1. The salvation of parents in eternal life directly depends on whether their children choose the path of Christian life or not?
It is impossible to say that this is one hundred percent connected, that is, to say it with such a maxim: if the child is not saved, then the parents will certainly perish, because by doing so we limit the will of God with our human promises. Just like the freedom of another person. If we admit that there are pearls in manure, that with all sorts of negative external conditions If a pure, deep, significant person grows up, then by the same knowledge of human freedom we must assume the opposite - that serious parents who are responsible for their faith may grow up children who will go “to a faraway country.” And not because they were not brought up that way, that they were not given something, but because each person himself stands and falls if he uses the freedom given to him not for his own good. Everyone remembers the textbook examples of the Old Testament forefathers, whose children, with the same upbringing, became pious and reverent, while others became sinful and unrighteous. But you need to remember them in relation to others, without applying these arguments of self-justification in relation to yourself. And if the words of St. Pimen the Great: “Everyone will be saved, I alone will perish” should be a guideline for every Christian in assessing their own internal state, then in relation to our children, any of their sins is a reason and reason to think about what was wrong in their upbringing , outwardly, perhaps, quite correct? And think not in order to justify yourself, crying out to your son or daughter: what was not given to you? Money, education, family warmth? What are you doing with me now or why are you managing your life like this? And such, unfortunately, typical sighs of fathers and mothers, confident in their souls that their children are to blame for them, who are so good, testify to the lack of repentance for their own sins, which prevented them from raising their children in faith and piety. On the contrary, every parent must look to the last for a vision of the extent of his responsibility. I repeat: it is not always absolute and everything does not always come down to it, but it exists.
2. Is a child born into a family not sanctified by church marriage, as they say, “prodigal”?
According to church laws, there is no such thing as a “prodigal” or “stray” child. According to the laws of the Russian Empire of past centuries, there was indeed a term "illegitimate", but this, of course, did not relate to the ecclesiastical status of the child, but to the nature of the inheritance and his rights. Since our society was then class-based, there were certain restrictions for illegitimate children, that is, those born out of wedlock. But all these children entered the fence of the holy Church through the Sacrament of Baptism, and for them there were no restrictions in church life. It’s strange to even think otherwise, especially in our time. The fullness of the path to salvation is open to “stray” children, illegitimate in the worldly sense of the word, just like all other children of the Church reborn in the baptismal font. This is not the sin of the child, but of his parents, who approached the great sacrament of childbirth without trepidation, out of passion, out of lust, for which they must repent. It is the parents who will bear responsibility in one way or another both in this life and in the eternal life. But one should not think that the child bears some kind of stamp that will accompany him throughout his entire subsequent life.
3. Is a child born in a non-church, civil or even unregistered marriage sanctified after the subsequent wedding and does his spiritual state change?
Of course, happy are children born in a legally married marriage to believers, if only because the entire path of their existence from the very beginning - from the mother’s womb and even before he was conceived - church prayers called upon him God’s blessing: already in the very rite of the Sacrament of Wedding for this child, who does not yet exist. And then his father and mother prayed that the Lord would give them a child. And while still in the womb, he was sanctified through the communion of his mother, and then he was baptized, not at the age of five or seven, but at the time when the baby needs to be washed in the baptismal font. How many gifts of grace such a child receives! However, this does not mean that another, born in a non-church marriage, is some kind of cursed, outcast. He is simply deprived, poor, he does not have all this fullness of God's gifts given to someone born in an Orthodox family. Of course, this does not mean that such a person cannot then grow up kind, good, pious, gain faith, create a normal family himself, and find a path to salvation. Of course it can. But it is better not to deprive a child of what is freely given to him in the Church by the grace of God; it is better not to refuse the gifts of the Lord, remembering at the same time that they are given to us not for our amusement and entertainment, but as something that is necessary, as something that it is infinitely useful and necessary for us. It's better to have than not to have, that's all.
4. Is it possible to raise a child Orthodox if one of the parents is not a believer?
It’s difficult, of course, but if the believing father (believing mother) maintains patience, if he prayerfully organizes his life and does not judge the second spouse, it is possible.
5. What to do if one of the spouses is categorically against the child’s churching, believing that this is violence against his soul and that when he grows up, he will make his own choice?
Firstly, he or she needs to be shown the logical absurdity of this statement, which consists at least in the fact that behind this kind of argument there is a failure to recognize the child as a full-fledged human person, for his non-participation in church life is also a choice that his parents are now making for him , in this case, either the father or the mother, believing that if he himself believes with age, he will become a Christian and begin church life, but for now adults decide for him and remove him from it, because in their own way young years he cannot have any intelligible point of view on this matter. This position is similar to the position of other public figures who argue that since children cannot correctly form their views regarding religion, it is better not to give them any knowledge about religion at school. The logical and vital groundlessness of such a position is also obvious.
How should a believing parent behave in such circumstances? In spite of everything, look for ways to introduce your son or daughter to church life - through stories about the Gospel stories in accordance with the child’s age, through stories about saints, about what the Church is. It is not possible to visit the temple often, go when you can. But even in this case, a wise mother or a wise father will be able to make sure that a rare trip to the temple, even several times a year, can turn out to be a real holiday for the child. And perhaps this feeling of meeting God as something completely extraordinary will be remembered by him for the rest of his life and will not leave him anywhere. Therefore, you don’t need to be afraid of this situation, but you shouldn’t give up and blindly accept everything. And how to behave when a growing son asks his mother returning from church: Mom, where have you been? And she will say that she was at the market? Or when your daughter asks: Mom, why don’t you eat cutlets and drink milk, and she will answer that you are on a diet, instead of saying that now Lent? What a measure of deceit and falsehood will enter the life of a family through this imaginary tolerance and imaginary provision of freedom to the child! And how much will actually be taken away from him, even the sincerity in his parents’ relationship with him. Yes, one of the spouses cannot be forced to talk to the child about faith, but the other cannot be forced not to talk about it.
6. How to help a child join the Church if you yourself came to Church late?
Help those to follow the path of salvation themselves. The words of St. Seraphim of Sarov, that around the one who is being saved, hundreds of others are being saved, are infinitely true for all life situations, including family ones. Next to a real righteous person, a person is more likely to light up with faith and learn what the light of the joy of Christianity is than with a barely smoldering cinder.
7. How can you help children feel the reality of God, how can you talk to them about God?
The line of our behavior in these matters should be generally the same as all our behavior in terms of raising children. There is no need to set a special educational task, there is no need to write special guidelines for your spouse and be sure to read a lot of special books. The experience of Communion with God, in a certain sense, is acquired only by a person himself, including a child; no one will pray instead of him, no one instead of him will be able to hear the words of the Gospel the way millions of Orthodox Christians have already heard them over two thousand years.
But on the other hand, you can help a little person bring him close to God. To do this, we just need to live next to each other as an Orthodox Christian, without being false and without forgetting that through us our children can be tempted or, on the contrary, be drawn to what we consider the main thing in life. And everything else is particular. And one can, of course, from the lives of saints or from the memories of simply worthy people, cite numerous episodes of how someone, once in childhood, with the help of elders, felt the reality of God. And this private experience relating to a specific person is, of course, very valuable. But the main thing in raising children in God is to live like a Christian ourselves.
8. Knowing God and knowing about God are different things. Questions and doubts visit a person from an early age. How can parents answer them for their children? And in this sense, their religious education should include such a concept as home catechesis?
Of course, the normal pious life of an Orthodox family includes reading the Gospel. If parents constantly read it to themselves and for themselves, then it will be just as natural to first retell it and then read it Holy Bible to my children. If the Lives of the Saints is not a historical source for us, as, for example, for V.I. Klyuchevsky, and, indeed, the reading most in demand by the soul, then we can easily find what to read to a child, in accordance with his current age status and readiness to adequately perceive. If adults themselves strive to consciously participate in divine services, then they will tell their children about what happens at the Liturgy. And having begun to explain the words of the Lord’s Prayer “Our Father,” they will try to get to the Creed, explaining why they believe, what they believe, what God is, glorified in the Trinity, how these can be Three Persons of the One God, for which the Lord Jesus suffered Christ. And year after year, conversation after conversation, service after service, the level of complexity, the level of approach to what we call the faith of the Church will increase. If we approach home catechesis in this way, then the acquisition of one’s own faith will be a natural process for the child, real life, and not a speculative school that must certainly be overcome in five, seven or ten years.
9. When our children have questions and doubts related to faith, how should we answer them?
A small child, as a rule, is little subject to doubt. Usually they begin in the first stages of growing up, when he comes into contact with other children, non-believers or unchurched, and they tell him some clichéd phrases they heard from adults about faith in God or the Church. But here it is necessary with a full degree of conviction, adult confidence, without a condescending smile and humor, to find such words as to show all the weakness of these philistine sophisms, with the help of which many justify their agnostic worldview. And every person can protect his child from this kind of tempting doubts, and not necessarily those who are deeply read in the works of the Holy Fathers, but simply a conscious believer.
10. What to do if a child does not want to wear a cross and tears it off?
It depends on age. Firstly, do not put on the cross too early. It would be wiser to let your child wear it regularly when he already understands what it is. And before that, it is better that the cross either hangs over the crib, or lies in the red corner next to the icons, and is put on the baby himself when he is carried to church to receive the Holy Mysteries of Christ or on some other special occasion. And only when the child begins to understand that the cross is not a toy that should be tested for strength, and not a pacifier that needs to be put in the mouth, then he can move on to wearing it regularly. And this in itself can become one of the important milestones in a child’s growing up and churching, especially if wise parents behave accordingly. Let's say that only after reaching a certain level of maturity and responsibility is it possible to wear a cross. Then the day when the child puts on the cross will be truly significant.
If we're talking about about a child growing up in a non-church family, who, say, has religious godparents, then it is good if he does not refuse to wear a cross, which in itself speaks about the child’s soul, about his at least some degree of disposition towards the Church. If, in order for him to put on a cross, it is necessary to use violence, spiritual or even physical, then, of course, this should be abandoned until he agrees to it himself, with his free will.
11. At what age, if everything is normal, can a child put on a cross himself?
In most cases, three to four years. For some more conscious babies, perhaps even earlier, but I think that starting from three or four years old, the time comes when parents need to worry about this; there is no point in delaying it any further.
12. Is it necessary to take a child to Sunday school?
It is desirable, but not necessary, because Sunday school is different from Sunday school, and it may turn out that in the churches where you go to services there is no good teacher or attentive educator. It is not at all necessary that the priest will have pedagogical skills and knowledge of different age-related methods; he may not even be able to talk with children five or six years old, but only with adults. Holy rank itself is not a guarantee of any special pedagogical success. Therefore, even from this point of view, it is completely unnecessary to send your child to Sunday school. In a family, especially if it is large, the basics of catechesis can be taught to a child easier and better than during group classes in Sunday school, where different children come with different skills and levels of piety, which parents cannot always control. But for a small family, with one or two children, their communication with their believing peers is very important. After all, it is inevitable that the older they get, the more consciously they will understand that as Christians they are in the minority and, in a sense, “black sheep,” and someday they will reach the Gospel understanding of the line between the world and those who belong to Christ. and to the point that it must be accepted, and accepted with gratitude. That’s why positive socialization is so important for a child; there needs to be a feeling that he is not alone, that Vasya, Masha, Petya, Kolya, and Tamara are sharing the same Chalice with him and that they are not all just talking about Pokemon, and not only what happens in kindergarten or at school, is a possible level of communication, and that a caustic joke, mockery, the rule of the strong is not the only law of life. Such positive experiences in childhood are very important, and we should, if possible, not limit our children's lives only to their family. And a good Sunday school can be a great help in this.
13. Some parents confuse the concepts of “upbringing” and “education”, so that the second is often replaced by the first and even becomes the main one. From a Christian point of view, what should parents care about most?
It is clear that education comes first. And education, if it comes, then thank God, but if not, it’s okay. The cult of obtaining a diploma of higher education, in fact, not even education, but the social status that follows from it, is directly related to the spirit of this century. With a certain hierarchical structure of society, the opportunity to climb higher steps (most often speculatively, illusory) is associated exclusively with obtaining a diploma from a prestigious educational institution. If parents sought to give their children a decent education for its own sake, then this would not be so bad. But for the most part, education is obtained only in order to have a diploma. In some cases, in order to avoid the army, this is where such a huge number of people wishing to go to graduate school have appeared in recent years. In other cases, to move from a small settlement to a larger one, preferably to a city of metropolitan or regional significance. And sometimes simply because a person whose parents graduated from college at one time also feels embarrassed to be left without a higher education. I know many people who had absolutely no use for it later in life, and they showed complete indifference to it. Therefore, I can only say one thing: it would be good for Christian parents not to be dominated by this cliché and not to set themselves the goal of giving their daughter or son an education only because otherwise some kind of inconvenience in life would arise, or since it is customary, it means and we need it.
14. What should the religious education of children consist of?
First of all, in the example of parental life. If there is no this example, but there is everything else - a children's Bible, an attempt to instill the habit of morning and evening prayers, regular attendance at worship, Sunday school or even an Orthodox gymnasium, but there is no Christian life of parents, what was previously called a “quiet pious life”, then nothing will make children believers and church members. And this is the main thing that Orthodox parents should not forget. Just like those non-church people, who even now, when fifteen years have passed since 1988, retain this inertia: “I will send my child to some church place (for example, to Sunday school), he will be bad there they won’t teach.” But it will be difficult to teach good things if they tell him to pray and fast, while at home his parents eat chop and watch the World Cup on Good Friday. Or they wake up their child in the morning: go to the liturgy, you will be late for Sunday school, and they themselves will stay to catch up on sleep after he leaves. You can't educate like that.
On the other hand, which also should not be forgotten, children are not raised on their own. And the presence of an example of the Christian life of parents does not deny, but, on the contrary, implies their efforts, say, organizational and educational, to instill in children the initial skills of faith and piety, which are naturally determined by the general way of life of the family. Today, few young parents know what a church childhood is, which they themselves were deprived of. And it consists of such things as lighting a lamp in the evening before going to bed (and not just once, twice a year, but mother and daughter are used to doing this, and then the daughter, and years later, will remember at what age she was first allowed to light the lamp ), as a festive Easter meal with blessed Easter cakes, as a statutory meal in fast days when children know that the family is fasting, but this is not some kind of hard work for everyone, but it simply cannot be any other way - this is life. And if the requirement of fasting, of course, to a degree appropriate to the child’s age, is not set before him as some kind of educational task, but simply because everyone in the family lives this way, then, of course, this will be good for the soul.
15. What does Christian education mean?
Christian upbringing of children is, first of all, caring for them, preparing them for eternity. And this is its main difference from positive, correct secular education (in this case, talking about bad education or the absence of it makes no sense). Secular education that is good with moral ideas prepares children for proper existence in this world, for their proper relationships with parents, with others, with the state, with society, but not for eternity. And for a Christian, the main thing is to live earthly life in such a way as not to lose blissful eternity, so as to be there with God and with those who are in God. This gives rise to various messages and targets. This gives rise to differences in assessments and the desirability of certain social statuses and material acquisitions. After all, what is good for a Christian has always been and will be foolishness and madness for the world. So in other cases, Christian parents try to protect their children from excessive education, if it is associated with an inevitable rotation in a sinful environment, from too high a social status, if it is associated with compromises for conscience. And from many other things that are incomprehensible and unacceptable for secular society. And this looking at Heaven, this remembering the infinity of the Heavenly is the main message of Christian education and its main feature.
16. At what age should parents begin the religious education of their child?
From birth. Because on the eighth day the child is given a name. Around the fortieth day, he most often receives the Sacrament of Baptism, after which, accordingly, he begins to receive communion and gains access to others Church Sacraments. So a child’s life in the Church begins from the first days of his life. By the way, in this sense, the Orthodox differ not only from the majority of Protestants, who do not baptize children, but also from Catholics, who, although they do baptize, a person receives confirmation or, as they call it, confirmation, first communion, only at a conscious age, thereby, as it were, the view of the human person is rationalized, to whom the grace-filled gifts of Communion and the gifts of the Holy Spirit become available only with intellectual awareness. The Orthodox Church knows that what is incomprehensible to the mind, hidden so far from the infancy mind of a child, is revealed to him differently - it is revealed in the soul and, perhaps, even more than for adults.
Accordingly, raising a child in faith at home also begins from the very beginning of his life. However, we will not find any pedagogical treatises among the holy fathers. In Orthodox theology there was no such special discipline as family pedagogy. We will not find in church history any specially collected together, such as is done in the “Philokalia,” any pedagogical advice for believing parents. Pedagogy has never been a fixed doctrine in the Church. Apparently, the conviction that the Christian life of parents naturally raises children in the spirit of churchliness and piety has been a property of church consciousness for two thousand years. And this is also what we must proceed from today. The Christian life of the mother, the father - unhypocritical, real, in which there is prayer, fasting, the desire for abstinence, for spiritual reading, for poverty and mercy - this is what raises the child, and not the books of Pestalozzi or even Ushinsky read.
17. How to teach a small child to pray and what prayers should he know by heart?
In general, there is no special prayer rule specifically for children. There are our usual morning and evening prayers. But of course, for young children this does not mean reading texts that they cannot understand 99 percent of the time. To begin with, it can be a prayer in your own words - about mom, about dad, about other loved ones, about the deceased. And this prayer, as the first experience of conversation with God, should be very simple words: “Lord, save and preserve my mother, father, grandfather, grandmother, sister. And help me not to quarrel, forgive my whims. Help the sick grandmother. Guardian angel, protect me with your prayers. Saint, whose name I bear, be with me, let me learn good things from you.” The child himself can say such a prayer, but for it to enter his life, the diligence of the parents is needed, who, in any mood and state of mind, will find the strength and desire for this.
As soon as a child can consciously repeat after his mother: “Lord, have mercy!”, as soon as he can say himself: “Glory to Thee, God,” then we must begin to teach him to pray. You can learn to ask and thank the Lord God very early. And, thank God, if these are some of the first phrases that a small child will utter! The word “Lord”, said in front of the icon together with the mother, who is folding the baby’s fingers for the time being simply to physically memorize the Orthodox finger formation, will already resonate in his soul with reverence. And, of course, the meaning that a little man puts into these words at one and a half, two, three years old is different than that of an eighty-year-old old man, but it is not a fact that the old man’s prayer will be more intelligible to the Lord. So here there is no need to fall into intellectualism: they say, we will first explain to the child the feat of redemption accomplished by Christ the Savior, then why he needs mercy, then that we need to ask the Lord only for the eternal, and not for the temporary, and only when he is all will understand this, it will be possible to teach him to say: “ Lord have mercy!" And what “Lord, have mercy” means, you will need to understand throughout your life.
As you grow older, mentally and physically, and this happens differently for all children, it is necessary to gradually increase the stock of learned prayers. If a child goes to worship, hears it sung in church and read it at home every time before meals, a child will remember the Lord’s Prayer “Our Father” very soon. But it is important for parents not so much to teach the child to remember this prayer, but to explain it so that he understands what it says. Other opening prayers, for example “Virgin Mother of God, rejoice!” It’s also not at all difficult to understand and learn by heart. Or a prayer to the Guardian Angel, or to your saint, whose icon is in the house. If little Tanya learned to say from early childhood: “Holy Martyr Tatiana, pray to God for us!”, then it will remain in her heart for the rest of her life.
From the age of four or five, you can begin to parse and memorize longer prayers with your parents. And the transition from initial prayers to a full or shortened morning and evening rule, in my opinion, is generally better to do later, when the child himself wants to pray like an adult. And it’s better to keep him longer on some set of simpler, childish prayers. Sometimes it’s even said that it’s too early for him to read the kind of prayers that dad and mom read in the morning and evening, because he doesn’t understand everything that is said in them. The desire to grow into adult prayers must be instilled in the child’s soul, then later the complete prayer rule will not be some kind of burden and obligation for the child that needs to be fulfilled every day...
People from old church families in Moscow told me how in childhood, during the difficult Stalinist or Khrushchev years, their mothers or grandmothers taught them to read “Our Father” and “ Virgin Mary, rejoice." These prayers were read almost until adulthood, then the Creed was added, and a few more prayers, but I did not hear from anyone that as a child he was forced to read the complete morning and evening rules. The children began to read them when they themselves realized that a short prayer was not enough, when they, of their own free will, wanted to read church books. And what could be more important in a person’s life - to pray because the soul asks, and not because it is customary. Now in many families, parents try to force their children to pray as early as possible and as much as possible. And, unfortunately, it happens that a child develops an aversion to prayer in a surprisingly fast deadlines. In one book I had to read the words of a modern elder who wrote to a fairly old child: you don’t need to read so many prayers, read only “Our Father” and “ Rejoice, Virgin Mary, and you don't need anything else. A child should receive everything holy, great, and churchly in such a volume that he is able to assimilate and digest it.
It is very difficult for a small child to even listen to the entire morning and evening rule for adults with attention. It is only special children, God’s chosen ones, who can pray for a long time and consciously from an early age. It would be wiser, after thinking, praying, and consulting with someone more experienced, to create for your child some short, easy-to-understand prayer rule, consisting of simple prayers. Let this be his initial prayer rule, and then gradually, as the child grows up, add prayer after prayer. And the day will come when he himself will want to move from the childish truncated form to real prayer. Children always want to imitate adults. But then it will be a persistent and sincere prayer. Otherwise, the child will be afraid of his parents and only pretend that he is praying.
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Archpriest Viktor Grozovsky is the father of nine children. Therefore, everything that the priest talks about is verified by his own experience as a priest and parent. This gives special value to familiarization with the proposed questions and answers.
Archpriest Viktor Grozovsky answers questions
A fact from the Acts of the Holy Apostles also speaks in favor of Infant Baptism: the holy Apostle Peter, having uttered a fiery word before the Jews, in one day baptized about three thousand souls, among whom, most likely, were infants; ... those who willingly accepted his word were baptized, and about three thousand souls were added that day ().
In Orthodoxy, there is the Institute of godparents, who are popularly revered at the biological level, and sometimes even higher. They are called: godfather and godmother or simply - godfather, godmother. Godparents are obliged to monitor the spiritual development of their godchildren and goddaughters, regularly introducing them to the Holy Mysteries of Christ. In Orthodoxy, the center of liturgical life is the Eucharist. Under the guise of bread and wine, a person eats the very Body of Christ and His very Blood, so that mystically, in the most wonderful way to unite in this Sacrament with our Lord Jesus Christ Himself. And while they were eating, Jesus took bread, blessed it, broke it, gave it to them, and said: Take, eat; this is My Body. And he took the cup, gave thanks, and gave it to them: and they all drank from it. And he said to them, “This is My blood of the new testament, which is shed for many.” ().
According to Orthodox canons, an unbaptized person cannot be a participant in Eucharistic communion, without which the fullness of the spiritual development personality. By depriving a baby of the Sacrament of Baptism, we thereby hinder the action of Divine grace in the child. So is it possible to baptize a person in infancy, when he himself, as Protestants say, is legally incompetent and not reasonable, and cannot profess the Gospel doctrine? The Orthodox answer: not only is it possible, but it must!
Yes, the child does not know what the Church is, what the principles of its structure are, what it is for the people of God. It is one thing to know what air is, and another thing to breathe it. What kind of doctor would refuse to provide medical care to a sick criminal, saying: first understand the cause of your illness, and only then will I treat you? Absurd! Is it possible to leave children outside of Christ (and Baptism is understood by all Christians as the door leading into the Church of Christ) on the grounds that the norms of Roman law do not recognize signs of “legal capacity” in them?
The human soul, by nature, is Christian. Do Protestants agree with this judgment of Tertullian? I think yes! This means that a person’s desire for Christ, and not resistance to Him, is natural for the soul. But the evil will tries to divert this desire from the Source of life. Anyone who is not born of water and the Spirit cannot enter the Kingdom of God ().
If you turn to the Bible, you can see that in the Old Testament there were several prototypes of New Testament Baptism. One of them is circumcision. It was a sign of the Covenant, a sign of entry into the people of God, including children. It took place on the eighth day after the birth of the boy. The baby became a member of the Church, a member of the people of God. ().
The Old Testament was replaced by the New. After all, it cannot be that as a result of the change of Testaments, infants would be deprived of the opportunity to become members of the Church. The Church is the people of God. Is it possible for a people to exist without children? Of course not! Recognizing the sacrament of circumcision (among the Jews) or the sacrament of baptism (among Christians), parents include their children in the state of the Covenant, as part of the people of God, so that the children are under God’s grace-filled protection. “Just as Jewish children were once saved from destruction on the night of the most terrible Egyptian execution by the blood of a lamb applied to the doorposts, so in the Christian era children are protected from the angel of death by the Blood of the True Lamb and His seal - Baptism” (St. Gregory the Theologian. Creations. M. , 1994, vol. 2, p. 37).
God is Spirit, and the Spirit breathes where it wants. Why do Protestants believe that the Spirit does not want to work in children?
Even the pillar of Protestantism, Martin Luther, in 1522 condemned those who rejected infant Baptism. He himself was baptized as a child and refused to be rebaptized. “Then we say that for us the most important thing is not whether the person being baptized believes or does not believe; for this does not make Baptism untrue, but everything depends on the word and commandment of God. Baptism is nothing more than water and the Word of the Lord, one with the other. My faith does not create Baptism, but receives it” (Luther M. Large Catechism. 1996). As we see, for Luther, as for Orthodox Christians, Baptism is a Sacrament in which the action of God’s grace extends to both adults and children.
At one time (before perestroika), Soviet society seemed to be divided into two layers: “physicists” and “lyricists”. “Physicists,” roughly speaking, are those people who perceived the world as a structure governed by the laws of the material, physical existence of the universe and man. The laws of spiritual existence were, as it were, not taken into account or taken into account in the view of the origin of the world and man.
The “lyricists,” on the contrary, believed that the spiritual world (however, the definition of “spiritual” primarily meant “spiritual”) was more important than the material. He is the starting point. But this does not mean at all that all the “lyricists” were believers, and the “physicists” were atheists. Only God can determine the line between one and the other. Signs of one or another view on the way of human existence in the world and society often appear in his attitude to issues of politics, economics, morality and, finally, religion.
Now, despite democratization and pluralism, our society does not look basic, standing on a solid and correctly laid foundation. So far it is nothing. The “foremen of perestroika” came and began to destroy and destroy. Broke! What to do? Others suggested - it turned out to be wrong. Still others crossed out the entire project and began to come up with a new one, promising order and prosperity to all members of society in an uncertain future. And this is an “honest” promise, in contrast to the promises of the communists who were going to build a “bright future” by 1980. There is a popular saying: “Man posits, but the Lord disposes.” Still, our people are wise. His wisdom lies in the fact that he feels which path leads to Life and which leads to death.
But it is not enough to feel or understand the correctness of this or that choice; it is necessary to act correctly. But the action depends on the ability to fight evil, the devil, the “spirits of wickedness in high places.” The Church does not so much explain its understanding of evil as refer to its continuous experience of fighting the forces of evil. For the Church, evil is not a myth or the absence of something, but a reality, a presence that must be fought with the Name of Christ. Great are the forces of evil that once pushed Holy Rus' and its people onto the path of destruction. Evil acts through people into whose souls it enters.
When the unclean spirit leaves a person, he walks through waterless places, looking for rest, and, not finding it, says: “I will return to my house from where I came.” And when he comes, he finds it swept and put away. Then he goes and takes with him seven other spirits more evil than himself, and they enter and live there. And for that person the last thing is worse than the first ().
The Church also knows that the gates of hell were destroyed and that another - a bright and good force - entered the world and declared its right to dominion and to expel the prince of this world who had usurped this dominion. With the coming of Christ, “this world” became a field of struggle between God and the devil, between true Life and death. And we all participate in this fight. Parents or their adult children who look on indifferently to this struggle (due to religious ignorance, atheism or sinful laziness) risk exposing themselves to the stultifying boredom of the universal backwater of secularism.
The life offered by “this world” can become a tragic test or simply death: spiritual and even physical.
Parents do not want their children to die, just as children do not want their parents to die. And this desire for Life, as something Light and Eternal, does not allow the “universal heart” to stop, but pushes it to fight to the end.
Both “physicists” and “lyricists” take part, some consciously and some not, in this struggle. But not all people are taught the techniques of warfare. Let's say more, not all Christians know how to fight the enemy. And whoever understands that it is necessary to master the knowledge and method of fighting evil, he goes where this is taught; they teach to distinguish where is Good and where is evil, to see where is Light and where is darkness, and, most importantly, to rely not on the “princes of this world,” but on the Creator of the entire visible and invisible world, on the Holy, Consubstantial, Life-giving and Indivisible Trinity .
Of course, parents who doubt the existence of God may probably have the thought: should they send their child to Sunday school? So, just in case: what if He (God) exists, and what if the child is luckier in life than we are?
But parents who do not doubt the existence of God can ask the question: is it necessary to send their child to Sunday school? What will this school give him for mastering a prestigious profession and a future comfortable existence? Thus, there is no clear answer. It all depends on the life goal that parents set for themselves and their children. I know examples when fathers and mothers, sending their children to Sunday school, sit down with their children at a desk and begin to study the basics of Orthodoxy. There are other examples when pragmatists look practically at the life of their child, believing that his activities should provide him with prestige and prosperity in the future. Such parents are not necessarily atheists. Their “wisdom” is worldly, earthly.
At the beginning of the article, we said that there is no clear answer to this question. But let us repeat: everything depends on the parents, on their correct understanding of the main task that will determine their course of action in raising their own children. In conclusion, dear parents, let us listen to the advice of St. John Chrysostom: “It is not so useful to educate a son by teaching him science and external knowledge, through which he will acquire money, as to teach him the art of despising money. If you want to make him rich, do this. Rich is not the one who cares about acquiring more property and owns a lot, but the one who has no need for anything” (St. John Chrysostom. Collected Teachings. 1993, ed. of the Holy Trinity Lavra of St. Sergius, vol. 2, p. 200.).
We live in a society that has lost real values and, as a result of this loss, has found complete confusion in many ways, including in the upbringing and education of children. There is such a slippage in the secondary school system now that all hope for progressive movement forward - towards Good and Light - is lost. The authorities once allowed optional teaching of the “Law of God” in schools, but is now prohibited.
But, after all, “not by bread alone...” Where can one hear the life-giving Word of God, without which man turns into an evil and cruel beast? - In the Church, which, according to the teachings of the Holy Fathers, is a school of piety! In a pious Orthodox family! Church, family and school are radii of a circle, the centripetal force of which is directed to the Center, to the One God! What is the conclusion? You decide! Choose!
Many suffering fathers and mothers, wives and husbands, boys and girls go to the temple of God, but still not all go. Many people go to psychics, psychologists and other “healers” with one desire: to find help and relief from a physical or spiritual illness. Moreover, questioners are often categorical and demanding in obtaining an answer to one or another vital question.
I know about this not guesswork, but for certain, as a priest; this is reminiscent of a person coming to the pharmacy for medicine, without a prescription, but with the desire to purchase the most effective one, which would immediately relieve all the pain of the suffering body. I’ll be honest: it’s not possible to help in all cases! Treatment (of the soul) must be carried out in a complex, the components of which are different in composition and quantity. So now, answering questions, it is impossible to answer unequivocally: to force or not to force a child to simply (the crafty word is “simply”) go to church if he does not want to confess. Everything depends on God and, of course, on the parents themselves: how wise, subtle and pious they are. If this is nothing in themselves, then it is necessary to gather courage and patience and begin their own path - through churching, cleansing, first of all, themselves - from sinful filth, calling in fervent prayer the Name of our Lord Jesus Christ Himself, so that He would show His mercy on rebellious child and enlightened him with the Light of reason and piety. Prayer is the first means in raising children in Christian piety. You can pray during the Divine Liturgy, and at the prayer service after it, at home, and on the road - in a word, everywhere. We, calling on the Name of God, also ask for intercession from Mother of God. We ask the saints who have pleased God to intercede at the Throne of the Lord of Glory and give us Spiritual gifts and help in pleasing deeds. For example, when the children are insufficiently pious, we turn to the Holy Martyr Sophia to call upon her to help bear our labors. The work of parents in raising children is not always filled with joy, but often with tears. May the words of the psalmist David be our consolation: Those who sow in tears will reap with joy(). So, we will sow. As for coercion, let's change this method to the method of persuasion and enlightenment of our children in the spirit of Love of Divine Truth!
Freedom is God's greatest gift to rational man; a person without freedom is unthinkable because he was created by God Himself, Who is the Bearer of absolute Freedom, since he was not created by anyone, but is Himself the Creator of all things: the visible and invisible world. And God said: Let us make man in our image (and) after our likeness... ().
But at the same time, freedom is fraught with great danger both for the one to whom it is given and for the whole world. God gave man complete freedom, but how did people take advantage of it?
The entire history of the world is the history of the struggle between good and evil, with the evil that man brought into the world using his freedom. Sometimes people are perplexed in their souls: could God, in creating man free, really not make sure that His creation did not sin? But this is already a limitation. Freedom means the absence of any restrictions on man from God, who does not impose anything on us. If a person were forcibly forced not to sin, if Paradise were externally imposed on him, obligatory, then what kind of freedom would there be in this? Such a Paradise would probably seem like a prison to people. God does not oblige people to even believe in His existence, giving complete freedom to human conscience and human reason. The Apostle Paul in his letter to the Galatians says: You, brethren, are called to freedom, as long as your freedom is not an excuse to please the flesh... ().
The desire to please one’s flesh, to satisfy one’s passions and one’s lust deprives a person of freedom, making him a slave and captive of sin and corruption. Any coercion contradicts the concept of freedom and can cause a backlash in a person.
In the spiritual education of a child, parents should not resort to violence and coercion, because Such education will not lead to the desired result. In education, neither excessive gentleness nor harshness is required - reasonableness is required. The Apostle Paul advises: And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the teaching and admonition of the Lord. (). But already from infancy it is necessary to cultivate a sense of responsibility and duty. The first, up to a certain age, is brought up not only by conversation and edification, but also by punishment, the second - primarily by the example of parents. Children, like parents, must have a fear of sin and the ability to repent, which begins with a simple “forgive” for minor infantile offenses. Introducing the concept of sin into a child’s consciousness requires great tact and wisdom from parents. It is complicated by the fact that society as a whole has lost the concept of sin and has dulled the sense of shame and modesty in man. The holy Apostle Paul wrote prophetically in his second letter to Timothy: Know that in the last days difficult times will come. For people will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, proud, arrogant, slanderers, disobedient to parents, ungrateful, unholy, unfriendly, unforgiving, slanderers, intemperate, cruel, not loving what is good, traitors, insolent, pompous, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God who have a form of godliness, but his strength has been denied. Get rid of such people ().
It is difficult to withdraw from society. It spread its tentacles in all directions, poisoned by the poison of atheism and cynicism, sexual licentiousness and covetousness, betrayal and satanic pride. But in every society there are communities that do not want to live according to the “elements of this world.” These are, first of all, communities of Orthodox Christians.
In order to protect a child from the evil influence of the street, he must be placed in a place that corresponds to his spiritual orientation. Such a place could be Sunday school, Orthodox summer holiday camps, pilgrimage trips to holy places. The child receives the beginnings of faith and spiritual education in the family, in the home church, if only the spouses are able to create it. Love, faith and constant attention to children, coupled with prayer, will tell parents how to protect them from harmful influences. The desire of parents to give their children an Orthodox upbringing often encounters obstacles environment and, in particular, schools. At school, a child picks up not only wicked thoughts, but also actions from his peers and even from teachers. Pious parents should notice their children’s misdeeds and not ignore obscene speech and individual words and expressions that desecrate our beautiful, mighty Russian language.
This is where coercion (prohibition, not exhortation) is absolutely necessary: not to use or utter obscene, blasphemous and ambiguous words. Such coercion is not an encroachment on a person’s freedom, on his faith, but is a requirement to comply with the elementary rules of public decency. Failure to comply with these rules, by the way, is evidence of the level of spirituality at which the soul of a young man or girl is located. For God has not called us to uncleanness, but to holiness. So, the disobedient is not disobedient to man, but to God, who gave us His Holy Spirit(). If a person does not have faith in God, then there is no hope for Eternal Life.
The earthly one becomes aimless and meaningless. What kind of happiness could he have? Only external, only temporary, deceptive and elusive. Seek first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all this will be added to you(). Happiness is the joy of free unity with God, and in God - with all people, with the whole world.
Genuine prayer is not a reminder to God of our needs, and not an attempt to conclude a deal with God - no, in genuine prayer we lovingly, trustingly, like children to the Father, fall to Him, knowing, feeling that everything is in Him. And He, our Loving and Almighty Father, does the best for us - not what seems best to us, but what is actually best and most saving for us and what we often cannot and do not want to understand. Let us trust Him completely. Ourselves and each other, and our whole life (life). Let us surrender to Christ God. He Himself advises us: Ask, and it shall be given you; seek and you will find, knock and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks it will be opened. (). But it is necessary that our prayer and our whole life coincide with the will of God. May His Holy will be done for everything! Requests and prayers that contradict the will of God are not fulfilled, because they also contradict our own benefit. Let us remember one Gospel event, when the sons of Zebedee, James and John, approached Christ and asked Him to allow one to sit on the right and the other on the left in the glory of the Divine Teacher. Do you remember what He said? — Don't know what you're asking for(). Sometimes the Lord “delays” so that we “cool down our ardor” and think whether we are asking for the right thing. We cannot ask the Almighty to punish our offenders and those who openly wish us harm. The Gospel tells us to forgive those who offend us, moreover, to love our enemies. (). It is very difficult for a person of little faith and far from the Church to accept such an offer, but for us Christians, this is one of the opportunities to get closer to Christ, the Sun of Truth. Prayer must be taught to children even before they learn to read. This makes it possible to communicate with God; prayer is a connection with Him - a conversation that makes your heart feel warm and calm. And if a child understands that God creates everything, and without Him we cannot create anything, then his attitude towards the Creator will become reverent, and communication will become desirable. First, the child must develop a need for prayer, he must gain at least some experience in it, what is called “get used to it,” and whether it becomes his favorite pastime is God’s business.
Great ascetics of faith and piety, for example, considered prayer the most difficult feat. Instilling a love of prayer, especially in a child, is a very difficult task, and not every parent can do it. And the very word “vaccinate” smacks of something artificial, not very beneficial. Prayer is a gift of God. Love is not instilled in a gift. That is why it is called a “gift” because it is given freely. What kind of love still needs to be instilled in a gift when it is given to a person by Love Itself, because, according to the word of the holy Apostle and Evangelist John the Theologian, God is love(). Prayer is a private and very intimate matter. However, individual prayer does not cancel general prayer. Common prayer, a common prayer rule, accustoms one to spiritual discipline. We go to church, where our personal prayer is supported by general prayer. External prayer, whether at home or in church, is only a form of prayer. The essence, the soul of prayer is in the mind and heart of a person.
If we’re talking about instilling a love of prayer (everything is possible with God!), then you need to start with home prayer, which would sound in your home church.
You should know that the Holy Fathers distinguished several degrees of prayer. "First degree- writes Theophan the Recluse, - physical prayer, more in reading, standing, bowing. Attention runs away, the heart does not feel, there is no desire: there is patience, labor, sweat. Despite this, however, set limits and pray. This is active prayer. Second degree - attentive prayer: the mind gets used to gathering at the hour of prayer and saying it all with consciousness, without plunder. Attention merges with the written word and speaks as if it were its own. Third degree - prayer of feeling: attention warms the heart, and what is in thought becomes a feeling here. There is a word of contrition, and here is contrition; there is a request, and here is a feeling of need and need. He who has come to feeling prays without words, for God is the God of the heart<…>In this case, reading can stop, just like thinking, but let only remain in the feeling with the well-known prayer signs. The fourth degree is spiritual prayer. It begins when the feeling of prayer rises to the point of continuity. It is the gift of the Spirit of God praying for us - the last degree of prayer comprehended" (Bishop Theophan the Recluse. The Path to Salvation. M., 1908, pp. 241-243).
The child learns prayer not only at home, but also in church, the obligation to attend which is prescribed by the fourth commandment of the Decalogue: “Honor the feasts.”
The basis of a layman’s daily prayer is the morning and evening rule, which is read by adult family members. If infants are present at prayer, it can be shortened to reasonable limits. If the day was very busy with labor and spiritual work, then the rule can be replaced with the rule of St. Serefim of Sarov and read:
a) three times “Our Father”,
b) three times “Virgin Mother of God”,
c) Creed (once).
...Teach children
at least briefly, pray:
“Thank God” or simply:
"Have mercy on me"
And teach yourself to be spiritually sober,
running away from passions
maintaining piety...
Now about another “vaccination”: the love of reading the Holy Books.
Where to begin? From reading aloud good fairy tales, instructive stories, from love and trust in the family. Even before school, parents should be concerned that their children begin to grasp the main milestones of Sacred History. The story must be told in such a way that children can successfully overcome the influence of anti-Christian propaganda. It is impossible to offer a specific program for children's activities that is suitable for every family.
This depends on the parents themselves, on general cultural and religious-theoretical training, on church-practical skills and pedagogical experience. And yet, let’s try to highlight four main sections for homework:
1. General overview of Biblical history.
2. Systematic study of the Gospel.
3. Familiarization with the general structure and meaning of worship.
4. Study of the Creed and familiarization with the basics of Christian Dogmatics.
The benefits of such activities are not only for children, but also for parents. Having a beneficial effect on everyone, classes strengthen connections between generations and improve the spiritual atmosphere of the family. Classes must begin and end with prayer.(it is in the “Prayer Book”). If the children in the family are different in age, then it is advisable to conduct classes separately: younger, older.
There is no need for children to retell the Gospel; involve them in the conversation by asking questions about what they read. Converse easily and joyfully, for Christianity is the joyful fullness of life in Christ. Do not put pressure on children, respect the personality of the baby, boy, boy, girl, so as not to cause a protest against religion in general.
Not all books with religious content can be called “Sacred”. Bible - yes! It consists of the Holy Books of the Old and New Testaments. The remaining books are the creations of the Holy Fathers, such as, for example, Basil the Great, Gregory the Theologian, John Chrysostom. They are church classics. Just as it is difficult for a more or less educated person not to know our Russian classics (Gogol, Pushkin, Dostoevsky, etc.), it is impossible to imagine a Christian who is not familiar with the classical works of St. Theophan the Recluse, St. Tikhon of Zadonsk, St. Demetrius of Rostov. There are many soul-helping books that help the formation of an Orthodox Christian as a person capable of winning victories on the fields of spiritual battle. If educational books for children were as colorfully designed as the fashionable Harry Potter, as interesting and talentedly written, and as well advertised, then every inquisitive child could not pass by such a book. Soul-saving books should be written by the most talented writers, designed by the most talented artists, and advertised by all media outlets that care about the spiritual growth of the new generation of Russians. To summarize, let's say: “Love books - a source of knowledge. Parents, let us strive for knowledge and, above all, spiritual knowledge.”
Therefore, the religiosity of children will be measured by the religiosity of parents, who cannot give their children more than they themselves possess. And they must think about their responsibility, and, accordingly, about increasing their own spiritual level. Thus, Christian upbringing of children begins with parents working on themselves. With the growth of their own religious consciousness and with the strengthening of their churchliness, children will also grow spiritually; otherwise there will be no conditions in the family for their religious development.
Giving advice on how to seek the beneficial influence of the Church on children, St. Feofan makes a reservation that unbelief, negligence, wickedness and the unkind life of parents may not produce the proper fruits of upbringing. As the child grows, sinful movements of the soul appear. At first they are unconscious, but if you don’t monitor them, they can turn into habits. Whims, jealousy, anger, laziness, envy, disobedience, stubbornness, money-grubbing, cunning and even lies - all this can appear in a child at an early age. It is necessary to patiently eradicate the shortcomings of children, the main thing is not to be angry with them, but to stop sinful manifestations with patience, love and firmness, so that they see that their misdeeds upset their parents. The Apostle Paul teaches parents not to irritate their children(), but it is also important for the parents themselves not to get annoyed. Punishment imposed in a state of irritation loses a significant part of its educational power and causes a negative reaction in children. Connivance, indifference to the behavior of children, to their communication outside the walls of the house, indicates that there is little love in us. We, parents, need love because we need to abundantly water our young shoots with parental love, so that in life's trials it can withstand many worldly temptations. Numerous testimonies of young criminals indicate that 70% of the 500 respondents had fathers who were excessively strict and immoderate in punishment, 20% were conniving, and only 5% were strict and loving. They, obviously, could not overcome the harmful influence on children of the street, entertainment and entertainment establishments (discos, slot machines), corrupting newspapers and magazines, breaking the psyche of young, fragile people, television programs and unspiritual, low-quality, Western, and now ours, movies.
If a child persists in his sins for a long time, we need to help him correct himself:
a) strengthen parental prayer (“a mother’s prayer can do a lot”);
b) give magpies about the health of the child (and not in just one church);
c) perform various prayers (in in this example- martyr Nikita);
d) order litanies for the health of all family members;
e) a parental conversation with a stubborn child can help, because you need to understand the true reason for disobedience or isolation;
f) sometimes, for a while, you can step back and not ask annoying questions, but continue to keep him under the vigilant gaze of parental attention.
g) to cultivate in children such a virtue as obedience.
Any persistence indicates the absence of this virtue in the child. Obedience is the subordination of our will to someone else's. A child who loves and respects his parents will certainly bend his will to them. Consequently, children’s love and respect for their parents is rooted in the parents’ love for their natural parents (grandparents), and most importantly, in their love for the Heavenly Father.
“Wanting to break children’s willfulness and stubbornness, parents must act in agreement with each other: one cannot destroy what the other is building. Nothing strengthens a child's self-will so much as if one parent gives him what the other has refused.<…>This is what older brothers and sisters, relatives and servants, and especially grandparents should do” (Teachings of Irenaeus, Bishop of Yekaterinburg and Irbit. Yekaterinburg, 1901, p. 21.).
Parents, respect each other! Do not allow yourself to make indecent speeches, do not blame each other in the presence of children. “If you want your children to be obedient, show them and prove your love, not the love of monkeys that pampers a child and is ready to feed him to death with sweets, but heartfelt, reasonable love aimed at the benefit of the children. Where a child sees such love, there he shows obedience not out of fear, but out of love” (Ibid., p. 24).
In conclusion, let us conclude: all stubbornness and disobedience have pride at their root. The Holy Fathers say that “the mother of all sins is pride.” A proud man is cruel and unyielding, he always wants to assert the will of his desire - firstly.
Secondly, he attributes everything good that he has to his own mind, his own labors, and not to God.
Thirdly, he does not like accusations and considers himself clean, although he is all dirty.
Fourthly, when failures occur, he grumbles, becomes indignant and blames others, and often blasphemes. The fruits of pride are bitter. That's why it is said: Everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, and everyone who humbles himself will be exalted (). Let us first of all humble ourselves and teach humility to our children.
The main misfortune of our time is that people live more according to the laws of the material world and only a few live according to the laws of the spiritual. Educated people and entire classes are being transformed into animals - where the Christian faith is forgotten. Christianity is the great pair of wings necessary to lift a man higher than himself. At all times, when these wings are clipped or openly broken off, the morality of society falls.
Confused, confused,
What schemes to follow?
Well, when you thought about it -
We're completely confused.
To follow God is ashamed:
There is such progress all around...
And my soul is so sad,
And I want miracles.
For a bright future
Our people fought
And as a result it was done -
Well, it's the other way around:
Where there is a cemetery, there is a cemetery,
Where there is a temple, there is a casino...
What a monster we are -
I should have understood a long time ago...
What do we see on the vast canvas of our lives?
1. Removal of God by society; non-recognition of the primacy of the Church in the education of a sense of morality and shame in the younger generation. These concepts are on a par with the concepts of honor and conscience. Shyness at any age, starting from a very early age, adorned the human personality and helped to withstand the pressure of temptations. In the Russian language, of course, there were no such terms as “sexual revolution”, “sexual freedom”, synonymous with a short and precise word: shamelessness. Shyness was especially needed during the physical maturation of a teenager, because it curbed his lust. And for this, the Russian people did not need special programs. A person’s conscience, his internal self-control, have always been the regulators of his life in Rus'. For a thousand years, the Church has been spiritually preparing boys and girls to become fathers and mothers so that they can create a family as a small Church.
The Orthodox education system teaches healthy image life, which includes:
a) a virtuous life with prayer, faith and love for God and neighbors;
b) measure in everything;
c) mental peace;
d) moderate nutrition with feasible restrictions (fasting);
e) physical labor;
e) obedience.
Conducting classes on “sex education” (prevention early pregnancy), in our schools today a crime is being committed - corruption of minors, when films are used as visual aids, where the following text is heard: “Girls and boys want to experience pleasure. They may limit themselves to their own body, resorting, for example, to masturbation.” This is what the “engineers of human souls” teach our children...
Despite the fact that by order of the Ministry of General and Professional Education of the Russian Federation No. 781 dated April 22, 1997, work on the implementation of the project “Sex Education for Russian Schoolchildren” should be completely suspended, the number of schools involved in this program, after this Order, only according to Petersburg, increased in one year from 585 to 683.
When the Orthodox population of Russia raised before the Duma the question of the need to teach the Law of God in secondary schools, the Duma did not agree to this, replacing the proposals of believers with the adoption of an amendment on teaching the subject “History of World Religions.”
Think about it: there are 30 children (first-graders) in a class, 25 of them are Slavs (2/3 are baptized), 2 Tatars, 2 Jews and 1 Georgian (also baptized).
The question is, why do they need “world religions”? It's early, you're right! We should start, like, in the fifth grade.
What to do with first-graders? To teach the Law of God or somehow reach the class where a “frank” conversation between teachers and schoolchildren begins about the sexual desire of adolescents, about “free” love, about the “freedom” of choosing a partner, about “free” decision-making (to act according to one’s conscience, or at will) and other “freedoms”?
I remember the beginning of perestroika. What welcome guests Father Viktor Yaroshenko and I (God rest in heaven!) were with first-graders at a school on Gorokhovaya Street, where we taught classes on the Law of God. Not even half has passed school year, and the teachers were already wondering: how we managed in such a short time to turn the children away from insolence and demonic jumping through the corridors, which was certainly accompanied by inhuman cries. And we didn’t do anything special, from the point of view of ordinary pedagogy: we simply revealed in their hearts the presence of God and His adversary - the devil, the father of lies, slanderer, destroyer, murderer, the father of all sin and vice, in a word, we taught to discern where Good is , and where there is evil, they were taught to make a responsible decision for choosing which side they would like to be on.
The euphoria over religious freedom ended with a phone call from the “nice” director of this school, who said: “Next Monday you do not need to come to us, and in general, our cooperation is canceled.” I don’t remember: maybe I didn’t hear, or maybe I forgot (I confess) whether I heard the ordinary (but not for everyone) word “thank you.” For believers, this word means: “God save you.” Apparently, the school received a prohibitive instruction from above. When will we begin to live not according to instructions, but according to the highest and only true and correct Law - the Law of God?
2. The predominance of business and private entrepreneurship on the grand canvas of our life. The economic sphere has become much preferable to the educational sphere, since it makes it possible to more quickly resolve the issue of material well-being. The spiritual sphere attracts few, because... Caring for material things (bodily) is the main concern of a person who prefers “a bird in the hand to a pie in the sky.” But the more a person takes care of his body, the more his spirit weakens, and therefore, ultimately, his body. A characteristic feature of modern man is achieving success at any cost, even bypassing the commandments, without the Cross, which has always been and is the touchstone of spirituality for a Christian.
Nowadays, a huge mass of young specialists abruptly turn their steps from their chosen path and go into the field of entrepreneurship and, no matter what, business, just to “become a human being” as quickly as possible. Which one? First of all, rich and “independent”. We have no right to judge people, because... Everyone’s life goals are different, but Christians have one goal - Christ.
What does morality have to do with this, you ask? Yes, despite the fact that in the absence of morality, economic ties become “dirty”: everything is sold, everything is bought, the main thing is profit. And morality itself becomes a pathetic atavism on the body of society. Take a look at the main screen of our country - television. It is now the director general of morality for our youth. Listen to the radio and you will be horrified by the “literary and musical dirt” that our teenagers listen to and absorb. Go to a youth club in the morning, after the end of the youth “disco,” and you will be horrified by the number of bottles of “energy” drinks and beer thrown anywhere; the number of scattered, empty syringes...
3. What do we see in the third part of the huge canvas of modern life? Here's what! In the works of most figures and leaders of show business, publishers modern literature, various media are visible, first of all, the desire for success, expressed in monetary terms. A play - a performance, a script - a film, a score - an opera, etc., that do not promise huge profits (no matter how deep they are in their content), will not have life, they will fade away overnight. “Artistic” products filled with sex, violence and supermanhood will fill and cripple our souls until we hear the saving knock at the doors of our hearts: Behold, I stand at the door and knock; If anyone hears My voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and dine with him and he with Me. ().
And we must let in the One, the only One who is able to lead us out of darkness to the true Light. But do we really want to walk in the Light? The enemy of the human race wants us to remain in darkness, which is why he proposes to cast aside all false shame and enjoy “freedom.” Oh, how tempting it is, this sweet word - freedom! In the godless understanding, this word means permissiveness, the possibility of complete satisfaction of one’s passions and lusts. “Freedom” can be used in any area of human relationships; starting from “freedom of speech” and ending with “freedom of sexual relations”, as for family people, and for single men and women, for boys and girls - schoolchildren.
“Free” love implies the absence of mutual responsibility and sense of duty. Its consequences are abandoned children, and sometimes even thrown into trash cans or trash heaps. Abortion is murder. The sixth commandment of the Decalogue contains a command sent by God through the centuries to us, people of the 21st century: Thou shalt not kill!
No one talks about chastity anymore
Not fashionable, as if it were a stupid relic...
And even AIDS does not scare the foolish,
And the evil enemy stacks the corpses with a grin.
Up to 90% of unplanned children are destroyed. Nowadays there is a lot of talk about the so-called “civil marriage”. They argue. TV programs host discussions. What is there to discuss? The discussion itself, in a way, is a search for the justification of this sin. What is the sin? Yes, the fact is that it is very convenient to live this way - there is no responsibility: neither to God, nor to the state, which, unfortunately, does not seem to be interested in strengthening the family, in increasing the birth rate in relation to the progressive mortality. “Civil marriage” is outright fornication, covered with slogans about democracy and freedom. This is a rejection of God, Christian morality, in a word, irresponsibility. The morality of women determines the moral and physical health of the nation. And so, girls 13-15 years old - on the streets, in hallways, in discos, with cigarettes, relaxed and free from everything - this is our future motherhood. There are millions of them.
By destroying the family and grinding it down economically, declaring the maximum satisfaction of human needs without their moral assessment, society itself “cuts the branch on which it sits,” turning its members into angry cynics, egoists, self-lovers who do not love their Motherland, nor God, nor people .
To what extent is secular education of our children harmful? Let's put it this way: it depends on how much the spiritual and moral state of the “engineers of human souls” corresponds to the call of our Lord Jesus Christ: Seek first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you (MF.6:33).
According to the interpretation of the Holy Fathers, instrumental music was invented by Jubal to satisfy his sensuality and passionate desires - as a surrogate that helps to forget God and angelic singing. That is, the common goal of all the descendants of Cain was pursued: to establish the Kingdom of God on earth without God. The violin is good, but not in a church, but on a concert stage.
Let's talk now about how to introduce them to Orthodox culture. Let's open the dictionary of Vladimir Ivanovich Dahl. The word “culture” (translated from French) means: processing, care and cultivation; the second meaning is mental and moral education. And the words “Orthodox” or “Orthodox” mean: correctly glorifying. Whom? Of course, God. Combining two words, we get: mental and moral cultivation, the education of a person for the correct glorification of God, and for life according to His guidance. Why should we give preference to Orthodox culture over others: Western or eastern cultures? — Because it originated in the depths of the faith that was proclaimed by the Holy Fathers of the First Ecumenical Council in 325 in the city of Nicaea, and the teachings of this faith were supplemented in the Creed at the Second Ecumenical Council in 381 in the city of Constantinople. The remaining symbols are considered non-Orthodox and are not professed by the Orthodox Church.
Acquaintance with the work of Orthodox figures of literature, science, art, with such representatives as Lomonosov, Karamzin, Derzhavin, Pushkin, Gogol, Dostoevsky, Glinka, Mussorgsky, Tchaikovsky, Rachmaninov, Rimsky-Korsakov, Borodin, Rublev, Maxim the Greek, Dionysius, Ivanov, Nesterov and many others, gives reason to believe that a child brought up on the best examples of Russian creativity will not join a bunch of rapists and scoundrels who are shamelessly destroying the magnificent edifice of our Orthodox culture.
10. QUESTION: What are the signs and criteria indicating that a child has properly become a church member or is successfully becoming a church member?
You ask to indicate signs and criteria by which one could understand that the child has already become a church member or is successfully becoming a church member.
The word “churching” has only recently begun to take on a completely new meaning. In fact, churching takes place in the Sacrament of Baptism and in practice comes down to the following: the priest, taking the baby in his hands, standing in front of the Royal Doors, raises the baby in a cross shape and says a prayer that begins with these words: “The servant of God is churched, (says the name) in the name Father and Son and Holy Spirit. Amen". And further according to the Orthodox Breviary...
Now that the period of persecution of the Church has ended in our country, and the declared law on freedom of religion has finally come into force, people have flocked to the Church to be baptized, expecting immediate miracles from it.
But, having not received them, since there is no faith even the size of a mustard seed, a person thinks: apparently, I still don’t understand something, I haven’t delved into this flow of information enough, I haven’t read the Bible, I haven’t penetrated the meaning of the services, I don’t read akathists, I don’t know prayers by heart, I haven’t learned anything from the “ladder” leading to Paradise, I only go to church on Christmas and Easter, I’m probably not churched enough. And my child is completely out of touch, he doesn’t understand the words. At least the Church might have influenced him...
Metropolitan Anthony (Blum) of Sourozh said: “I think that one of the problems that a teenager faces is that he is taught something when he is still small, and then, when he is ten or fifteen years older, suddenly They discover that he has doubts, questions, and misunderstandings. He outgrew everything that he was taught in childhood, and in the interval we did not teach him anything, because it never occurred to us to monitor what questions were born in him and pay attention to these questions...” (According to the publication: Anthony, Metropolitan of Sourozh. Works. M., 2002.).
Where is he now? Let's find him and see how things are going with him: has he begun or has not yet begun his difficult entry into the Temple of God.
Children cannot perceive the words “must, must, obedience, cannot” the way our ancestors perceived these words. The freedom gained in the 20th century greatly influences modern moral attitudes. A modern child, at best, will outwardly agree with teachings, moralizing and “brainwashing”, but internally he will rebel and throw out all his emotions in adolescence. If you want to scold your little one (grab the belt) for the words you hear, then know: there were minor glitches and slippages in your education system that you did not pay attention to in time.
And if you do not have enough wisdom to beg God for understanding on how to correct the mistakes made earlier; belief that your child's positive qualities will be stronger than the negative ones; hopes for a joint overcoming of friction, misunderstandings, disagreements and love that will melt the ice of your hearts and your strained relationships, then know: there is a secret civil war in your family. In order to defeat all the temptations and temptations of modern Satanism, which sows its weeds in the souls of our children, we must support in the child’s soul his spiritual dignity, his spiritual freedom, we must try to educate him as a warrior of Christ - the future conqueror of the enemy of the human race; develop, cultivate and in every possible way support the taste for goodness and love.
If you, dear parents, have read these short conversations from beginning to end, then I hope you have understood (maybe felt) what level you and your child are at: have you climbed the ladder leading to the Kingdom of Heaven, or maybe , stopped their ascent somewhere in the middle or did not even raise their legs to the first step of the ascent, lazily asking themselves: “Why do we need all this?”
So the process A person's churching mainly depends on his parents. It starts with them! What does it mean?
1. Family formation - wedding (conception).
2. Initial stages of education. They should fall mainly on the mother's shoulders. Prayer and spiritual vigilance should accompany pregnancy. A whole host of pious wives - from Anna, the mother of the prophet Samuel, to Anna, the mother of the Blessed Virgin and to the Mother of God herself - can pass before the gaze of a Christian woman bearing fruit.
While breastfeeding, the mother makes the sign of the cross at the baby, and later teaches him to cross himself before eating. She usually teaches the child the first prayers, etc. Over time, the role of the father begins to increase in the religious education of children, especially boys. The father blesses the children for certain actions, and in his absence the mother blesses the child, making the sign of the cross. A child should be taught prayers as soon as he begins to master speech.
3. On Sundays and holidays, the family should attend church (“honor the holidays”). In order for the baby to strengthen his soul and body, he must be given communion more often.
4. When the child reaches seven years of age, he must be brought to his first confession, having previously explained the importance of it in his life. It is important to explain that the child must be responsible for his deeds and actions: to avoid bad things, to hold on to good things. This is the beginning of instilling a sense of duty and shame for what has been done. Give the concept of Fear of God: not to frighten, but to teach to value the Name of God, fearing to lose the presence of God in the soul.
5. The next stage is home studies to study the Gospel and the Creed. Here you can pay attention to the meaning of church services (classes without prayer are unacceptable).
6. During adolescence, adolescents undergo a critical rethinking of the world: doubts arise in faith, a negative attitude towards existing state and public institutions, or such a dead end situation when the search for the meaning of life begins again, the search for ways to realize one’s own ambitions. This is the strongest temptation. This is where a person “hangs” somewhere on the middle rung of the “ladder of churching” (if he does not slide down).
In such a situation, parents need to have restraint and, intensifying their prayers, place all their trust in the Lord, in His Holy Will, and ask the Mother of God and the saints to give the young man or girl spiritual strength to continue the ascent. The reason for such a stop may also be an attractive interest in a person of the opposite sex. Communication with a child should be calm, subtle and wise.
But if a baptized person breaks with the Church, if he renounces Christ or is simply ashamed to believe in Him and forgets about Him - and now we also have to see this - then this is grief! This is the greatest sin, this is death.
Parents, godparents, you love him, so don’t let him perish in godlessness, in sin! And may the Lord help you.
Here's another example. A certain boy (or girl) humbly climbs up the “stairs”, although we notice traces of doubts and worries on his face, but love for Christ overcomes temporary mental disturbances. This one, we hope, will ascend to the temple of God and remain there forever (either as a pious parishioner or a clergyman). God willing.
And who is this who stands in front of the stairs, not even daring to lift his foot and step on the first step? “This is someone who does not feel any need to become cleaner and better, because this desire has already several times encountered impudent ridicule from classmates and leaders of neighborhood groups, sometimes ending not only in ridicule, but also in beatings. It is not only cowardice that forces a child not to go to church, but also his childish selfish interests: say, citing illness, he stays with his favorite TV, or at school - “an important rehearsal for a holiday concert,” or goes to church, but does not pray, but runs with peers in the church fence, or with the class goes on an excursion, say, to the Kunstkamera, etc., etc. How much longer this child will remain in spiritual paralysis depends on the mercy of God, and, of course, on the desire of the parents themselves to set an example of piety .
7. We can consider a child to be a churchgoer when he gets up with pleasure and goes to church, whether for an early service or a late one; prepares for confession and partakes of the Holy Mysteries of Christ; shows obedience to parents, honors them; goes to home prayers without prodding; reads the Gospel; is blessed by his parents, and most importantly, has love for God and people.
Dear Parents! The degree of a person’s churching in the church-life understanding of this word depends on how much a person loves the temple of God, as the dwelling place of the Holy Spirit, the place where in the Sacraments of the Church he receives the grace-filled Gifts of God, which nourish the soul, giving it the ability to cultivate such Christian virtues as Faith, Hope and Love. And these are the most faithful guides to the Kingdom of God.
One of my friends has an adult son who recently entered college. Since childhood, he regularly went to church, went on pilgrimage trips, and won prizes at Olympiads in the defense industry. And when he became a student, he completely abandoned the faith; he doesn’t even want to go to church. So why do children of believing parents leave the Church? Thinking about it Archpriest Georgy Taraban– Secretary of the Sumy Ukrainian Diocese Orthodox Church, teacher, priest Vitaly Shatokhin– teacher at Kaluga Theological Seminary and Hieromonk Macarius (Markish)– Head of the Communication Service of the Ivanovo-Voznesensk Diocese.
– So what is the reason that children from church-going families, growing up, leave the Church?
The question is very relevant for all parents, including me: I have teenage children. When discussing this topic, it would be good to be as honest with yourself as possible. First you need to myself answer: what does it mean to be “churched”? If this lies behind the formation of very widespread myths that justify and legitimize one’s own egoism, then the desire to escape from such churchliness is a manifestation of the instinct of self-preservation.
The main reason, in my opinion, is the lack of real love. Love should be not only for your children, but for all people who meet on life path. If there really is no love, and in its place there is continuous instruction on how to succeed in it, this is the beginning of the end. Small children will still endure this, but the desire to free themselves from such “love” will mature and strengthen in their heads. And when we see the results of “intensified churching” after 20 years, we understand that a person needs new life experience that would refute the false understanding of spiritual life, which once became the cause of an ideological crisis.
I do not want to downplay the power of the anti-church influence of the modern world (not even so much “anti-church” as “anti-religious”). Modern society forms a worldview in which there is no place for spiritual values. And it is true. The spiritual is interpreted as personal and intimate, having no right to external manifestation. In addition, the growing child still has to conquer the right to practice one’s faith among one’s peers. This is good for an adult: he already has some kind of social status, after all, many issues of socialization have already been resolved. And the child must at the same time fit into the environment of classmates and friends, while remaining a believer. It's very difficult! And if his closest people do not understand him even at home, seeking false “spiritual perfection,” then the result will be obvious.
So if grown-up children leave the Church, then this is largely the “merit” of the school of Pharisaism, which was completed in childhood, but in fact was not an introduction to spiritual life.
And it seems to me that there is not just one reason, there are many of them. Firstly, a lot depends on when the parents themselves joined the church. Did they grow up in believing families from childhood or did they come to Christ in adulthood? These are completely different things. If a person has already grown up in a Christian family, then from infancy he naturally adopted the Christian way of life. After all, our faith should be manifested not only in the temple. If a person has acquired this experience of maintaining faith and life with God, daily and every minute, then he will be able to pass this on to his children.
I think that in most cases, children of those parents who themselves came to faith not so long ago leave the Church. It’s understandable: the 1990s, a massive coming of people to the temple, to Christ. Now they are trying to get their children into church. How they do it is a big question. Usually, of course, they try to take the kids to Church and enroll them in Sunday school. But, in fact, sometimes everything is limited to this. And it is necessary, if we speak in simple language, be friends with children. You need to constantly be in close personal communication with them. And if a parent is an authority for a child, and if an adult is a great older friend and mentor for him, then he will be able to convey to his child the love of God and His Church.
The big problem is adolescence. It is known that after the age of 12–13, many children stop going to church. As a rule, we see children in Sunday schools from 7 to 13 years old. If there are 14-16 year old parishioners, then this is an achievement of the Sunday school that they were able to keep teenagers in adolescence. From my experience as a confessor in the Sunday school of our church, I can firmly say that those children remain whose parents have truly and seriously been churchgoers for a long time. These are the children who stay in Sunday school. Why? Because they go to confession with mom and dad, take communion with them, celebrate holidays, and go on pilgrimage trips. For them, this is a natural, normal life, and not some kind of surprise: the mother suddenly brought the child to church: they say, come on, confess, you need it and it’s useful.
And, secondly, the environment is very important. Parents should take care to surround their child, especially a teenager, with his believing peers, and preferably even with serious, good guys who are a little older. After all, what is adolescence? The child moves from childhood condition into an adult. And he begins to look for authorities for himself outside his family circle. For him, someone from the street, from class, some acquaintances, teachers becomes an authority. And here a smart parent must make sure that the child acquires a believer as an authority, is guided by him, and copies behavior from him. That is, I remembered his words, accepted his reproaches, tried to keep his teachings in my memory as something important for myself. To do this, I repeat, parents need to make every effort. And there it is already God’s will for everything. Of course, it can take anyone anywhere, including a church-going adult. And even more so for a child who learns about the world and becomes interested in adolescence. If suddenly a teenager meets an interesting non-believing person who becomes an authority for him, then there is a great danger that the child will leave the Church. Parents for mature children at this age cease to be an authority, and their words no longer have the same power.
– They say that there are two peaks of leaving the Church: teenage and student.
Studenthood is the time when a person becomes an individual, matures to answer fundamental questions: why he lives, what he wants to do in life, what is most important for him in life, etc. But, as a rule, he matures to these thoughts in a hostel environment, in an atmosphere of some kind of street life, just an informal underground environment. And this does not always contribute to the acquisition of Truth. Based on my own experience, I can say: usually young people at this age have a very great desire to get to know the religious and mystical world. But at the same time, often a young man or girl sometimes falls into grave or even mortal sins, which will prevent them from harmoniously entering church life. If, on the wave of searching for something mystical, when a young soul seeks to understand the world of spiritual and religious, a person will meet a thinking Christian or a good orthodox book, then there is a high chance that he will come to the temple. But more often than not, the church environment, unfamiliar and incomprehensible to a modern teenager, repels him, and if he was already a church member before, then often it is simply grave sins that hinder him. Let's say fornication or passion for false mysticism. In addition, a young man, especially at 20, wants to be modern. Of course, if in his family he was brought up to stand on his principles, regardless of the spirit of this world, then he will pass this test. If not, then the desire to be modern will take him out of the temple: everything here is alien to him, everything is oriented towards some kind of antiquity, archaism, there are grandmothers here, there are few young people. Here they are calling to follow outdated ideas, and the language here is simply incomprehensible. Everything here seems to be from history, and the young man needs something ultra-modern. But Orthodoxy will never be ultra-modern, if by “modernity” we mean the current fashion, the spirit of the times, and the indulgence of passions.
– Some priests say that approximately 75% of churchgoers stop going to church. When I realized these terrible numbers: out of ten teenagers, eight leave, I felt somehow uneasy. In your opinion, are these statistics true?
I would be more careful about this ratio - 8 out of 10. I don’t know if this is true. But even if this data is smaller, there is still something to worry about. It seems to me that during the golden time of infancy, no one explained to the child that there was another stage of life ahead. Sometimes for years a child is regularly given communion, without even explaining what exactly he is participating in (I’m not talking about infants now, but about children from 3-4 years old, for whom it is quite appropriate to at least say that the chalice contains holy gifts, and communion is holiday, people are waiting for it and rejoicing, who come to the temple in festive clothes to also receive communion). Liturgical theology will come later (and, most likely, in the form of answers to questions asked by the child). It is important to give an accessible understanding (or rather, experience) of the importance and greatness of what is happening in the temple. Otherwise, the child, not receiving understanding, perceives everything as some kind of ritual that must be performed for the sake of his mother or grandmother or someone else whom he does not want to upset. And in the performance of the ritual, small tricks are also possible, having learned which it is easy to slide into ordinary cynicism.
Frozen in the state of an eternal “baby”, obediently walking hand in hand to the temple, the child does not receive the spiritual foundation of his growing up.
Sometimes adults, when they come to Church, do not always know what it is like to be a Christian not only in church, but also at home, at work, in an environment where other rules apply. What is it like for the child? One of the St. Petersburg psychologists once wrote about social orphanhood. So if they leave the church environment, then most often these are children who have become orphans (not spiritual, but social), who have not heard that the Lord knows their worries and loves them more than those closest to them.
What to do? I believe the answer lies in the answer to the first question. Learning to love children is the most important and greatest thing that needs to be done. In any case, we should tirelessly pray about this, so that the Lord will open and direct each of us on this path. Everything else is details. The main obstacle is personal egoism, which stems from a secular worldview. This is the main enemy who takes our children away from ourselves and from Christ.
– Nowadays, sports sections, clubs, clubs are being created at churches in order to retain young people. Do you think this will help?
As for circle work, this is what I did at the beginning of my working history. I can say that, in my deep conviction, this is a very promising direction. Outside of the educational process, which is already very intense, it is very difficult to encourage children to sit down at their desks again and study the law of God in a classical form. The opinion of experts who are deep in the topic is this: we need to look for methods that would put the spiritual and moral essence into different kinds activity of modern man (including children). And there are attempts. The degree of success depends on how interesting and integral the personality of the teacher is (this is not always a priest) and how sincerely all this is done. Children are ready to forgive occasional mistakes, but “serving a number” will not work - no one will go. So the question is: is everyone capable of such a formulation of the problem? If not, there’s no need to start it; it’s better to look for other talents in yourself. And whoever is capable - God help!
We need parish life - rich and varied. It is necessary to organize some common cause. For example, you can go clean local ponds or organize a “clean-up”; organize a debate with Protestants, with Jehovah's Witnesses; go congratulate the veterans and clean up their apartments; make some crafts that can be taken to the orphanage. Or you can just go hiking together. In general, parish life should be lively and as varied as possible; the main thing is that it doesn’t get boring.
Any business can somehow be useful to a person in life. Add a little salt of the Orthodox worldview there, and it will be acceptable for the child to remain in the Church. And if there is a lively youth atmosphere there and he finds friends there, then the chances of keeping young man in the bosom of the Church are quite large. By the way, I myself came to God in my teens.
And further. For me, an indicator is when a child comes to work on his own, without his mother. He comes not to be paid money for sextonism, and not because there is an exam tomorrow, but he simply comes to pray, realizing that he needs to clear his conscience. There are few such children, but those who do this no longer leave the Church. And the rest... While the child cannot resist the parental will, he is dragged to the temple, but as soon as he has the opportunity to refuse the church “duty”, he will say: “I don’t want to,” and will not appear in the temple again. In this case, would it be possible to say that this was a church child if he came to the service only with his mother? Big doubts...
Not all comes from parents, since a person, including a young person, has an autonomous free will. But in our country it is customary to forget about this and talk about teenagers as some kind of mechanisms, at best as domestic animals, amenable to training with varying degrees of success... This is terrible, and the retribution is obvious.
“Teenagers in general” do not exist, there are individuals, all different. The first difference is between the sexes, and any priest (and teacher, and police officer, and criminal investigator
affairs) will confirm that there are much more “problems”, troubles and sorrows with young men than with girls. Why is a separate question, but for now we simply admit that it is young men who require special care and attention, and to the greater extent to which they exhibit purely masculine qualities.
Hence the conclusion: yes, military-patriotic clubs, sports sections (boxing and wrestling, not rhythmic gymnastics), street patrol groups, people's squads are the most promising forms of parish youth work.
– Many priests say that we don’t have a community-parish life, which is why teenagers leave the Church. How to rebuild a community?
Community life begins with the willingness of the priest to spend all his free time with the parishioners. If he has the determination to restore the community, then he will stay with people, offer to drink tea together, discuss today’s Gospel or solve some problem: for example, Grandma Mani’s dacha burned down, let’s help build it, and the like. That is, the life of the parish community is formed from some quite ordinary actions, if, I repeat, the priest is ready to do this. As a rule, the priest just doesn’t really want it. But there is also another reason: the priest usually has a heavy workload. Priests can be involved in five or six obediences: hospital, Cossacks, seminary, evening school, high school, Sunday school... But working with people does not tolerate any kind of negligence. If a person has a lot of things to do at once, then naturally he will do them carelessly. And in order to work well with people, you need to do one thing. It is ideal when the duties of a priest include only worship and parish. Then the priest can devote a lot of energy to his parish and really teach people spiritual life, helping them solve pressing problems.
– I heard from some priests that studying the Holy Scriptures is not very interesting for teenagers. What do you think about this? For example, if teenagers are invited to gather for tea to study and analyze Scripture with a priest, will they be interested?
It’s good that the priests began to notice that their stereotypes are not always relevant. After all, there is a science of pedagogy, it has many branches (general, age-related, comparative pedagogy, theory and teaching methods, methods of educational work, pedagogical skills, etc.), which, unfortunately, are not taught at the proper level in theological schools. So the priests use the memories of their distant school past. But now it’s even more interesting: foreign experience is becoming available. I once watched how foreign teachers taught a lesson: they involved all senses against a general positive emotional background. It seems that they simply did, step by step, what is written in our old pedagogy textbooks. So you don’t need to think about tea drinking, but seriously start studying pedagogy and psychology.
I categorically do not perceive tea drinking as a method of teaching or education. It's my personal opinion. Spending time that is unorganized from a pedagogical point of view is always unconstructive. In the church environment, tea parties sooner or later transform into washing the bones of the hierarchy, passing on gossip and fables. If not set no didactic or educational task, then our sinful habits and weaknesses quickly fill this gap.
If a conversation over a cup of tea is a well-prepared pedagogical technique that sets specific tasks. For example, a priest or one of the respected adults personally delivers refreshments, setting an example of readiness to serve even the smallest - this makes a deep educational impression; the main thing is that it be sincere. In such an atmosphere, it is easier to talk about how the Savior washed the feet of His disciples. And, believe me, no one will remember any boredom.
Tea drinking in itself is not a panacea, but with skillful organization it can become in a good way learning important things. Or maybe it won't.
It seems to me that the main thing is to be close to the child in all types of his life activities and teach him to survive as a Christian in all the circumstances of the modern world. After all, modern children don’t only drink tea. And it is necessary for one of the adults to help the teenager figure out how to act, where the line is that cannot be crossed without consequences, how to create and maintain the integrity of his soul.
I think it's like this form of scripture study, like tea drinking, will not be useful for either teenagers or adults. Today there are much more effective and intelligent ways to study the Holy Scriptures, open to everyone. There is an abundance of literature, audio recordings of lectures and conversations, too, not to mention the Internet.
But regular tea with a priest and table conversations are, of course, wonderful form of parish work; it must be stimulated, advertised and properly organized. How to do it correctly depends on the target audience. Since we are talking about teenagers, we must ensure that they are interesting and attractive to teenagers. You can combine them with demonstration and discussion of any materials proposed by them, or
ask one of them in advance to talk about something interesting and exciting.
Six months ago I started with senior group Sunday school - from 13 to 17 years old - analyze the Holy Scriptures, and analyze them seriously, deeply: for five lessons we looked at one chapter from the Gospel of Matthew. They liked it. Of course, if you approach this formally and recreate the same soulless and joyless atmosphere that is familiar to children in secondary school, only with prayer before the start of classes, then, of course, they will not survive this for long. But if it’s informal: we’re tired - let’s drink some tea, watch an interesting film or even an interesting cartoon, then I think the effect will be completely different. That is, everything should be simple and friendly. Moreover, it is precisely in adolescence that it is necessary for the teacher to be an older friend for the children. If he was unable to establish normal, friendly relations with them, but simply came, gave a lecture and left, then, of course, this will not make any impression. Young people need to be interested, and this can only be done by creating a warm and friendly atmosphere in the classroom. If a teenager has two or three friends in Sunday school, he will go there. And it doesn’t matter what he will do there: draw, study the Gospel or learn to sing.
“Religion should be present in a child’s life unobtrusively...”
Having received an editorial assignment with such a difficult topic, I must admit, I was very puzzled. Of course, there are fundamental theoretical works classics of Russian pedagogy. Their analysis and study is undoubtedly an important matter, but with a chronic lack of time it is difficult to accomplish. And theory without practice, as we know, is a dead thing. Therefore, as my interlocutors, I chose people who, perhaps more than anyone else, are connected with the practical side of the issue we are discussing. One of them is Irina Ignatovich, a parish Sunday school teacher with almost twenty years of experience, the other is a mother of many children, Elena Morozko.
IGNATOVICH IRINA VALENTINOVNAIn 1982 she graduated from the Central Republican Correspondence Courses of Foreign Languages at Kiev State University. For a long time she worked in the center of scientific and technical information in the patent literature department.
In 1987 she graduated from the Belarusian Public Institute of Patent Science.
Since 1993 - teacher of the Sunday school of the parish of the Church of the Holy Blessed Prince Alexander Nevsky in Gomel.
Since 1994 he has served as choir obedience as a reader and guide. Has two adult children.
MOROZKO ELENA ALEKSANDROVNA
In 1995 she graduated from the Gomel Polytechnic Institute with a degree in industrial engineering.
Currently a housewife. Mother of four daughters.
The youngest is 1 year old, the oldest is 16 years old.
I suggest starting my conversation with the most difficult thing. Let's talk about mistakes. What should parents try to avoid when trying to church their children?
I. Ignatovich:
– The most common mistake is to impose on a child what you want to do yourself. Adults come to church, they themselves are just beginning to join the church, and it seems to them that their children, joining the church with them, are experiencing the same thing as they are. If I came and can stand for 2.5 hours, then why won’t my child stand, after all, this is such grace, he will stand, be nourished by this, it will feel good for him! And the baby is 5 years old, and he simply cannot withstand that much. In this case, the best thing for mom would be self-sacrifice. You need to bring your child and stay with him in the temple for 30 minutes, that is, as long as the child has enough attention.
E. Morozko:
– 16 years ago I did not attend church and therefore my first child did not join the church from birth. To say that we church children would not be entirely true. We ourselves become churchgoers, and they join us. The spiritual world of family members interacts. If one of the parents becomes closer to God, then something changes inside him, then the child, accordingly, feels it. Yes, I immediately remember the words of Father Seraphim “acquire a peaceful spirit...”. And if this spirit is not present in the parents, it has a corresponding effect on the children and general atmosphere in family. That is, it is impossible to introduce a child to faith if you yourself do not constantly strive to live according to its laws.
Parental example, authority, constant attention to children - all this is undoubtedly important, but can only family Christian education be sufficient, or is it still necessary to do without a traditional children's Sunday school?
E. Morozko:
– My children attend parish Sunday school, but this is their personal desire. Is it useful? A lot depends on the teacher. The teacher must be a person of deep faith and then he can convey something to the children. At home you need to talk with your child about what was discussed in Sunday School. What he understood and what he liked. It is important here that theory is intertwined with reality family life. So that there is peace, tranquility, goodwill in the family, and no disputes or quarrels. Then the child will become a church member on his own. It is important that such real internal churching is not replaced only by external ones - praying, fasting and going to church services.
I. Ignatovich:
– I believe that attending Sunday School is necessary. After all, many families live by church traditions with a small letter. In parishes there are many mythical opinions about faith and the Church. So, in Sunday school, all this is debunked and the Church’s judgments on certain issues are presented through the canons, statutes, teachings of the holy fathers, and not as one grandmother said, even if this grandmother has been visiting the temple for 30 years. -differently, some go for 6-7 years in a row. There was a case when the girls came in the 7th grade, but finished attending only 2 years after graduating from the university, and then only because they moved to Minsk. There are also those who come and immediately leave, and nothing can stop them. There are those who leave, and then appear in a year or two.
I noticed that the most hooligan ones eventually turned out to be the best listeners. But, nevertheless, many people leave in adolescence, and I believe that this is to some extent correct. This is the age when a young man must understand who and what he is, and must understand it himself.
They must reinforce the authority of the Church with external impressions. You told me this, but I want to know what other people will tell me. He leaves, but he leaves with some kind of “vaccination”, and he has somewhere to return. As they say, you need to live a little with your mother-in-law in order to appreciate your mother. Maybe we need to move away from the Church a little, see how other people live, and then return, but forever.
That is, as far as I understand, the main function of Sunday School is to give a person some kind of spiritual “vaccination”, to give at least a minimum set of knowledge about faith?..
I. Ignatovich:
– What is important is not the amount of knowledge as such, but it is important to let the child understand that there is a world beyond this, which lives according to other laws, according to God, and where you will definitely be loved, no matter what you are. The most important effect of religious education is to give the child this “inoculation of love.” That he is always needed here, they will listen to him, understand him and give him advice.
Here I had one touching incident. We have one boy, he has a difficult situation due to excess weight. And in one of the lessons I said that God loves absolutely everyone. And he stood up and asked: “Does God love everyone? And even fat ones like me?
It was very important for him to know that for God he was the same as everyone else, and, therefore, for those people who love God.
Until now we have been talking, as it were, about the internal side of the issue, but the church way of life implies the active participation of a person in the liturgical practice of the Church, its fasts, sacraments and rituals. How and to what extent should children be involved in this?
E. Morozko:
– My eldest daughter is sixteen, you can’t force her to do something that for some reason she doesn’t want. She decides for herself whether to go to confession or not, to fast or not. Here previous upbringing plays a decisive role. And for 4-year-old Sasha, fasting is not like watching cartoons.
It happens that children often visit their grandparents during Lent, and they offer something that is not at all Lenten, then, first of all, you think about love, so as not to quarrel on this basis. The world is more important. I think children should take part in prayer at home as much as possible. I often try to make sure that they see how I pray in the morning or evening, so that they understand how their mother lives. Babies especially absorb everything. It is very important to involve children in participating in various holiday rituals, so that they feel like participants in a church event, and not observers. The child should have good memories of the church. You can instruct them to do something for the holiday. For example, collect or buy a bouquet for the icon of the Mother of God. Or paint eggs together for Easter. If you are baking Easter cake, let your child add granulated sugar to the dough himself. Take it with you when you go to bless Easter cakes or apples. Let him carry the plate to the temple himself, let him put a candle in the Easter cake and light it himself. After all, they want to be as involved as possible in this mysterious consecration, especially since they will see how many people came to the temple for the same thing, that for a huge number of people this is of great importance. The consecration of willow trees, apples, honey, the veneration of the Cross and the Shroud, and religious processions are our wonderful Orthodox traditions, in which even three-year-old children can participate. They definitely need to be involved in this so that they can see the preparation for the holiday and participate in it. After all, they so want to be important, like adults. And let the day of Forgiveness Sunday not pass them by. No matter how funny it may seem, you need to ask your children for forgiveness, even if they are only three or four years old. Hug them and say: “Daughter, forgive me, sometimes I offend you.” You will not lose your parental authority - on the contrary, raise it in the eyes of the child. Our children also take offense at us; we, to be honest, are often unfair to them.
As in any large and complex matter, there are stages in the churching of children.
I. Ignatovich:
- At first small child you need to show the house of God and explain that in this house you need to behave reverently. This is not a playground. This is a place where you and I don’t go often, we’ll come there for a short time. Here you need to behave quietly, so as not to scare away the angels and not interfere with people’s prayers. In this place, you will definitely receive a little strength from God to grow further, not to get sick and to love your mother, you will be anointed with oil and given an absolutely amazing thing in a spoon - a medicine for death that God left for us, since He himself is immortal and only He this medicine can give.
Visiting a temple with small children requires little time and maximum attention. But what to do when parents need to attend services, but there is no one to leave the child with? How to keep an eye on your baby during service?
E. Morozko:
– I’ve been standing in the vestibule for five years now (laughs). But seriously, I remember a case described in one book, how one day parishioner grandmothers complained to Metropolitan Anthony of Sourozh that children were interfering with prayer during services. The Bishop promised to remove all the children if at least someone raised their hand and said that he did not have idle thoughts during the service. But this man also said that you hear God in silence, and it is a sin to disturb this silence. Therefore, we must strive to look for some kind of compromise, some kind of middle ground, so as not to harm the children and not disturb the parishioners.
What happens as children get older?
I. Ignatovich:
–At school age, we need to talk more about the commandments and the practical application of these commandments in life. Why can’t we steal, lie, envy what happens if we disobey. At that age you should say that you will go to church as much as you want.
In adolescence and high school, it is necessary to read the Gospel and talk about everyday topics, mainly about family. At this age they have love and love dramas. And it is imperative to show them that love is not at all what they experience. But to learn true love, that’s what the Church exists for.
Many Orthodox parents try in every possible way to protect their children from the temptations and passions of the outside world. But this cannot continue forever, children grow up, and they themselves want to figure out where is good and where is evil. Moreover, they often want to experience both in practice.
I. Ignatovich:
– The child needs to be properly prepared for the transition to an open society. The moment will come when he will still learn about television, and bandits, and Harry Potter, and cigarettes, and drugs, and many other things that are embarrassing to even think about. The existence of all this cannot be hidden from children. It is necessary to correctly explain to them the true values of things, warn them about the danger, warn them. But under no circumstances should you isolate yourself from this world and pretend that this dirt does not exist. They must be ready to recognize and reject this dirt. Otherwise, they will die – morally and even physically. Of course, parents feel pain for their children from understanding what they will have to face in the future. But it's inevitable. Our responsibility is to prepare them to enter this world. It is incredibly difficult for children who grew up in isolation to adapt to new conditions when they get to school - from an atmosphere of kindness, affection, benevolence into the cruel world of children who have not been instilled with the basics of morality. Here are children from drinking and dysfunctional families, from families where the motto “kill the weak”, selfishness, money and prosperity are preached as the highest principles. We are obliged to explain how they can set you up, how you should behave if you are accused of something you didn’t do, why you can’t mindlessly participate in all the enterprises that new comrades offer, why you shouldn’t give in, even if you are called a coward.
P.S.
Religion should be present in a child’s life unobtrusively. Children need to feel it. It is very useful to draw their attention to the beautiful creations of God - to flowers, stars in the evening sky, various bugs, butterflies, cute kittens and puppies, so that they can enjoy the triumph of life, feel its fragility, learn to appreciate all this and see a reflection in every creation Creator. And may God reveal himself to them through your love, through the contemplation of beauty, through the harmony of nature. And then, one day, looking into the endless blue sky strewn with diamonds of stars, your baby will say, “There is God,” not because you told him so, but because he felt it in his heart.
Recorded it
EVGENIYA VASHILOVA
This article is an invitation to a conversation about churching children.
Write your comments, questions, stories about your personal experience.There are no ready-made recipes
One of the most important questions that arises among believers and church-going parents is the question of how to get a child into the church.
Young children often joyfully attend church and Sunday school, but over time many lose the desire to go to church, and some develop outright rebellion against going to church. Sometimes it comes to a serious conflict between a grown-up child and his church-going parents. It is always more difficult to resolve a crisis situation, especially when it concerns our loved ones. Children do not want to go to pastors or psychologists for a conversation, and it is very difficult to solve the problem without their direct participation and desire. And in such a situation, all that remains for us is prayer for our lost sheep.
Therefore, prevention and anticipation of the situation in this matter is very important, as in general in other issues of education. This article is mostly addressed to parents of young children, to parents who may not yet think about the upcoming problems and live in blissful ignorance, rejoicing as the child happily steps into the temple.
Having even little knowledge of hagiography (the study of the lives of saints), we can recall the words from there: “he was born of pious parents and from early childhood was taught in the love of God.”
The piety of parents is one of the most important conditions for the piety of children.
It often happens that adults confuse external piety with genuine piety. Living the so-called church life, in reality they do not follow Christ at all. Hidden in the hearts of the parents themselves is the child’s future attitude towards the church, towards God and towards their neighbors, including the parents themselves.
Recently I had a chance to watch a program about. Dimitry Smirnov with the participation of parents of a large family. Father John and Mother Nadezhda, who have 18 children, were present in the studio. Father and mother spoke surprisingly kindly and with deep respect about their parents, and they also spoke about their children with a smile and warmth. Having grown up in love and obedience to God, they were able to convey the same feelings to their children.
Examples of the righteousness of parents, assimilated by their children, can be found in the Gospel: Joachim and Anna - the parents of the Mother of God, Zechariah and Elizabeth - the parents of John the Baptist, and in the lives of the saints: Cyril and Mary - the parents of Sergius of Radonezh, Stephen and Vassa - the parents of Alexander of Svirsky, the list goes on. I dwell on this issue in detail not in order to point out to the reader their distance from those pious people who became the parents of great saints, but in order to awaken a desire to become more imbued with such examples, to read the lives, patristic literature and build their lives on their basis. This is a big part of the success of all parenting.
After we have once again repeated to ourselves the truth we know - if you want to raise a child, educate yourself - let’s move on to the practical side of this issue.
What is churching? Churching a child is teaching him to live according to the Gospel. Those. Our task is not so much to accustom the child to regularly go to church (although that too), but to accustom him to constant internal spiritual work based on the patristic teachings. Which, in turn, will certainly have a positive impact on his desire to regularly attend divine services and participate in the sacraments. So, having educated ourselves on the issues of Orthodox asceticism in theory and at least a little in practice, let’s begin the conversation about “How to churchize a child?”
Parental love is the love of the Lord
Adults see God differently. For some He is punishing, for others He is merciful, and from others He is completely hidden. And all because the child takes the first steps in knowing God by accepting parental love. How the grown-up child will perceive the love of the Lord in the future largely depends on the kind of love the parents had for the child.
The Lord gives us complete freedom, but for salvation we need obedience. We do not understand this immediately, but gradually, stumbling and falling. Often an adult builds his relationship with God according to the model that his parents offered him in childhood. No wonder he says that our whole life is a tragedy of early childhood. If in childhood a child was treated very harshly and unfairly, then when he grows up, it will be difficult for him to accept the idea that the Lord is merciful and just. The first thing parents should do is to reconsider the entire structure of family life and pay attention to how often they allow themselves to lash out at their children, get irritated, and whether they pay attention to the interests of the child.
Important: even, always attentive, but at the same time strict, without permissiveness, attitude of parents towards children.
Remind yourself:“good or negative impressions about their parents live very deeply in children” (Metropolitan Athanasius of Limassol);
“... be patient, don’t get annoyed, most importantly, don’t get angry. You can never destroy evil with evil, you can never drive it out. It is afraid only of love, afraid of good...” (St. Athanasius (Sakharov).
Everything has its time
It must be taken into account that small children first eat milk, then cereals and mashed vegetables, then move on to solid food, gradually acquiring a taste for different foods. We all remember that in childhood many foods were unpleasant for us and were rejected by us, and as we grew older they gradually moved from the category of unloved to favorite. The unloved ones were mainly those who forced us to eat by force.
Graduality and accuracy are very important in education.
You don’t need to rush right off the bat and try to explain everything to your child at once, but you shouldn’t drag it out either. The worldview is formed gradually, bit by bit every day.
Life in and out of the environment
The most difficult thing is to teach a child to be faithful to the Lord in any environment, in any situation. Parents often face the question: should they prohibit watching modern films, playing computer games, communicate with children from non-church families? On the one hand, it is impossible to put a child under a hood and protect him from all harmful influences. On the other hand, the harm from this exposure can be real poison for life. The enemy of the human race lays out his nets with sophisticated cunning. And here no one will give a ready-made recipe for how to bypass all the traps. Remember the movie "Mistress of the Orphanage"? As Natalya Gundareva’s heroine correctly notes about her experience: “You say you’re an experienced person. And with every child I start all over again. A new guy will appear, and all my experience can quickly be thrown out the window. Because there are no recipes here and there cannot be”
And indeed, there are no recipes. Only a loving heart, respect for the personality of the little person and personal spiritual experience can lead to the right approach to each child and, of course, the fervent prayer of parents.
