You can read a million books and blog posts on self-improvement, attend a lot of trainings and webinars on how to talk to people correctly, how to focus on their needs, what people like and what they don’t.
But the real secret is how to talk to people boils down to one thing:
Be interested, don't be interested!
It happens that you seem to know how to communicate correctly, which words need to be pronounced and which ones not, but if you don’t, you can still get into something. Either he said the wrong thing, or it was wrong, or he didn’t pay attention to something. Or you just see only yourself in a conversation, not paying attention to your interlocutor.
Be able to listen and asking sincere questions is quite difficult for most. Especially for those who “specially study this.” Why? Yes, because he “gets it right” more often How Right say, but doesn't feel What Right say.
All people in the world love to talk about their favorite topic, the most interesting topic- About Me.
When you support person, actively his are you listening, the interlocutor likes it and, accordingly, he likes you too!
Whether you understand it or not, our conversation with a person begins even before we have time to say even a word.
Many people don't even think about it. For example, when we saw a person, we begin to evaluate him, we begin to think something about him, analyze what he is wearing, his face, the expression of his eyes, his behavior, etc. This is already communication, non-verbal. And, as a rule, the interlocutor has already received information from you, and may already react to this.
When we communicate, the main criterion for communicating with a person is the comfort or discomfort of the parties to the communication. And this is very important! Because very often in communication people “pull the blanket over themselves.”
Before we start communicating, many of us have many different thoughts flashing through our heads, we torment ourselves with assumptions, such as how he will or will not react to us, how he will look, what he will think, etc. And, of course, we want to be reacted to in a certain way. In short, many of us get into the “I think you think what I think” game!
In the grand scheme of things, why do we care what people think of us? Even if they don't like you before you meet.
Actually, it doesn't matter at all what a stranger thinks about you. It does not concern you. These are his thoughts.
The only important thing is that you like yourself, feel confident and know your worth.
Nobody really thinks about anything! A person may have such a mood or facial expression because something is wrong with him.
Your task is to smile at the person. Even if he expresses dissatisfaction on his face! And, remember, a smile is the best way to meet the person you like.
If you are not interested in a person, keep your smile short and fleeting. You will still let the person know that you paid attention to him.
If you like a person, then by smiling at him, you can receive a smile in return and the opportunity to get to know each other and start a conversation.
If you have never behaved this way before, it will not be easy at first, but then it will become a habit. Even if you don't feel like smiling, smile. Nine times out of ten they will smile back at you.
Even if they didn’t smile back at you or didn’t want to communicate with you, nothing bad happened!
In fact, we cannot please everyone, just as we cannot like all people.
In fact, it just might be ours defensive belief. If a person wants to believe in this, then he needs to hide in a hole and not come out.
Some people just go dumb after saying hello. They start thinking intensely about how to appear interesting, intelligent conversationalist, i.e. the main task for such people is make an impression, and not to start communication.
Others, begin to pretend to be "cool", and begin to act arrogantly towards other people, as if saying that "I am a good catch, but difficult."
This is how teenagers or very young people behave. But sometimes older people do this. As a rule, such people lose.
Because you can lose the opportunity to improve not only your personal but also your professional life.
And another category of persons communicates constructively and healthy.
To be constructive in communication, you need to remember a few rules:
1. If you are not sure that your joke will be liked, it is better not to joke
2. Don't make sarcastic remarks or snarky remarks to show how witty you are. There is nothing smart about your unpleasant behavior.
3. Give a compliment only when you sincerely mean it. You don't have to do them just to be liked. The insincerity is immediately visible.
4. There is no need to use standard, prepared templates to establish communication. They are worn out, and the interlocutor may get the impression that you are stereotyped, and therefore insincere.
5. Don't suck up, give compliments sincerely.
6. Talk about news, events. If a person came to get acquainted with the possibilities of your business, then ask the person, his interests, dreams, needs (more on this in another post).
7. If you have mutual friends, speak positively about them.
8. Ask questions, but don't force them. That is, you need to think about what to say so as not to get into an unpleasant situation. Try to find common interests by continuing to ask questions and communicate with the person.
9. Know how to ask clarifying questions.
The technique of follow-up questioning is where you ask questions about who, what, where, when and why.
You need to ask about something, and then ask clarifying questions regarding the same topic.
This simple technique can find out what common interests you and your interlocutor have.
If the interlocutor answers you reluctantly or limits himself to laconic, unambiguous answers, then perhaps the interlocutor does not want to talk.
Then you should switch to another topic or move away.
We must remember that the interlocutor needs to look into the eyes as often as possible, then we can quickly and better understand what the person wants, and we can always catch his mood and state.
Of course, it is very important to pay attention to the body and facial expressions of the interlocutor.
The more we have in common with the interlocutor, the more likely we are to improve the relationship.
Therefore, we simply need the clarification technique in order to find our potential friends or clients and partners.
Key tips for keeping a conversation going:
Be interested, don't try to interest.
Watch your gestures and facial expressions, do not occupy the personal space of your interlocutor.
Develop various themes drawn from the media
Show your sense of humor, but don't mock or be sarcastic.
Be energetic, but in moderation so that the person does not think that you are impudent.
We must remember that if we raise a topic in a conversation, we must clearly know what we are talking about. If we don’t know something or about something, it’s better to remain silent.
If we don’t understand something, we shouldn’t be afraid to admit it, and we should definitely ask questions. Very often people will be happy to tell or explain something that others do not know.
If the interlocutor behaves impatiently with us and thinks that we are talking nonsense, we need to let him know that we do not intend to tolerate this.
Their intolerance speaks to their toxic nature.
Therefore, beware of such interlocutors. Their actions show that these are exactly the people from whom it is better to stay away (We will talk about communication in business separately; this has its own nuances).
If, while communicating with a person, you heard a word that you do not understand, ask him: “What did you mean when you said...?”
And you can learn a new word and its meaning.
Often different people can put different concepts into the same word.
The interlocutor may not like you and the interlocutor may not like you.
But in any case, you need to break up so that you and him feel comfortable.
If you break up with someone you're talking to, don't tell them, “I'll call you,” if you don't intend to.
Or “I was very glad to meet you, I still need to talk to some people,” say goodbye kindly, leaving a good impression of yourself.
So To talk well with people, then:
Approach the person you want to chat with with a smile.
Don't be alarmed if someone isn't interested in you. After all, there are a lot of people who don’t interest you.
Be sincere, do not make all kinds of comments, pretending to be “smart,” as this can immediately ruin the mood of your interlocutor.
There will always be something to talk about. Just ask questions and ask in more detail about what you heard. Be interested. Don't worry about getting interested.
When you decide you've had enough, walk away with dignity. Above all, be honest! If you say you will call back, then do it!
Keep your promises!
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There are times when we see the only opportunity to stand up for ourselves in the ability to insult our interlocutor. It is worth recognizing that this method is not always justified, and, at times, can even lead to negative consequences. But there are still situations when it is very difficult to do without it. There can be many such situations, and we will consider some of them in more detail. Self-defense When someone allows themselves to speak offensively towards us, we often “boil” in response. It’s rare that someone manages to restrain their emotions in such a situation and ignore the attacks of an aggressive interlocutor. Of course, if a person has managed to achieve the highest degree of self-control or simply cannot decide to respond to an offensive remark, then he is able to ignore negative words addressed to him. And yet, more often than not, it is not easy to restrain yourself. Protecting the Weak There are situations when we are unable to ignore the fact that someone allows himself to be offensive towards another person. This is especially unbearable to watch when your spouse, your child, a shy girl, or even an unfamiliar pensioner comes under fire from offensive words. In general, aggression awakens in many of us when a weaker person suffers and finds it difficult to stand up for himself. Of course, in this case, the injured party needs protection, and will undoubtedly feel a deep sense of gratitude when receiving it. Animal protection This point is somewhat similar to the previous one, but the difference is that this time we're talking about not about a weak person, but about an animal. Some of us, seeing, for example, how teenagers torture a cat or a drunken person kicks a dog, try to pretend that they simply do not notice what is happening, but the majority still cannot look indifferently at the suffering of “lesser brothers.” Of course, in this case, insults on your part will be more than justified.
How to morally humiliate a person without swearing
Not each of us is able to humiliate a person without resorting to swear words. However, if you learn this, then you can say that you have mastered the art of the most “subtle” insults.Clever phrases to shut someone up
If you want to put a person in his place with some kind of veiled insult, take note of a few phrases.- Open your mouth at the dentist! Usually, those who meddle in someone else's life are those who can't manage their own. Don't fall under the hot hand, so as not to fly under the hot foot.
Cool and funny insults
Such insults may seem cool and funny not only to the person who utters them, but also to the person to whom they apply. However, it all depends on how touchy your interlocutor is. If he is too sensitive to the slightest hint of insults and is overly vulnerable, then, of course, he will not find it funny in this situation.- Shut your laugher already! Stop waving your tongue like a flag at a parade.
Offensive cutting phrases
If you want to offend someone with a caustic and offensive phrase, then, apparently, this person really managed to offend you. Of course, you should never show that you are offended or angry - in this case, you will not achieve the desired effect. Say caustic phrases in a calm tone, which can easily be accompanied by a slight grin.- It looks like the stork dropped someone along the way. And more than once. You would have been taken to the Kunstkamera during your lifetime. One more phrase like this, and you will have to move through life in jerks. You should think about saving nature by sterilizing yourself. It is probably difficult for you to love nature, after what it has done to you.
How to politely send a person away by calling him witty words
You may well offend a person, even if you are on “you” terms with him. To do this, it is not at all necessary to switch to swear words or direct insults. One witty phrase is enough. Therefore, you can even say that in this way you will send a person culturally.- Are you leaving already? Why so slowly? I’m too busy a person to pay attention to your complexes. Shock me, finally say something smart. It looks like you never got over your youthful maximalism. You should be silent more often, you’d be considered smart I hope that you are not always so stupid, but just today.
Play on his weaknesses and complexes
If the situation develops in such a way that you have to insult a woman (note that these are still the most extreme situations), then, of course, you can play on her complexes. More often, weak point a woman is her appearance. Even if she doesn't show that your words hurt her in any way, most likely, you will still achieve your goal - she will remember what you said and it will bother her. It is also worth noting that some men can also be offended by mentioning them appearance or physical parameters. Although most often a male representative can be offended by mentioning his unenviable mental qualities, most men react quite painfully to these remarks. So, some examples:- Alas, you cannot save the world with beauty. However, also with your mind. Woman, you are not so beautiful as to be rude to people. Just by looking at you, I can believe that man really descended from a monkey. Don’t worry, maybe one day you will say something smart. Where did you learn do makeup in Valuev’s style? What, no one wants to get married, that’s why she’s so angry? Is everything really tight? Well, at least try to scatter your bone marrow. It’s immediately obvious that your parents dreamed of you running away from home. It’s true what they say that the brain is not everything. In your case, it's nothing at all.
Create long-term systematic pressure on the enemy
Naturally, at this point we are talking about psychological pressure - the influence on interlocutors that occurs with the aim of changing their psychological attitudes, decisions and opinions. Often this method is used in situations where, for some reason, you cannot openly be rude to a person, but you also cannot help but react to his behavior. So what types psychological pressure exist? Moral pressure This can also be called humiliation, which is expressed in the desire to morally suppress the interlocutor. You systematically point out some characteristic of a person, even if your words do not correspond to reality. Thus, you deliberately sow complexes in your opponent. For example, you can always hint or directly tell someone: “How stupid you are,” “You are very clumsy,” “You still need to lose weight,” and the like. In this case, it becomes difficult for the interlocutor to control himself, and if at first he practically does not pay attention to your words, then later they begin to seriously offend him. It is important to note that this technique is appropriate for people who suffer from self-doubt. Compulsion This method can be used by a person who is endowed with some kind of power - finances, information or even physical strength. In this case, the opponent is unable to provide a worthy rebuff, realizing that in this case he may suffer financially, not receive the necessary information, and so on. Belief This type of psychological pressure can be called the most rational. By using it, you are trying to appeal to a person’s logic and reason. This method is applicable to people of normal intelligence who are able to understand what you are trying to convey to them. A person who is trying to act by persuasion must select the most logical and demonstrative phrases, avoiding doubts and uncertainty in his tone. It is important to understand that as soon as the “victim” begins to notice any inconsistencies, the force of such pressure will begin to weaken. Suspension In this case, the person makes an attempt to “starve out” the interlocutor. You try to put pressure on someone, but when they try to catch you in this, you move away or move on to other topics. You can also respond by accusing your opponent of making things up, twisting things, and so on. Suggestion This method of psychological attack can only be used by a person who is in some way an authority for his “victim.” One way or another, you are trying to suggest something to your interlocutor, speaking in hints or directly.Is it acceptable to use obscene name-calling and swearing?
Of course, we are not always able to control ourselves and cope with ourselves in peak situations, but you should make every effort to achieve this. If it has come to the point that you see no other way but to be rude to a person, then try to do it subtly and beautifully. As they say, there is no need to stoop to the level of “bazaar women.” Of course, if you couldn’t restrain yourself and started swearing, then there’s nothing you can do about it, but still try to prevent this from happening and put the person “in his place” in other ways. The point is not that you can especially hurt with swearing interlocutor. It is simply believed that a person who has “sank” to swearing is not able to defend his opinion in ordinary words - to some extent, this is how we demonstrate our own inconsistency. Of course, it’s a different matter if you, in principle, always communicate with abundant consumption swear words, but that's a completely different conversation.
How to Learn Sarcasm Using Sassy Funny Words
Having learned to use impudent and funny expressions appropriately, you will certainly be able to gain fame in your close circle as a person with a good sense of humor and mastery of the technique of sarcasm. But it is important not to forget that insolence can be fraught with consequences, and with such phrases you can provoke your interlocutor to an unpredictable reaction.- Go, lie down, rest. Well, at least on the rails. I could have offended you, of course, but nature has already done it for me. Nobody scares you, you will be scared in front of the mirror. A stapler would not hurt your mouth at all. Well, I rang the chain, now to the booth go.
- If these beeps continue to come from your platform, then your dental composition will have to move. Are you sick or do you always look like this? You should be in a tube right now. Pay attention to the baseboard so as not to forget about your level. I would laugh at you, but life has already done it for me.
Compare with this option:
The other day I couldn't speak because nothing came to mind.
Last week, while talking to a potential client, I couldn't say a word because my mind was blank.
Which example do you think is better and more likely to grab people's attention? Of course, the last one.
If in 1987, US President Ronald Reagan, in his speech Speech by R. Reagan in front of the Brandenburg Gate in Berlin about the Berlin Wall said something like:
This wall is something um... that shouldn't be there, so anyway, let's get it out of the way quickly.
Such a message would simply be lost in the information flow. Instead, a laconic and succinct challenge was thrown:
Tear down this wall!
Surely you have noticed (if not in yourself, then in someone around you) speech defects of a rhythmic nature. When words are pronounced abruptly, with too many pauses, or vice versa, a person jabbers so that the listener does not have time to understand his thoughts.
To experience the difference in perception, try saying the phrase below. Pronounce each syllable clearly and take short pauses between words. Listen to the sound of your speech:
Today I will go to the gym. Perhaps with a friend.
You will end up with what is called “stepped” speech, in which too much emphasis is placed on individual syllables, and this is a mistake.
Now try mixing each word with the next one so that it looks like one whole passage. Read through without hesitation, but without too much haste:
Today I-went-to-the-gym-with-a-friend.
This option may seem a little careless. In fact, speech with such smooth transitions becomes easier to understand by ear.
As for the pace being too fast, there is a risk of not only being misunderstood, but also of blurting out something unnecessary (for example, in a fit of emotion). Again, recording on a voice recorder will help you track your speech speed.
Try to breathe deeply before each sentence and think that you are being listened to with great interest and that you are in no hurry.
3. Inability to use body language
Many people know the difference between closed and open options, but continue to use closed gestures when, on the contrary, they should open up.
Movements and facial expressions are characterized as open if they express a friendly attitude and readiness to interact: when the palms are not hidden, the gaze is directed into the eyes of the interlocutor, the feet are turned in his direction, and the like. Closed gestures include crossed arms or legs, glances to the side or at the phone, clenched fists - anything that shows tension or even aggression.
We all have natural tendencies to behave in one way or another depending on the situation. If you disagree with someone, your body automatically reacts: you constrict your pupils, turn your head away, cross your arms. Conversely, when you are understood, listened to and supported, you unconsciously open up.
However, it is not always worth giving non-verbal signals to your interlocutor; often the situation requires the opposite. Try to control your body movements and facial expressions when speaking. Pay attention to the position of your hands and which facial muscles are tense. With practice, you can manage this.
4. Habit of arguing
Expressing disagreement in itself is not a bad thing. As they say, truth is born in dispute. This is how creative ideas appear, an incentive to learn and improve something. All this can be useful and necessary for social interaction, even if you are against many people.
Disagreement can be considered a mistake only when nothing depends or changes on the agreement or disagreement of the interlocutors. That is, if it is an empty dispute that does not bring any results other than irritating opponents. The point of such discussions is not to learn anything new. When you argue that someone is wrong, you are engaging them in a verbal battle for status. And that is why most debaters remain unconvinced - to maintain dignity.
The next time you hear a point of view that is ridiculous or incorrect in your opinion, first find out why the person thinks so, rather than rushing to refute him.
If, even after listening to the arguments, you do not agree with someone’s opinion, do not enter into a useless argument. Instead, move the conversation to another topic where you can come to an understanding. Is there no such area? Then just avoid communicating with this person.
5. Lack of topics to talk about
In an unfamiliar company or in a conversation with people new to you, words can very quickly dry up due to the difficulties in choosing a common topic. Probably, each of us at least once in our lives had to pull out some phrases from ourselves, trying to fill awkward pauses. In order not to find yourself in uncomfortable situations, you can come up with a list of routine topics in advance and use them on occasion.
Imagine the circumstances when you want to start a conversation with an unfamiliar or unfamiliar interlocutor: near the cooler at work, when meeting in a cafe, at a bus stop.
Prepare 10 topics that are suitable for conversation with any person in any situation.
It's easier than it seems. For example, you can always ask about life or work (of course, unobtrusively and delicately), discuss last news(but it is advisable to avoid politics), ask for advice on some issue. A win-win, although not very interesting, option is talking about the weather.
6. Illiterate speech
We should not forget that a conversation with a literate, educated person is perceived better than with someone who is confused about cases and vocabulary. Improve your speech culture, read more, use dictionaries. But at the same time, it is important to remember a sense of proportion: do not turn into a boring smartass and do not burden your interlocutor with phrases and terms that are too complex for him.
These are the most common mistakes in colloquial speech. Do you have any of them? Maybe you know good way get rid of them? Share your experience in the comments.
Hearing
The main thing is to be sure to let the person speak out. You should not be afraid of the flow of revelations and panic: no one requires you to be active and immediately solve all problems. It is also better to leave questions, advice and universal wisdom for later: at this stage, a person just needs to know that he is not alone, that he is heard, and they sincerely sympathize with him.
Listening does not mean standing still like a statue and remaining silent until the very end of the monologue. This behavior is more like indifference. It is possible and even necessary to show “signs of life” in order to console a loved one: say “Yes”, “I understand you”, sometimes repeat words or phrases that seemed key - all this will show that you really care. And at the same time it will help you collect your thoughts: both for your interlocutor and, by the way, for yourself.
It's a gesture
There is a simple set of gestures to help sympathizers. An open posture (without arms crossed on the chest), a slightly bowed head (preferably at the same level as the head of the person you are listening to), understanding nods, an approving chuckle in time with the conversation and open palms are subconsciously perceived as a sign of attention and participation. When it comes to a loved one with whom you are accustomed to maintaining physical contact, soothing touches and stroking will not hurt. If the speaker becomes hysterical, and this also happens quite often, then one of the options to calm him down is to hug him tightly. With this, you seem to tell him: I am near, I accept you, you are safe.
It is better not to experiment with people you don’t know in terms of physical contact: firstly, you yourself may feel awkward; secondly, such behavior may turn off a person with a strict personal space. You should also be very careful if you are a victim of physical violence.
No change
Many of us believe that we should not dwell on stress. “Pull yourself together!”, “Find a reason for joy” - this is a standard set of phrases that the culture of global positivity and lightness of life hammers into our heads. Alas, all these attitudes in 90 cases out of 100 have the opposite effect and do not help at all to console a person with words. Having firmly believed that we must look for the positive in everything, we learn not to work on the problem, but to overwhelm it with a mass of conditionally positive experiences. As a result, the problem does not disappear anywhere, and it becomes more and more difficult to return to it and try to solve it every day.
If a person constantly returns to the same topic, it means that stress is still making itself felt. Let him talk as much as necessary (provided that you can handle this process yourself). Do you see how it has become easier? Great. You can slowly change the topic.
If specifically
What words can you use to comfort someone? Often, someone in trouble feels like a social outcast - it seems to him that his misfortunes are unique and no one cares about his experiences. The phrase “Is there anything I can do to help?” It seems banal and insipid, but nevertheless it shows your willingness to share the problem and be in the same boat with the victim. And it’s even better to offer something specific: “Do you want me to come to you right now and we’ll discuss everything?”, “Dictate the list of what you need - I’ll bring it within a day,” “Now I’ll call all the lawyers I know (doctors, psychologists), maybe What will they advise” or simply “Come any time.” And even if the answer is an irritated grumbling in the style of “No need, I’ll figure it out myself,” the very desire to help will have a positive effect.
Help should only be offered if you are really ready for heroic deeds, wasting time, money and emotions. Don’t overestimate your strengths, promising what you can’t do will only make things worse in the end.
Popular
Under supervision
Assurances like “Don’t touch me, leave me alone, I want to be alone” often indicate not so much a desire to cope with the situation alone, but rather an excessive obsession with the problem and, unfortunately, a state close to panic. Therefore, it is strictly not recommended to leave it alone for a long time. Unless for an extremely limited period of time, while being nearby and keeping your finger on the pulse.
Often the mood to “withdraw into oneself” provokes excessive curiosity of others, sometimes not even close ones at all, their excessive pity, and patronizing attitude. Nobody likes it. Therefore, when you see someone in front of you in exactly this state, you should moderate the level of your feelings and sympathy (at least externally) and make it clear that you are not going to teach him about life or put pressure on him with authority, but at the same time you sincerely want to help.
He she
We are accustomed to believing that a woman is an emotionally unstable creature and is always prone to a hysterical reaction, while a man is strong and resilient by default, and therefore is able to cope with stress alone. However, this is not entirely true.
Recent research by scientists shows that a socially isolated man tolerates stress much worse than a woman left to her own devices: he is more prone to withdrawal and depression (and girls even have an increased immunity in force majeure situations!). And the problem that we, emotional ones, will experience and yet forget, can torment the male brain for a long time. Psychologists believe that such a protracted reaction is a consequence of the fact that boys are taught from childhood to remain silent and pay more attention to their reputation than to their state of psychological comfort.
A man needs consolation, but it will be brought by actions rather than words. How to console a loved one? Your arrival, a delicious dinner, an unobtrusive attempt to stir things up will work much better than verbal confessions. In addition, the active behavior of someone nearby brings men to their senses. And also make it clear that it won’t hurt him to speak out and you don’t see anything wrong with it.
Rescue those who help
Sometimes we get so carried away with saving drowning people that it becomes an obsession. Which, by the way, is condoned by the victim himself: having gotten used to your readiness to listen, he, without realizing it, turns into your personal energy vampire and begins to dump all negative emotions on your fragile shoulders. If this goes on for too long, you will soon need help yourself.
By the way, for some people the opportunity to help someone turns into a way to get away from their own problems. This should absolutely not be allowed - sooner or later there is a risk of a full-fledged nervous breakdown.
If after long and, as it seems to you, therapeutic conversations, you feel like a lemon, fatigue, sleep disturbances, and irritability appear - you should slow down a little. In such a state, you are unlikely to help anyone, but you can easily harm yourself.
Depression
We like to use the diagnosis “depression” with or without reason. And although only a specialist can diagnose this disease, there are still general signs that, if manifested, require urgent seeking of qualified help. This:
Apathy, sadness, prevalence of bad mood;
Loss of strength, motor retardation or, conversely, nervous fussiness;
Slowing down of speech, long pauses, freezing in place;
Decreased concentration;
Loss of interest in habitually joyful things and events;
Loss of appetite;
Insomnia;
Decreased sexual desire.
At least a couple of the symptoms listed above - and you really should find a good psychotherapist for the victim.
Text: Daria Zelentsova
Now let's move on to the more practical side - communication...
Have you often encountered a problem when your friend or loved one is depressed, and you don’t know what to tell him or how to help him overcome this condition? Very hard to find the right words in such a situation, because a person may react incorrectly and even inadequately. Below are the most effective words that will help you support a loved one in difficult times.
Phrases that make it clear that you care about a person:
What can I do for you?
All written sources describing this problem advise SHOWING, not TELLING. Words are not all that is helpful to a person struggling with depression.
So, what I find most comforting at a time when it is impossible to gather my thoughts is a friend coming over and preparing lunch for me, or someone offering to tidy up my place. Believe me, practical care is a great support for a person facing grief or suffering from depression. Why not go and check on a person who has completely lost his mood?
Actions are very effective when, when communicating, you express compassion to the interlocutor in a practical way. Even if he is too humble to accept such help, I can assure you that he will place your words in that secret corner of his soul that will remind him: “This person cares about me.”
Maybe there is something that could help you feel better?
Talk to the person about something that once brought them joy, or about something new that could bring them joy. Perhaps he himself will not have an answer to this question, or perhaps he will remember something that could cheer him up now, but he is not able to implement it. Then you can provide him with this support and help him do something that will lift his spirits.
Brew him tea, be close, don’t say unnecessary words, encourage him to have a confidential conversation.
Do you want me to accompany you?
Maybe the person is already used to it for a long time being alone and not even thinking about the fact that someone might be nearby when you need to go shopping or get to some place. Moreover, no one accompanied him home. You can offer such support, it will show that you really care about the person and do not want to leave him alone with his thoughts.
Such actions will say more than just the words “I’m nearby”, “I’m with you”, “You can count on me”, because you are really nearby and you can really be counted on!
Do you find support in anyone?
These words say: “You need support. Let's find a way to get it."
This question will help you understand whether a person is surrounded by support from loved ones or whether he is left to his own devices. If you know that someone is trying to support him, but he himself does not talk about it or does not notice the support as such, then this will help you understand what is important to the person, what helps him and what does not.
The more loved ones show such care, the better for a person. If you know that he feels alone in his trouble and does not receive the support of loved ones, talk to them. Let them know how important it is for them to connect and be there for you during this difficult time.
You should also not forget that you can seek help from specialists if the person himself does not mind. I think this is not the first method of help, but if you yourself cannot help a person, it is better to entrust this to professionals. Again, only with the consent of the person. He needs to be helped to understand that depression is a serious and dangerous disease, but it is completely correctable, especially if the person himself understands this and is ready to fight.
This will definitely end and you will feel the same as before.
These words do not judge, do not impose anything, and do not manipulate. They simply give hope, and this HOPE will keep a person alive, or at least motivate him to live until next day to see if there really is light at the end of the tunnel.
This is not a simple and seemingly indifferent “This will pass”, “It happens and not so.” Such words show that you really care about what is happening in a person’s life, wish him and you sincerely believe that this will soon pass.
Make it clear that this is just a disease, a treatable condition, after which there is a happy life. Everything will not end with such experiences and emotions.
What do you think about most?
This question will help determine the possible cause of depression, what causes the most concern and occupies a person’s thoughts. You explore everything possible reasons, but don’t stop at just one. When a person draws his own conclusions through such a conversation, he will take responsibility for what can be changed.
Perhaps your loved one now really needs someone who knows how to listen and encourage conversation the right questions. Be gentle during this time and be prepared to listen more than you speak, and even be silent at the right time.
What time of day is the most difficult for you?
Try to find out when your loved one’s depressing thoughts are most disturbing and be as close as possible at this time. Don't leave him alone. Even when he doesn’t want to talk, believe me, over time this presence of yours will bring extraordinary fruits and healing.
Calling at the right time, the willingness of the other to wait until the time when he wants to talk about the problem, simply being present is very valuable! If you are nearby, hug the person, make tea, sit next to them and just be ready to help with all your being. In the most difficult times, you are there. And most importantly, they are constant.
I'm here to help you.
This is what you can say to confirm all the actions that you are already doing for a person. There is no need to throw around such words if this is not the case. But if it is true, backed up by deeds, it gives strength. It's simple. It is necessary. And in these words there is everything you need to say: I care, although I cannot fully understand everything, but I love and support you.
Silence.
This is the most inconvenient because we always want to fill the silence with something, even if it's talking about the weather. But saying nothing... and just listening... is sometimes the best and most appropriate answer in a given case.
Be sensitive and attentive. Don't chat in vain. Be closer to a person’s heart, it can understand without words.
How can you be ready to provide such support?
Supporting someone during a difficult time is not easy for the person providing the support. Firstly, because you may not know exactly how to help a person. Secondly, because you are simply worried about him, and yes, you also hurt somewhere inside from his pain!
In advance, stock up on patience and love, be prepared to wait as long as necessary. You won't always understand everything. This is not required of you. But if you are there and support and express your care in every possible way, you can do it.
But this requires a certain dedication. We are not always ready to invest so much in someone. To do this you need to really love.
Help a person find meaning in life. If you yourself are confused about this issue, we can talk about it with you. After all, there is nothing more important than condition the human soul and the contribution we can make to relationships.
