that there is nothing interesting, remove the dildo in front of him (the main thing that was similar to it) and tell me that we carry separately.
Fall asleep every 10 seconds. When you start awake, do not remember anything.
