Inflated self-esteem: signs, causes and social meaning. Pros and cons of high self-esteem. High self-esteem is good Disadvantages of low self-esteem

We hear it often. Many articles describe why it is important to increase self-confidence and how uncertainty threatens us.

However, the question is, why is high self-esteem dangerous for a person? After all, if we overestimate our strengths and are too confident that we can do everything, then won’t this become the cause of severe disappointment? Read on about this and much more.

Causes
Is this good or bad?
How to deal with narcissism

How to determine whether it is overestimated or not?

As already mentioned, inflated self-esteem is a person’s overestimation of his strengths and capabilities. At the same time, a person thinks that he is better than he really is. It is impossible to admit that there are shortcomings in this case.

From the outside, it is seen as follows: a person behaves self-confidently, does not listen to anyone’s advice, and considers himself right in any case. In general, the behavior of a typical Narcissist from myths.

Signs:

Excessive self-confidence. Usually has no objective reasons;
Ignoring other people's opinions, especially if they do not coincide with the person's opinion. It is also worth noting that attention is not paid to the feelings of people around;
Selfishness. Seeing only your goals;
Lack of skills to apologize or admit one’s own wrongs;
Competition with others. And it happens on an ongoing basis;
The conversation is based only on a discussion of a person’s merits, thoughts and feelings. The experiences and thoughts of those around him are not interesting to him;
Criticism from others is considered a sign of disrespect.

And another distinctive feature is the desire to always be the first in everything.

Such a person will never be satisfied with an honorable second place, and the saying “The main thing is not victory, but participation” is also not about such a person. All activities are aimed at becoming a winner and proving to others that he is the best.

It is worth paying attention to the fact that if it is not possible to achieve the desired recognition, a deep depressive state may occur.

Causes

The reasons for the development of inadequate assessment of one’s capabilities and strengths include:

Inferiority complex. No matter how strange it may sound, this is the most common reason. The point is that a person can for a long time suffer from self-doubt. But at one moment a decision may come to stop it.

Through willpower, insecurity is hidden behind arrogance and selfishness. And this interesting defensive reaction arises. But a person is unlikely to admit to you that he does not feel confident;

Features of education. For example, if parents praise the child too often and inappropriately, then he gets used to the fact that he is special and does everything right. And to convince a person that sometimes he can be wrong in this case is almost impossible.

So it turns out that a child’s high self-esteem smoothly flows into adult life. Therefore, if you notice that your child is developing too much self-importance, then you should pay more attention to setting the boundaries of behavior and praising only to the point;

Working conditions. For example, if a good specialist finds himself in an atmosphere where there are no more workers with his specialization (that is, there is no competition), then excessive self-confidence may develop;
Fame. This applies more to public people. After all, if every day you are interviewed or photographed for fashion magazines, how to resist and not become too self-confident. That's why they say that not everyone can pass the test of fame.

Is this good or bad?

Each manifestation of our psyche has pros and cons. As for the too high level of self-esteem in one’s abilities, then plus May be:

Sufficient level of confidence required to achieve your goal. After all, sometimes we lack faith in our own strength to take that single, decisive step forward, express our opinion or defend what is important to us.

But for an individual with too high a level of confidence, such problems simply cannot arise;

Achieving success faster is possible. After all, you are so confident in yourself that the option of failure is not even considered. And in some cases, a positive attitude is already half the battle.

Now, as for cons:

Not accepted in society. Think about how long others will tolerate you if you always treat them with disdain;
Difficulty forming friendships and romantic relationships. It follows from the previous point. If people cannot tolerate a narcissist, then they are unlikely to want to get close to him;
Failures. If we do not pay attention to circumstances, but only follow our ambitions, then we risk ending up with nothing.

As you can see, there are more minuses than pluses. In addition, you can achieve success or protect your rights with adequate self-esteem.

How to deal with narcissism

If, after reading the material provided earlier, you realized that this is all similar to you, then do not panic. It is possible to combat such negative manifestations of character.

To do this, try to remember a few rules:

Evaluate only your real deeds. Remember that wanting something more is good, but this does not mean that you already have this more simply because you wanted it.

Therefore, each step you take in the direction of your dream should be considered both from the pros side (what you did and got as a result) and from the minuses side (what you haven’t done yet, but will definitely do next time);

Another person's luck is not a challenge for you. Try to perceive someone's success as self-development and a good example. However, this does not mean at all that you need to go out of your way to outrun a more successful acquaintance;
Review your list of close friends and admit to yourself which of them praise you just like that. Flattery in this case only inflates self-esteem and hides the real state of affairs.

Therefore, try to communicate more with people who can tell you the truth, no matter how bitter it may be;

Admit to yourself your shortcomings. Don't perceive them as something unworthy. Remember that shortcomings are given to us so that we develop along the path of overcoming them;
Compromise is not an admission of failure. Rather, it is an acknowledgment that other people may have different opinions and you are willing to hear them.

You need to remind yourself of these common truths every day. And if over time you notice that the situation has not changed in better side, then I recommend seeking advice from a psychologist.

Perhaps the reason is in the deep attitudes of the subconscious and, by resorting to the help of a professional, you can get rid of them faster and more effectively.

How to Deal with People with High Self-Esteem

The main thing here is to understand whether you are ready to accept them as they are. If so, then in moments of particular interpersonal tension, remind yourself that inside, under all this arrogance, most often lies uncertainty and fear of being left with nothing.

And if possible, it is worth paying the attention of the “narcissist” to how others perceive him. However, this must be done in a gentle manner, without pressure.

But you shouldn’t try to deliberately lower a person’s self-esteem by pointing out his shortcomings. This can lead to the emergence or aggravation of psychological trauma, which will then be quite difficult to get rid of.

So, today we talked about what increased self-esteem is, what it can lead to, what to do with it and how to communicate with a person who is too confident in his abilities and capabilities.

I hope that the material was useful and interesting for you. And we still have a lot of new things ahead.

Therefore, subscribe to blog updates and recommend interesting materials to your friends on social networks!

See you!

I was with you, practicing psychologist Maria Dubynina

Heightened self-esteem– this is an individual’s overestimation of his own potential. Such self-esteem can reveal both positive influence and negative influence. Positive influence expressed in the subject's confidence. Negative influences include increased selfishness, disregard for the point of view or opinions of others, and overestimation of one’s own strengths.

Often, inadequately inflated self-esteem in the event of failure and failure can plunge an individual into the abyss of a depressive state. Therefore, no matter what benefits an individual’s inflated self-esteem brings, it is still better to try to keep it under control.

Signs of high self-esteem

An individual's overestimated self-esteem manifests itself in a more uniform manner compared to underestimated self-esteem. First of all, such a person puts himself above others, considers himself a luminary, and everyone else unworthy of him. However, a person himself does not always put himself above others; often, people themselves elevate him, but he is not able to adequately relate to such an assessment of himself, and he is overcome by pride. Moreover, she can stick to him so strongly that even when the moment of glory is far behind him, pride remains with him.

Inappropriately high self-esteem and its signs:

a person is always confident that he is right, even if there are constructive arguments in favor of the opposite point of view;

in any conflict situation or dispute, the individual is sure that the last phrase should remain with him and it does not matter to him what exactly this phrase will be;

he completely denies the fact of the existence of an opposing opinion, rejects even the possibility that everyone has the right to their own point of view. If he nevertheless agrees with such a statement, he will be confident in the “wrongness” of the interlocutor’s point of view, which is different from his;

the subject is confident that if something does not work out for him, then in this situation it is not he who is to blame, but the surrounding society or the prevailing circumstances;

he does not know how to ask for forgiveness and apologize;

the individual constantly competes with colleagues and friends, always wanting to be better than others;

he expresses his own point of view or principled positions constantly, even if no one is interested in his opinion, and no one asks him to express it;

in any discussions a person very often uses the pronoun “I”;

He perceives any criticism directed at him as a manifestation of disrespect for his person, and with all his appearance makes it clear that he is absolutely indifferent to the opinions of others about him;

it is important for him to always be perfect and never make mistakes or mistakes;

any failure or failure can knock him out of the working rhythm for a long time; he begins to feel depressed and irritable when he fails to do something or achieve the intended result;

prefers to take on only tasks in which achieving results is associated with difficulties, and often without even calculating the possible risks;

the individual is afraid of appearing weak, defenseless or unsure of himself to others;

always prefers to put his own interests and hobbies first;

the individual is subject to excessive selfishness;

he tends to teach the people around him about life, starting with any little thing, for example, how to fry potatoes correctly, and ending with something more global, for example, how to make money;

in conversations he likes to talk more than listen, so he constantly interrupts;

his tone of conversation is characterized by arrogance, and any requests are more like orders;

he strives to be the first and the very best in everything, and if this does not work out, then he can fall into.

People with high self-esteem

The characteristic of inflated self-esteem is that people suffering from such an “illness” have a distorted, towards overestimation, idea of their own person. As a rule, somewhere deep down in their souls they feel loneliness and dissatisfaction with themselves. It is often quite difficult for them to form relationships with the surrounding society, since the desire to be seen as better than they are in reality leads to arrogant, arrogant, defiant behavior. Sometimes their actions and actions are even aggressive.

Individuals with high self-esteem love to praise themselves, in conversation they constantly try to emphasize their own merits, and can allow themselves to make disapproving and disrespectful statements about strangers. In this way they assert themselves at the expense of the people around them and strive to prove to the whole universe that they are always right. Such people consider themselves better than everyone else, and others much worse than them.

Subjects with high self-esteem react painfully to any, even harmless, criticism. Sometimes they can even perceive it aggressively. The peculiarity of interaction with such people contains a requirement on their part that others constantly recognize their superiority.

Inflated self-esteem reasons

More often than not, inadequate assessment towards overestimation occurs due to incorrect family education. Often, inadequate self-esteem is formed in a subject who was one child in the family or the first-born (less common). baby with early childhood feels like the center of attention and the main person in the house. After all, all the interests of family members are subject to his wishes. Parents perceive his actions with emotion on their faces. They indulge the child in everything, and he develops a distorted perception of his own “I” and an idea of his special place in the world. It begins to seem to him that Earth revolves around him.

A girl’s high self-esteem often depends on circumstances related to their forced existence in a harsh male world and the struggle for their personal place in society with chauvinists in pants. After all, everyone strives to show a woman where her place is. In addition, a girl’s high self-esteem is often associated with the external attractiveness of her face and body structure.

A man with high self-esteem imagines himself as the center object of the universe. That is why he is indifferent to the interests of others and will not listen to the judgments of the “gray masses”. After all, this is how he sees other people. Men's inadequate self-esteem is characterized by unreasonable confidence in their subjective rightness, even in the face of evidence to the contrary. Such men can still be named.

According to statistics, a woman with an inflated self-esteem is much less common than a man with an inflated self-esteem.

High and low self-esteem

Self-esteem is the subject’s internal representation of himself, his own potential, his social role and life positions. It also determines one’s attitude towards society and the world as a whole. Self-esteem has three facets. So, for example, love for people begins with love for oneself, and can end on the side where love already turns into low self-esteem.

The upper limit of self-evaluation is inflated self-esteem, as a result of which the individual perceives his personality incorrectly. He sees not his real self, but a fictitious image. Such an individual incorrectly perceives the surrounding reality and his place in the world, idealizes his external characteristics and internal potential. He considers himself smarter and more sensible, much more beautiful than those around him and more successful than everyone else.

A subject who has inadequate self-esteem always knows and can do everything better than others, and knows the answers to any questions. Inflated self-esteem and its reasons can be different, for example, a person strives to achieve a lot, become a successful banker or a famous athlete. Therefore, he goes ahead to achieve his goal, not noticing either friends or family. For him, his own individuality becomes a kind of cult, and he considers those around him to be a gray mass. However, high self-esteem can often hide uncertainty about one’s own potential and strengths. Sometimes high self-esteem is just a kind of protection from the outside world.

Inflated self-esteem - what to do? First, you should try to recognize the uniqueness of each individual person. Each person has the right to his own point of view, which may be correct, despite the fact that it does not coincide with yours. Below are a few rules for bringing self-esteem back to normal.

During a conversation, try not only to listen to the speaker, but also to hear him. You should not adhere to the erroneous opinion that others can only talk nonsense. Believe that in many areas they can understand much better than you. After all, a person cannot be an expert in everything. Allow yourself to make mistakes and mistakes, because they only help you gain experience.

Don’t try to prove anything to anyone, every person is beautiful in their own individuality. Therefore, you should not constantly show off your best features. Don’t get depressed if you couldn’t achieve the desired result; it’s better to analyze the situation to see why it happened, what you did wrong, what was the reason for the failure. Understand that if something didn’t work out for you, it was your fault, and not the fault of the surrounding society or circumstances.

Take it as an axiom that everyone has flaws and try to accept that you, too, are not perfect and that you have negative traits. It’s better to work on and correct shortcomings than to turn a blind eye to them. And for this, learn adequate self-criticism.

Low self-esteem manifests itself in negative attitude personality to itself. Such individuals tend to belittle their own achievements, virtues and positive features. The causes of low self-esteem can be different. For example, self-esteem may decrease due to negative suggestions from society or self-hypnosis. Also, its causes may come from childhood, as a result of improper parental upbringing, when adults constantly told the child that he was bad or compared him with other kids not in his favor.

High self-esteem in a child

If a child’s self-esteem is inflated and he notices only positive traits in himself, then it is unlikely that in the future it will be easy for him to build relationships with other children, together with them to find solutions to issues and come to a consensus. Such kids are more conflict-ridden than their peers and more often “give up” when they fail to achieve their goals or goals that correspond to their ideas about themselves.

A characteristic of a child’s high self-esteem is that he overestimates himself. It often happens that parents or other significant loved ones tend to overestimate the child’s achievements, while constantly admiring any of his actions, intelligence, and ingenuity. This leads to the emergence of a problem of socialization and intrapersonal conflict, when a child finds himself among his peers, where he is transformed from “one of the very best” into “one of the group”, where it turns out that his skills are not so outstanding, but the same as those others or even worse, which is even more difficult for the child to experience. In this case, high self-esteem can suddenly become low and cause mental trauma in the child. The severity of the injury will depend on the age at which the child joined an environment that is alien to him - the older he is, the more intensely he will experience intrapersonal conflict.

Due to inadequately inflated self-esteem, the child develops an incorrect perception of himself, an idealized image of his “I”, his own potential and value for the surrounding society. Such a child emotionally rejects everything that could violate his self-image. As a result, the perception of real reality is distorted, and the attitude towards it becomes inadequate, perceived only at the level of emotions. Children with high self-esteem are characterized by difficulties in communication.

A child has high self-esteem - what to do? A huge role in the formation of children's self-esteem is played by the interested attitude of parents, their approval and praise, encouragement and support. All this stimulates the child’s activity, his cognitive processes, and shapes the child’s morality. However, you also need to praise correctly. There are several general rules when not to praise a child. If a child has achieved something not through his own labor - physical, mental or emotional - then there is no need to praise him. The beauty of a child is also not subject to approval. After all, it was not he himself who achieved this; nature rewards children with spiritual or external beauty. It is never recommended to praise him for his toys, clothes or random finds. Feeling pity or wanting to be liked is also not a good reason for praise. Remember that excessive praise can backfire.

Constant approval of everything that a child does or does not do leads to the formation of inadequate self-esteem, which will subsequently negatively affect the process of his socialization and interpersonal interaction.

Inflated self-esteem of a person (in psychology) is a human problem associated with an adequate assessment of oneself. There is no clear answer to the question of whether high self-esteem is good or bad. This phenomenon has both positive and negative sides. Self-confidence can be considered a positive characteristic. Poor characteristics: increased level of egoism, overestimation of one’s own strengths and capabilities.

Signs of high self-esteem

Signs of inflated self-esteem are manifested in a person’s behavior. The psychology of how a person evaluates himself directly affects relationships with other people. If overconfidence prevails, problems arise in the communication process. The worst of them is when a person is left completely alone.

Inflated self-esteem has signs:

A person is convinced that he is always right. At the same time, significant arguments can be given in favor of an alternative opinion, but this does not influence the individual in any way.
Confidence in the existence of the only correct point of view - personal. A person denies the existence of an opposing opinion as such. If, due to some circumstances, he still needs to accept someone else’s point of view, he will still consider it incorrect.
Another characteristic of high self-esteem is to reserve the last word. The person is confident that only he can draw conclusions and determine the further course of events.
One of the signs of a self-confident person is the inability to apologize or ask for forgiveness.
With high self-esteem, a person blames others for his troubles. If something doesn't work out, it means other people are to blame. If a person reaches some heights, then this is only his merit.
An individual has the opinion that only he and no one else can bear the title “best”.
A great desire to be the first in everything, not to make mistakes.
Having high self-esteem, a person expresses his point of view even when he is not asked to do so. He believes that others are always interested in his opinion on any issue.
The personal pronoun is often used in speech.
With any failures or mistakes, a feeling of irritability and confusion sets in. A person easily goes off course.
Increasing self-esteem is characterized by a disdainful attitude towards other people's criticism. A different opinion is perceived as disrespect, so you should not pay attention to it.
Failure to soberly consider risks. A self-confident person often takes on complex matters that are fraught with certain dangers.
Fear of looking insecure, weak, helpless.
High level of egoism.
Personal interests and needs always come first.
A person often interrupts his interlocutor because he is used to talking more than listening.
With signs of self-confidence, an individual tends to teach others, even in small things.
Arrogant tone.

Causes of high self-esteem

Most often, high self-esteem is formed at the time of primary socialization. Inflated opinion about oneself occurs in the process of parental upbringing, preschool education educational institutions, school. A person with high self-esteem at a more mature age is no longer able to break the directions of communication with others that have been established in the mind.

The reasons for high self-esteem lie in the following:

Parental narcissism. The problem begins to arise during the period of raising children. The child does not receive adequate satisfaction of emotional needs, because... parents perceive it and treat it as a way of self-affirmation. Inflated self-esteem compensates for the lack of these positive experiences.
The reason for overestimation of self-esteem may be that the individual is the first or only child in the family. This problem is especially evident in families who have not been able to have a child for a long time.
The problem can be spoilage in childhood. This happens in cases where the parents incorrectly built the “child-adult” relationship: they paid him excessive attention, put his interests first, did not limit the child in anything, satisfied all the whims on demand, no matter what.
Appearance. In some cases, it is common for a person to consider himself better than others because of his own attractiveness. Bright appearance is perceived by a person as a certain advantage over others. More often than not, this behavior is characteristic of women rather than men.
Inflated self-esteem can be formed by teachers. Some teachers single out students on the basis of personal sympathies, high material, social status parents of the student.
No testing of one's own abilities. For example, a child may cope well with the workload at a regular school, but studying at a more prestigious institution would require more effort from him. If an individual never encounters serious challenges along the way, he may begin to attribute to himself the presence of outstanding abilities.
Having a rare natural talent. Such people are often said to be unique, which is why a person has a high opinion of himself.
Financial security. When an individual does not need anything, his self-esteem becomes excessively high.

Individuals who have increased self-confidence often come into conflict with people whose level of self-esteem is much lower than theirs.

The cause of a high level of conceit in each specific case can be determined using psychodiagnostic methods.

Inflated self-esteem in children and adolescents

High self-esteem is formed under the influence of certain factors. Sometimes parents are overzealous in their desire to praise their child, because of this, children develop an incorrect perception of themselves in relation to others.

A high level of self-esteem in children and adolescents is due to:

Narcissism. Many parents believe that there is nothing wrong with constantly praising their teenagers. However, when parents too often focus on the child’s appearance and talents, the latter develops a clear idea that he is unique and has an advantage over others. Thus, teenagers become narcissistic “narcissists.”
No punishment. If parents encourage their child even for the slightest successes, without paying attention to misdeeds, the teenager’s level of self-esteem increases. In case of failures or mistakes, the child looks for the reason on the outside, but not in himself.

To develop healthy self-esteem in a child, it is recommended:

Give teenagers the opportunity to feel protected.
Let the child know that he is loved and accepted in the family, school, etc. Without this identification, a teenager may experience a feeling of loneliness and rejection.
For good, full development, a child must have goals. This way he will be able to direct energy and thoughts in the right direction.
Give the child the opportunity to cope with difficulties on his own. In this way, people develop competence and a sense of their own strength.
Allow yourself to become responsible. Being a teenager isn't easy. At this age, it is important to make it clear to the child that each step leads to certain consequences. This way he will learn to make decisions more consciously and in case of failures he will not look for reasons in others, but will take full responsibility upon himself.
Allow your teenager to be helpful. When a child contributes to a particular activity, he develops the idea that his opinion is also taken into account and matters.
Teach your child to be disciplined. If parents give real assessments, recommendations for action and opportunities to test themselves in a given situation, the child will begin to think, reason, find solutions to problems, and consider the consequences of actions that he may commit. This type of self-reflection is essential for continued growth.
Encourage real merit and achievements.
Give your child the correct understanding of failure. It is important to explain that mistakes are not a reason to fall into despair, but an incentive to improve yourself and your skills.

High level of self-esteem in men

Inflated self-esteem in men is common and is a problem both for the individual himself and for those around him. Such a person is accustomed to exaggerating his merits.

High self-esteem is determined by the following characteristics:

High sense of self-worth.
The man does not pay any attention to criticism, even reasoned criticism. It doesn’t occur to a man that he might not understand something. He is completely confident that he knows everything better than anyone.
A person can afford to mock those who, in his opinion, do not deserve respect.
The need for constant admiration for oneself. If this does not happen, the man becomes despondent.
The desire to be the best everywhere and in everything.
Confidence in your own uniqueness and originality.
A high level of self-esteem does not allow you to feel what compassion is. If you can already do all this, then this feeling is short-lived.
The conviction that everyone around him is jealous.
Demonstration of fictitious achievements in order to increase self-esteem.
Arrogant behavior, vanity, pronounced selfishness.
Mercantile interests. Inflated material demands and desires.
Irritability, anger if someone turns out to be better than him.
Disguising your negative traits and sides.
Commanding tone of communication. Such people often tell others how and what to do.
Inability to accept refusals and failures. If the situation has taken an unpleasant and unexpected turn, the man does not know what to do. He becomes confused and depressed.
Excessive touchiness. A man is easily offended if he does not receive due admiration for his “merits.”
Tendency to swear and scandals. Such men love to take revenge if someone crosses their path.
Excessive narcissism. Self-confident men believe that they are the most attractive, and this gives them the right to disdain the people around them.
The need for complete control. Such men have a great need for power. They like to feel independent. This is how they show their masculine essence. Otherwise, they feel wounded and inferior.
Idealization of yourself, your life.

Inflated self-esteem in men gives rise to such a problem as the constant desire for success and universal love at any cost. After such a man achieves a certain financial position and occupies a high place in society, he considers his ambitions satisfied.

High self-esteem is a psychological problem. It will take a lot of time and effort to solve. People with high self-esteem can turn to a psychologist for help, the main thing is that it is voluntary.

If a person has high self-esteem, he can do the following exercise:

You need to write down 10 main advantages on a piece of paper;
each needs to be assessed according to severity on a scale from 1 to 5;
then you should ask your friends and relatives to do the same;
Then the results obtained are compared and analyzed.

If the estimates are very different, you need to think about why this happened. You should try to determine the real reason for these discrepancies in yourself, your own behavior, and not in other people.

Rules for forming adequate self-esteem

There are several rules for developing good self-esteem:

Awareness plays a significant role on the path of transformation. It is important to soberly assess your external and internal data. To do this, it is recommended to look at yourself from the outside more often. You need to carefully analyze your weaknesses and strengths.
You should learn to respect the opinions of others and appreciate their merits. Many of them can be excellent specialists in their field.
It is recommended that you learn to accept constructive criticism. Resentment is the most wrong reaction in such a situation.
When completing tasks, you need to set high goals, but under no circumstances should you get upset or panic if something goes wrong.
It's important to remember that everyone has flaws.
Self-criticism is a good cure for incorrect self-assessments. It is useful for working on yourself and achieving new results.
It is recommended to become realistic. What is important here is the understanding that a person cannot be perfect always and in everything.
In your activities, you should take into account not only your own satisfaction from the work done, but also the opinions of others.
It is important to allow yourself to make mistakes. Wrong decisions are not a disaster, but only a lesson for the future. You should also remember about personal responsibility for all consequences.
It is not recommended to compare yourself with others, to argue whether you are good or bad person works near you.

Inflated self-esteem makes a person arrogant, confident that the people around him owe him something. The individual makes inadequate conclusions about himself, overestimating his own importance. Any deviation from adequate self-esteem is a problem for a person. It is always important to soberly assess yourself and your potential.

The cause of many problems in life is inadequate self-esteem - overestimated or underestimated.

Success in life largely depends on self-esteem. How a person treats himself, how he evaluates his abilities and what place he assigns to himself in society affects his goals in life and the results he achieves.

Heightened self-esteem

A person with this type of perception of his personality tends to exaggerate his own merits and successes. Sometimes this is accompanied by a tendency to downplay the abilities of others.

Such a person usually considers his successes solely his own merit, and underestimates the role of external factors. But for failures he blames circumstances or other people, but not himself. He reacts painfully to and is ready to aggressively defend his positions.

The main desire of people with an exaggerated assessment of their own “I” is to protect themselves from failure at any cost and prove that they are right in everything. But often this behavior is a reaction to a basic feeling of inferiority.

The result of too high self-esteem is difficulties in communicating with others and problems with self-realization. As for the first, few people would want to communicate with a person who does not take into account the interests of others or allows himself to speak arrogantly. And problems with self-realization can arise for two reasons. On the one hand, people who overestimate themselves avoid goals that they are not 100% confident in their ability to achieve, for fear of not being up to the mark. As a result, they deprive themselves of many chances in life. On the other hand, unfounded self-confidence often forces them to set unattainable goals for themselves. Failures fail to be analyzed and end up wasting time and energy.

If you notice that people treat you coldly, and you have more ill-wishers than friends, watch your communication style. Perhaps the problem is your high self-esteem. Learn to treat people with respect, avoid using derogatory phrases towards others, listen to their needs and try to do something nice for the other person. Most likely, nothing will remain of the hostility of others towards you.

Low self-esteem

Such people downplay their importance and abilities. They explain their own achievements by chance, by the help of another person, by luck, and only last but not least by their own efforts. If a person doesn’t just say that, but firmly believes in it, this is not modesty, but a sign of low self-esteem. They react to compliments addressed to them with distrust or even aggressive rejection.

A person with low self-esteem always doubts himself, and therefore also has problems with self-realization. He chooses only those goals that he knows are easy to achieve. But often it is significantly lower than it real opportunities. It is not surprising that his successes in school, personal life, and career are very mediocre, but he is inclined to explain this by external circumstances.

If low self-esteem is your thing, try increasing it with auto-training. Remind yourself of your strengths every day. Repeat positive messages out loud and mentally about how talented, beautiful, wonderful you are, etc. Human.

You can use the principle of comparison and competition: if someone succeeded, then you will succeed, because you are no worse. In “difficult” cases, you can try to compare yourself with someone who does it worse than you, and remember your own attitude that you are “not worse than others, but somewhere in the middle.”

As we can see, any distorted (overestimated or underestimated) can seriously ruin a person’s life. Today there is a lot of literature available, with the help of which anyone can learn to correct their internal attitudes and patterns using special exercises and techniques. This will improve your quality of life.

Today we will talk about how they differ high and low personal self-esteem. After reading this article, you will find out what it is personality self-esteem, why it is needed, what main functions it performs, what are the main signs and causes of low and high self-esteem, and many other interesting and useful information about this theme. We will need all this in order to consider in the next article how to increase self-esteem and self-confidence. So, first things first.

What is personal self-esteem?

Let's start with a definition. Self-esteem is a person’s opinion about himself, about his own personality, its strengths and weaknesses, about his physical capabilities and spiritual qualities, about one’s abilities and skills, about one’s appearance, comparing oneself with other people, imagining oneself against the background of others.

IN modern world adequate self-esteem and self-confidence are one of the key factors in any business.

If a person does not have self-confidence, he will not be able to convince his interlocutor of something, he will not be able to lead other people, therefore, in general, it will be much more difficult for him to follow the intended path.

Personal self-esteem plays a huge role in human development and achievement. Without adequate self-esteem, a person is unlikely to achieve success in business, build a career, be happy in his personal life, or generally achieve anything.

Functions of self-esteem.

Psychologists identify 3 main functions of personality self-esteem:

Protective function. Personal self-esteem forms the degree of a person’s independence from other people’s opinions, and self-confidence makes it possible to feel relatively protected from the influence of any external unfavorable factors.
Regulatory function. Self-esteem gives a person the opportunity to make choices and regulate their life path: independently set and follow your own, and not someone else’s, goals.
Developmental function. Thanks to self-esteem, a person develops and improves, since it acts as a kind of motivating factor for.

Low, high and inflated self-esteem.

You can often hear such expressions as “adequate self-esteem”, “low or low self-esteem”, “high self-esteem”, “inflated self-esteem”. Let's figure out what they mean in simple words.

Low self-esteem (low self-esteem)- this is giving yourself, your personality, lower ratings and characteristics than they really are.

Heightened self-esteem- This is the perception of one’s own personality at a higher level compared to reality.

Respectively, adequate, ideal, high self-esteem- this is the most objective and realistic assessment of one’s own personality, perceiving it as it is: no better and no worse.

Both low and high self-esteem prevent a person from developing, but this manifests itself in different ways. In fact, there are very few people with adequate, high (but not inflated!) self-esteem. Numerous studies by psychologists have proven that most often people have low self-esteem, which is one of the most serious reasons for their failures in life. Including, in relation to the theme of the site Financial Genius - and low level. Therefore, it is very important for people who have low self-esteem to think about increasing their self-esteem, and not just think about it, but begin to act in this direction.

Signs of low self-esteem.

Since it is always difficult for a person to objectively evaluate himself, let's look at the characteristic signs that indicate that he has low self-esteem.

Constant dissatisfaction with yourself, your work, family, life in general;
Constant self-criticism and soul-searching;
Increased sensitivity to criticism and comments from other people, strong reaction to criticism;
Strong dependence on the opinions of others;
The desire to act in accordance with common stereotypes, the search for approval from others, the desire to please everyone, the desire to justify one’s actions to others;
Indecisiveness, fear of making mistakes, severe frustration and feelings after making a mistake;
A strong feeling of jealousy, especially without reason;
A strong feeling of envy of the successes, achievements, and lives of other people;
Constant grievances, incl. for nothing;
Dissatisfaction with your appearance;
Hostile attitude towards the surrounding world (everyone around is an enemy);
Constant feeling of fear and defensive position;
A pronounced pessimistic attitude.

The more of these signs you find in yourself, the more you should think about how to increase your self-esteem and gain self-confidence.

Problems and difficulties arise in the life of absolutely any person, but the difference in their perception is important. A person with low self-esteem perceives all temporary problems as permanent, as his “hard fate,” and therefore is always negative and pessimistic. As a result, all this can even cause serious mental disorders. While a person with adequate self-esteem strives to overcome the difficulties that arise and does everything possible for this.

Why do you need high self-esteem?

Now let's look again at why adequate, high self-esteem is so important. Many people have a stereotypical opinion that high self-esteem is bad, that you need to “know your place and sit and keep a low profile.” And such a belief, by the way, is also one of the signs of low self-esteem.

In fact, low self-esteem of an individual gives rise to a lot of problems, causes the development of complexes and even mental disorders, and most importantly, it greatly hinders a person’s development and movement forward. Simply because he is not sure that he can go through any specific steps. Such people “go with the flow,” and the main thing for them is that no one bothers them.

High self-esteem, on the contrary, opens the way to achievements, to new heights, new areas of activity.

There is one more important point: if a person has low self-esteem, other people will never rate him highly (and this, as you remember, is important for him!). While a person with high self-esteem is always known and respected, his opinion is valued and listened to.

People will begin to appreciate and respect you only when you have adequate high self-esteem and self-confidence. Believe in yourself and then others will believe in you!

Signs of high self-esteem.

Now, by analogy, let's highlight the main signs that you have high self-esteem, you were able to raise it, or it was like that (in this case, you are great!).

You are always confident in yourself, your strengths and capabilities;
You accept yourself as you are;
You are not afraid to make mistakes, you learn from them, perceive them as experience, and move on;
You are calm when you are criticized, you distinguish between constructive and destructive criticism;
You easily make contact and find a common language with different people, do not be afraid of communication;
You always have your own point of view on any issues;
You strive for self-development and self-improvement;
You tend to achieve success in your endeavors.

Reasons for low self-esteem.

To talk about how to increase self-esteem and self-confidence, it is also necessary to know the causes of low self-esteem, since eliminating the cause is more effective than dealing with the consequences. Interestingly, these reasons can be of a very different nature, ranging from genetic predisposition, ending with the social environment, the conditions in which a person grows and develops. Let's look at them.

Reason 1. Wrong upbringing. For many people, parents raised them only with the “whip”, constantly scolding them, comparing them unfavorably with other children. Naturally, such a child develops low self-esteem from childhood: he cannot do anything, he is bad, he is a loser, others are better.

Reason 2. A series of failures or psychological trauma. It happens that a person often has failures, and especially when there are many of them, and they come in succession, he begins to perceive this as a pattern, his own weakness, his own powerlessness. Or it could be one, but very significant event, which psychologists call “psychological trauma.” This is especially pronounced, again, in children and adolescents (it is at an early age that personal self-esteem is primarily formed). Accordingly, a person develops low self-esteem: he cannot be confident in himself and “programs” himself in advance for failure.

Reason 3. Lack of life goals. A very serious cause of low self-esteem. If a person does not have clearly expressed ones, he has nothing to strive for, there is no need to develop. Such a person leads a passive lifestyle, without developing his personal qualities. He doesn’t dream, doesn’t care about his appearance or his well-being, and such a person often has not just low self-esteem, but non-existent self-esteem.

Reason 4. Environment and social environment. The formation of a person’s self-esteem is greatly influenced by the environment in which a person is located. If he grows and develops among amorphous people without goals, floating with the flow, he himself will most likely be the same, low self-esteem is guaranteed. But if he is surrounded by ambitious, constantly developing and successful people who are a good example to follow, a person will strive to keep up with them, and he is more likely to develop adequate, high self-esteem.

Reason 5. Problems with appearance or health. And finally, another significant reason for low self-esteem is the presence of certain defects in appearance or visible health problems ( excess weight, poor vision, etc.). Again, with early years Such people may be subject to ridicule and insults, so they often develop low self-esteem, which interferes throughout their adult lives.

Now you have a certain idea of what personal self-esteem is, how low and high self-esteem differ, what are their signs and causes. And in the next article we will talk about how to raise your self-esteem if it is low.

Stay tuned! See you again!

In my practice, I constantly come across questions that clients ask me: “Why do people treat me this way, what’s wrong with my self-esteem?” First, let's figure out what self-esteem is in principle. This is an assessment of yourself, your strengths and weaknesses. Self-esteem is:

Underestimated – underestimating one’s own strengths;
Overestimated – overestimation of one’s own strengths;
Normal – adequate assessment of oneself, one’s own strengths in certain life situations, in setting one’s goals and objectives, in adequate perception of the world, in communicating with people.

What are the signs of low self-esteem?

1. The attitude of others as an indicator. How a person treats himself is how others treat him. If he does not love, respect and value himself, then he is faced with the same attitude of people towards him.

2. Inability to manage your own life. A person believes that he cannot cope with something, cannot make a decision, hesitates, thinks that nothing depends on him in this life, but depends on circumstances, other people, the state. Doubting his capabilities and strengths, he either does nothing at all or shifts the responsibility for choice to others.

3. Tendency to blame others or self-flagellation. Such people do not know how to take responsibility for their lives. When it is beneficial for them, they engage in self-flagellation so that they will be pitied. And if they don’t want pity, but self-justification, then they blame others for everything.

4. The desire to be good, to please, to be liked, to adapt to another person to the detriment of oneself and one’s personal desires.

5. Frequent complaints to others. Some people with low self-esteem tend to complain about others and constantly blame them, thereby removing responsibility for failures from themselves. It’s not for nothing that they say that best protection- this is an attack.

6 . Focusing on your shortcomings rather than your strengths. In particular, being overly critical of your appearance. A sign of low self-esteem is pickiness about your appearance, constant dissatisfaction with your figure, eye color, height and body in general.

7. Permanent nervousness, groundless aggression. And vice versa - apathy and depressive states from loss of oneself, the meaning of life, a failure, criticism from the outside, a failed exam (interview), etc.

8. Loneliness or vice versa – fear of loneliness. Quarrels in relationships, excessive jealousy, as a result of the thought: “You can’t love someone like me.”

9. The development of addictions and addictions as a way of temporarily escaping reality.

10. Strong dependence on the opinions of other people. Inability to refuse. Painful reaction to criticism. Absence/suppression of one's own desires.

11. Closedness, closedness from people. Feeling sorry for yourself. Inability to accept compliments. Permanent victim state. As they say, the victim will always find an executioner.

12. Heightened sense of guilt. He tries on critical situations on himself, without sharing his guilt and the role of the prevailing circumstances. He accepts any showdown in relation to himself as the culprit of the situation, because this will be the “best” confirmation of his inferiority.

How does high self-esteem manifest itself?

1. Arrogance. A person puts himself above others: “I am better than them.” Constant competition as a way to prove this, “flaunting” one’s merits.

2. Closedness as one of the manifestations of arrogance and a reflection of the thought that others are lower than him in status, intelligence and other qualities.

3. Confidence in your own rightness and constant proof of this is the “salt” of life. The last word must always remain with him. The desire to control the situation, to play a dominant role. Everything should be done as he sees fit, those around him should dance to his tune.

4. Setting lofty goals. If they are not achieved, frustration sets in. A person suffers, falls into depression, apathy, and despises himself.

5. Inability to admit your mistakes, apologize, ask for forgiveness, lose. Fear of evaluation.

6. Painful reaction to criticism.

7. Fear of making a mistake, appearing weak, defenseless, unsure of yourself.

8. The inability to ask for help is a reflection of the fear of appearing defenseless. If he asks for help, it is more like a demand, an order.

9. Focus only on yourself. Puts his own interests and hobbies first.
The desire to teach the lives of others, to “poke” them into the mistakes they have made and show them how to do it by the example of oneself. Self-affirmation at the expense of others. Boastfulness. Excessive familiarity.

10. Arrogance.

11. Predominance of the pronoun “I” in speech. In conversations he says more than he does. Interrupts interlocutors.

For what reasons can failures in self-esteem occur?

Childhood trauma, the causes of which can be any event significant for the child, and there are a huge number of sources.

Oedipal period. Age from 3 to 6-7 years. At an unconscious level, the child acts out a partnership with his parent of the opposite sex. And the way the parent behaves will affect the child’s self-esteem and how he or she will develop a scenario for relationships with the opposite sex in the future.

Teenage years. Age 13 to 17-18 years. A teenager searches for himself, trying on masks and roles, building his life path. He tries to find himself by asking the question: “Who am I?”

Certain attitudes towards children from significant adults(lack of affection, love, attention), as a result of which children may begin to feel unnecessary, unimportant, unloved, unrecognized, etc.

Some patterns of parental behavior, which subsequently passes on to children and becomes their behavior in life. For example, low self-esteem among the parents themselves, when these same projections are imposed on the child.

The only child in the family when all attention is focused on him, everything is only for him, when there is an inadequate assessment by parents of his abilities. This is where high self-esteem comes from, when a child cannot adequately assess his strengths and abilities. He begins to believe that the whole world is only for him, everyone owes him, there is an emphasis only on himself, the cultivation of egoism.

Low assessment by parents and relatives of the child, his abilities and actions. The child is not yet able to evaluate himself and forms an opinion about himself based on the assessment of people significant to him (parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, etc.). As a result, the child develops low self-esteem.

Constant criticism of the child leads to low self-esteem, low self-esteem and closedness. In the absence of approval of creative endeavors and admiration for them, the child feels unrecognized for his abilities. If this is followed by constant criticism and scolding, then he refuses to create, create, and therefore develop anything.

Excessive demands on the child can foster both high and low self-esteem. Often parents want to see their child the way they would like to see themselves. They impose their destiny on it, building on it projections of their goals that they could not achieve themselves. But beyond this, parents stop seeing the child as a person, beginning to see only their projections, roughly speaking, of themselves, their ideal selves. The child is sure: “For my parents to love me, I must be the way they want me to be.” He forgets about his present self and can either successfully or unsuccessfully meet parental demands.

Comparison with other good children lowers self-esteem. Conversely, the desire to please parents inflates self-esteem in pursuit and competition with others. Then other children are not friends, but rivals, and I must be better than others.

Overprotection, excessive taking of responsibility for the child in making decisions for him, right down to who to be friends with, what to wear, when and what to do. As a result, the child ceases to develop the Self; he does not know what he wants, does not know who he is, does not understand his needs, abilities, desires. Thus, parents cultivate in him lack of independence and, as a result, low self-esteem (up to the loss of the meaning of life).

The desire to be like a parent, which can be either natural or forced, when the child is constantly told: “Your parents have achieved so much, you must be like them, you have no right to fall flat on your face.” There is a fear of slipping up, making a mistake, or not being perfect, as a result of which self-esteem may be low and initiative may be completely killed.

Above I have given some of the common reasons why problems with self-esteem arise. It is worth adding that the line between the two “poles” of self-esteem can be quite thin. For example, overestimating oneself may be a compensatory and protective function of underestimating one’s strengths and capabilities.

As you can already understand, most problems in adult life stem from childhood. The child’s behavior, his attitude towards himself and the attitude towards him from surrounding peers and adults build certain strategies in life. Childhood behavior carries over into adulthood with all its defense mechanisms.

Ultimately, entire life scenarios of adulthood are built. And this happens so organically and imperceptibly for ourselves that we do not always understand why certain situations happen to us, why people behave this way with us. We feel unnecessary, unimportant, unloved, we feel that we are not valued, we are offended and hurt by this, we suffer. This all manifests itself in relationships with loved ones, colleagues and superiors, the opposite sex, and society as a whole.

It is logical that both low and high self-esteem are not the norm. Such states cannot truly make you happy man. Therefore, something needs to be done about the current situation. If you yourself feel that it’s time to change something, that you would like something in your life to become different, then the time has come.

How to deal with low self-esteem?

1. Make a list of your qualities, strengths, virtues that you like about yourself or that your loved ones like. If you don't know, ask them about it. In this way, you will begin to see the positive aspects of yourself as a person, thereby starting to cultivate self-esteem.

2. Make a list of the things that bring you pleasure. If possible, start performing them for yourself. By doing this, you will cultivate love and care for yourself.

3. Make a list of your desires and goals and move in this direction. Playing sports gives you tone, lifts your spirits, and allows you to take quality care of your body, which you are so dissatisfied with. At the same time, there is a release of negative emotions that were accumulated and did not have the opportunity to come out. And, of course, you will have objectively less time and energy for self-flagellation.

4. Keeping an achievement diary can also boost your self-esteem. If every time you write down your biggest and smallest victories in it.

5. Make a list of qualities that you would like to develop in yourself. Develop them with the help of various techniques and meditations, of which there are now plenty both on the Internet and offline.

6. Communicate more with those whom you admire, who understand you, and from communication with whom “wings grow.” At the same time, minimize contacts with those who criticize, humiliate, etc. to the maximum possible level.

Scheme of working with inflated self-esteem

1. First you need to understand that each person is unique in his own way, everyone has the right to their own point of view.

2. Learn not only to listen, but also to hear people. After all, something is also important to them, they have their own desires and dreams.

3. When caring for others, do it based on their needs, and not on what you think is right. For example, you came to a cafe, your interlocutor wants coffee, but you think that tea would be healthier. Don't force your tastes and opinions on him.

4. Allow yourself to make mistakes and mistakes. This provides real ground for self-improvement and valuable experience with which people become wiser and stronger.

5. Stop arguing with others and proving that you are right. You may not know it yet, but in many situations, everyone can be right in their own way.

6. Don't get depressed if you couldn't achieve the desired result. It’s better to analyze the situation to see why it happened, what you did wrong, what was the reason for the failure.
Learn adequate self-criticism (of yourself, your actions, decisions).

7. Stop competing with others on every issue. Sometimes it looks extremely stupid.
Stick out your merits as little as possible, thereby underestimating others. The objective merits of a person do not need to be clearly demonstrated - they are seen through actions.

There is one law that helps me a lot in life and in working with clients:

Be. Do. Have

What does it mean?

“To have” is a goal, a desire, a dream. This is the result you want to see in your life.

“Doing” means strategies, tasks, behavior, actions. These are the actions that lead to the desired result.

“Be” is your sense of yourself. Who are you inside yourself, for real, and not for others? Who do you feel like?

In my practice, I like to work with the “being of a person,” with what happens inside him. Then “to do” and “to have” will come by themselves, organically forming into the picture that a person wants to see, into the life that satisfies him and allows him to feel happy. Where work more efficiently with cause, not effect. Elimination of the root of the problem, what creates and attracts such problems, rather than relief current state, allows you to really improve the situation.

In addition, the problem is not always and not everyone is aware of; it can sit deep in the unconscious. Working in this way is necessary in order to return a person to himself, to his unique values and resources, his strength, his own life path and understanding of this path. Without this, self-realization in society and in the family is impossible. For this reason, I believe that the optimal way for a person to interact with himself is “being” therapy, not “doing”. This is not only effective, but also the safest, shortest path.

You were given two options: “do” and “be”, and everyone has the right to choose which way to go. Find a way to yourself. Not what society dictates to you, but to yourself - unique, real, holistic. How you will do this, I don’t know. But I am sure that you will find a way that will be better in your case. I found this in personal therapy and successfully apply it in certain therapeutic techniques for rapid personality change and transformation. Thanks to this, I found myself, my path, my calling.

Good luck in your endeavors!

Sincerely, psychologist-consultant
Drazhevskaya Irina

A person’s self-esteem is a set of opinions (assessments) about himself, about his pros and cons, about his shortcomings and advantages.

The main thing in self-esteem is your own opinion about yourself. This opinion may change depending on life circumstances. The basis of self-esteem is the individual’s value system.

It is important to have a balanced, balanced view of yourself, develop your positives and correct your negatives.

Healthy self-esteem gives a person comfort in life and balanced optimism, influencing all aspects of life.

There are actually few people with low self-esteem, but there are many people who have the habit of living in a “victim position”, and this is a “defense against claims”.

When low self-esteem becomes a habit, a person has a reason not to work on himself.

Objective self-esteem gives harmony, peace of mind, the ability to love and be loved, joy from every day of life.

How self-esteem is formed

Self-esteem is formed on the basis of the assessments of others, self-assessment of the results of one’s own activities, as well as on the basis of the relationship between real and ideal ideas about oneself.

We absorb opinions about us from the world around us. Based on this, we draw conclusions about ourselves and develop self-esteem.

You should not rely on public opinion. This is not a lighthouse, but will-o'-the-wisps. (C)

Let's remember our childhood.

We have a low opinion of ourselves if our parents assessed our successes and failures inadequately.

We have an inflated opinion of ourselves if our parents never scolded us or limited us in anything. When it suddenly turns out that we are not perfect, we experience emotional stress. Self-esteem suffers, but remains in the same position. Everyone around us is to blame for our troubles, but not ourselves. Of course, everyone around us owes it to US; the claims to the world in this case are limitless.

Parental indifference occurs more often in well-off families than in low-income families. Sincere interest of parents and participation in the lives of children is the key to adequate self-esteem of the child.

Heightened self-esteem

We feel superior to others, we are confident in our exclusivity, we deserve more, and only the envy of others darkens our ideal of ourselves... This is inflated self-esteem.

Victim syndrome does not always show low self-esteem; often it is precisely high self-esteem. Inflated self-esteem coupled with a tendency to take a victim position creates the illusion of low self-esteem.

For example, " handsome men They’re not interested in me, and I don’t like ugly men.” And what objective grounds do we have to claim the attention of handsome men?

With inflated self-esteem, we strive to be first in everything and experience failure acutely. This is the "excellent student syndrome."

Low self-esteem

We consider ourselves losers, focus on problems and grievances, and any assessment (even positive) from the outside is perceived as a minus. This is the path to depression.

Self-humiliation is asking, not achieving goals, waiting for recognition, not achieving it.

“Excellence student syndrome” is when I have to be the best always and in everything, this is a constant comparison of myself with others, instead of understanding my individuality.

Don’t compare yourself to the people around you, they are different, compare yourself to yourself in the past, present and future.

Fighting with yourself is also an interesting moment.

Shame arises when we divide ourselves into “bad” and “good”, right and wrong. And these concepts are subjective. A holistic personality has both pros and cons, adequately accepting their presence.

With low self-esteem, people don’t get down to business (it’s scary, what if there will be a “failure”) and compare their successes with those who have no successes at all, this is a favorable background for comparison.

What to do?

Humility and humiliation are related concepts, but not identical. Humility is a high spiritual quality, humiliation is a low earthly quality. A person is humbled by reason, but humiliated by dignity.

Most The best way get rid of self-humiliation - increase your self-esteem. It is precisely because of low self-esteem that we are painfully dependent on the opinions of others and adapt to them.

So, tips.

If we have an idea, we start implementing it right away, or we plan for a short time, but carefully. The longer we get together, the more low self-esteem tells us: “we still can’t cope, everything is lost.” Learn to make risky and bold decisions for which you can respect yourself. Without self-respect, adequate self-esteem is impossible. Feeling inner strength equalizes self-esteem.

If we don’t understand someone else’s statement, we ask questions and clarify. What exactly did our interlocutor mean? If the interlocutor has a habit of humiliating us, we change the interlocutor. If a person is not able to objectively evaluate us, such a person is not needed in life. Learn to distance yourself from negative people.

You need to be better than yesterday. But not better than others. (C)

Don't compare yourself to other people. Compare yourself today with yourself in the past, what path you have taken, with what results. It is inadequate to compare oak and spruce; they are different, although both are trees. There will always be someone better, more beautiful, smarter and luckier than us.

Are we being accused? There is no need to make excuses right away. Calmly explain the motivation for our actions.

Have we made mistakes? So, we were still doing something. Nobody is perfect. We analyzed it, drew conclusions, and the past is thrown into the trash. Negative experiences are also needed. We step over our fears and move into the future without them.

Let's throw away suspiciousness. There are no “evil empires” and “universal conspiracies”.

We take a sheet of paper, divide it in half, and adequately evaluate our pros and cons. We develop and strengthen the advantages, and correct the disadvantages. We evaluate abilities objectively, then failures will occur less often.

We leave all unnecessary victims - unloved work, hateful relationships, and so on. We are looking for ways to do what we want, to demonstrate our abilities, for the benefit of ourselves and the world.

Objectivity of assessment in Tarot

Objectivity of assessment is needed everywhere and in everything. This is the key to adequate perception of the world and information.

Each Tarot arcan (like everything in this world) has its own pros and cons.

Reading an upright card as a plus position, and an inverted one as a minus position, is bias, a one-sided assessment and presentation of information. Whether straight, even upside down, even sideways, the lasso has both pros and cons, the second side of the “coin” does not go away, no matter how you put it. And the tarot reader prejudicedly looks at the “medal” from only one side, ignoring the second. The full meaning of the arcana in this case is reduced to a sugary “good” or a sad “bad”; the balance of pros and cons is lost. It leads to deliberate distortion of information.

If you want to find out which factors work in a positive direction and which ones work in a negative way, you just need a structure, that’s all. No one-sided interpretations.

It is better to show signs of high self-esteem than low self-esteem. What are the reasons for its appearance?

What is self-esteem? This is a person's assessment of himself. The most surprising thing is that some types of self-esteem are based on the individual’s assessment of himself, while others are based on the assessment given by others. Thus, self-esteem is how a person sees himself. What this opinion is based on already affects what kind of self-esteem a person develops.

The following types of self-esteem are distinguished:

“I+, You+” is a stable self-esteem, which is based on a positive attitude towards others and oneself.
“I-, You+” - low self-esteem, in which a person exhibits such a quality as self-flagellation. The person feels worse, lower and more unhappy than others.
“I+, You-“ - inflated self-esteem based on the search for shortcomings, hatred of others and confirmation of the position that the people around are bad. Usually such a person blames everyone except himself, and considers those around him to be “goats”, “idiots” and other names.

A person is not born with self-esteem. It is formed throughout life. Often it becomes the same as it was with its parents, which is explained by the qualities of character and attitude that a person adopts from his mother and father.

It is believed that it is better to have high rather than low self-esteem. Such self-esteem really has its advantages, which should be discussed on the psychological help website psymedcare.ru.

What is high self-esteem?

What is high self-esteem? It refers to an individual’s overestimation of their own potential. In other words, a person thinks of himself as better than he really is. This is why they say that people with high self-esteem are often out of touch with reality. They evaluate themselves biasedly and most often notice shortcomings in others rather than advantages. To some extent, this can be associated with the individual’s reluctance to see the good in others, against the background of which they will notice their own shortcomings.

High self-esteem means seeing only your strengths, ignoring your shortcomings. At the same time, other people seem weak, stupid, underdeveloped. That is, a person sees exclusively other people’s shortcomings, not paying attention to the existing advantages.

However, not everything is so simple with high self-esteem. Its appeal lies in the fact that a person with such self-esteem experiences absolute self-confidence. He does not doubt himself, does not humiliate, does not suppress. He is confident in his own abilities - this is the positive side of high self-esteem.

The negative side can be:

Disregard for other people's opinions and interests of others.
Selfishness.
Overestimation of one's own strengths.

It is noted that high self-esteem, like low self-esteem, can plunge a person into a depressive state. This occurs when multiple failures occur. And a depressive state can be described as “I-, You-”, that is, a person sees bad things in himself and in others.

Signs of high self-esteem

Inflated self-esteem can be easily determined by its characteristic features. The most remarkable thing that catches your eye is that the person rises above those around him. This can happen both by his will and because people themselves put him on a pedestal. Inflated self-esteem is treating yourself as God, a king, a leader, and seeing others as insignificant, unworthy people.

Other signs of high self-esteem are:

Confidence in one’s own rightness, despite the fact that evidence and arguments may be given to confirm the opposite point.
Conviction in the existence of only one correct point of view - his personal one. A person cannot even agree that there may be another opinion, especially if it is the opposite. Even if he suddenly accepts someone else’s point of view, he will definitely consider it wrong.
Leaving the last word for yourself. A person is sure that it is he who must draw conclusions and determine what to do next and how things are going.
Inability to apologize and ask for forgiveness.
Conviction of other people's guilt and environment in your own troubles. If something doesn't work out, other people are to blame. If an individual achieves success, then it is all thanks to him.
Constant competition with others for the right to be called the best.
The desire to be perfect and not make mistakes.
Expressing your opinion even when not asked. A person is sure that other people always want to hear his opinion.
Frequent use of the pronoun “I”.
The onset of irritability and a feeling of being “knocked out” when failures and mistakes occur.
Disdainful attitude towards other people's criticism. The person believes that criticism is disrespectful towards him, so he does not pay attention to it.
Inability to calculate risks. A person is always ready to take on difficult and risky matters.
Fear of appearing weak, insecure, defenseless in front of others.
Excessive selfishness.
Personal interests and hobbies are always put first.
Tendency to interrupt, as he prefers to talk rather than listen.
Tendency to teach others, even if we're talking about about some little thing. This happens even when he is not asked to teach anything.
The tone is arrogant, and the requests are commanding.
The desire to be the very best and the best in everything, the first. Otherwise, he becomes depressed.

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People with high self-esteem

It is quite easy to identify people with high self-esteem by their arrogant and arrogant behavior. Deep down in their souls, they may feel loneliness and melancholy, dissatisfaction with themselves. However, on the external plane they always try to be on top. More often than not, they are not the best, but they always perceive themselves as such and strive to appear to be. At the same time, they can treat others aggressively, arrogantly, defiantly, arrogantly.

If you talk to a person with high self-esteem, you can trace one line - he is good, and other people are bad. And this happens all the time. A person who overestimates himself sees only merit in himself. And when it comes to others, here he is ready to talk only about their shortcomings and weaknesses. If the conversation starts to go towards the fact that others are good, and he turns out to be bad in some way, then he becomes depressed or aggressive.

Thus, criticism towards them always provokes negative emotions. They begin to have a negative attitude towards those who criticize them.

The only thing they expect from others is confirmation of their position that they are superior in everything. This happens through praise, approval, admiration and other manifestations towards people with high self-esteem.

Causes of high self-esteem

Self-esteem begins to form in childhood, so the reasons for its overestimation can be found in improper upbringing. Inflated self-esteem is the result of the behavior of parents who constantly admire, are touched and indulge their child in everything. Whatever he does is right. Whatever he is, everything is good about him. As a result, the child develops an opinion of his own “I” as absolutely ideal and perfect.

A girl's high self-esteem is often exaggerated when she is forced to take her place in a man's world. It is often based on external data: beauties always overestimate themselves than non-beauties.

In men, high self-esteem is formed from the confidence that they are the center of the Universe. If this is confirmed by the behavior of other people, especially women, then self-esteem increases. Such men are often narcissists.

There are much more people with high self-esteem among men than among women, which psychologists associate with the norms of education of both sexes.

High and low self-esteem

The opposite of high self-esteem is low self-esteem. Self-esteem is a person’s internal assessment of himself, his potential, life position and social status. This affects how he will live, treat himself and others.

Inflated self-esteem is characterized by an incorrect assessment of oneself in the direction of exaltation. A person does not see his real self, but evaluates a fictitious image. He considers himself better than others in everything. He idealizes his potential and external data. It seems to a person that his life should be better than others. That is why he is ready to go over the heads of even his friends and family.
Low self-esteem is also a consequence of improper upbringing, however, when parents constantly argued that the child was bad and other children were better than him. It is characterized by a negative assessment of oneself and one's potential. Often it is based on the opinions of others or on self-hypnosis.

High and low self-esteem are extremes when a person does not see the real state of affairs.

That is why it is proposed to remove distortions in your character. For example, it is proposed to remove inflated self-esteem using the following methods:

Listen to other people's opinions and consider them correct too.
Listen to others silently.
See your own shortcomings, which are often hidden behind the screen of inflated self-esteem.

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The formation of high self-esteem in a child begins in childhood, when the baby submits to parental upbringing. It is formed on the behavior of parents who admire any little things that the baby shows - his intelligence, intelligence, first step, etc. Parents seem to ignore his shortcomings, never punish, but always encourage him in everything.

A child’s inability to see his own shortcomings leads to a lack of socialization. When he gets into a peer group, he cannot understand why he is not admired, as his parents did. Among other children, he is “one of,” and not “the very best.” This can cause aggression towards children, who may be better than him in some ways.

As a result, the child has many difficulties in establishing contacts with others. He does not want to lower his self-esteem, but he is aggressive towards everyone who seems better than him or criticizes him.

In order not to develop inflated self-esteem in a child, parents should understand when and what to praise him for:

You can praise for actions that the child himself has performed.
They do not praise for beauty, toys, clothes, etc.
They don’t praise for everything, even the most trivial things.
They do not praise for feeling pity or wanting to be liked.

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All people have self-esteem. In terms of frequency of distribution, inflated self-esteem is in second place. It seems that it is better to have it than to have low self-esteem. However, often the result of inadequate high self-esteem is a sharp transition to low self-esteem.

How to increase self-esteem for women and girls? Self-esteem affects a person's quality of life. The higher it is, the more.

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Self-esteem

Self-esteem cannot be too much; it can either be enough or not enough. The issue of excess self-esteem is raised by people who are not confident in themselves. Nathaniel Brander

What is self-esteem?

Self-esteem is a value that an individual attributes to himself or to his individual qualities. The main evaluation criterion is the individual’s system of personal meanings, i.e. what the individual finds significant. The main functions performed by self-esteem are regulatory, on the basis of which problems of personal choice are solved, and protective, ensuring relative stability and independence of the individual. A significant role in the formation of self-esteem is played by the assessments of others about the personality and achievements of the individual. We can also say that self-esteem is a state when a person evaluates himself in different areas, assessing one or another of his qualities (attractiveness, sexuality, professionalism).

Self-esteem, i.e. A person’s assessment of himself, his capabilities, qualities and place among other people, of course, refers to the basic qualities of a person. It is this that largely determines relationships with others, criticality, self-demandingness, and attitude towards successes and failures.

A person, living and acting in the world around him, constantly compares himself with other people, his own affairs and successes with the affairs and successes of other people. We make the same comparison - self-assessment - in relation to all our qualities: appearance, abilities, success in school or work. In other words, from childhood we learn to evaluate ourselves.

Psychologists look at self-esteem from various perspectives.

Thus, assessing oneself as a whole as good or bad is considered to be general self-esteem, and assessment of achievements in certain types of activities is considered partial. In addition, they distinguish between actual (what has already been achieved) and potential (what is capable of) self-esteem. Potential self-esteem is often called the level of aspiration. They consider self-esteem as adequate/inadequate, i.e. corresponding/inconsistent with the real achievements and potential capabilities of the individual. Self-esteem also differs by level - high, medium, low. Too high and too low self-esteem can become a source of personality conflicts, which can manifest themselves in different ways.

Self-esteem has a significant impact on the effectiveness of activities and the formation of personality at all stages of development. Adequate self-esteem gives a person self-confidence, allows him to successfully set and achieve goals in his career, business, personal life, creativity, and imparts such useful qualities as initiative, enterprise, and the ability to adapt to the conditions of various societies. Low self-esteem accompanies a timid person who is unsure of making decisions.

High self-esteem, as a rule, becomes an integral quality successful person, regardless of profession - be it politicians, businessmen, representatives of creative professions. However, cases of inflated self-esteem are also common, when people have too high an opinion of themselves, their own talents and abilities, while their real achievements, according to experts in a particular field, seem more or less modest. Why is that? Practical psychologists often identify two types of behavior (motivation) - the desire for success and the avoidance of failure. If a person adheres to the first type of thinking, he is more positive, his attention is less focused on difficulties, and in this case, the opinions expressed in society are simply less significant for him and his level of self-esteem. A person starting from the second position is less willing to take risks, shows more caution and often finds in life confirmation of his fears that his path to goals is fraught with endless obstacles and anxieties. This type of behavior may not allow him to improve his self-esteem.

It is known that a person is not born as a person, but becomes one in the process of joint activities with other people and communication with them. When performing certain actions, a person constantly (but not always consciously) checks what others expect from him. In other words, he seems to ‘try on’ their demands, opinions, and feelings. Based on the opinions of others, a person develops a mechanism by which his behavior is regulated - self-esteem.

In each specific case, before starting to work on a request, using special techniques, a comprehensive study of the client’s self-esteem is carried out, his family situation, the value system that has developed in his/her family and social group. The study of the deep layers of self-awareness allows us to identify the true causes of the problem, which makes it possible to carry out an effective correction of low self-esteem

Low (low) self-esteem and its causes

The reasons for low (underestimated) personal self-esteem are varied. More often than others, reasons such as negative suggestions from others or negative self-hypnosis are noted. Low (underestimated) self-esteem is often caused by the influence and assessment of parents in childhood, and in later life - by the external assessment of society. It happens that a child in childhood is given low self-esteem by his closest relatives, saying: “You are no good for anything!”, sometimes using physical force. Sometimes parents abuse the “tyranny of musts,” causing the child to feel hyper-responsible, which can subsequently lead to emotional stiffness and constriction. Often elders say: “You must behave very decently, since your father is a respected person,” “You must obey your mother in everything.” A model of a standard is formed in the child’s mind, if realized, he would become good and ideal, but since it is not realized, a discrepancy arises between the standard (ideal) and reality. A person’s self-esteem is influenced by the comparison of images of the ideal and real self - the greater the gap between them, the more likely a person is to be dissatisfied with the reality of his achievements and the lower its level.

In adults, low personal self-esteem is maintained in cases where they attach too much importance to one or another event, or believe that they are losing in comparison with others. In doing so, they may forget that failure is also a valuable resource of experience, and that their individuality is no less unique than that of other people. The question of evaluation and self-assessment criteria is also important (how and what exactly to evaluate?), because in some, even professional areas (not to mention personal relationships), they may remain relative or not clearly enough clarified.

Inflated self-esteem and its causes

It happens that parents or close relatives of a child tend to overestimate, admiring how well he (she) reads poetry or plays a musical instrument, how smart and witty he is, but when he finds himself in a different environment (for example, in a kindergarten or school) such a child sometimes experiences dramatic experiences, because he is assessed on a real scale, on which his abilities turn out to be rated not so highly. In these cases, an inflated parental assessment plays a cruel joke, causing cognitive dissonance in the child at a time when their own criteria for adequate self-esteem have not yet been developed. Then the overestimated level of self-esteem is replaced by an underestimated one, causing psychological trauma in the child, the more severe it is at a later age.

Perfectionism and level of self-esteem

Perfectionism - the desire to meet the maximum criteria of excellence in certain areas - often serves as another reason for high or low self-esteem. The problem is that assessment criteria in certain areas may differ, and achieving perfection in all possible areas (“being an excellent student in all subjects”) is obviously impossible. In this case, in order to increase a person’s self-esteem (or rather, make self-esteem more adequate), it is worth highlighting individual areas with more or less general criteria and forming a separate self-esteem in them.

Level of aspirations in self-esteem

An important point in the study of self-esteem, from my point of view, is the level of an individual’s aspirations. If a person makes unrealistic claims, he is more likely to face insurmountable obstacles on the way to his goal, and he experiences failures more often. The criteria for assessment are usually the general cultural, social, and individual values of an individual, stereotypes of perception, and standards acquired throughout his life. In this case, the question arises, are we dealing with self-esteem? After all, a person accepts external assessment as his own and lives with it. External assessments are characterized by rigidity and are difficult to change unless a person learns to evaluate himself more adequately.

The famous formula of the classic W. James: Self-esteem = Success / Level of aspiration,

This means that self-esteem can be increased either by increasing the level of success or by reducing aspirations.

In reality, everything can be more complicated: often people, initially taking the approach that nothing will work out for them anyway, can increase their success, and in other cases, people with low self-esteem literally lower their aspirations to the minimum, but this does not cause an increase in self-esteem. Creative people, driven by dissatisfaction with themselves, often set more complex tasks and tend to strive for improvement, for self-actualization - a more complete identification and disclosure of their personal capabilities.

How to increase self-esteem

There are many ways to increase self-esteem. During practical consultations, we will find methods that best suit your personality. You can also try now to change your self-esteem and become a more successful, more confident person.

Tips for correcting low self-esteem

Find your positive qualities

Take paper and pen and write down 5-10 qualities for which your loved ones value and love you. At moments when you feel like you can’t handle it, take this piece of paper and re-read it.

Stop feeling sorry for yourself

By feeling sorry for yourself, you accept the fact that you are not able to cope with something, that you are helpless, and that circumstances are to blame. You have the right to make mistakes, but be objective - take responsibility.

Keep a success journal

Write down each of your achievements (in any area, be it work, hobbies or relationships with a woman/man). Review your notes periodically.

Plan your activities

This will help you avoid “hopeless” situations that can throw you off balance. It’s better to make a plan in the evening and adjust it in the morning if necessary.

Give yourself a reward for activities or work that you avoid due to self-doubt (speaking in public, going to the gym, etc.). Give yourself a gift: buy the thing you want, go on vacation.

In case of failure, recognize the current situation and look for positive aspects. You lost your job, but you will have time to improve your knowledge or change your profession. The advantages found will relieve you of depression and help you benefit from the current situation.

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Pros and cons of high self-esteem

High self-esteem - good or bad

High self-esteem is like two sides of the same coin:

Positive side. High self-esteem is faith in yourself, in your strength. Self-respect. Without respecting yourself, it is difficult to learn to respect others. The vast majority of successful people respect themselves and know their strengths and weaknesses. They are well aware of their weaknesses. This knowledge makes them even more resilient in stressful situations and allows them to move further along the path of their improvement.
Negative side. On the other hand, blindly believing in one’s own abilities, a person can quickly lose the adequacy of his perception of reality. A reckless driver or a gambling addict are prominent representatives of people with excessively high self-confidence and faith in luck and success. It is inflated self-esteem and inadequate self-confidence that is the cause of illusions that inevitably collapse, mentally exhausting a person.

How to increase self-esteem and self-confidence for a teenager? Read the article.

Understated - prefers to take on tasks that are objectively below his knowledge and abilities. Completes it much faster than the allotted time.
Overestimated – the tasks that a person traditionally takes on significantly exceed his skills. Constantly fails to complete assigned tasks.
Adequate - a person is likely to choose tasks that most closely match his experience and knowledge.

Signs

A person who evaluates himself objectively has the following traits that distinguish a high level of self-esteem:

respects the freedom of others;

Analyze each case of failure for the “culprits”. Every time there is a great temptation to “appoint” someone responsible for mistakes. Assess your personal contribution to failure.
Write down your pros and cons on a piece of paper in two columns. Examine each plus carefully and critically. Perhaps he is greatly exaggerated.
Critically analyze your strengths to see if they actually exist. It may turn out that a number of qualities considered to be strong are not actually strong. Moreover, they can be a rude and aggressive manifestation of weaknesses.
Be ready to face yourself. According to Carl Gustav Jung, such a meeting is the most important for each of us. At the same time, we fear it most of all. A certain amount of courage is required.

Read on to learn about self-esteem, level of aspirations, their characteristics and relationships.

The position of the victim, often going along with high self-esteem, gives it the appearance of low self-esteem. A person with truly low self-esteem would not even think that he is worthy of the attention of beautiful girls.

Let your child reap the rewards of his decisions and actions on his own. Of course, as long as there is no threat to life or risk of serious material costs. The result is that the child learns to make decisions independently and take responsibility for his actions and shift them to elders.
If you are annoyed by certain aspects of your children’s behavior, do not remain silent. Tell your child about this. But under no circumstances judge the action and, especially, the child himself. Talk only about your feelings. “I-message” instead of “you-message”. The result is that the child understands the level of negative consequences of his action without “turning on” defensive reactions.

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High self-esteem reasons

Inflated self-esteem is an individual’s overestimation of his own potential. Such self-esteem can reveal both positive influence and negative influence. Positive influence is expressed in the subject's confidence. Negative influences include increased selfishness, disregard for the point of view or opinions of others, and overestimation of one’s own strengths.

Signs of high self-esteem

An individual's overestimated self-esteem manifests itself in a more uniform manner compared to underestimated self-esteem. First of all, such a person puts himself above others, considers himself a luminary, and everyone else unworthy of him. However, a person himself does not always put himself above others; often, people themselves elevate him, but he is not able to adequately relate to such an assessment of himself, and he is overcome by pride. Moreover, she can stick to him so strongly that even when the moment of glory is far behind him, pride remains with him.

Inappropriately high self-esteem and its signs:

a person is always confident that he is right, even if there are constructive arguments in favor of the opposite point of view;

in any conflict situation or dispute, the individual is sure that the last phrase should remain with him and it does not matter to him what exactly this phrase will be;

he completely denies the fact of the existence of an opposing opinion, rejects even the possibility that each individual has the right to his own point of view. If he nevertheless agrees with such a statement, he will be confident in the “wrongness” of the interlocutor’s point of view, which is different from his;

the subject is confident that if something does not work out for him, then in this situation it is not he who is to blame, but the surrounding society or the prevailing circumstances;

he does not know how to ask for forgiveness and apologize;

the individual constantly competes with colleagues and friends, always wanting to be better than others;

he expresses his own point of view or principled positions constantly, even if no one is interested in his opinion, and no one asks him to express it;

in any discussions a person very often uses the pronoun “I”;

He perceives any criticism directed at him as a manifestation of disrespect for his person, and with all his appearance makes it clear that he is absolutely indifferent to the opinions of others about him;

it is important for him to always be perfect and never make mistakes or mistakes;

any failure or failure can knock him out of the working rhythm for a long time; he begins to feel depressed and irritable when he fails to do something or achieve the intended result;

prefers to take on only tasks in which achieving results is associated with difficulties, and often without even calculating the possible risks;

the individual is afraid of appearing weak, defenseless or unsure of himself to others;

always prefers to put his own interests and hobbies first;

the individual is subject to excessive selfishness;

he tends to teach the people around him about life, starting with any little thing, for example, how to fry potatoes correctly, and ending with something more global, for example, how to make money;

in conversations he likes to talk more than listen, so he constantly interrupts;

his tone of conversation is characterized by arrogance, and any requests are more like orders;

he strives to be the first and the very best in everything, and if this does not work out, he may fall into depression.

People with high self-esteem

Inflated self-esteem reasons

More often than not, inadequate assessment towards overestimation occurs due to improper family upbringing. Often, inadequate self-esteem is formed in a subject who was one child in the family or the first-born (less common). From early childhood, the baby feels like the center of attention and the main person in the house. After all, all the interests of family members are subject to his wishes. Parents perceive his actions with emotion on their faces. They indulge the child in everything, and he develops a distorted perception of his own “I” and an idea of his special place in the world. It begins to seem to him that the globe is revolving around him.

According to statistics, a woman with an inflated self-esteem is much less common than a man with an inflated self-esteem.

High and low self-esteem

Take it as an axiom that everyone has flaws and try to accept that you, too, are not perfect and that you have negative traits. It’s better to work on self-improvement and correct shortcomings than to turn a blind eye to them. And for this, learn adequate self-criticism.

Low self-esteem manifests itself in a person's negative attitude towards himself. Such individuals tend to belittle their own achievements, virtues and positive traits. The causes of low self-esteem can be different. For example, self-esteem may decrease due to negative suggestions from society or self-hypnosis. Also, its causes may come from childhood, as a result of improper parental upbringing, when adults constantly told the child that he was bad or compared him with other kids not in his favor.

High self-esteem in a child

26 comments to the post “Inflated self-esteem”

Why is “feeling sorry not a good reason for praise”? Not to cultivate pity in a child?

Hello. I would be grateful for your advice. We have been married for 8 years, we got married almost immediately, we have two sons, I take care of the youngest, but I still earn money by baking and sewing to order, I only leave the house with the children, there is no one to leave, I get tired of this, my husband works at his main job during the day and works part-time in the evenings until the night , there is a mortgage, practically no rest on weekends or holidays, so he has no attention all the time, of course there is not enough, we often swear at home, does nothing, even if he takes a day off, he rests, sleeps or drinks, of course, rarely, but instead it would be better I got busy with household chores, if I tell him to do something, he says “I don’t have time, I’m working” and because of this I often drink him, if we swear, we swear strongly, even to the point of assault on his part, and this even happens often, the last time when he was on I raised my hand, I went with the children to my parents, he called that same evening and asked for forgiveness, as usual, after each of his breakdowns, he was very hot-tempered, this time he had already decided to divorce, how long can one live like this, humiliate himself, but not even two weeks have passed, I already miss him so much, I have already forgiven him and We’re getting ready to go back home (and when we weren’t there, of course, he went out and drank, after all, he found time for this. I imagine I’m terribly jealous, what if there’s someone else. And if he doesn’t change and continues to raise his hand, every time I promise to stop, to get a divorce, but I can’t, I love

Hello, after reading your story, I was horrified. I'm sure you need a divorce. If a man allows himself to raise his hand against a defenseless woman, he is no longer a man, he is an animal! He has no right to hurt you. I ask you to come to your senses, he hit you once, he’ll hit you a second time, and a third time. He doesn’t respect you at all, you are like a house servant to him, so he has no idea about taking you somewhere. Run away from him and don't come back. I understand that it will be difficult alone, but these difficulties can be overcome. Don’t be afraid, remember that there are many loved ones around you who care about you. I am sure that soon you will find someone who will love and appreciate you. After all, every woman has the right to happiness...

Divorce, divorce and again... nothing will change! It’s clear that he’s walking! If he raises his hands, it means it will always be like this, why do you need your children to see this? You will be happy.

Good morning, please give me some advice.

My husband and I have been together for 2.5 years, of which 1.5 were married, we tried to have a child, unsuccessfully for 6-7 months, at the moment when everything began to not work out, I became obsessed with this, cried a lot, as a result of which, Such negativity constantly came out of me, at first my husband calmed me down, spoke and found words for me to stop getting on my nerves, but then he gave up on it, it began to irritate him, and now he doesn’t want children. Because of his decision, conflicts began at home, I asked him to go to a psychologist - no! no! no!

And so recent months constant conflicts, quarrels over all sorts of little things! He tells me those points that I need to change in myself, and only after that can there be a conversation about children, and when I say in response that I need to change him, he does not perceive it, and, in principle, does not want to do it.

I feel kind of hopeless...

There is a feeling that my mother-in-law is setting him up somehow against my desires, ideas, principles! For example, she offered to buy an apartment together, or open something in common (all 50/50), to which he did not give me a clear answer, and when I talked with my mother-in-law, she made it clear to me that they would invest his and his parents’ money where they will decide (he and his mother), and no matter how much I’m lucky.

His mother influences him in everything, and this stresses me out very much.

Then the question arose about vacation, his mother is inviting us to Turkey, but I am very afraid to go there because of the situation in the country, and also because of my parents, who are not so good in health anyway, and this will be a blow for them, I explained everything to my good husband, what the problem was and why I didn’t want to go there and couldn’t go, to which I received the answer “I mean I’ll go there alone,” but in my opinion it’s not like a family thing...

And I said that this would be a betrayal for me, and that it would affect our relationship, but I really think so, that this act will not lead him to anything good...

I don’t know what to do anymore!(((((((((I simply have no strength

Hello, Vera. You cannot change your husband; you will either have to accept him as he is with his life principles and character, or disagree.

Regarding the fact that you are unable to get pregnant, you sounded the alarm early. Be patient, and remember that men cannot stand women’s hysterics a priori. Learn to control your emotions and show less dissatisfaction.

“He tells me the points that I need to change in myself” - You need to listen. This is the only way you can save your family.

“I talked to my mother-in-law, and she made it clear to me that they would invest his and his parents’ money wherever they decided (he and his mother), and no matter how much I was left.” - The desire is justified by the fact that new relatives want to avoid the division of business assets during a divorce, if this suddenly happens. It's their right.

As for the rest, the decision is up to you. Take care of your parents, protect them from unpleasant information.

Thank you very much for the answer.

How should I behave in that situation if he actually leaves without me to go on vacation with his mother? The only thoughts in my head are that I will pack my things and leave. In my opinion, this is some kind of betrayal, leaving without a wife when there is an opportunity to go together. I can’t find any words for him, that’s the key. Inside there is only pain and resentment

Vera, you need to make a decision (to go on vacation or not). There is no point in being offended. Spend time together as parents when your husband is on vacation. They will be glad to see you.

I’ll tell you from the experience of many people, you won’t have a life with such a mother-in-law. While she is manipulating your husband, you can’t count on anything serious, but immediately pack your things and leave. Sincere advice, run before it's too late. While there is time. Otherwise, you may end up left unsatisfied, unhappy, and broke.

I fully support it! Run away from such a mother-in-law

Hello. I read your story, I hope my advice will help you. Even though I am a woman, in your situation I am on the side of your husband. You are pushing yourself too hard, I can assume that you are a very emotional person. Pull yourself together and solve problems gradually. Now there are many clinics where you can solve your problem with your child. There is no need to be upset, much less behave negatively towards your loved one. After all, he has nothing to do with it, he loves you, that’s why he consoles you. Appreciate your husband, there are very few like him left. As for rest. You need to put yourself in his shoes. Perhaps he dreamed of visiting this place and imagine with what desire he rushes there. And here you are with your dissatisfaction. Try to find a compromise. As for the mother-in-law... well, there are already old stereotypes) If she is a mother-in-law, that means she is immediately bad. Have you tried to find a common language? Explain to her how much you love her son and that this is all very serious with you, tell her that you are planning children) Then I’m sure she will roll out the red carpet for you, just to please you) Analyze your actions, think about the consequences of these actions and that’s it you will be great)

I'm almost sure that a girl wrote all this!

I quote: “According to statistics, a girl with high self-esteem is much less common than a man with high self-esteem.”

Friends, you yourself believe in this.

This can be very easily refuted!

To do this, it is enough to take one young normal guy, and the same normal girl, let everyone go out and meet 20 people of the opposite sex of equal age, and a fool would argue, no matter how cool the guy is, he will receive more refusals, and in our time this is a priori.

Your example has nothing to do with self-esteem

Good afternoon I have this situation, my husband and I have been together for 10 years, we got married a year and a half ago, there are no children and he doesn’t want them yet, but I just dream about children, I’m already 26, he’s 29, the family budget is separate, that is, what I earn is mine and for this I have to get dressed, pay rent and periodically buy groceries + I should always look good, my husband’s earnings are his earnings, periodically he just buys groceries. No surprises, no gifts, nothing. I used to do romance, buy gifts, but now I don’t feel like doing anything. The house is always clean, washed, ironed, and food is prepared. He doesn’t do anything at home, not even change a light bulb or fix a faucet. Intimate, once a month, or even less often. Every evening he sits on the Internet and we have nothing to talk about. On weekends, he can easily drink with friends and go to bars until the morning. I used to put up with all his drinking sprees until he started disappearing for a day or two. Now I feel absolutely nothing towards him, if only affection. We constantly quarrel over any little thing, he can insult me, I began to allow myself the same. Now I can even calmly start communicating with another man, just communicate, without intimacy, or flirt with him online. I don’t know what to do next, we’re both talking about divorce, but we never get to the registry office, and it’s impossible to continue living like this. I'm looking forward to your advice. Thanks for understanding.

Hello Maria. If you are satisfied with this life, move on; if not, then try to change it.

Maria, get a divorce and let into your life a man who wants children from you. If a man does not want children from you, then he will find the one with whom he wants, and will leave you, inside he has his own pattern of happiness and you do not correspond to it. Why sacrifice your happiness and life for the sake of a person for whom everything is wrong.

Maria, dear girl! Of course, at 26 it’s time to give birth. But not from a goat.

If now there is no main component in the relationship between young people - intimacy, it will soon completely evaporate. Just think about it - sex 10 times a year! Do you have a monastic vow of abstinence?

What are you waiting for - demand fulfillment of your marital duty. Every day, every morning. If you love intimacy, you will love your partner. Your abstinence is your fault as a woman. It’s so natural to catch his morning boner, to live in joy for both yourself and him. He will be grateful to you, he will look for something to please. Like you, I thought that it was natural to endure the lack of intimacy in marriage, to live in constant frustration. We raised children and had grandchildren. And good people suggested that my grandfather was repairing a fence in someone else’s garden. In short, I decided that I should have been asked where and what to put his hands on. My eyes opened only at the age of 60. Now I’m 64, I live for myself - I’m desired every day after 35 years of abstinence, I wake up every morning in my arms. Ah, girls, women, grandmothers - it’s so natural - the constant vibration of the uterus is the main energy of a woman!

Divorce, what else to do?! If the key phrase is that you “feel absolutely nothing for him.” What.is the.meaning of a relationship. Send him to all 4 directions and start increasing your self-confidence. Otherwise the next boyfriend will be the same

I disagree with the comment that high self-esteem is better than low self-esteem. Both options reflect an incorrect perception of reality. Self-esteem must be ADEQUATE! Then a person is able to be in harmony with himself and others. I am the only child in the family and from childhood I was raised in such a way that I am the best. Now I’m 33 years old and I can say for sure that the only advantage of high self-esteem is self-confidence. But there are more disadvantages and here are some of them:

1. The feeling that you are the center of the Earth and those around you are obliged to treat you with respect and reverence, hence my touchiness and even aggression if someone does not treat me with respect enough.

2. The feeling that I am worthy of myself best man. It was difficult for me to get married because I believed that only a prince was worthy of me. In addition, possessing beauty and intelligence myself, I perceived all men as inferior to myself. And even now, having married a kind and decent man who loves me very much, deep down in my heart I believe that he is unworthy of me and I could find someone better. Now imagine what it’s like for him to live every day with someone who considers herself a queen and sometimes treats him arrogantly. And at the same time, he is a leader in character and simply a wise man who allows me to feel like a queen, but does not allow me to humiliate myself and push me around. I am very grateful to him for this.

3. Difficulties in communicating with the team. I cannot work in a large team where I have to obey my superiors. I will definitely enter into confrontation and still do it my way. As a result, I found the ideal solution: I am an entrepreneur and work for myself. There are more risks, but no bosses.

4. I have almost no friends. Who wants to communicate with an egoist who does not like to sacrifice anything for the sake of others, loves to brag about her achievements, has her own opinion on everything. And God forbid you criticize her and not admire her in return!

So, self-esteem must be adequate. Thanks to those who read my opus to the end.

I read the comment and see myself. And then there is the “victim” syndrome. This is when you do more for others, wanting to be noticed. And the one to whom he did good does not appreciate it, and this is why the underestimation comes. I agree: only ADEQUATE self-esteem. There is something to work on.

Super! Thanks for the comment. I see my eldest daughter

Now it is clear that those around them inherently have inflated self-esteem, about women to the point, society is truly masculine, and therefore women, especially in male professions, have a hard time. Then, based on the comparative-evaluative system that we have today in school, a child, in addition to inferiority complexes, may also have a self-esteem below the baseboard, and then, in order to compensate for this, a person begins to bend over backwards, so here you go, going to the street " a person with high self-esteem,” and this is for those who did not give up at the school stage. If the system recognized the individuality of a person, and treated everyone accordingly, and not publicly ridiculed, then it would be a utopian society) And so, guys, high self-esteem is normal. Better than understated. You just need to learn not to react sharply to criticism, but try to convince yourself that it will make you even cooler)

Just recently I realized that I have inflated self-esteem. More precisely 2 days ago. My grandson and I went to the pool; he wanted to jump off the tower, but he couldn’t. I understand him, because... I was able to do it myself the second time. Put. His task next time is to jump. Jumped. When I came home I saw this picture. The grandson took the kitten (1.5 months), sat him on the back of the sofa and forced him to jump. Come on, come on, etc. pushing him to the edge. This is where I started thinking. Apparently the stress remains. But in fact, I set him a task, this is my selfishness. I myself pushed this into the corner of the unconscious, but it turns out that I took it out on my grandson. I agree 100% - only adequate self-esteem.

I completely agree. My friend has high self-esteem, I’m trying to explain your idea to him, but he just can’t get it.

What nonsense. You can react painfully even when you are overwhelmed with nothing or are burdened with work that is unusual for you (which was not mentioned in the employment contract), and you feel that your brain simply cannot cope with it.

The cause of many problems in life is inadequate self-esteem - overestimated or underestimated.

Heightened self-esteem

A person with this type of perception of his personality tends to exaggerate his own merits and successes. Sometimes this is accompanied by a tendency to downplay the abilities of others.

Low self-esteem

A person with low self-esteem always doubts himself, and therefore also has problems with self-realization. He chooses only those goals that he knows are easy to achieve. But often this is significantly lower than its real capabilities. It is not surprising that his successes in school, personal life, and career are very mediocre, but he is inclined to explain this by external circumstances.

When we talk about high self-esteem, some comparison with something standard is necessarily assumed. But psychology is not an exact science. And if so, then it is fair to talk about a person’s adequate or inadequate self-esteem.

It is quite difficult to unambiguously assess human behavior. It is necessary to know all the prerequisites that prompt certain thoughts and actions, which is impossible. The division into “good” and “bad” itself presupposes a value judgment.

It is the duality of perception that makes it difficult to make an objective assessment. For this reason, the object of study in psychology is man. His feelings, thoughts, experiences, behavior. In this context, the level of self-esteem is difficult to overestimate.

High self-esteem is like two sides of the same coin:

Positive side. High self-esteem is faith in yourself, in your strength. Self-respect. Without respecting yourself, it is difficult to learn to respect others. The vast majority of successful people respect themselves and know their strengths and weaknesses. They are well aware of their weaknesses. This knowledge makes them even more resilient in stressful situations and allows them to move further along the path of their improvement.
Negative side. On the other hand, blindly believing in one’s own abilities, a person can quickly lose the adequacy of his perception of reality. A reckless driver or a gambling addict are prominent representatives of people with excessively high self-confidence and faith in luck and success. It is inflated self-esteem and inadequate self-confidence that is the cause of illusions that inevitably collapse, mentally exhausting a person.

Of course, high self-esteem is important for the harmonious development of the individual. There are three levels in how people evaluate themselves:

Understated– prefers to take on tasks that are objectively below his knowledge and abilities. Completes it much faster than the allotted time.
Overpriced– the tasks that a person traditionally undertakes significantly exceed his skills. Constantly fails to complete assigned tasks.
Adequate– a person is likely to choose tasks that most closely match his experience and knowledge.

Speaking about high self-esteem, we mean an adequate level of self-perception, where one’s capabilities and strengths are assessed quite accurately. A person is able to take adequate risks, overcoming which increases internal motivation.

Inflated self-esteem is characterized by constant time pressure, failure to commit, and constant blaming others, but not oneself, for failures. Low self-esteem, on the contrary, is a direct path to self-deprecation. Obviously, high and low self-esteem are inadequate.

Now, to summarize, we can distinguish between the existence of high and inflated self-esteem. Obviously, high self-esteem is good, and inflated self-esteem is bad. Possibly bad for others. But, first of all, for the owner of such an assessment of himself.

It prevents a person from looking at himself honestly and accepting himself as he is. And without this, a person’s inner growth and happiness are impossible.

Signs

A person who evaluates himself objectively has the following traits that distinguish a high level of self-esteem:

respects himself, his inner freedom;
respects the freedom of others;
does not follow generally accepted rules that contradict his understanding of common sense and honesty;
thinks and acts proactively;
ready to help, but not intrusive;
can easily ask for help if needed;
able to set goals for oneself and achieve them;
aware of his strengths and weaknesses, he understands perfectly how to inspire others to achieve achievements;
able to lead people.

A person with high self-esteem immediately stands out among people. His characteristic proactive thinking helps shape himself as a leader. First of all, a leader for yourself, and then for others.

Is it necessary to fight excessive self-confidence?

If it causes unnecessary trouble, then it is necessary. Overconfidence, by definition, involves breaking commitments very often or repeatedly taking excessive risks, which can have serious consequences for many people.

Naturally, sooner or later, the question will arise about adjusting such self-confidence and bringing it to an adequate level. Is it possible?

The question is who is subject to the consequences of overconfidence. If a person with high self-esteem suffers from this, then it is quite possible to lower the level to an adequate one. Moreover, he has a desire for this.

Analyze every failure regarding the “culprits”. Every time there is a great temptation to “appoint” someone responsible for mistakes. Assess your personal contribution to failure.
Write down your pros and cons on a piece of paper in two columns.. Examine each plus carefully and critically. Perhaps he is greatly exaggerated.
Critically analyze your strengths for actual availability. It may turn out that a number of qualities considered to be strong are not actually strong. Moreover, they can be a rude and aggressive manifestation of weaknesses.
Be ready to face yourself. According to Carl Gustav Jung, such a meeting is the most important for each of us. At the same time, we fear it most of all. A certain amount of courage is required.

Often, high self-esteem is dressed up as low self-esteem. A striking example of the manifestation of false low self-esteem: a man complains that beautiful women do not pay attention to him.

How to raise adequate self-esteem in a child

In raising children, the first five years of life are the most important. The foundation is laid for the ability to independently correct one’s behavior in adulthood.

Before continuing our discussion about raising adequate self-esteem in a teenager, it is worth thinking about the etymology of the word “self-esteem.” Parents are well aware of the importance of children's healthy self-esteem, but too often they do the opposite.

Self-esteem means an independent assessment of your actions and their consequences. And mothers and fathers are too hasty to give their assessment of the actions of their son or daughter, which has a detrimental effect on the healthy development of the child’s psyche. Truly, the road to hell is paved with good intentions.

Let your child alone reap the fruits of your decisions and actions. Of course, as long as there is no threat to life or risk of serious material costs. The result is that the child learns to make decisions independently and take responsibility for his actions and shift them to elders.
If you are annoyed by certain aspects of your behavior children, don’t be silent. Tell your child about this. But under no circumstances judge the action and, especially, the child himself. Talk only about your feelings. “I-message” instead of “you-message”. The result is that the child understands the level of negative consequences of his action without “turning on” defensive reactions.

Just two small and simple rules. But by constantly adhering to them, you will not only help your child develop into a strong personality with adequate reactions, but also build excellent relationships in the family.

Video: Secrets of a happy relationship - high self-esteem

For a comfortable existence in our difficult world and for favorable interaction with the surrounding society, it is very important to feel an internal positive tone and be confident. Adequate self-esteem, knowledge of who we are and what we are worth are the things that many people lack today, and according to statistics, psychological courses to increase self-esteem are among the most popular.

The word “self-esteem” is understood as the opinion, the beliefs that a person has about himself - what type of personality he considers himself to be, what he is capable of, what are the positive and negative aspects and how all this can affect the future.

And yet, why is it so important to have high self-esteem?

Firstly, life will only be easier and brighter from this. When a person is confident in himself and likes himself, all other things around him become easier. At the same time, you stop exaggerating problems, making mountains out of molehills. A self-confident person will not unnecessarily depress and reproach himself for simple mistakes or failure to achieve ideal standards.

Secondly, self-confidence will help strengthen internal stability. When you love yourself more, there is no need to ardently and impatiently fight for the approval and attention of outside people. The inner world and personal life become less dependent on what other people may say or think.

Thirdly, internal self-fighting decreases. Many people are their own worst enemies. However, by increasing and maintaining your self-esteem at the right level, you begin to feel much more worthy of the best in life and, therefore, become much more motivated to achieve it. And when you get what you want, you become less prone to self-reproach and self-destruction.

Fourthly, you become more receptive and attractive in any relationships with others. With good self-esteem and the benefits listed above, you can weather difficult times more resiliently. It is much easier to be in such situations with a self-confident person, which makes the latter very attractive in any relationship - friendly, work, or family.

And fifthly, a person becomes happier, which is the result of achieving all of the above.

The benefits are clear and quite obvious.

What are the main steps to improve self-esteem?

Stop excessive and constant internal self-criticism. One of the ways to achieve this is to learn to stop her with prohibitive words like “Enough, this is not informative and will not improve the matter!”, “Stop, there is no point in thinking about this!” etc.

Use the healthiest and most effective methods of motivation, namely: remind yourself more often of the benefits of the results expected from completing a task and more often focus on doing what you really like.

Take two-minute breaks every day to reflect on those things and actions that you should value in yourself.

Do the right things that you are absolutely sure are correct. For example, stop putting off going to the gym “until tomorrow”, and go there right now.

Handle mistakes and failures in the most positive way.

Be kinder to other people.

Try something new.

Stop comparing yourself and what you have with the lives of other people.

Spend more time with positive, supportive people rather than depressed and destructive ones.

And, finally, you should always remember the advantages that correct self-esteem gives in life. It is necessary to clearly understand exactly what things in life help you feel better and more comfortable. Be able to be proud of your achievements and not let the mistakes you have made overshadow all your positive expectations.

The cause of many problems in life is inadequate self-esteem - overestimated or underestimated.

Heightened self-esteem

A person with this type of perception of his personality tends to exaggerate his own merits and successes. Sometimes this is accompanied by a tendency to downplay the abilities of others.

Low self-esteem

A person with low self-esteem always doubts himself, and therefore also has problems with self-realization. He chooses only those goals that he knows are easy to achieve. But often this is significantly lower than its real capabilities. It is not surprising that his successes in school, personal life, and career are very mediocre, but he is inclined to explain this by external circumstances.

Is high self-esteem a recipe for failure? Or the path to success? Everyone thinks differently, however, it is not in our competence to judge someone, the main thing is to understand how inflated self-esteem affects life and relationships with people. And in general, what is hidden behind it?

You need to start by defining what self-esteem is in general. So, a person of his abilities, skills and abilities. It follows from the definition that the vision of oneself may differ, because everyone has their own view of what is happening.

Based on the works of psychologists, we conclude that self-esteem is an integral part of personality formation, because it develops and ossifies along with self-awareness. But it should be noted that our opinion of ourselves can be, on the one hand, adequate - normal, average, on the other hand, inadequate - high self-esteem and low self-esteem. Let's take it in order.

Adequate, whatever it may be, is considered the norm, because a person takes a sober look at what he does, what he strives for and what he is generally capable of. These three levels can transform into each other, which depends only on our efforts. Self-esteem is an indicator of our achievements and relationships with the outside world.

So, if the level is low, then the person is not confident in his abilities, does not find himself happy, tries not to stand out from the crowd, considering his character and his life boring and uninteresting. But such a person may still make efforts to achieve something, and after success, the level of self-esteem will most likely change.

People with average and high self-esteem are more prone to an optimistic outlook on life, most often confident in their abilities, but sometimes, especially after failures from which no one is immune, they can be despondent. In relationships with other individuals, they for the most part do not show negativity, however, they do not strive to please everyone, therefore they do not ingratiate themselves and do not impose their communication.

If we analyze low self-esteem, then there is low self-esteem, which reaches the point of self-flagellation. Such individuals tend to feel sorry for themselves and blame fate for all problems, without trying to find the reasons within. Self-analysis for them is limited to self-criticism, but at the same time there is no search for any ways to improve their situation.

Inflated self-esteem, paradoxically, is most often just a mask. In general, such an assessment of oneself and one’s behavior, when other people are seen only in the worst light, and one’s own person comes first; when the confidence that you know everything better than even the most competent specialists is unnatural for a person.

Often such people hide. As you know, the best defense is an attack, so they praise themselves in every possible way so that no one will guess about their true fears.

It is believed that it is more difficult to change a person who has high self-esteem, since he does not listen to any advice, believing that he knows everything better than many. There is no point in getting into an argument, because they will never look at their behavior from the outside. As psychologists say, self-esteem is something that comes from childhood. In this case, the parents overdid it, presenting their child as the best, comparing with other children who were supposedly worse.

It is quite possible to overcome low and low self-esteem. A few training sessions are enough. For example, write on a piece of paper all your achievements for which you felt at least briefly proud. Be sure to stop all attempts to compare with other people, realize your individuality. And stop criticizing yourself for any reason, learn to forgive minor shortcomings (not delivering a project on time - it happens to everyone, but, for example, you did what you love). By the way, a hobby is a great way to boost your self-esteem - it’s been scientifically proven.

So, we figured out what self-esteem is and described its main types. I would like that after reading the article you honestly classify yourself into any category and, if necessary, work on yourself, because healthy self-esteem is the key to success.

In psychology, the concept of self-esteem is actively used. It affects human behavior, decision-making in various situations, attitude towards the world and oneself. There are several types of self-esteem, among which the most acceptable is inflated. It is better to show signs of high self-esteem than low self-esteem. What are the reasons for its appearance?

The following types of self-esteem are distinguished:

“I+, You+” is a stable self-esteem, which is based on a positive attitude towards others and oneself.
“I-, You+” - in which a person exhibits such a quality as self-flagellation. The person feels worse, lower and more unhappy than others.
“I+, You-“ - inflated self-esteem based on the search for shortcomings, hatred of others and confirmation of the position that the people around are bad. Usually such a person blames everyone except himself, and considers those around him to be “goats”, “idiots” and other names.

It is believed that it is better to have high rather than low self-esteem. Such self-esteem really has its advantages, which should be discussed on the psychological help website.

What is high self-esteem?

The negative side can be:

Disregard for other people's opinions and interests of others.
Overestimation of one's own strengths.

Signs of high self-esteem

Other signs of high self-esteem are:

Confidence in one’s own rightness, despite the fact that evidence and arguments may be given to confirm the opposite point.
Conviction in the existence of only one correct point of view - his personal one. A person cannot even agree that there may be another opinion, especially if it is the opposite. Even if he suddenly accepts someone else’s point of view, he will definitely consider it wrong.
Leaving the last word for yourself. A person is sure that it is he who must draw conclusions and determine what to do next and how things are going.
Inability to apologize and ask for forgiveness.
The belief that other people and the environment are to blame for one’s own troubles. If something doesn't work out, other people are to blame. If an individual achieves success, then it is all thanks to him.
Constant competition with others for the right to be called the best.
The desire to be perfect and not make mistakes.
Expressing your opinion even when not asked. A person is sure that other people always want to hear his opinion.
Frequent use of the pronoun “I”.
The onset of irritability and a feeling of being “knocked out” when failures and mistakes occur.
Disdainful attitude towards other people's criticism. The person believes that criticism is disrespectful towards him, so he does not pay attention to it.
Inability to calculate risks. A person is always ready to take on difficult and risky matters.
Fear of appearing weak, insecure, defenseless in front of others.
Excessive selfishness.
Personal interests and hobbies are always put first.
Tendency to interrupt, as he prefers to talk rather than listen.
The tendency to teach others, even if it is about some little thing. This happens even when he is not asked to teach anything.
The tone is arrogant, and the requests are commanding.
The desire to be the very best and the best in everything, the first. Otherwise, he becomes depressed.

People with high self-esteem

Thus, criticism towards them always provokes negative emotions. They begin to have a negative attitude towards those who criticize them.

Causes of high self-esteem

A girl's high self-esteem is often exaggerated when she is forced to take her place in a man's world. It is often based on external data: beauties always overestimate themselves than non-beauties.

There are much more people with high self-esteem among men than among women, which psychologists associate with the norms of education of both sexes.

High and low self-esteem

Inflated self-esteem is characterized by an incorrect assessment of oneself in the direction of exaltation. A person does not see his real self, but evaluates a fictitious image. He considers himself better than others in everything. He idealizes his potential and external data. It seems to a person that his life should be better than others. That is why he is ready to go over the heads of even his friends and family.
Low self-esteem is also a consequence of improper upbringing, however, when parents constantly argued that the child was bad and other children were better than him. It is characterized by a negative assessment of oneself and one's potential. Often it is based on the opinions of others or on self-hypnosis.

High and low self-esteem are extremes when a person does not see the real state of affairs.

That is why it is proposed to remove distortions in your character. For example, it is proposed to remove inflated self-esteem using the following methods:

Listen to other people's opinions and consider them correct too.
Listen to others silently.
See your own shortcomings, which are often hidden behind the screen of inflated self-esteem.

High self-esteem in a child

In order not to develop inflated self-esteem in a child, parents should understand when and what to praise him for:

You can praise for actions that the child himself has performed.
They do not praise for beauty, toys, clothes, etc.
They don’t praise for everything, even the most trivial things.
They do not praise for feeling pity or wanting to be liked.

Bottom line

Self-esteem is a component of self-awareness. A person evaluates himself, his place among others, and abilities. It can be adequate, average, overestimated, underestimated and low. It is believed that its level is primarily influenced by family upbringing. The level of self-esteem is not formed from birth. It is influenced by upbringing and the character of the parents. Inflated self-esteem is a person’s overestimation of their potential. It is often said about such people that they are out of touch with reality. Low self-esteem is characterized by a negative attitude towards oneself. Such a person pays increased attention to shortcomings, while knowing little about his own strengths.

Adequate self-esteem and level of aspirations

Self-esteem forms the individual's self-awareness. It consists of two components:

Cognitive. It reflects the information a person has received about himself;
Emotional. The component expresses the individual’s attitude towards himself (character, habits).

US psychologist W. James created the following formula: Self-esteem = Success / Level of aspirations.

Let's consider how the level of aspirations and success affect self-esteem. The level of aspirations is characterized by the desired level of self-esteem of an individual. This is the level that a person wants to achieve. It concerns. Success is the result achieved by an individual. An increase in the indicator will occur through an increase in the result of actions or a decrease in the level of claims.

An adequate level is the ability to objectively assess oneself and one’s abilities. A person has an adequate understanding of his place in society, accepts his feelings and character traits, his pros and cons.

Nathaniel Branden, a famous psychotherapist, believes that healthy self-esteem gives inner stability and confidence, without which it is impossible to cope with life's challenges. He gives in his book "Six Pillars of Self-Esteem" six practices for developing healthy, adequate self-esteem.

Low level of self-esteem

Signs of low self-esteem appear at any period of life, but the inclinations are formed in childhood. This problem occurs frequently in society and interferes with the normal existence of a person. A person with low self-esteem doubts his attractiveness and capabilities, and is afraid of causing laughter and rejection from people. Strong touchiness and envy often manifest themselves. A person risks not realizing his potential due to indecisiveness and shyness.

What are the signs of low self-esteem?

Signs of low self-esteem are as follows:

Negative phrases in speech. “Maybe”, “hardly”, “not sure”. A person may not realize how often he says these words, but they indicate his attitude towards life;
Frequent bad mood. A person often thinks about his shortcomings, criticizes the country and the people around him, hiding a bad mood behind cynicism;
Perfectionism. It manifests itself in excessive attention to appearance, the desire to be better than others in everything;
Loneliness. Fear of new acquaintances, avoidance of communication;
Fear of risks. Even if a person is offered a promotion at work, he may refuse due to fear of not living up to expectations;
Guilt. A person with low self-esteem can take the blame on himself, apologizing to everyone, even if the situation concerns him indirectly;
Low initiative. In a dispute, a person will not prove a point of view, and will give the assigned task to someone else at the first opportunity.

A person with a low level is prone to loneliness

If almost each of the listed signs of low self-esteem can be traced in behavior, you should think about taking active steps to solve the problem.

How low self-esteem affects our lives

With low self-esteem, an individual does not appreciate his efforts and talents. He will settle for less with more potential. Such a person is often surrounded by people who criticize him, and he does not stop communicating with them. No attempts will be made to improve the quality of life, since it is missing. A person believes that he deserves such a life.

How to deal with low self-esteem?

To get promoted you need:

Reveal. Positive affirmations, if they are not true, are not always beneficial. It is better to define attitudes that emphasize actual character traits. Do not underestimate reliability, tact, responsibility, even if it seems that these qualities are less recognized in society than the ability to easily find a common language. It is important to accept your own sides of personality and learn to appreciate them;
Try not to allow self-criticism. All people react negatively to failure and humiliation. But an individual with low self-esteem will significantly exaggerate the situation. You should imagine that the failure happened not to you, but to a friend. You need to write him a letter to cheer him up and console him. Try to show kindness, care, empathy. Then describe the event based only on facts, without emotions. You need to understand that a person with an underestimation of himself may react incorrectly to the facial expressions of others, accidentally heard snippets of phrases that are not relevant to the matter. He often interprets even words about himself incorrectly. You should try to analyze an unpleasant situation as dryly as possible;
Take action. Affirmations and visualization will not help increase your self-worth without. You should start with a not very difficult task. It is important that if you fail there are no serious consequences. To begin with, it is worth collecting as much information as possible about solution methods and forming an action plan. Then calmly and step by step begin solving the problem.

Heightened self-esteem

Inflated self-esteem is a person’s overestimation of their capabilities. It has its pros and cons. The positive side is the individual’s confidence, which helps to achieve success. Negative aspects – excessive selfishness, disdain for the opinions of other people, overestimation of one’s strengths. If failures occur, a person may fall into. Therefore, even with the advantages of such self-awareness, it cannot be considered useful.

Main signs of high self-esteem

Inflated self-esteem manifests itself quite monotonously. The individual considers himself superior to others. Sometimes people themselves overestimate it, which causes pride that will remain even after the moment of glory.

Signs of high self-esteem:

Confidence in one’s rightness even in the presence of arguments contradicting it;
In every discussion, a person leaves the last word for himself;
The opinions of other people are not recognized at all;
In case of failure, the blame is shifted to society and the current situation;
Such an individual does not know how to apologize;
A person always competes with others, strives to surpass them;
The point of view is expressed constantly, even in the absence of an expressed desire to listen to it;
The word “I” is heard from him very often in any dispute;
Criticism is not accepted, indifference to the opinions of others is shown;
It is necessary to remain perfect, not make mistakes;
Any failure knocks a person out of his previous rhythm; irritation is felt when things don’t work out;
An individual takes on complex cases, but probable risks are not taken into account;
Fear of showing weakness, uncertainty;
One’s own interests are valued above others, selfishness is expressed in one’s character;
Tendency to educate people and interfere in their affairs;
The person often interrupts, does not know how to listen, prefers to talk more himself;
There is arrogance in his tone, requests are presented in the form of an order;
If you fail to be the first in any matter, the individual falls into a depressive state.

When identifying signs of high self-esteem in childhood, it is important for parents to avoid excessive praise

The impact of high self-esteem on your life

Inside, people with high self-esteem are usually dissatisfied with themselves and feel lonely. Relationships in society are difficult, as people do not approve of arrogant behavior. In some cases, aggression is visible in actions. The reaction to criticism is very painful. With any failures, depression can develop, so correction of inflated self-esteem is necessary.

How to deal with high self-esteem?

Accept any opinion of people. An outsider can see the situation more objectively;
When listening to criticism, avoid quarrels and aggression;
If you fail, you should analyze your own behavior, and not look for reasons in the environment;
Praise should be perceived critically, to understand its sincerity, deservedness and correspondence to reality;
Compare yourself with people who have achieved more success;
Determine your capabilities before taking the initiative;
Accept the negative aspects of character, do not consider them not as significant as those of others;
Become a little more self-critical, as this quality has a positive effect on development;
After completing the case, analyze whether it could have been done better and what was missing;
Perceive the assessment of others, and not just your own;
Accept the wishes and feelings of others, realize their importance.

Many people are interested in the question of how to communicate with a person with high self-esteem. Such people definitely need to be put in their place. At first it is better to do this delicately, then you can directly ask why he considers himself better than others.

You should not accept attempts at humiliation from such people. They are not very happy as they have to play an arrogant role out of fear of being themselves.

Self-esteem and health

People with a low level suffer from a lack of positive emotions, so they have less energy and strength. Such a person often restrains his activity, so the energy does not come out.

Due to constant stress, an individual loses their appetite or has eating problems, which affects their weight. These people are often manipulated, as a result of which they develop a depressive state. Avoidance of responsibility leads to restrictions on physical activity, which negatively affects the condition of the lungs and joints. Inflated self-esteem also has a negative impact, since in case of failure the individual often develops depression, which leads to other problems.

It is important to have adequate self-esteem. Any deviation from the norm negatively affects not only relationships with others and self-realization, but also health.

Today we will talk about how they differ high and low personal self-esteem. After reading this article, you will find out what it is personality self-esteem, why it is needed, what main functions it performs, what are the main signs and reasons for low and high self-esteem, and much other interesting and useful information on this topic. We will need all this in order to consider in the next article how to increase self-esteem and self-confidence. So, first things first.

What is personal self-esteem?

Let's start with a definition. Self-esteem is a person’s opinion about himself, about his own personality, its strengths and weaknesses, about his physical capabilities and spiritual qualities, about his abilities and skills, about his appearance, comparing himself with other people, understanding himself against the background of others.

In the modern world, adequate self-esteem and self-confidence are one of the key factors in any business.

Functions of self-esteem.

Psychologists identify 3 main functions of personality self-esteem:

Protective function. Personal self-esteem forms the degree of a person’s independence from other people’s opinions, and self-confidence makes it possible to feel relatively protected from the influence of any external unfavorable factors.
Regulatory function. Self-esteem gives a person the opportunity to make choices and regulate his life path: to independently set and follow his own goals, and not someone else’s.
Developmental function. Thanks to self-esteem, a person develops and improves, since it acts as a kind of motivating factor for.

Low, high and inflated self-esteem.

You can often hear such expressions as “adequate self-esteem”, “low or low self-esteem”, “high self-esteem”, “inflated self-esteem”. Let's figure out what they mean in simple words.

Low self-esteem (low self-esteem)- this is giving yourself, your personality, lower ratings and characteristics than they really are.

Heightened self-esteem- This is the perception of one’s own personality at a higher level compared to reality.

Respectively, adequate, ideal, high self-esteem- this is the most objective and realistic assessment of one’s own personality, perceiving it as it is: no better and no worse.

Signs of low self-esteem.

Since it is always difficult for a person to objectively evaluate himself, let's look at the characteristic signs that indicate that he has low self-esteem.

Constant dissatisfaction with yourself, your work, family, life in general;
Constant self-criticism and soul-searching;
Increased sensitivity to criticism and comments from other people, strong reaction to criticism;
Strong dependence on the opinions of others;
The desire to act in accordance with common stereotypes, the search for approval from others, the desire to please everyone, the desire to justify one’s actions to others;
Indecisiveness, fear of making mistakes, severe frustration and feelings after making a mistake;
A strong feeling of jealousy, especially without reason;
A strong feeling of envy of the successes, achievements, and lives of other people;
Constant grievances, incl. for nothing;
Dissatisfaction with your appearance;
Hostile attitude towards the surrounding world (everyone around is an enemy);
Constant feeling of fear and defensive position;
A pronounced pessimistic attitude.

The more of these signs you find in yourself, the more you should think about how to increase your self-esteem and gain self-confidence.

Why do you need high self-esteem?

High self-esteem, on the contrary, opens the way to achievements, to new heights, new areas of activity.

People will begin to appreciate and respect you only when you have adequate high self-esteem and self-confidence. Believe in yourself and then others will believe in you!

Signs of high self-esteem.

Now, by analogy, let's highlight the main signs that you have high self-esteem, you were able to raise it, or it was like that (in this case, you are great!).

You are always confident in yourself, your strengths and capabilities;
You accept yourself as you are;
You are not afraid to make mistakes, you learn from them, perceive them as experience, and move on;
You are calm when you are criticized, you distinguish between constructive and destructive criticism;
You easily come into contact and find a common language with different people, are not afraid of communication;
You always have your own point of view on any issues;
You strive for self-development and self-improvement;
You tend to achieve success in your endeavors.

Reasons for low self-esteem.

Reason 4. Environment and social environment. The formation of a person’s self-esteem is greatly influenced by the environment in which a person is located. If he grows and develops among amorphous people without goals, floating with the flow, he himself will most likely be the same, low self-esteem is guaranteed. But if he is surrounded by ambitious, constantly developing and successful people who are good role models, a person will strive to keep up with them, and he is more likely to develop adequate, high self-esteem.

Reason 5. Problems with appearance or health. And finally, another significant reason for low self-esteem is the presence of certain defects in appearance or visible health problems (excess weight, poor vision, etc.). Again, from an early age, such people may be subject to ridicule and insults, so they often develop low self-esteem, which interferes throughout adulthood.

Stay tuned! See you again!

Heightened self-esteem– this is an individual’s overestimation of his own potential. Such self-esteem can reveal both positive influence and negative influence. Positive influence is expressed in the subject's confidence. Negative influences include increased selfishness, disregard for the point of view or opinions of others, and overestimation of one’s own strengths.

Signs of high self-esteem

Inappropriately high self-esteem and its signs:

a person is always confident that he is right, even if there are constructive arguments in favor of the opposite point of view;

in any conflict situation or dispute, the individual is sure that the last phrase should remain with him and it does not matter to him what exactly this phrase will be;

he completely denies the fact of the existence of an opposing opinion, rejects even the possibility that everyone has the right to their own point of view. If he nevertheless agrees with such a statement, he will be confident in the “wrongness” of the interlocutor’s point of view, which is different from his;

the subject is confident that if something does not work out for him, then in this situation it is not he who is to blame, but the surrounding society or the prevailing circumstances;

he does not know how to ask for forgiveness and apologize;

the individual constantly competes with colleagues and friends, always wanting to be better than others;

he expresses his own point of view or principled positions constantly, even if no one is interested in his opinion, and no one asks him to express it;

in any discussions a person very often uses the pronoun “I”;

He perceives any criticism directed at him as a manifestation of disrespect for his person, and with all his appearance makes it clear that he is absolutely indifferent to the opinions of others about him;

it is important for him to always be perfect and never make mistakes or mistakes;

any failure or failure can knock him out of the working rhythm for a long time; he begins to feel depressed and irritable when he fails to do something or achieve the intended result;

prefers to take on only tasks in which achieving results is associated with difficulties, and often without even calculating the possible risks;

the individual is afraid of appearing weak, defenseless or unsure of himself to others;

always prefers to put his own interests and hobbies first;

the individual is subject to excessive selfishness;

he tends to teach the people around him about life, starting with any little thing, for example, how to fry potatoes correctly, and ending with something more global, for example, how to make money;

in conversations he likes to talk more than listen, so he constantly interrupts;

his tone of conversation is characterized by arrogance, and any requests are more like orders;

he strives to be the first and the very best in everything, and if this does not work out, then he can fall into.

People with high self-esteem

Inflated self-esteem reasons

According to statistics, a woman with an inflated self-esteem is much less common than a man with an inflated self-esteem.

High and low self-esteem

High self-esteem in a child

The concept of “self-esteem” is used primarily in psychology. This is the ability to evaluate one's strengths and weaknesses in relation to the world around us. When a person has high self-esteem, he overestimates his own potential, sees only the positive in himself, and considers himself smarter than everyone else. He sees negative qualities in other people, but not in himself. This perception has both positive and negative aspects. On the one hand, this is a sign of a more confident personality, on the other – selfishness.

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Types of high self-esteem

During the manifestation of the main properties of a person, a system of a person’s ideas about himself is formed, which consists of assessing his actions as an individual, appearance, perception of his own shortcomings and advantages. All these phenomena can lead to the development of two types of inflated self-esteem.

Adequate	Inadequate
Most characteristic of an adult, mature personality. It is fueled by real achievements - professional, social, family and others. Such self-esteem takes on a unique form of recognition of one’s own merits. However, such perception can lead to a distortion of the sense of objective reality. Then it becomes necessary to adjust personal attitudes and behavior	Inherent mainly in children, adolescents and people who have not realized themselves socially. The most obvious reasons for such an attitude towards oneself are dissatisfaction with oneself and one’s achievements, the desire to attribute any merits and advantages to one’s own account. In children, high self-esteem is often the result of family upbringing. This happens when parents and grandparents overestimate the importance of the child's most basic skills and knowledge as they grow up.

Adequate

Inadequate

Most characteristic of an adult, mature personality. It is fueled by real achievements - professional, social, family and others. Such self-esteem takes on a unique form of recognition of one’s own merits. However, such perception can lead to a distortion of the sense of objective reality. Then it becomes necessary to adjust personal attitudes and behavior

Inherent mainly in children, adolescents and people who have not realized themselves socially. The most obvious reasons for such an attitude towards oneself are dissatisfaction with oneself and one’s achievements, the desire to attribute any merits and advantages to one’s own account. In children, high self-esteem is often the result of family upbringing. This happens when parents and grandparents overestimate the importance of the child's most basic skills and knowledge as they grow up.

Subsequently, people with high self-esteem find it difficult to adapt in society, there are problems with communication, solving everyday affairs takes more energy, and as a result, psycho-emotional exhaustion, neurotic or mental disorder.

Causes

It has been scientifically established that at the stage of primary socialization, the overwhelming majority of people develop self-esteem during:

the process of parenting;
training in preschool educational institutions and schools;
communication with peers and relatives.

Primary socialization is characteristic of children at all stages of personality development. In adults, a transformation of formed attitudes may occur due to several external and internal factors:

the result of mental violence;
experienced a traumatic situation;
development of the disease (mental or neurotic disorder).

Psychologists have compiled a relative classification of factors that most often lead to inflated self-esteem. The most common ones include:

Children's complexes and psychological traumas. Most often arise due to parental narcissism. During the primary social adaptation they paid little attention to the child's emotional needs. Perhaps it was only a means of their self-realization in society. Inflated self-esteem is a way of compensating for positive emotions that an individual did not receive in childhood.
Spoiling, or excessive indulgence of a child's whims. The opposite situation arises when the attention of adults was directed only to the child in the family, and all his desires were put in first place and fulfilled, despite other needs and obstacles, for example, the illness of someone in the family or lack of money.
Inferiority complex. As a result of feeling unfulfilled and not as successful and prosperous as others, high self-esteem serves as a defense against the outside world.
One of a kind. It can manifest itself in one child in the family, especially a long-awaited one. In a work environment, this could be, for example, the only girl/guy in the team.
External data. Very often, male and female people begin to exalt themselves over others because they are naturally endowed with better appearance.
Celebrity and stardom. All public people have inflated self-esteem. It develops in 99% of cases, because the close attention and love of fans gives a feeling of superiority over other people. An extreme manifestation of this is “star fever.”
Exposureinfluence. The perception of oneself as the best is formed under the influence of suggestion from the outside. For example, this is a common thing in all kinds of trainings on personal development and improvement, increasing self-esteem and others.
The result of unreasonably positive attitudes from others. Often, teachers single out a particular student from the rest of the class. Often the pupil’s family has high material income and social status in society.
Inadequate assessment of one's strengths. Under standard conditions, an individual copes with the task quite easily and successfully. But when the requirements become more complex, additional effort is required. If there have been no serious trials for a long time, a person tends to overestimate his merits.

In each specific case, the reasons for overestimation of self-esteem are determined using psychodiagnostic methods. The results obtained will determine further guidelines for correcting behavior and healing the disorder.

Signs that indicate inappropriately high self-esteem

The following signs are characteristic of an inflated level of self-esteem:

Characteristic
The subject is always confident in his own rightness, even in the presence of irrefutable arguments to the contrary.
The individual constantly tries to impose his opinion, and if the attempt is unsuccessful, he does it in an aggressive manner.
In any conflict or dispute, the last phrase must be his, and what exactly it will be does not matter
A person does not know how to apologize and ask for forgiveness for his own mistakes.
He is constantly in competition mode with friends and employees, wanting to show his superiority over others
In case of one’s own mistake or failure, all the blame is placed on others or circumstances, but not on oneself
Such a person tends to define himself as the most important thing in society, and during conversation the pronoun “I” often comes up.
An arrogant attitude towards everyone around, which is manifested even in intonation and commanding tone
When a problem arises, he will never resort to the help of others, because he is afraid of appearing weak and defenseless.
During a conversation, such a person does not listen to the end and constantly interrupts the interlocutor
Criticism from others is not perceived adequately; self-criticism is completely absent
He strives to be the best, and if this does not happen, he worries deeply and becomes depressed.
Always express your own point of view in everything, even if you were not asked for your opinion
Your own interests and hobbies always come first
Lack of ability to calculate risks, as a result of which the most complex cases are often taken on and not completed
A person tends to constantly teach others what and how to do, even when he is not asked to do so.
The individual does not recognize other authorities and denies all rules that are established by someone other than himself

In psychology, people with too high self-esteem are considered a deviation from the norm. The reasons why an individual loses optimal social adaptation and adequate self-perception are various. It is very bad when a person is completely divorced from reality and does not notice his arrogant behavior towards others. It’s good when high self-esteem gives you self-confidence and does not turn into pathological egoism.

In most cases, such a perception leads to inevitable disappointments and negative consequences. It is more difficult for such a person to find a common language with others, so he begins to live in a state of conflict with others.

Characteristics of people

According to experts, most people who are in a similar state are in fact deeply lonely at heart and cannot solve this problem on their own. You need the help of a competent psychologist and hard work on yourself.

In childhood, parents have the greatest influence. They should notice their children’s tendency to overestimate their importance in relation to peers and adults, and also stop arrogant behavior in a timely manner. Otherwise, in the end he won’t care about them either.

People with high self-esteem risk being left completely alone if they do not reconsider their attitude towards others. An individual with a high degree of self-esteem has characteristic behavioral signs:

he almost never develops empathy towards other people, and personal relationships are superficial;
he compares himself out loud with other people in his favor, highlighting his merits;
his behavior is most often arrogant and arrogant, bordering on aggressiveness;
all his activities are built on maintaining his significance, receiving approval from others;
close relationships, including with your children and partner, become a way of self-actualization;
any criticism is followed by a painful reaction, including anger, screaming and crying;
his self-affirmation occurs only through the assessment of others, and not through independent awareness of his activities.

A powerful man is always distinguished by inflated self-esteem, which he shows almost always and everywhere. Among women, this phenomenon is less common, although there are also plenty of similar individuals among them.

Adjustment methods

To solve a problem, experts recommend that people with this problem talk it out. However, such a technique can have the opposite effect and provoke conflict. It is the treatment methodology that should be selected by a specialist, taking into account the individual characteristics of the patient.

Correction of arrogant behavior in children is carried out with some specific features. Their main concept is to change the behavior pattern of parents and close relatives:

The child should be praised for his achievements, but not without reason.
The interests of children should not be put first. The exception is their health, development, and nutrition.
You cannot mitigate the consequences of a child’s actions. He must form an objective perception of the result of his actions.

Before self-correction of inflated self-esteem, it is advisable to consult with a specialist. It is very difficult for people with such behavior to adapt to society. If you do not lower your level of high opinion of your merits, you can be left completely alone, disappointed in life and feel spiritual emptiness. Therefore, it is very important not to break away from reality and timely correct the model of your behavior in society.

We hear it often. Many articles describe why it is important to increase self-confidence and how uncertainty threatens us.

Causes
Is this good or bad?
How to deal with narcissism

How to determine whether it is overestimated or not?

Signs:

Excessive self-confidence. Usually has no objective reasons;
Ignoring other people's opinions, especially if they do not coincide with the person's opinion. It is also worth noting that attention is not paid to the feelings of people around;
Selfishness. Seeing only your goals;
Lack of skills to apologize or admit one’s own wrongs;
Competition with others. And it happens on an ongoing basis;
The conversation is based only on a discussion of a person’s merits, thoughts and feelings. The experiences and thoughts of those around him are not interesting to him;
Criticism from others is considered a sign of disrespect.

And another distinctive feature is the desire to always be the first in everything.

It is worth paying attention to the fact that if it is not possible to achieve the desired recognition, a deep depressive state may occur.

Causes

The reasons for the development of inadequate assessment of one’s capabilities and strengths include:

Inferiority complex. No matter how strange it may sound, this is the most common reason. The fact is that a person can suffer from self-doubt for a long time. But at one moment a decision may come to stop it.

Through willpower, insecurity is hidden behind arrogance and selfishness. And this interesting defensive reaction arises. But a person is unlikely to admit to you that he does not feel confident;

Features of education. For example, if parents praise the child too often and inappropriately, then he gets used to the fact that he is special and does everything right. And to convince a person that sometimes he can be wrong in this case is almost impossible.

So it turns out that a child’s high self-esteem smoothly flows into adulthood. Therefore, if you notice that your child is developing too much self-importance, then you should pay more attention to setting the boundaries of behavior and praising only to the point;

Working conditions. For example, if a good specialist finds himself in an atmosphere where there are no more workers with his specialization (that is, there is no competition), then excessive self-confidence may develop;
Fame. This applies more to public people. After all, if every day you are interviewed or photographed for fashion magazines, how to resist and not become too self-confident. That's why they say that not everyone can pass the test of fame.

Is this good or bad?

Each manifestation of our psyche has pros and cons. As for the too high level of self-esteem in one’s abilities, then plus May be:

Sufficient level of confidence required to achieve your goal. After all, sometimes we lack faith in our own strength to take that single, decisive step forward, express our opinion or defend what is important to us.

But for an individual with too high a level of confidence, such problems simply cannot arise;

Achieving success faster is possible. After all, you are so confident in yourself that the option of failure is not even considered. And in some cases, a positive attitude is already half the battle.

Now, as for cons:

Not accepted in society. Think about how long others will tolerate you if you always treat them with disdain;
Difficulty forming friendships and romantic relationships. It follows from the previous point. If people cannot tolerate a narcissist, then they are unlikely to want to get close to him;
Failures. If we do not pay attention to circumstances, but only follow our ambitions, then we risk ending up with nothing.

As you can see, there are more minuses than pluses. In addition, you can achieve success or protect your rights with adequate self-esteem.

How to deal with narcissism

If, after reading the material provided earlier, you realized that this is all similar to you, then do not panic. It is possible to combat such negative manifestations of character.

To do this, try to remember a few rules:

Evaluate only your real deeds. Remember that wanting something more is good, but this does not mean that you already have this more simply because you wanted it.

Another person's luck is not a challenge for you. Try to perceive someone's success as self-development and a good example. However, this does not mean at all that you need to go out of your way to outrun a more successful acquaintance;
Review your list of close friends and admit to yourself which of them praise you just like that. Flattery in this case only inflates self-esteem and hides the real state of affairs.

Therefore, try to communicate more with people who can tell you the truth, no matter how bitter it may be;

Admit to yourself your shortcomings. Don't perceive them as something unworthy. Remember that shortcomings are given to us so that we develop along the path of overcoming them;
Compromise is not an admission of failure. Rather, it is an acknowledgment that other people may have different opinions and you are willing to hear them.

You need to remind yourself of these common truths every day. And if over time you notice that the situation has not changed for the better, then I recommend seeking advice from a psychologist.

Perhaps the reason is in the deep attitudes of the subconscious and, by resorting to the help of a professional, you can get rid of them faster and more effectively.

How to Deal with People with High Self-Esteem

And if possible, it is worth paying the attention of the “narcissist” to how others perceive him. However, this must be done in a gentle manner, without pressure.

So, today we talked about what increased self-esteem is, what it can lead to, what to do with it and how to communicate with a person who is too confident in his abilities and capabilities.

I hope that the material was useful and interesting for you. And we still have a lot of new things ahead.

Therefore, subscribe to blog updates and recommend interesting materials to your friends on social networks!

See you!

I was with you, practicing psychologist Maria Dubynina

“The crown on his head is pressing”, “It is dangerous to underestimate a person who overestimates himself”, “The more a person loves himself, the more he depends on other people’s opinions”, “He who thinks too much about himself thinks too little”...

All these phrases reflect the essence of the same personality quality. Feeling of greatness, inflated self-esteem, self-confidence or arrogance. There are many concepts, but they mean one thing - an inadequate perception of oneself against the background of others. Is this normal or pathological? Is it good or bad? And how to behave with such people? Psychology has answers to such questions, you just need to understand them.

The essence of the concept

Inflated self-esteem is a person’s overestimation of his capabilities, focusing solely on the success of any event in which he participates, and idealizing his own personality. Failures for him are nothing more than an accident, a consequence of unfavorable circumstances and the mistakes of others. And criticism is just a manifestation of envy on the part of others and unfair nagging.

This attitude often becomes the cause of conflict situations in which people with high self-esteem behave emotionally, are not restrained and do not tolerate defeat. This leads to difficulties in social adaptation: if they occupy leadership positions, they become tyrants and despots, and if not, they remain alone, since others do not want to communicate with them.

Such people are called self-confident, arrogant, arrogant. Although they prefer to talk about themselves in a more positive way (and this is understandable from the point of view of their self-esteem): “who know their own worth.”

According to the psychodiagnostic scale, three levels of inflated self-esteem are distinguished:

Above average. When a person values and respects himself according to the heights he has achieved, but at the same time is not always ready to admit his own mistakes and weaknesses.
High. When conceit comes from within and is not always dictated by real success.
Inappropriately tall. When self-esteem is too high, everything negative, including the truth, is denied, and the idealized and real image have little overlap.

The most problematic is the third level, as it often leads to personality and behavioral disorders - a diagnosis requiring psychiatric treatment.

Is it good or bad?

Inflated self-esteem cannot be seen only as negative quality personality. In certain situations it can play a positive role. However, its negative impact on a person is still greater.

Why is it good:

Believing in yourself allows you to achieve heights and build a career.
While others think and doubt, these people are actively solving the problem.
A positive attitude towards yourself does not allow you to deviate from your intended path because of criticism or other people's opinions.
The absence of self-criticism and excessive delving into one’s own mistakes allows one to focus on something more important.

Why is that bad:

To achieve the goal, any means are used, even bypassing the norms established in society.
Difficulties in social adaptation. For them, there is only one true point of view - their own; they are deaf to the requests and opinions of others. This leads to loneliness. Conflicts lead to psycho-emotional exhaustion.
Painful and aggressive perception of criticism.
It is not uncommon for work projects to be disrupted because they take on tasks that are beyond their capabilities. This leads to career ruin.
Denial of self-improvement, self-development (why, if I’m already perfect?).
With frequent failures, neuroses, personality disorders and even suicide are possible.

Much depends on the level of self-esteem. If it is simply above average and commensurate with the real successes that a person has achieved, it does not disfigure him. But, if we are talking about inappropriate behavior, this can lead to mental disorders and is considered in psychology as a pathology.

Causes

Most often, inflated self-esteem is formed in childhood, in the process of upbringing. But it also happens that a person comes to it much later, when he achieves certain heights in his career and can no longer lower the bar for himself, even if at some stage he does not meet it. Psychologists give different reasons:

Raising one child in a family, who becomes the center of the universe, when all his desires are satisfied, his merits are exaggerated, and his shortcomings are hushed up.
Raising the first-born, on whom all aspirations and hopes are pinned.
Psychological traumas and children's complexes. Inflated self-esteem is a way of receiving positive emotions that the child did not receive from his parents.
Inferiority complex. When a person sees successful and beautiful people around him, but he himself is not, he begins to invent qualities for himself that he does not possess. This serves as a protection against self-destruction.
External attractiveness that leads to narcissism.
Excellent student syndrome.
In working conditions, when there is only one girl in the team (a guy/person with a higher education/specialist, etc.).
Career take-off, reaching certain heights.
Excessive wealth.
Leadership skills.
Fame and recognition: psychologists diagnose 99% of stars with high self-esteem.

These are the most common reasons, although situations in life are much more multifaceted. For example, a child may not have excellent external characteristics and may not be an excellent student, but if teachers, for some other reason, single him out from the rest of the class, he develops inflated self-esteem. Or the hobby for selfies, when all the photos are retouched through Photoshop and get thousands of likes, interferes with an adequate perception of one’s own real image, which is actually far from ideal.

Signs

Interesting fact: people with high self-esteem rarely consider themselves self-confident and arrogant. They believe that they perceive themselves objectively. But it costs others nothing to see such a person at the first conversation based on certain signs. The characteristics of this type of personality are quite voluminous.

People with high self-esteem:

confident in their own rightness;
seek to impose their own opinion;
reserve the last word in any dispute;
do not know how to apologize, do not admit their own mistakes;
constantly compete with everyone: colleagues, friends and even their significant other;
blame only those around them for their failures;
do not see their own shortcomings;
often use the pronoun “I” in conversation, communicate in an orderly tone, constantly interrupt, and do not listen to the end of the interlocutor;
never ask for help and never help anyone;
do not accept criticism;
always and everywhere express their own opinion, even if they are not asked about it, teach others, give advice to everyone;
selfish;
They don’t know how to calculate risks.

A person with high self-esteem is characterized by arrogant behavior, which often turns into aggression. Narcissists can be recognized by a large number the time they spend in front of the mirror or with a selfie stick. Careerists, in order to achieve their goal, go over the heads of others, using any means, and do not tolerate competition. In personal relationships, the most important thing for them is self-actualization, when the interests of the other half are completely leveled.

Diagnostics

The difficulty in diagnosing high self-esteem lies in the fact that signs of psychological inadequacy are clearly visible to others, but not to the person himself. It is useless to tell him that he overestimates himself, his capabilities and potential. He won’t take it seriously and certainly won’t go to any specialized specialist.

In childhood, it is easier to recognize pathology, since most modern schools have psychologists who conduct various surveys and identify such children. Unfortunately, most often everything stalls at this stage. The diagnosis has been made, a conversation is organized with the parents, but the latter either do not want to see the problem (because they themselves are the hidden reason for their child’s inflated self-esteem), or they do not have time for psychotherapy and correction of the situation.

As an adult, either a consultation with a psychologist or special tests will help you understand that you have high self-esteem:

Morris Rosenberg;
Dembo-Rubinstein;
Sonerson;
Ponomarenko;
Gorbatova;
Kazantseva;
an adapted version of Eysenck's technique;
Leary and others.

Tests make it possible to independently identify pathology and determine its level. Sometimes this is the first step towards correction.

Correction methods

Correcting high self-esteem begins with identifying its causes and describing the main personality traits. It’s rare for a person to cope with this on their own, because such people believe that they have no shortcomings. If the level of star fever is slightly above average and is adequate, then this is possible. But in other cases, circumstantial and long-term work with a psychologist is necessary.

It is much easier to get rid of high self-esteem in childhood and adolescence. The peculiarity of psychologists’ work with such children is that it is not their behavior that is corrected, first of all, but the people around them. Parents and teachers receive recommendations:

do not spoil the child;
reduce the amount of praise. They should only be heard in the case of real and significant achievements;
do not single him out from other children;
point out his mistakes;
teach you to take responsibility for your own mistakes.

In parallel with working with parents and teachers, the psychologist helps the child in social adaptation so that he is not an outcast, learns to respect the opinions of others and makes friends. As a rule, the course of such a comprehensive correction ranges from 2 to 6 months, depending on the severity of the situation.

As an adult, dealing with high self-esteem is much more difficult. To begin with, a person must recognize the problem himself and try to identify its cause. If it goes back to childhood, it is better to immediately contact a specialized specialist, since these cases are difficult to correct. If self-esteem was formed much later, you can try to get rid of your egoism yourself through auto-training and affirmations.

Example. The reason for high self-esteem is external attractiveness. Correction methods:

compare yourself to more beautiful people, find your shortcomings (bad bite, excess weight, excessive makeup, provocative clothing, etc.);

stop photoshopping your own photos;

get rid of addiction to social networks and selfie-admiration;

reorient with external beauty to the inside.

Correction always depends on the specific case. If a person, having both high self-esteem and willpower, can begin to re-educate himself, then with blind narcissism without an iron character, the path lies exclusively through a psychologist. Conversations, testing, work with loved ones, auto-training aimed at an adequate and objective perception of oneself are the main methods of treating such patients. If there is a personality disorder, this is already the scope of psychotherapy.

Special cases

Children

As already mentioned, a child’s high self-esteem is associated with improper upbringing in the family or school. Therefore, correction is aimed primarily at working with parents and teachers. The younger the children are, the easier the course of correction is. Before adolescence, they still have high adult authority, so it is easier to instill healthy behavior and communication skills in them.

However, even here parents will have to be patient, since they will have to literally break both themselves (your child is not exceptional) and their child. Get ready for tears, rebellion, hysterics, but with an experienced psychologist all these corners will be smoothed out.

But correcting adolescents’ inflated self-esteem is more difficult. Pathology at this age has two directions: excellent student syndrome and narcissism. It is easier to work with the former, since, despite their inadequate perception of their achievements, they are still distinguished by high intellectual abilities and, with constant conversations with a psychologist, they begin to see their shortcomings. As practice shows, for some it is enough to show the results of a passed test for them to draw appropriate conclusions and begin to work on themselves (under the guidance of a specialized specialist, of course, and with the support of parents and teachers).

It can be much more difficult to cope with narcissism when a teenager has good external characteristics and considers himself irresistible. Firstly, from the height of their podium they do not notice and ignore others, so they practically have no friends. Secondly, their scale of values is formed incorrectly: appearance becomes the main thing in life, while intelligence, character, and inner world are left far behind. The consequences can be dire: love failures often lead to suicide, depression, anorexia, and drug addiction.

Despite the seriousness of the problem, psychologists have enough tools in their arsenal to return the child to normal life. The main thing is to do it in a timely manner.

Men and women

According to statistics, a man with high self-esteem is three times more common than a woman with the same diagnosis. The reason is their difference psychological types. Girls are prone to self-examination and pay too close attention to trifles and details. Even because of a harmless pimple, they begin to consider themselves real ugly, and 2-3 extra pounds turn them into fat and figureless (in their opinion). Therefore, most often, representatives of the fairer sex have low self-esteem.

Men, on the other hand, are always focused on performing only one task. If they need to make a career or achieve the woman they love, even with minimal intellectual and external data, they will go to great lengths to get what they want. Many of them are narcissists. Some were raised without a father in childhood, so they have a strong feminine element - this is due to the excessive care of mothers and grandmothers, who lamented: “Oh, how irresistible you are, and beautiful, and the best.” This thought remains the main one in the boy’s head for the rest of his life.

Men become unbearable in communication in two cases: if they occupy a leadership position and if they have a weak-willed wife who cannot fight back. They become real tyrants. In other cases, they experience their own narcissism within themselves.

Signs of high self-esteem in a woman do not depend on her social status: she will always have a bitchy character, unable to hide her self-love. Some constantly create conflict situations and behave aggressively. Others may remain arrogantly silent, but at the same time show with all their appearance their superiority over everyone else. However, for women, all these manifestations most often remain at the level of conversations and intrigues. Men, in particularly advanced cases, resort to extreme measures if someone does not recognize their ideality: they use physical (raise their hand against their wife) or psychological (apply pressure at work or simply fire) violence.

How to communicate with such people

Unfortunately, this problem concerns not only those people who suffer from delusions of grandeur. They make the lives of their loved ones miserable and sometimes unbearable. Many people wonder how to communicate with a person with high self-esteem, and do not always find answers.

The psychologist’s advice in this case is clear: if this is an adult who has exorbitant and inadequate self-esteem and on whom you depend, then no way. Just leave, even if it means quitting or getting a divorce. Of course, you can try to make an appointment with a specialist, but in 90% of cases this is useless, since he is not able to realize that something abnormal is happening to him.

In some situations, you can develop a special strategy for dealing with such people and try to coexist with them.

For example, if you have high self-esteem...

...from a subordinate, and you are the boss

Criticize him, put him in his place, point out his mistakes more often. But all this must be done within the bounds of decency and correctly.

...from the boss, and you are a subordinate

The boss must speak up, and don’t try to contradict him. But there is no need to flatter and support his egocentrism, just listen, understand the requirements and silently fulfill them.

...at a colleague's

Never get into an argument, speak softly but firmly. The most correct template of a phrase when communicating with him is: “You are, without a doubt, right, but how do you look at…”.

...at a relative's place

Don’t be offended, stand up for your beliefs, but avoid conflicts and don’t raise your voice.

...at a friend's place

Remind him of his mistakes and mistakes more often, but without humiliation or bullying.

...for a guy or a girl

If you love, endure, if not, run away from such a person before you legalize the relationship with marriage, because you will be in his shadow all your life.

...from the legal spouse

If you don’t want to get a divorce, try to make an appointment with a psychologist together, because it is difficult to correct such a pathology on your own.

If your husband suffers from high self-esteem, you will have to praise him all your life and put him first, and forget about your own achievements. Are you ready to sacrifice yourself on the altar of his career? It’s your choice. It is much worse when the spouse suffers from narcissism. Here, be prepared for constant betrayal, and not so much physical, but at a distance. Such men love flirting and attention from others. And yes, you will have to spend a lot of money on his outfits, and you will most likely remain a gray mouse against his background.

If a wife suffers from high self-esteem, oddly enough, fewer problems arise. If she is a careerist, she deliberately chooses a henpecked husband for herself, who will sit with the children on maternity leave, cook borscht, take care of the house and will not contradict her in anything. If she is passionate about her own appearance, her husband will most likely be a wealthy man who will give her money for clothes and show her off in society. Otherwise, it is extremely difficult to establish relationships with such women.

Inflated self-esteem is a serious socio-psychological problem, aggravated in modern society. Against the backdrop of an ever-increasing level of well-being, increasing opportunities for rapid career growth and the popularization of social networks, an increasing number of people suffer from the fact that they cannot adequately assess their own potential. It’s good if this happens within reason and is beneficial. But most often this leads to the collapse of one’s own ego, pathological personality disorders, neuroses, depression and even suicide. To prevent such developments, timely psychological correction from a specialized specialist is mandatory.

The cause of many problems in life is inadequate self-esteem - overestimated or underestimated.

Heightened self-esteem

A person with this type of perception of his personality tends to exaggerate his own merits and successes. Sometimes this is accompanied by a tendency to downplay the abilities of others.

Low self-esteem

A person with low self-esteem always doubts himself, and therefore also has problems with self-realization. He chooses only those goals that he knows are easy to achieve. But often this is significantly lower than its real capabilities. It is not surprising that his successes in school, personal life, and career are very mediocre, but he is inclined to explain this by external circumstances.